The letter I sent to my ex

Hi, guys. Hope you are ok. A few days ago, I was chatting of a friend about how it feels, as a lesbian. to be left for a man, and how that would keep us from dating bi girls from now on. That lead me to write a text, that then became a facebook post (my ex is blocked there, and I have deleted all her family and close friends). Then I sent it to her on wpp, because I felt I need her to understand this. After that I blocked her on wpp also. She called three times (2 on the same day, one more 2 days after), but I haven`t picked the phone). Well, I`m just venting here. I translated the letter and so I`m posting it to you guys.

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When we are born women, we are seen as different and inferior to man from the beggining: "This cartoons is for boys", "Girls are supposed to eat on that table", "Oh, I forgot you had ordered this game, it`s usually boys who play that".

Then you figure out you`re a lesbian, and things get even meaner: "Isn`t your girlfriend missing something?, " You just haven`t found out the right guy", "Do you alsp date boys?".

People remember you all the time that you`re not good enough. Your girlfriend`s family disaprooves you simply because you`re a female. You have to fight everyday to belong and then, you start believing what people say. You get away from them and try to build a nest where you can feel safe. And in that nest`s window, compulsory heterossexualy whispers all the time: "Can I join you?"

And then one day, a man joins your relationship. You realize something is wrong but you say nothing, because it feels good to have someone to walk you and your sweetheart to the bus stop. You realize somthing is wrong when he says "if you weren`t married, I would marry one of you". Something is really wrong when he answers "to do many things" when you ask him if your video prommoting a competition would convince him to participate. And yet, you say nothing. You fool yourself into belieng that it`s just the way he is, and you embrace the friendship of the boy who is always there for you and your wife.

It`s nice to have a friend, specilly when the world shows you nothing but hostility.

Then one day you wake up and your girlfriend is leaving you to be with him. All the sacrifices you both made to be togheter now are meaningless.

"Why?", you cry, failing to understand. And you hear that it`s because he is more centered, better at solving problems than you are. "Maybe bacause he is older", she says, awkardly.

And you want to say that of course he is more centered, after all he hasn`t spent the last three years frighted everytime his girlfriend was with her family, because at any momment she could call crying, telling how she has been again a victim of homophobic bullying. He hasn`t been threaned by the police for secretly visiting you when you were seventeen and couldn`t date girls. He hasn`t been a victim of psycological violence everytime he would walk on the street ("you re sooo hot", "come to my home, babe"). He hasn`t spent nights afraid he would be raped when he would stay in a weird hostel for the sake of visiting you when you lived far away.

Of course he is more centered, he doesn`t bear the scars of being a lesbian in this cociety, and somehow this seduces you.

And you have to hear, from people who have no idea of how lonely it is to be like you, that you will find someone else, or that there`s things more important in live than having a partner. (Make up your minds!). You are again pushed to the ocean of people who see you as different, and you are somehow supposed to be happy there, after all you can still work and study. And people who never knew what it feels like to live on the margins of affections dare to expect you to be somekind of professional sucess example.

Then, all they have ever said to you come back in you setence: "you are not good enoug"

And maybe you really aren`t, at least it how it feels like after dweling for months on each mistake you ever made in your relationship.

And you really must not be good enough, after all, your "friend" took a while to believe when people told him she was your girlfriend. He would believe if he had been told she dated some John Smith, but dating a Maria is too exotic. Being a lesbian is too exotic. You are invisible.

And definitly you are not good enough, for you have ignored all the red flags along the way. You asked him for advice more than once, not listening to your best friend- also a lesbian- who realized everything faster than you.

You weren`t good enough. You believed in the selfless friendship of a man. And now, you feel anger and disgust towards everyone involved,yourself included.

Regardless of gender and social bias, the source of pain here is universal: a person who seemed a friend was actually a snake. Betrayal is a difficult sting from which to recover.

You know what your ex now has to deal with that you don't? A snake in the grass man. Ick. Lucky you for being rid of two snakes with one sting.

It just sounds bitter and kinda weak. If it helped you that's great but I don't think it will have the effect you want on the ex.

This sounds like the best approach.

as a lesbian. to be left for a man, and how that would keep us from dating bi girls from now on.

It just sounds bitter and kinda weak. If it helped you that's great but I don't think it will have the effect you want on the ex.

It is indeed bitter, because that`s how I feel. I don`t have the need to pretend that I`m doing ok, nor I hoped she would come back to me as I sent it.

It is indeed bitter, because that`s how I feel. I don`t have the need to pretend that I`m doing ok, nor I hoped she would come back to me as I sent it.

Like I said if it did you some good it's a positive. But I don't think it will do anything except make your ex view you in a much less favourable light. It won't make her feel guilty

Like I said if it did you some good it's a positive. But I don't think it will do anything except make your ex view you in a much less favourable light. It won't make her feel guilty

Actually, I don't think so. She will neither feel guilty nor view me as weak, I think. I know her too much. I believe she will feel sad for us not working anymore. Also, there's courage in showing one's weakness, so I'm not concerned about that.

I think it probably would be best if you only dated women who identify as strictly lesbian from here on out. It seems to especially bother you that your ex left you for a man. Would it have been any better if she had left you for another woman instead?

Getting broken up with by someone you still want to be with hurts like hell, no matter your gender or sexual preference. I agree with Clinton; this letter just makes you seem bitter and weak. You are also acting like a martyr and I think trying to make your ex feel guilty and sorry for you, whether you are fully aware of it or not. "How could you leave me for a man! As a lesbian woman, my life has been so much more difficult than his." Well, that's not necessarily true. That's your perception. If you look at suicide rates, health outcomes, who is more likely to be the victim of a violent crime, etc. males in this society definitely have their own crosses to bear. Bottom line, your ex simply met someone who she felt she would be happier with and made the choice to pursue something with him instead, which, ultimately, she had the right to do.

Look, I get it; you are in a lot of pain right now. I think it's good that you are writing this letter; it may help you process your feelings. But I don't think sending it to your ex is going to do a single ounce of good.