Cheater exposed.. is this a terrible idea?!

For background information on the terrible breakup I have found myself in...

 

Short version: found out my serious boyfriend was lying excessively and cheating physically, emotionally.. on so many levels. I am still in love with him

 

So the question: he has a Facebook page that includes real friends and all of the band groupies. My mom friend requested him and he accepted it (why I don't know.. did he not notice it was her??) She wants to post on his wall a picture of him saying:

 

"We had enjoyed the time you spent with your family and we know our daughter XXXX loved you. But you cheated on her, lied and deceived her, and took advantage of her! Look out for this guy, he shouldn't be trusted"

 

She told me last night that is what she wants to do. I have so far stopped her but I have to admit.. people ANYBODY in his life knowing what he actually did? Yeah, it sounds sort of appealing. Because, he walks away from this paying no price at all. I was going to travel there this week to meet his family but now my family and friends and myself are all left kind of hurt and he gets to tell everybody "it just didn't work out"..

 

Honest opinions please.

 

I think I have been stopping her because I still want him.. -_-

How long did you date him if you hadn't yet meet his family?

 

As for your mother interfering like that? I would be telling her that I understood why she wanted to do something like that but trusted her to be mature enough not to.

 

Rely on Karma to give him what he's going to get. Your best revenge is living well, healing and finding a good man who loves and respects you and will share a wonderful life with you. This WILL happen after you leave him in your dust and have indifference to him and anything about him or what happens to him... ahhhh, blissful indifference.

It's odd that your mother would fb friend him after you two broke up. The proposed post sounds quite vengeful and bitter. Ask you mother not to do this as it makes you look awful. Just walk away with dignity and ignore him. Ask your mother to unfriend him asap.

 

You could walk away paying no price if you just ignore him and move on. This type of post would ruin your reputation more than his. Most people encountering him, except groupies, would be aware that he's in rock-star cad mode and pass anyway.

How long did you date him if you hadn't yet meet his family?

 

As for your mother interfering like that? I would be telling her that I understood why she wanted to do something like that but trusted her to be mature enough not to.

 

Rely on Karma to give him what he's going to get. Your best revenge is living well, healing and finding a good man who loves and respects you and will share a wonderful life with you. This WILL happen after you leave him in your dust and have indifference to him and anything about him or what happens to him... ahhhh, blissful indifference.

 

I didn't meet his family yet because they live in Italy... His mom knows plenty about me though. I guess it was about 8-9 months before the lies blew up in my face. We were living together 1-2 weeks per month.

 

Him just picking off ignorant girls doesn't sound much like revenge.. I don't know..

 

It's odd that your mother would fb friend him after you two broke up. The proposed post sounds quite vengeful and bitter. Ask you mother not to do this as it makes you look awful. Just walk away with dignity and ignore him. Ask your mother to unfriend him asap.

 

You could walk away paying no price if you just ignore him and move on. This type of post would ruin your reputation more than his. Most people encountering him, except groupies, would be aware that he's in rock-star cad mode and pass anyway.

 

How would it hurt my reputation?

It makes you look like a woman scorned.

How would it hurt my reputation?[/font]

I didn't meet his family yet because they live in Italy... His mom knows plenty about me though. I guess it was about 8-9 months before the lies blew up in my face. We were living together 1-2 weeks per month.

This was a long distance relationship with someone you barely knew who you spend only a week or two per month with. What did you find out about him before you started this two week a month relationship? I am truly sorry you are hurting but you rushed into this thing with a band player wherein it is well known that they have beautiful women falling all over them all the time. Had you done your due diligence regarding him, you would have played it cool until you got to know if he was one of the few that wasn't a player.

It's like hockey wives... I'm pretty sure they go into a relationship with a hockey player knowing that he's likely not going to refuse every groupie that waits outside the locker room after a game. *shrugs* You WILL get over this quicker if you do everything you can to get him out of your head and your heart will follow rather then post about him and look for ways to make yourself feel better trying to make him feel any kind of remorse. I think at this point, he's used to a women being scorned. Its the nature of the beast (band player, groupie lover) Consciously change any thought of him and your times together to something else. No wallowing in your thoughts of this relationship good or bad.

 

Him just picking off ignorant girls doesn't sound much like revenge.. I don't know..

That's not your concern now, (besides, most groupies know the score and are just in it for the moment not expecting a relationship out of him) it or anything else about him shouldn't be your concern now. Your revenge is having had the pleasure of leaving him so that you are free in heart and mind to find someone decent with who you SLOWLY get to know so that you know whether or not he is a lying, festering herpes casuality (or not) and you do all that BEFORE you give all of yourself to him.

 

Not to add to your pain but please get yourself STI/STD tested if he didn't show you a clean test done within the last six months.

 

Time and how you accept and acknowledge what you could have done differently will heal you and you'll be indifferent to him and anything about him.

 

Feel better soon.

You and your mother will look like fools.

 

Be better than him.

Public forums are a tacky way to air personal issues.

This was a long distance relationship with someone you barely knew who you spend only a week or two per month with. What did you find out about him before you started this two week a month relationship? I am truly sorry you are hurting but you rushed into this thing with a band player wherein it is well known that they have beautiful women falling all over them all the time. Had you done your due diligence regarding him, you would have played it cool until you got to know if he was one of the few that wasn't a player.

It's like hockey wives... I'm pretty sure they go into a relationship with a hockey player knowing that he's likely not going to refuse every groupie that waits outside the locker room after a game. *shrugs* You WILL get over this quicker if you do everything you can to get him out of your head and your heart will follow rather then post about him and look for ways to make yourself feel better trying to make him feel any kind of remorse. I think at this point, he's used to a women being scorned. Its the nature of the beast (band player, groupie lover) Consciously change any thought of him and your times together to something else. No wallowing in your thoughts of this relationship good or bad.

 

That's not your concern now, it or anything else about him shouldn't be your concern now. Your revenge is having had the pleasure of leaving him so that you are free in heart and mind to find someone decent with who you SLOWLY get to know so that you know whether or not he is a lying, festering herpes casuality (or not) and you do all that BEFORE you give all of yourself to him.

 

Not to add to your pain but please get yourself STI/STD tested if he didn't show you a clean test done within the last six months.

 

Time and how you accept and acknowledge what you could have done differently will heal you and you'll be indifferent to him and anything about him.

 

Feel better soon.

 

He really went out of his way to try to convince me he had no interest in groupies. He is in general pretty shy in person. We had been talking on the phone and webcam while he was on tour every day for months before we became official. It really isn't like I didn't know anything about him but I did have to put a certain degree of faith in his words that I wouldn't have had to put otherwise.

 

He openly criticized another band member who slept with many girls, but that guy's girlfriend was on tour with them and was aware of their relationship being open. Another band member is happily engaged. I mean.. I guess I don't see why I was supposed to assume he conformed to a stereotype when he tried to convince me from day one that he didn't. He did spend quite a lot of time, money, and effort on our relationship..

 

Ugh.. i feel sick and confused.

Please don't let your mother do this. I don't think I can write enough here to express how terrible I think this idea is. Be better than this.

He really went out of his way to try to convince me he had no interest in groupies. He is in general pretty shy in person. We had been talking on the phone and webcam while he was on tour every day for months before we became official.

Texting and any other electronic means of "getting to know someone" is anything BUT "getting to know them." All you're doing is getting a false sense of thinking that you know them better then you actually do and building your lust and infatuation (not love). Anything that is based on words without action are just words. You really knew nothing about him that you could tangibly call "knowing" Of course all of that does not negate the fact that he is a womanizer who did you wrong but in order to get over this, you're going to have to acknowledge what YOU could have done better to protect your heart. I think you probably would do more of a background check on your Uber driver then you did on this guy before you got into his "cab." You can't blindly trust ANYONE ... especially you can't someone who has temptation placed in front of him day in and day out. Shy has nothing to do with being chaste... when its a sure thing, if its getting laid at his feet then being shy is the least of his worries.

 

It really isn't like I didn't know anything about him but I did have to put a certain degree of faith in his words that I wouldn't have had to put otherwise.

That, luv is your first break through out of victimhood and onto the path of acceptance. Once you forgive you for what subconsciously you blame yourself for... you'll be well on your way to not caring about the likes of him. One day at a time will get you there. Expect some days will be better then others.

 

He openly criticized another band member who slept with many girls, but that guy's girlfriend was on tour with them and was aware of their relationship being open.

Then he wasn't cheating if she was aware of his extra curricular activities and was okay with it. I think what he meant to convey to you is that he didn't agree with the "open" part of it but that's because he likely doesn't agree with the girl in the union being able to do what he does. lol (just speculation but either or... it still makes him a liar if nothing else)

 

Another band member is happily engaged. I mean.. I guess I don't see why I was supposed to assume he conformed to a stereotype when he tried to convince me from day one that he didn't. He did spend quite a lot of time, money, and effort on our relationship..

That doesn't mean squat, especially in the short duration of time you actually spent with him. I'm sure he did that with the other girl as well. Don't worry about trying to justify why you gave your heart to him. Just know that you're better off getting it back from him so that you'll have it when you need it for someone worth having.

 

Ugh.. i feel sick and confused.

Hey, you'll be okay. You just have to start viewing it for what it really was... a fling with a player (they are the best kind if you don't lose your heart because they know what they're doing) and now its come to an end. He won't change for you or anyone else. Even if he gets married, he is who he is.

Don't do it. His lies and deception will come out on its own. Honestly, it will look like your mom is fighting your battles for you and that you were deeply hurt by this dude. I know you want to scream and shout at him, and tell the world what he did but it only looks bad on you. You will find a guy that cherishes you and loves you, so do not give up on love. Keep your head up, keep him out of your life, and move on. The best revenge is to live well.

How old are you? I think any adult would be mortified by having their mother speak out for them in a public forum.

 

Don't do it. Just move on and learn from your mistake. Your mother posting something like that just makes you look crazy and bitter.

You'll just come off as a pair of very pathetic people

"You know I'm not going to dis you on the internet 'cause my Momma taught me better than that".

 

Except, it's your MOMMA who's going to make you look like a bitter, rejected girl who can't let go.

 

He'll tell everyone that you two just didn't belong together but that you refuse to accept it. And he'll claim you got your mom to write that. Trust me, NO ONE will think he's the bad guy here. They'll just laugh and call you "psycho".

 

Be a better person than that. We don't need to speak aloud every thought that comes into our heads. Even if we think we're right.

I'm sorry about how you were betrayed, and I have no doubt how devastated you must feel. With that being said, rather than seek revenge, look at it as when given enough rope he'll hang himself.

 

Keep in mind, that being the bigger person comes with its own rewards.

Ask your mom to Unfriend and Block him. I understand her feelings but this will end in disaster. And you are hurt enough already.

I agree with TwT's posts. I have had personal experience with getting to know and getting to think you know someone virtually but there is truly no substitute for being around the person in person and getting to see them in their element.

 

To the point about musicians, I understand that the groupie thing seems like a stereotype but it is actually really part of the business. The question is moreso whether he is into the groupie thing or not and I would actually need to be there for a long time to make a judgment. Observe the actions; don't just trust the words.

 

I think you did the best you could with what you knew and this is just a huge lesson learned.

I have to wonder, how come your mother doesn't realize how bad such action would look on you? It's a terrible idea, and it would accomplish nothing. Except make you and your family look a bit nutty and make him happy to have ended things with you. Plus, if his FB is set the correct way, he can see everything others post on his wall first so that he can approve only the stuff he wants to show publicly.

Talk your mom out of doing something so foolish. I understand that she's hurt because you've been hurt, but this kind of revenge is for high school. Ignore the a$$ and heal and be happy, that's the best revenge!

You still want him? A Cheater? Whoa... okay... you need to LEARN some self respect!

 

As for her acting out that way? NOT.

Time for all to grow up.. back off and move on.

"I think I have been stopping her because I still want him.. -_-"

 

 

Wow! Didn't see this! Very sad you value yourself so little.

Ick.

 

Sharing him with randoms and possibly contracting a gross infection or something you can't get rid of?

 

No thank you.

"I think I have been stopping her because I still want him.. -_-"

 

 

Wow! Didn't see this! Very sad you value yourself so little.

 

I know.. it is hard to flip off a switch when we spent so many days and nights together.. we were generally very happy when we were together. It is hard to mesh the two images together. I am trying and I have not contacted him in any way.

I know.. it is hard to flip off a switch when we spent so many days and nights together.. we were generally very happy when we were together. It is hard to mesh the two images together. I am trying and I have not contacted him in any way.

 

Most of us have been there, I know that I have. It takes time. Eventually, you accept who he is, and recognize that he is not the right man for you.

 

You know that you cannot trust him; therefore, there is no future for you.

 

No one deserves the treatment that you have received.

 

Please get tested.

Most of us have been there, I know that I have. It takes time. Eventually, you accept who he is, and recognize that he is not the right man for you.

 

You know that you cannot trust him; therefore, there is no future for you.

 

No one deserves the treatment that you have received.

 

Please get tested.

 

I am only waiting the 6 weeks required for things to show up. No worries though.. I am completely celibate for the foreseeable future.