Had a one night stand. He acts hesitantly interested but has a gf (???)

Hello everyone, I'll try to keep this as conceited as possible.

I had a one night stand a couple of weeks a go with a guy 21 at a friend's bday party.

I didn't think he was interested in even just knowing me as he seemed quite reserved and didnt even introduce himself when everyone was shaking hands with me when I arrived.

However, he was acting ambiguously the whole night: I often found him sitting next to me or exchanging seats with friends sitting on my side but with little attempt to have a real conversation except for small talk.

At one point people started attaching stickers at the fridge and I was scrolling facebook at the dining table, when I had a sticker stuck on my screenphone out of the blue (it was him). I was like *???* and having a laugh on it at the same time. He giggled and walked away, I actually didnt mind and was too lazy to get up to throw it in the trashcan so I took it off and stuck it at the back of my cover to throw it later.

After a while, someone was storytelling an anedocte, and this guy planted himself on the seat next to mine. My phone was on the table, screen down and he was surprised the sticker was still there. Told him I was too lazy to throw it. He was "Good, I wanna see it's still hanging there next time".

*Yeah, right*

I'm quite a feeler and mainly an intuitive person and knew that deep down despite the way he acts all so cool and composed and like someone who generally doesnt give a sh*t, he was a good guy after all.

The night ended and I was heading back home in the same direction he and his flatmate and a friend of ours were going.

We took the same bus, he suggested we continued to party somewhere else but the other two wanted to watch a movie on their own at home. So they invited me at their place; the other two went ahead with the movie; this guy and I went buy something to eat and brought it home. It was past 2am already, we kept joking and talking about random and also deep-thought stuff for over an hour and decided we watched a movie as well. By the time we finished it was past almost 5am.

We kept talking for a while, and he opened up about personal stuff about himself.. He admitted he suffers from anxiety and didnt really find a way to cope with it up until this day. I gave him advice on that and other stuff he was telling me.

He said he appreciated I listened. He offered that I stayed if I was too tired to go back home, since there was an extra bed (his other flatmate was away, and he would sleep in his). So I stayed, and he let me sleep in his bed, and while he was about to lay on his flatmate's one he asked if he could come under the sheets with me in bed.

Not a problem for me, I do sleep together with male friends (and YES, no sex intended), so I let him, it was HIS bed afterall. lol.

I was about to fall asleep when he suddenly said "Honestly.. I gotta tell you: I really would like to kiss you right now".

I would lie if I said I didn't see it coming but I really didn't think that was the case even though I told him I liked him as a person and would kiss him back, so I told him that. And THAT'S WHEN he said:

That's fine I understand..plus, I guess I shouldn't be feeling this way. I mean, actually I have a girlfriend.. but I just wanted to let it out off my chest and let you know.

I asked him how long they've been together and he said they'd been dating 8 months now.

I told him, that that was one more reason why I'd think it was not the best thing to do and told him we'd better go to sleep. But we kept talking about general relationship dynamics and common issues and while I was saying something on the matter he just suddenly leaned and kissed me.

I kissed him back at first, but then pulled away cause I knew his gf would 99.9999% take it badly if she knew. Let alone if we were to go further.

I explained to him that I wanted to, and if it was only up to me I wouldnt hesitate (I've been in a 3 year semi-open relationship with a guy I was very fond of. I call it semi-open because he had my approval to see other girls if he wanted to, but since I was not interested I kept my exclusivity to him only.. it's not much info but I hope this gives you a clue on how I don't like to judge nor mean defend people even when they hurt others around them, but I do tend to make comprehension a priority before speaking up sentences on others). So I wanted to make it clear to him that he was doing something that would potentially leave his gf disappointed and hurt, and he needed to be concious about it and take aware consideration of it.

He stopped for a while, said he understood but he couldn't deny what he felt he honestly wanted to do. I told him we should go to sleep again. And after a while he was making jokes on it and so this.. and so that.. we eventually hooked up.

After that I thought he would leave the bed and sleep on the other one, but he kept kissing me and all over my face. He was very affectionate, he wanted to cuddle and spoon me so I let him and eventually fell asleep together, until it was to warm in bed (not much room for two) that he woke up and got out of it and laid on the other one, saying "it's so hot in there. But I wanna sleep close to you. Let's pull the beds together". So he did.

I was so tired and I just wanted to sleep but he was asking if he could hold me anyway, and let him so.

THE NEXT MORNING I got up later than him (it was 3pm) and he offered me breakfast but I wasnt really hungry.

His flatmate was in the other room so we really had to play it very cool as if nothing ever happened. I was dressing up and ready to leave, he led me to the front door. So I leaned to give him a kiss on the cheek to say goodbye (we do this as a standard friendly greeting in Italy) but he pulled himself back and grabbed my arm to stop me.

I thought he might have percieved it the wrong way but to my surprise he actually did it to slow it down and kissed me on the lips.

That felt really REALLY awkward to me.

Anyway I left. No exchange of number or whatsoever.

Next thing I know, (I live only 20 min away from his place) once I get back home I receive this notification of a friend request on Facebook. *gosh*

Well, we basically have the same circle of friend here in Milan. I told myself. So I accepted it.

A little over an hour later he messages me making jokes and commenting on a punk band that he saw I liked on fb.

Whatever. He kept contacting me the whole day, and the whole week for random stuff.

Having the same circle of friends I thought, he was just being friendly.

However, early this day he invited me to have a cup of tea at his place.

We chatted, played some music and so on when he kissed me again. Obviously, you know what happened next.

But this time was a little different, he came earlier and hated it didn't last as long as the previous time, and said he got carried on too much saying "Damn you girl. You're too hot that's your fault. I guess we'll have to make up for this next time.. if there'll be a next time (???)"

It felt ambiguous for me to hear him say so, since knowing he has a gf, I thought it would have been a one time thing only.

I just told him it was okay, but I didn't want him to feel embarassed for that so I just tried to make him as much comfortable as I could by avoiding to speak much. At this point I was dressed and told him I'd better leave him to pack up his stuff (he goes back home in another city during the weekend). He sat and kissed me again. Then started questioning where was I going, if I had sorted out that matter with my friend, whether I had arrived at 9:30pm at the pub the privious night (we met at a pub with some of our friends, not knowing that's we'd both be there), and really random stuff. Once he run out of questions it was really awkward to stand there so I told him again I'd better be going, so he followed me to the front door, I turned around to say bye and he hesitated half a second before leaning for a kiss.

Ten minutes after I get a text from him on whatsapp "Did you arrive home safe and sound yet?". LOL. It was 4 in the afternoon and he knows it takes 20-30 minutes from his place to mine. I replied telling him that. and he said "I just wanted to send it ahead of time so you'll read it once you arrived ".

I didn't really know what to say then. Just replied with a thank you, and he sent another smiley face.

So.... was there an actual question I missed?

He wants to cheat on his girlfriend but not go through the effort of hiding it on two fronts, so he spills the beans to you so that he's only sneaking around her.

You're now a side chick. If that's something you've wanted to check off the ol' bucket list, then congrats I suppose.

Sure he's interested. But that doesn't mean what he is doing is respectful or honest. He is having a delightful time connecting with you while he is cheating on his girlfriend (who at some point he also had a delightful time connecting with).

You are new and shiny and for a lot of people the act of infatuation is a drug. Yes it sounds like he genuinely likes you... but what is that worth from someone who doesn't respect you? Because sleeping with you when he has a girlfriend isn't respecting you or her.

Sounds like a "Letters to the Editor" submission to a 1970's Penthouse Magazine.

"I knew his gf would 99.9999% take it badly if she knew"

Make it 100%

"So I wanted to make it clear to him that he was doing something that would potentially leave his gf disappointed and hurt"

Potentially??? Really?

"I don't like to judge nor mean defend people even when they hurt others around them"

Well maybe you should start judging people who hurt those around them, and you should start with yourself. You are willingly being his side chick and acting so nonchalant about it as if it's the most natural thing in the world. Well, it's not. What you are doing is wrong.

What part of "He has a girlfriend" do you not understand?

Was this to assuage your guilt or his?

I wanted to make it clear to him that he was doing something that would potentially leave his gf disappointed and hurt

When the guy said 'I have a girlfriend' while lying in bed with you is when I would have said 'okay have a nice day' and got up and LEFT. Its cool that you're in an open relationship but doubt he is. Knowingly helping someone cheat- more then once- is pretty crappy thing to do. I've been 'the other woman' without knowing it and felt absolutely awful about it. You need to stop this. This guy is only interested in hooking up with you, he probably has other girls on the side as well, he's a cheater, and you're helping him cheat. Not cool.

Also when a guy cums fast and uses the excuse of 'Oh you're just so hot I couldn't help myself' a lot of times its a big red flag that he's using you for sex. He's showing you he's a selfish lover and only cares about himself getting off. Which falls in line with everything else you've said about him seeing as how he's selfiish enough to cheat on his girlfriend. Stop helping this guy be a cheater.

I think the Op just got the reaction she was looking for ^^^ as I do believe her to be a troll.