Just broke up with my gf, did i make the right decision?

We have been together 10 months. I care about her a lot. But I just don't love her. Which is the main reason i broke up with her as i don't think its fair to continue when she loves me and I don't love her. Also she is kind of crazy and really hot headed which is a big turnoff to me. She snapped on her neighbor the other day worse than i've ever seen someone snap on someone. And she just gets mad at anyone for any little thing. Another thing is she has 3 kids and cannot have anymore. I have no kids but would at least like the option of having my own. I was still attracted to her, sex was still great, got along good. I had these thoughts couple months ago but figured i would give it more time to see if I could say i loved her. Now that i was having these thoughts again i figured it was best to not continue I feel awful for hurting her. She has been great to me. Just the fact that i can't say i love her, thought of dealing with her craziness in the future, and wanting option to have my own child is what led me to this decision. Did i make the right decision? We have spent pretty much everyday together since we have been together.

Yes you made the right choice. There were too many deal-breakers and red flags for this to go anywhere and you are better off cutting your loses.

Sounds like you made the right choice, its never a good idea to stay with someone when you are thinking about wanting to leave them...you thought about it enough it sounds like and then made a choice to let her go. I believe theres someone for every kind of person out there, theres someone who will appreciate and love her for who she is and she deserves to find them, you are giving her that opportunity...of course she might feel hurt right now and not see it that way, but time heals all wounds and she will get through this. Theres always an adjustment period after a break up, its not easy and it sucks. Don't beat yourself up about it and try not to question your decision, sometimes we have to make tough calls.

Of course you made the right choice. It goes without saying. No point stringing this out.

I think you did the right thing. That type of behavior would bother me too.

Maybe for the next one, don't spend every day together from the minute you meet. Then you can get to know each other slowly, and it won't be as hard to extract yourself if it's not a great situation.

Yes you made the right decision. 100%. Breakups hurt and the pain is real and can linger, but that does not mean you did the wrong thing.

Thanks for the replies. Great answers. I just want to be there for her now cuz I know she is hurting but know I should prolly keep my distance. I did this out of the blue. She did not see it coming at all.

I'm pretty sure she gets her craziness from her ex who she has her youngest with. They were together like 11-12 years and it was a very abusive relationship. He should be in prison for some of things he has done to her. He is still obsessed with her. When we first started dating he would text her like 190 times on average per day with not 1 response back from her. He's a really bad alcohalic too. He still texts her all the time but she has him on block now. And she got very bad anxiety last week after she found out she has to be out of her house by end of may. I had never seen her like this before. It was almost like she was having a nervous breakdown. She would just get so mad and upset about any little thing it was troubling. It was like a kid throwing a tantrum when they don't get there way. She was losing her mind. Now if I loved her i would really support her and deal with the craziness,(i was still there for her) but this was a turnoff too. It went on for 2 days. She took anxiety pills both days and you could just tell that she was drugged up on them. She sounded different when she talked. I just feel so bad for her, I really do care about her a lot.

Yikes! Those are quite some red flags. She really needs law enforcement, the courts and domestic violence counselling to help her out. That can't all be on your shoulders in a new relationship and it's not helping if she relies on that rather than the proper counselling and support agencies. She's not ready to be in any sort of relationship.

He should be in prison for some of things he has done to her. She was losing her mind. Now if I loved her i would really support her and deal with the craziness, but this was a turnoff too.

The first four sentences were enough to make your decision the right one.

When we first started dating he would text her like 190 times on average per day with not 1 response back from her. He's a really bad alcohalic too. He still texts her all the time but she has him on block now.

Considering the child will tie them together forever, here's another good reason for you two to have broken up.

You did the right thing by letting her go. You didn't break up with her in any harsh way, did you? From the way you write, you sound like an empathetic and caring person, so I'm sure you did not. I can understand your concern and feeling low because of it, myself I tend to suffer more when breaking up with someone than vice versa. But the fact is, from the way things were going, your desire to have a child (very natural and is your right to have that option) and the fact that, while you care about her, you don't love her the way you feel you should - these factors mean that somewhere along the way the break-up would've happened anyway, wouldn't it? And if you'd split later rather than sooner, it would only cause more hurt and waste more of both of your time. So, rather than prolonging the inevitable, you did the only thing that appeared right at the moment. This pain now will pass, for both of you. And then each of you will be free to start something else which is more suitable and a better match.

I once left my fiancé and felt awful about it. But then I understood: if I'd stayed with him, I'd break both of our lives. I'm sure our union would not have been happy and/or would not have lasted. So, in such cases, there is no good choice vs bad choice, but more like choosing the lesser of the two evils. You chose the lesser, so you did the right thing! For both of you.

She just came by and got her stuff she had here. She said the "You love me, I don't love you" is such a stupid reason. She asked how could I go everyday being with her to just pushing her away. She really can't believe that i did it. This is quite out of character for me to do something this drastic with no signs. When she left she said thanks for breaking my heart.

Im not sure I want a child. But I at least want the option. And yes I believe it would of happened at some point. I wouldn't say it was harsh, it was just out of the blue to her and at a bad time for her. Who knows maybe i just need a break from her.

She just came by and got her stuff she had here. She said the "You love me, I don't love you" is such a stupid reason. She asked how could I go everyday being with her to just pushing her away. She really can't believe that i did it. This is quite out of character for me to do something this drastic with no signs. When she left she said thanks for breaking my heart.

Well she's going to react. Your best bet is not to bite otherwise you'll just get drawn into endless arguments.

I'm not sure what she means by your explanation being a stupid reason. Surely she must know that if you didn't love her in the same way she loved you, you couldn't carry on? Or did I read that wrong?

Im not sure I want a child. But I at least want the option. And yes I believe it would of happened at some point. I wouldn't say it was harsh, it was just out of the blue to her and at a bad time for her. Who knows maybe i just need a break from her.

Having an option to have a child is important also. I can sort of understand the receiving side (her), as well, b/c myself I don't want to have kids. So, this is something that if a man decides he wants, or even if he just wants that option, I'd have to let him go. My ex, for instance, wanted to have kids. At first he seemed into adopting etc, which was something that I also wanted. But later on he said that given a chance, he'd want biological ones. We broke up for totally different reasons, but I get it, if this option is important to you, you better keep it. Otherwise in another 10-20 years it'd be too late, and you'd be with someone with whom you could't have kids, and then you might start having some kind of resentment creeping up.

Of course she is hurt, it is natural for her to react this way. Be understanding and don't take things too much personally. But like I said, by dragging this relationship onwards further while knowing it won't last, you wouldn't have done her a favour. Sad about "out of the blue", but on the other hand, how were you supposed to prepare her for it? Breaking up bit by bit over a week or somehow in stages? Acting colder over time to give some sort of a "subliminal" warning? I was on the receiving sides of those, and it didn't help. You know, my ex and I went back and forth in some kind of a riduculous dance, and I REALLY regret I wasn't stronger and firmer the first time. "Cutting the dog's tail by pieces" doesn't do anyone favours. Breaking it off in one movement, like a bandaid may FEEL harsher, but it can actually be a kinder thing to do.

I just want to be there for her now cuz I know she is hurting but know I should prolly keep my distance.

Naaah...you can't 'be there' to help someone through your own breakup. Wrong role. We all need to play the 'bad guy' role in order to end a bad match. That's just the hand we're dealt when we take up with the wrong people, and it only gets harder the longer we wait to play that out.

Most people are NOT our match. If you want to date, stay aware of this and walk away from bad matches earlier rather than later. Otherwise, yes, you're using people for sex or whatever else you're getting from them even while you know that this won't work out.

It's reasonable to feel lousy about any breakup, but there's a purpose for it. It's to learn how to avoid positioning yourself this way going forward. Allow wrong matches to pass early--there will be a lot of those. The RIGHT match is the rare needle in the haystack, and that's how it's supposed to be. If finding love were easy, there would be nothing special about it.

Tuition paid, and head high.