Still have feelings for an ex 5 years later

Hey, my situation is a little complicated basically 5 years ago I was in a long distance relationship with a guy, I can honestly say he changed my life and he was/is the love of my life even after all these years, when we dated I flew out to be with him for sometime and honestly had the most amazing time of my life with this guy, the weeks flew by and then it was time for me to head back home to reality I was gutted, when I got home all was fine then over the next few weeks we started fighting alot me, honestly we both had alot going on at this time but I feel that the breakup was my fault, I was quiet depressed and anxious and took alot of my emotions out on him and pushed him away, when we broke up we didn't talk for over 4 years until recently. Basically I reached out to him expecting nothing in return, he's told me he hasn't be with anyone since me, and that he wanted to contact me sooner, he told me he was glad I reached out and that in our relationship he was stubborn and immature I feel like we still had this amazing connection as we were able to just pick up like nothing had happened and it was amazing, then without warning he cuts me off and when I asked him about it he said that he likes talking to me but some of his friends wouldn't be happy if they found out he was talking to me,

I dunno what to do or even think it took so much for me to reach out to this guy and I feel like it was all for nothing, I felt like we were getting on really well considering and then out of the blue he just decides to cut contact

That is a complication of LDR... it's like a vacation if/when you get together. It sounds like he does not want to reignite things...after 4 years he has probably moved on. What prompted you to contact him after all that time?

The reason you haven't gotten over him is because you haven't done the mental work you need to do to accept that its over and what you had with him was a long distance fling and something that was never going to pan out into a life partnership.

Stop doing long distance pairings. I think those kinds of things are for the commitment phobes out there because they know they are only going to have to nurture the relationship for the brief amount of time they go to visit or the other comes to visit it them.

Anyway: Accept it's over, change the subject of him every single time he pops into your head to something else, stop fooling yourself by saying you contacted him without any intentions or expectations because clearly you still had hope that he would want to start things up or you wouldn't ended up crushed again when it went no where.

Consider him dead if that is what it takes you to finally accept that he is never going to be in your life again. Accepting that, will get you to the stage of indifference to him. You're wasting good dating years pining over someone who never intended this to be anything other then a fling. That's the reality.

When you're not happy in the present, you will sometimes look to the past for that happiness. It's not there. Delete the photos of him. Delete his contact info. Whenever a relationship ended for me in the past, I deleted everything because I never expected to get back together and knew it was best for me for closure. If I broke up with him, it was for a good reason and I don't risk my heart on what didn't work for me. If he broke up with me, I knew he didn't care enough to work on things.

Work on being happy solo with a fulfilling career, time with girlfriends and family, and hobbies. And then you will attract someone worthy of you. You will choose someone to share your joy with, but he won't be the sole reason for your joy in life.

Hey, i guess what prompted me reaching out is that I blamed myself for what happened between us I felt like I was a bit all over the place emotions wise and took it out on him and that resulted in me pushing him away. Personally for me, I feel it's kinda hard to forget someone who gave u so much to remember, I was young when we met we both were, and I travelled over 7,000 miles to be with him it's not something I would do for just anyone but I knew from day one there was something special about him, I appreciate everyone's advice i really do and you all are prob right, I guess it just takes the mind alot longer to accept what the heart already knows

You don't have to forget them, in fact its virtually impossible to actually forget them unless you get amnesia but you do NEED and you CAN accomplish getting to the stage of indifference to them so that you're not wasting your life pining over them like you've been doing for the last five years. Anyone who you have dated in that five years you have been doing a disservice to so I compel you to stop being so selfish and do the work you need to do to get to indifference.

You had a long distance fling wherein you lost yourself in someone you barely knew other then words spoken without actions to back them up. You can do better so let him go. Write a letter to him but DO NOT send it. Get out everything that you wish happened and why you KNOW IT CANNOT BE and then burn it and let your attachment to him drift off with the smoke. Close the door and get on with your life. Time to quit torturing yourself, luv.

It sounds like you are looking back fondly and idealizing this romance, this adventure...which is fine. However, whatever is happening right now, at this time, is leaving a void that's being filled in with this fond memory.