Broke up 2 weeks ago but feeling the "breakup diet"

Hi,

I've read the forum alittle and realise to destress i need to be more proactive in life. 6 months ago i was diagnose with depression ( Existential disorder ). My Gf then encouraged me to get it checked out. She was like my support when i was going thru the tough times. We've been together for almost 2 years, friends for 4years. Texting everyday, every night and day, for the past 2 and a half years or more. Long story short, she broke up with me because she lost feelings for me. Stating it wasnt my fault that caused so, but its just that she lost it. The time she broke up with me was the time i was off the medication as well. I was taking mirtazapine for a few things like insomnia, depression, etc.

In addition to that, i was down with food poisoning 2 days prior to the break up. When the break up accorded, i wanted to kill myself. But my friends were around to hear me rant thus i think that helped a bit. Now that they are all busy with their lives, i cant always look for them for help. I feel like i'll just be a burden to them and drag them down. There were assumptions made that she was cheating or liking some other guy, or i was not good enough for her. But she kept explaining that i was the best she ever had, how nice i was to her. I dont understand the fact she chose to broke up, yet i feel like i do understand her. I don't blame her for breaking up neither do i blame her for any of her actions. She was the closest to my ideal type so its pretty hard for me to just forget about her or move on.

I'm constantly fighting with myself whether to blame myself or not, constantly asking whats wrong. But yet theres no answer. I've did everything for her. My friend said i didnt enjoy the relationship as she see me sacrificing more. Putting 100% effort into this relationship hoping it would work and planned out the future kinda hurts when she just leave like this. Needless to say, i had to work hard to be accepted by her family as we met thru online. Her parents were skeptical about me. I've no idea why i'm holding on and how do i let go. I'm still in contact with her as a friend. I don't know if that is what triggers me. When i went out for walks or exercise, i see couples reminding me of us, or girls that resembles her, i feel triggered. Sometiems i wonder if its a good thing to be posting this or should i just keep quiet as lesser people would be involved with my crappy days. Alot of things happened in the past that made me feel like i'm a burden to everyone. That i should be left alone.

But she came into my life and allow me to be her burden. Now that she's gone, i feel so empty. But the main concern for me is that, i'm having sleep and eating disorders. I wake up at 3/4 am everyday despite any time i sleep. From 3/4am, the sleep was drifting in and out. By the time i wake up or have to wake up, i feel grouchy. As if i didnt sleep at all. As for the eating disorder, i couldnt eat properly. I dont know how much i have slimmed but everytime i see food, i feel like vomitting. Everyday the most i ate is about 1 meal. But i crave water alot. Is there a way that i can resolve this stress and frustration? I've been trying all sorts of method to get over her. Having a resolve. Forcing myself to not think ( this was really bad cause i kept having relapse. ) going out with friends ( i was looking very depress when i'm with them. I felt bad. ) trying to exercise but lacking the energy to. Going out learning new courses but after the course the thoughts come and i feel miserable.

Since i'm in the army, i can't really socialise with people. Especially when the some of the people inside my unit have some sort of mental illness like adhd or gender disorder. Then theres some who keeps going on MC which i cant seem to socialise with them as well. I've been trying to get my mind off by asking for work but having over manpower, i dont think its helping me as i have alot of free time to think. Still, my main concern is the food and sleep problems. then comes the part where how can i move on and be more proactive in life. Still trying to find a reason to live, when the person i pin my hopes on left me. I trying hard to not think about the bad parts of life but its really consuming. Tired and restless, i feel like giving up. Hoping that i could find an answer here, thus i wrote this long paragraph. Still feeling that i shouldnt have written this as i'm burdening more people to help me back up. I feel so weak. My apologies for the bad English and long winded story.

i feel for you.. its rough when they leave you without telling you a reason. This happened to be recently and i couldnt stop thinking about WHY. why did it happen. i treated her so well and she even told me i did. But she still left. After stressing myself out for weeks, i finally came to the conclusion that it doesnt matter.

It doesnt matter why she left me or what her reason was, because i was good to her and i know i was. And thats all that matters. No matter what it was, i couldnt have done anything diffferently. It wasnt me, it was her who wanted to break up. Its her loss. I still miss her ALOT, and wish we were still together. but the facts remain that she no longer wants to be in a relationship with me. Those are the facts.. thats that. And i think you should go No contact with her. Block her from your phone and learn to stand on your own two feet without leaning on anyone. Work on yourself. I also have depression and was given medication for it. Ive had it for 6-8 years now. But its your own mind and you can control it. You just have to believe.

Stop contacting her or replying to her for 30 days. After the 30 days you will realize that you dont need her. She wont be as much of stress to you. Work on yourself and being happy alone. When you acomplish this, only then should you go out to find another relationship. until then, work on youself and stop talking to her. It will only hurt you in the long run and make it easier for her to move on if you stay "friends" .

Sleep/eating issue is anxiety. Any way you can get in for some therapy and see your dr to get something to help 'ease' it?

Loss is never easy.. it can take months to heal from it.... we just have to deal with the thoughts & emotions as they come.

Work out.. get out for some air/take walks. Write about it.. and let some tears out in the shower. These are all forms of release.

Do your best to eat well and hopefully soon enough you wil get more sleep.

One day at a time..you're not alone.

It sounds like some talk therapy in addition to better management of the major depressive disorder would make you feel a lot better.

Thanks guys. Its just so hard. I stopped contacting her. The feeling is bad especially when i pour my heart and soul into it. Its like having a project done with all your efforts following the guidelines correctly, yet still getting an F. Its horrible because i cant fight for it. I wasnt given a chance to change the grade. Still trying to get out of the loop and move on. would like to have more advices of what i should do on my everyday life.

Thanks guys. Its just so hard. I stopped contacting her. The feeling is bad especially when i pour my heart and soul into it. Its like having a project done with all your efforts following the guidelines correctly, yet still getting an F. Its horrible because i cant fight for it. I wasnt given a chance to change the grade. Still trying to get out of the loop and move on. would like to have more advices of what i should do on my everyday life.

Get up in the morning and tell yourself 3 positive things about your own life. they could be ANYTHING. even the smallest things count. Something like, "im not down with the flue, i feel great. I have a car. I have a job." Then throughout the day, continue to tell yourself youre having a great day and you will make the best out of whatever you have.

Walk with a good posture THROUGHOUT the day. This is all psychological. If you walk with no confidence, scunched down, with your head down, you will feel depressed. Push your shoulders back, lift your head up high, and walk with confidence like nothing can stop you. Smile. Every morning look in the mirror and smile at yourself, for being you. These little things help me alot. Try it out!