I messed up, what's next?

Hi all, long story short I met this "dream girl" of mine a few month back. We flirt back and forth for a while but once she confessed her feeling to me, I dropped the game. Bad mistake I know, I probably either suffocate her with my feelings and/or appear like a pushover for her.

Thing is, right now her actions and words are along the line of "I can't forget my ex yet, let's stay friend for now". I'm not that dumb and I do know I blew my chance and will probably be better off moving on. But I know deep down that I will probably regret it if I didn't at least give it another attempt. Not every girls I'm interested in made me feel like I could shave off part of my life for her.

The situation right now is: currently I am studying abroad, but will return in a month and will have all the time in the summer. Right now I kept my distance from her, we barely text each others, let alone calls. I still message her plesantly, asking her how she's doing with her exams etc. but never sweet talk her. I feel like I should give her space to sort her feeling out, and also not to appear desperate. I'm just a little lost on what to do next to gain her affection again. That's why I turned to you random people of the internet. What's the next step?

The next step is to block her and move on, because of this 6556044]"I can't forget my ex yet, let's stay friend for now".

A person who is really into you and cares will work through problems with you instead of dumping you. You can learn from this life experience so that your future love will work out. Never reject another part of your life for a partner. Keep up with your hobbies/interests and keep up your relationships with guy friends. Just as long as your time together is satisfying in both quality and quantity, it's better to be a well rounded person with a life besides your gf. This will keep you from being smothering and will make you a more interesting person to her. There are other cute, fun women out there. When the time is right, you will meet one of them and be better prepared.

She was never into you, as she still has feelings for her ex. You never had a chance.

Move on from this. Find a girl, who is emotionally available.

Time for No contact!

She wants her ex, not you. She just wants to keep you around as a back up plan in case things don't work with her ex. No reason to try again, she told you flat out that you're not her first choice, and that's not going to change even if she did give you a shot. You would still know you weren't her first choice. Don't waste any more time worrying about her. But for future reference, if you really like a girl, it doesn't make sense to drop them for having feelings for you. Might wanna work on that.

Sorry I wasn't clear on her response that she missed her ex. I meant it more of a rejection-but-don't-wanna-be-rude kind of answer. I know her stories (we knew each other since high-school) and I know she's over that now. Moreover I know her ex and he's already seeing new girl. I don't plan to be anyone's rebound.

Even if I don't do anything I'm sure she will just start dating some guy soon anyway.

Do you mean one of those "it's me, not you" variations?

I meant it more of a rejection-but-don't-wanna-be-rude kind of answer.

Doesn't matter, really. She still didn't choose to be with you.

I don't quite understand how she could have confessed her feelings to you, only to retract them and go along the route of "let's just be friends." But I am also missing information in what it is that you did that came off as a pushover or that you suffocated her with your own feelings? Some key information imho is missing. Especially if she didn't flat out tell you that she's still not over her ex, OR that she just wants to be friends.

Rather than going "along the lines of" why not get your direct answer? If there's long distance, and you can't physically see her just yet, give her a call and get your answer. Perhaps set up a time to hang out when you get into town, as well as let her know you would like to see where things go between the two of you. If she's already confessed her feelings, what did she say/confess? Can you use that in a conversation to get more clarity, or is it pretty clear? So much misinformation right now, I can see things going any way really.

All in all, if you're getting the vibe that she just wants to be friends, or she's flat out said that, then none of it really does matter, and it's time to just be friends with her because whatever her reasoning/excuse is, she didn't choose you. Otherwise, be direct and get a direct answer.

I don't quite understand how she could have confessed her feelings to you, only to retract them and go along the route of "let's just be friends." But I am also missing information in what it is that you did that came off as a pushover or that you suffocated her with your own feelings? Some key information imho is missing. Especially if she didn't flat out tell you that she's still not over her ex, OR that she just wants to be friends.

Sorry I didn't bother put in the details because I thought it's rather irrelevant. But to be precise, she was the first one to say that she got a feeling for me. I responded by telling that I think it's mutual feeling, but then after that I stop doing to usual flirting game and just straight act like a couple (eg. Instead of ignoring her every now and then just for the lolz I became the one who called her almost every night just to say that I missed her)

That's when I started to notice how she seems abit distanced so I just ask her directly of what we are, that's when she said we are still just a friend and that she is sorry because she couldn't give anything to me at this moment.

Yeah it sucks so I just tell her directly that if whatever feelings she had for me before are all gone, then do tell me so I can move on.

Her answer? "I don't know what I feel right now, but I wanted you to know that my feeling I had for you was real. I was thinking of enjoying my single life until summer is over since I just broke up not too long ago (she will move to the same country as me next year) but it seems you cannot wait and I don't want to waste your time"

Could be just an excuse, who knows. I won't get my hope up too high and won't let that stop me from talking to other girls, but I just felt something special about this particular girl. It would be a shame if I just let her go without at least giving it my best.

So right now I'm just asking for a strategy to use since I've never been in this position before.

If you have to win someone over and strategize to get them back into your life, they are not the right person for you. Jumping through hoops for someone only serves to make yourself look like a silly poodle in a circus act. Hold out for someone worthy of you. You haven't met her yet, and will only do so if you have a healthy self esteem and won't accept anything less than to be treated as the special person you are.

After reading the gaps of your situation, the best thing to do is to stop texting her so often and call her instead.

Get the ball moving again by having a actual conversation. I know you put yourself in a big hole by asking her "what it is?" So that you can move on. And from her response, i can tell she got a bit offended. So if you ever do get in contact with her? Be sure to apologize for your way of thinking and that you were clouded by missing her for so long.

Right now you have nothing to lose. So saying that you want to give it your all, is the route you should be taking. But don't blow it all at once! Take it easy to gain her trust so that she can see that you are worth her time.

Good luck with your troubles.

After reading the gaps of your situation, the best thing to do is to stop texting her so often and call her instead.

Get the ball moving again by having a actual conversation. I know you put yourself in a big hole by asking her "what it is?" So that you can move on. And from her response, i can tell she got a bit offended. So if you ever do get in contact with her? Be sure to apologize for your way of thinking and that you were clouded by missing her for so long.

Right now you have nothing to lose. So saying that you want to give it your all, is the route you should be taking. But don't blow it all at once! Take it easy to gain her trust so that she can see that you are worth her time.

Good luck with your troubles.

She is not over her ex. End of story!