He dumped me 2 months after my dad died to be with another woman

My dad died suddenly last September after being sick for 3 weeks. I found out about his death 10 days after the fact. I was in a different country at the time of his illness and by the time I got a ticket to get home he had passed away. My family did not tell me for fear that something will happen to me as I lived alone in another country.

I had been seeing this guy who lived in the same country as my dad from summer of the same year my dad passed. We had been friends for 2 years prior to that. He was there to support me through out the funeral process and I was so grateful for his support. I did tell him countless times.

Now I came back to where I was living and we continued to communicate but I also found myself going through some difficult emotions. Mainly anger loneliness hopelessness anxiety detachment and depression. It was pretty intense. Around December I completely withdrew and checked out on him, my mother and a lot of friends. I did not communicate. This went on till about February when I came out of my depression. Through out those dark period I heard from him once.

I called him sent him an email explaining why i withdrew and apologized for hurting him. I also texted but there was no answer from him.

I eventually found out from a friend that he had relocated to the states. I also found out via whatsapp that he was with another woman. I was devastated and it caused me unimaginable grief. We eventually spoke and he blamed his decision to move on with another woman on my isolation. He also told me he was going to marry the girl in a couple of months and this is something they had already talked about. That was so so painful to hear and I wanted to died. Might I also point out that all of this happened around the time I withdrew from him.

The last five months has been hell. I have cried out my shame, my guilt, my embarrassment, my humiliation. And also carrying the guilt and blame for what happened. If Only I had communicated with him, things would not have turned out the way they did.

Last night I sat on my couch and wept for hours. In the midst of all the crying I discovered an article on the stages of grief: shock/denial, anger, depression, bargaining and acceptance.

I realised when I returned from the funeral I had slipped into stage two and three of the grieving process and I did not even know. I read a lot of articles and stories about people who went through similar emotions and in that moment, I let all the guilt and hurt I felt for ruining our relationship go. I realised that he never understood me what I was going through. And used my withdrawal as an excuse to exits the relationship. I no longer carry the blame for ruining our relationship. I have been through so much in the last 6months and it's a miracle that I have been able to come this far after loosing my dad and him within two months of each other. It is such a physical and mental process to get your self to do anything after you've been dealt with such heavy blows. There is a lot of hurt and pain. My work has suffered greatly, I Am making so many mistakes at work. I am so sad and unhappy and sometimes I wonder when all of this will end.

I have not communicated with him since the last time we spoke. and I have severe all contact with him. He completely broke me.

I'm I still hurt by his actions yes, do I still love him, yes. There are days when I want to talk to him, hold him but I guess it's best things are the way they are. I sometimes hope he comes back. But Knowing now that what happened was in no way my fault is helping me get to a place of acceptance.

You dodged a bullet, clearly.

What kind of a person does these type of things? EXTREMELY CRAPPY ONE!

Be happy you are no longer with him. Don't think of this as a great ending, think of it as a great new beginning!

Please consider seeing someone for your depression. You had a huge loss, when your father passed.

We all mourn death differently. I know that when I lost my father and brother, I would not have been capable of a relationship, as I had nothing to give.

Hon, you only dated this guy a few months. You really didn't know him, and the relationship was based on his emotional support. Not healthy. I think that that your emotions are greatly affected by the loss of dad, and your depression.

I am very sorry for your loss.

It seems he moved on when he didn't hear from you. Getting help for the grief and depression would is a good idea. Withdrawing for long periods of time from everyone does ruin relationships. However in this case ruminating about the what ifs won't help you move forward. Try not to regret things and make new friends and start thinking about the future.

He also told me he was going to marry the girl. all of this happened around the time I withdrew from him.

I am seeing a counsellor who is helping me through this difficult time

I really don't understand how you could move on in such period of time. It is so difficult for me to come to terms with that. And just for the record, the funeral was October last year. He moved on with the girl in November and decided to get married in December. I only found out in February about this.

For some reason you were out of touch long enough not to know he relocated to the states or got engaged, until you contacted him again when you finally emerged somewhat from your depression. It may be best to focus on your bereavement, healing and depression treatment. He was a good friend to you, he was there to support you through out the funeral process and in your time of need.