Still Missing ex from short term relationship

Hi, hope anyone can help me figure out my feeling for my ex. Before I get into it, here's a back ground about me. I am a single mom and heartbroken 8yrs ago from my son's father. He left me alone raising my son by myself. It took me along time 7yrs coming out the shell wanting to date again. I was really hurt and it took a few yrs to heal, so I focus on my son and career. My friends got me into dating sites. First I was really embarrassed but started to find it easy going to meet new people. I met my ex there, I never expected anything to further because most guys I meet on the site was just not serious or Usually after 2nd dates comes no contact/not interest. I was also casually talking to other guys while talking to my ex. My ex showed me he was interest from the first time we met but I guess I was still not sure he was just being flirtation or my feelings. we continue to talk and had our 2nd date and end up kissing. I started to like the attention from him but same time lost if he was just being flirty. I guess my expectation from going on previous dates with guys just flirt and after 2nd dates nothing further cuz I don't give in easily. I didn't know if my ex had a motive, so I broke it off talking to him. But after few days, I realize I couldn't stop thinking of him, he was different from other guys I've talked to. I contact him back and he told me he was upset and jealous of me talking to other guys. He believed in being exclusive. I was feeling excited about the feelings and decide give it try. The first month was amazing, the lovey dovey stage. He was away for the holiday for 3 weeks visiting his family in another country. We continue to communicate via phone msg. Because he was away, We made plan to spend Valentine together away to Napa Valley, CA (amazing time there we had). Even tho it was great but during the relationship I had doubts it will work or lost what a relationship should be. I haven't dated/ relationship so long and starting again at age 33 is different from age 23. We both work in a busy professional environment. We only see each other on the weekend. He Travels during the weekday and I have my son and work keeps us busy. And we only communicate via text sms (no calls). There was things that bother me during the relationship, like only texting each other, seeing each other only once a week, the attention was less and Lies. After 2 months, he opened up to me he was divorced a year ago. I was little shock but i understand what he went through, even tho I was never married but had a deep relationship with my son's father. Time heals to forget and forgive. I wanted to understand him and show him I cared to support what he went through. During our 3 months, I think I showed him I cared for him and open up to him but I feel like he was being secretive about himself. I've mention i wanted him to meet my son and close friends, he was still not sure. Little things add up and bothered me. One night, we went met out with his friend to drink, his friend got drunk and opened up how my ex was hurt from his ex wife and he still miss her. After I heard that I thought I would be shocked, but I told his friend I understand because I was hurt before. After a few days, I end up being alone at home and had too much wine. I texted my ex and express all my feelings that been bothering me. I told him about his friend telling me how he miss his ex wife and told him I was not upset but understand. I was really trying to show I cared and be supportive to be there for him. After sending the Long essay.. I apologize. After a few days, he sent me a msg that he was extremely annoyed about Him missing his wife and he didn't believe his friend did say that to me. He said he moved on and don't miss her. And he broke it off realizing the relationship expectation was different between us and wasn't ready to be committed. After few days, he blocked me on social media. I am really hurt how it ended and how I actually feel like I put feelings in this relationship that my ego was hurt by this. I guess I was testing myself if I can love someone again. After a few weeks, I texted him again to tell him I accepted things may have changed but I still miss him. He respond that he was glad that I texted but still want to be friends only. I wanted to be mutual, so I thank him for being open and honest and agree to be friends. It's been a month with no contact. Day by day I try distract myself with son and work to not think of him but I end up thinking of him. I want to see him and be there for him with his feelings he goes through with his past. I want him to open up like how he actually open me up to liking someone again. Can someone give me some advice as far what should I do.. Should I contact him just to say hi or leave him alone and we're not ment to connect again and move on. I'm feeling hopelessly lost.

Hello Susie! I am really sorry you are going through this! I have to say, you are in the right place! I have recently joined and have found great comfort on here!

I can relate a bit, at least on the short term part. I thought it would be easier to get over compared to a long term, even more so , because it was also Long Distance. In here i have realized that nothing of that matters. The pain is the same when you are being rejected.

I have also heard that your first break up after a "divorce" is the hardest one. I can't help you on that one, but you should try the divorce section, even though you weren't married, you might as well have been.

I would strongly advise you to not contact him, as he stated twice that he does not want a relationship with you , a romantic one at least. If you think you are ready to have a friendship with him, by all means, go for it, but i do not think you are ready to do so. I am in the exact same spot. I think i want a friendship from him , but i can not act on it now, as i still have feelings for him. For example, when i think of him being with another woman, i feel sick. That's a good indicator that i am not ready for friendship, try it. Move on, if you guys are meant to re-connect in any matter, only time will tell. If after months or years even you think of him and honestly go "how is he?why don't i text him to find out", without expecting anything from him, then text him. Now, i don't think you are ready.

What i've learned here is when you feel the need to contact him it's more likely because you are still expecting the dumper to change their minds.

Take care of yourself, post on here, it's extremely helpful and keep us posted!!

It sounds like a fling with a guy who was on the rebound from his divorce. No, don't contact him, he stated he isn't ready for nor wants a relationship. he blocked you and that is a clear sign it's over. Try to move on and find someone more available. Getting involved in his divorce stories or problems won't help. Sharing ex stories is an artificial bond. Try to recover from your own situation regarding your son's father.

I think you're correct that you aren't meant to connect the way you would like. Let him go and move on.

Maybe take it slower with the next one. Three months in might be a bit soon to consider a guy meeting your son.

Hi Cope, thank you for your comment. I agree with everything. I've been over my son father because I learned to forget and forgive. Now I'm letting My feeling heal day by day.. There's good days and bad days. I'm accepting there is no chance with us getting back and hoping time will heal my heart. I'm not the clingy girl that would bother him. I respect that it's just friends. Again, it takes time to heal a broken heart. I'm trying really hard... I've been on dates and talking to a new guy but I still lost with my feelings trying to move on. Hope everything is going well with your healing. Be strong 😊

Hi Wiseman2, thank you. It makes a lot of sense. He blocked me because it's over and I need to accept it. He's move on and I need to also. As far as my son father recovery.. I've been recovered 3 yrs ago. I guess my luck with men are not great because I feel like I give in easily and accept it. I'm going try be a stronger person 😁 For myself. You live and learn.

Thank you everyone for your caring comments. Can I ask what you would do in this scenario... My ex haven't contact me but his good friend has. While we were together.. We hooked up our friends together. They are in love and relationship is going very well. Well, last month I was away on vacation outside the country. I got a Facebook miss call from his good friend (the same guy that was drunk and told me about my ex missing his ex wife) in the middle of the night. I didn't get the miss call indicator until I got back to country. I never called him back because I was afraid to find out something that can hurt my feelings. After a few weeks, he msg me to come out to hang out with him and his gf. I couldn't resist so I went out. I didn't mention anything about my ex until he ask about when was the last time me and my ex spoke and saw each other. I kept it mutual and told him we are still friends. I didn't want to show I was still hurt. His friend told me, he hasn't spoke to my ex lately.. Which I believe it's a lie because they a like best friends but I left it alone. Ive been hanging out a few times with him and his gf. I don't know if I should continue meeting up with his friend since I don't know what his motive is.. Is he just trying to care because my ex is telling him to make sure I'm okay so I'm not hurt or he just feeling bad for me for being dumped.

I would block your ex as well as all his friends from all your social media...And don't hang out with them. Hang out with your own friends. This is preventing you from moving on, no matter what their motives are.

I got a Facebook miss call from his good friend. he msg me to come out to hang out with him and his gf.