Should I break NC

A fortnight ago my boyfriend of 4 years asked for space after I found out he'd been talking to another girl behind my back. I found out a week ago this girl had been trying to break us up for a while & was trying different ways to do it.

I've heard nothing from him in that time, I'm desperate to know what's going off, but I decided on NC after reading this forum.

He started off telling me he couldn't cope with the fact that he'd hurt me, then quickly moved onto 'stop calling, stop texting, I'm working. If you don't we're definitely done'. Then I got 'I need space, I can't deal with this while I'm so busy with work'.

I've blocked him on Facebook, deleted Twitter and managed not to text him for the last 13 days.

I feel like he owes me an explaination, a reason for not actually breaking up with me, but taking the cowardly way out. As I'm assuming we're actually over. i'm not even mad anymore, just deeply, deeply sad.

Should I contact him for the explaination or keep the NC up?

What explanation can he give you that would provide you with the closure you feel you need in order to move on? Will you have follow up questions? Will you be able to hear what your ex has to say in relation to the reason he took the cowardly approach to breaking up with?

Do you really need any answers from him or do you already have them? Maybe assuming it is over for good is all you need...don't let the end of the relationship define you. What do you want moving forward? What is the next chapter of your life going to look like? What fear based tracks do you have playing in your head on replay?

Focus on YOU.

I'm actually doing really well on the Focusing on me bit. I've got 2 pamper days booked in for the next 2. I've applied for a new position at work and am looking up how to progress my career, so I can buy my apartment and start saving more for the future. Without him.

I just feel like I'm owed an apology, or an explaination for not having the guts to end a 4 year relationship and tell me he needs space when he works away 5 days a week!

You have your explanation. He is a coward with lame excuses. And made it seem as if he was an innocent victim of this girl chasing him. Don't do the space thing, end it. Good you blocked him. Stay NC forever, he's being a jerk.

'stop calling, stop texting, I'm working. If you don't we're definitely done'. Then I got 'I need space, I can't deal with this while I'm so busy with work'.

An "explanation" will not make you feel any better.

My ex broke up with me via email, saying he didn't want a girlfriend right then. The REAL reason was that he had been having a secret relationship with his nephew's fiancee and they decided they wanted to be together. Do you think finding out the real reason made me feel better??? Well, it didn't.

You have your explanation...he doesn't want to be together anymore and he wants to be left alone.

To be fair Wiseman2, I'm pretty sure we've broken up already! The space thing is his cowardly way of breaking up with me without actually saying the words. the girl posted it all over social media that he'd been messing me about. I don't want him back, I've more respect for myself than that.

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You have your explanation...he doesn't want to be together anymore and he wants to be left alone.

Wow. Slightly harsh. Trust me after having it broadcast all over social media that my boyfriend had been messaging another woman along with screenshots of him asking for pictures the last thing I want is him back. I wanted someone's advice as to whether I should approach him or not.

Thanks for your input & im sorry you went through that.

An "explanation" will not make you feel any better.

 

My ex broke up with me via email, saying he didn't want a girlfriend right then. The REAL reason was that he had been having a secret relationship with his nephew's fiancee and they decided they wanted to be together. Do you think finding out the real reason made me feel better??? Well, it didn't.

 

You have your explanation...he doesn't want to be together anymore and he wants to be left alone.

What a piece of garbage.

Wow. Slightly harsh. Trust me after having it broadcast all over social media that my boyfriend had been messaging another woman along with screenshots of him asking for pictures the last thing I want is him back. I wanted someone's advice as to whether I should approach him or not.

Thanks for your input & im sorry you went through that.

I'm sorry that this has happened. But, you know why he ended things. The guy is a cheating coward. Don't know what else he can say.

Do not devalue yourself by reaching out to him. Do you really think that it is worth it at this point?

I'm sorry that this has happened. But, you know why he ended things. The guy is a cheating coward. Don't know what else he can say.

 

Do not devalue yourself by reaching out to him. Do you really think that it is worth it at this point?

Thank you. I think because of how he acted when I found out (at first 'I've hurt you. I can't cope with that fact', then ignoring the 3 times I rang over the next 2 hours before moving onto 'stop calling, stop texting, if you don't we're definitely over'.) I want something from him. An apology??

Since I've found out it was this certain girl too, she's been following him online and turning up in his local bar since the beginning of this year. She did this to break us up.

Sorry, but how are you going to get an apology from him if he ignores your calls?

Are you going to text him demanding or asking for an apology?

And what if he doesn't apologize? It doesn't make sense to hang on, continuing to contact him until he apologizes.

My ex NEVER apologized to me. He feels like he did nothing wrong. He insisted he and I were "just friends" (after a 4 year relationship where we lived together part of that time), therefore he could see whoever he wanted.

So if he never apologizes...what then?

As for what he "owes" you...if he disagrees, there isn't much you can do.

No he encouraged this, don't give him a pass to be a jerk and deny that he was enjoying and participating in this behind your back.

She did this to break us up.

Thank you. I think because of how he acted when I found out (at first 'I've hurt you. I can't cope with that fact', then ignoring the 3 times I rang over the next 2 hours before moving onto 'stop calling, stop texting, if you don't we're definitely over'.) I want something from him. An apology??

 

Since I've found out it was this certain girl too, she's been following him online and turning up in his local bar since the beginning of this year. She did this to break us up.

People can't break other people up. I think if you let go of that idea, you can put the responsibility where it lies.

No apology will likely make a difference. Best to just move on, as you've stated.

No he encouraged this, don't give him a pass to be a jerk and deny that he was enjoying and participating in this behind your back.

Sadly she's admitted it to me. Her exact words 'I lured him in to break you 2 up', then some rubbish about me being too pretty for him and that I should find someone more suited.

A cat-fight won't help you move on.

People can't break other people up. I think if you let go of that idea, you can put the responsibility where it lies.

No apology will likely make a difference. Best to just move on, as you've stated.

Wow. I'd never thought of it like that before. You're so right. Eyeopener.

I'm trying my best to move on, as I've said. I'm improving me for me, new job & a better prospect.

A cat-fight won't help you move on.

That's why I went NC. I was so angry and humiliated to start off with, but I think you're right. Thanks for your genuinely helpful input

Yeah definitely go for the NC and actally as you said, this is a break up, treat it like one, good job!

You already have the answers you need, you just need time to accept it. I was also wondering why my recent ex didn't tell me he was losing interest sooner. I thought about asking him after i asked for NC, i just realized all i wanted was a reason to hate him when there wasn't any.

Also, i can understand that sometimes it's hard for the Dumper too. But when cheating is involved, things are a bit different. There probably was a time where he thought that he could have both, i do not accept that. I can understand that you can fall for another in a relationship, heck even a mistake can happen , every couple has their "laws" for what is considered cheating, also i understand it can take some time for the dumper to find the courage to break up. BUT, not when he's asking for pics or anything..i could understand a drunken mistake, but something is not considered a mistake if it repeats itself.

Hang in there, keep the NC going forever and keep us posted!!

I have found great comfort in this forum, i am sure you will too!!

Sadly she's admitted it to me. Her exact words 'I lured him in to break you 2 up', then some rubbish about me being too pretty for him and that I should find someone more suited.

Again, doesn't mean that he had to agree with her plan. It's all on him; she has nothing to do with you.

Again, doesn't mean that he had to agree with her plan. It's all on him; she has nothing to do with you.

I've pretty much realised that talking on here. She didn't make him answer her messages, or ask for pictures or her phone number. Thank you

Hang in there, keep the NC going forever and keep us posted!!

I have found great comfort in this forum, i am sure you will too!!

Thank you so much. I've learnt a lot talking now, it's good to get others perspectives on it that I wouldn't of thought of.

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