Did he lie to me in the beginning ?

A couple weeks ago my new boyfriend told me that a few of his mates would be home from Australia and he was spending the day with them. Anyway it's been a couple of weeks since then and I was bored so went on to fb. Facebook obviously suggests friends and this one girl came up so I had a look at her profile cause my be is a mutual friend. And there he is tagged in her photo from that day and it's just the two of them.

He gave me the impression that a few friends were coming home and that they were boys. I feeling a little betrayed tbh and I don't know whether to say this to him. We were only dating about 3 weeks then so I don't know if I have a right. I was cheated on so honesty is a big deal for me. And it feels like he was being sneaky about it.

The girl that he was with has since gone back to Australia if he would have told me that it was a girl I probably wouldn't have cared. He has planned a trip for my bday and is talking about our future plans. So I woke up even more confused because if I bring this up it could be the end of us

What would you honestly do ?

If you think he is your bf and you are exclusive, mention the fb post...See what he says..

You've been dating three weeks? Did you two actually agree to be boyfriend/girlfriend?

I would say I saw the photo and ask what happened to the rest of his friends. I would do the same if he had been with just one male friend, though. I mean I would be curious but wouldn't think of the worst.

Yeah like he spent months asking me out I finally agreed after our first few dates I told him I'm not into dating multiple people and I expect the same. He told me no problem and that he only had good intentions towards me. If he would of told me he was going to meet up with a girl that was a friend I don't think it would have bothered me. It's the fact I feel he was hiding it.

Uuhhmm. . If Im reading this right this falls into a grey area. At 3 weeks time were you exclusive because you referred to it as dating at 3 weeks.

He said he was meeting friend (s). You assumed male and it wasnt.

I'd probably pass on bringing it up but I'd be on alert for anything amiss.

I'm a firm believer that people don't show up in your life in neatly wrapped packages.

Sorting out loose ends while you transition into couple hood is pretty typical. It's up to you to define the cutoff though.

Big difference between not being the type to multidate and being boyfriend/girlfriend. It's a commitment to only dating one person at a time, not a commitment to each other.

I think it'd be laying it on a bit thick to approach him over this. If the friend came over from Oz to visit, then it sounds like a one-off thing anyhow. It's up to you.

Big difference between not being the type to multidate and being boyfriend/girlfriend. It's a commitment to only dating one person at a time, not a commitment to each other.

 

I think it'd be laying it on a bit thick to approach him over this. If the friend came over from Oz to visit, then it sounds like a one-off thing anyhow. It's up to you.

And it could be a plan that was in place long before they met.

We agreed pretty much at the start we where not going to date others. He knows I have a hard time trusting men. He honestly did make me believe that he wouldn't do anything dishonest against me. I don't even know how to bring it up if I'm honest. But I know I can't let it go because already its eating away at me.

But if you have issues trusting men, then that's on you to work through and not his responsibility.

The possible lie by omission is a seperate issue.

Only you two know the exact status of your relationship at the 3 week mark.

Another argument for taking your time getting to know someone before you agree to a commitment. You just committed to someone based on their word and not out of earned trust and actions that back it up.

All that takes longer than 3 wks and you can see it guarantees you nothing.

And there he is tagged in her photo from that day and it's just the two of them.

But you don't know if there were other people there or not. For instance, who took the picture? She could be someone that one of his friends brought with him, one of their girlfriends, or anyone else.

I think you've inferred an awful lot from one photo. Why don't you just ask him when he got back who he saw, what they did, and so on? If he doesn't mention her, then say you two have a friend in common and you noticed he had met up with her.

But this is your issue not his. This pic is probably nothing, just ask about it in a casual way. Being heavy handed with the past issues is not doing this present dating situation any good.

I have a hard time trusting men.

Early days in a relationship things such as this are pretty fragile.

I may take offense to you checking up on me by looking at my friends fb page and challenging my integrity

This could go either way. He may also not be the man you think he is.

Only you know which way you'll handle this. For me, nothing to lose by being thoughtful and tabling this for a day or two.

If you don't have the answer at this moment, it will present itself eventually

But you don't know if there were other people there or not. For instance, who took the picture? She could be someone that one of his friends brought with him, one of their girlfriends, or anyone else.

 

I think you've inferred an awful lot from one photo. Why don't you just ask him when he got back who he saw, what they did, and so on? If he doesn't mention her, then say you two have a friend in common and you noticed he had met up with her.

I looked through the pics its just the two of them there's no other people. The photos are of them seperate so obviously they took the pics. He made it clear to me there would be a few of them. Before I seen these photos I knew he had gone on this day out but he never once mentioned this girl. He hasn't even allowed the pics on his timeline even tho he is tagged in them. I only saw them cause I clicked on her profile. I would love to ask him but its been weeks so he will know I've been snooping.

I know people think I'm overreacting but if it was done to them I think they'd be a bit more understanding.

You wanted to know if we thought he lied but you already had your answer so not quite sure why the post

It sounds like excessive worry because you are basing this on fb pics you stumbled upon but not bothering to let him explain it, so you are blowing this up in your mind based on an fb pic and mostly your past issues. Until you mention it and he can talk about his friends, you are creating a monster out of this and torturing yourself with all sorts of imagined scenarios.

Because I'm looking for advice on what to do about the situation that's the whole point of these forums is it not ?

Maybe, that's why I'm asking because I know I'm thinking of everything that could happen and not being calm. I have been avoiding his calls because I really don't know how to speak to him about it without coming across irrational.

You are winding yourself into a frenzy based on the past. Irrational is not taking his calsl and mentioning it to get the info from him rather than catastrophizing this in your mind. You are having a war with your imagination and taking it out on him.

I have been avoiding his calls because I really don't know how to speak to him about it without coming across irrational.

Yes, he lied to you. If that bothers you, end it..

I'll just caution you that you entered this telling him you have issues trusting men. You are both still under evaluation, so to speak.

Not much invested here so you two going your separate ways is always an easy option.

If you really feel you are onto something here. . and you may very well be, go ahead and ask him.

But do so knowing that you take a risk.

If it is entirely innocent and you've set the tone and will now confirm it, that you are indeed mistrusting to begin with and he may decide this isn't something he wants to sign up for.

I personally think you have nothing to lose and something to gain by reigning in your emotions and giving this a little bit of time before you act on it.

If your intuition is telling you he withheld this information purposely, I would simply cut my losses, especially after dating for a mere three weeks.

In short, this has to be your own decision.

We've been together 5 months now it was at the beginning but I'm only seeing it now.

Well then how's the last 5 months been, has he been trustworthy and consistent? Has the relationship been going well?

A lot of Aussies call their friends mates regardless of their gender. I don't consider it lying and think it's understandable for someone to hesistate with revealing the gender of their friend when the girl they've been dating only a few weeks says she has trust issues. My natural reaction would be, she'll probably be really suspicious and trigger her "trust issue" if I said I had a female friend visiting me (happened all too often before).

Well then how's the last 5 months been, has he been trustworthy and consistent? Has the relationship been going well?

 

A lot of Aussies call their friends mates regardless of their gender. I don't consider it lying and think it's understandable for someone to hesistate with revealing the gender of their friend when the girl they've been dating only a few weeks says she has trust issues. My natural reaction would be, she'll probably be really suspicious and trigger her "trust issue" if I said I had a female friend visiting me (happened all too often before).

We're not from Australia they all lived in Australia they come home to Europe every once in a while. Yeah it's been going great until now, he treats me really good and is really caring. Yeah you could be right but he probably did think that way but I've been thinking about it for a day now and I don't think I'm ready to be in a relationship. He should of told me and the fact he kept the pictures of his own profile even tho he is tagged in them shows me he is hiding them. So I think I just need to be alone for a good while.