MEOrtega Posted April 29, 2016 Share Posted April 29, 2016 Hi everyone, My boyfriend and I have been dating for about 8 months and while everything has been great so far except that he curses at me but says he's joking. In these instances we're playing computer games since we're both computer gaming nerds I guess, and we usually skype while we play together with his friends also. When have a real fight he never ever cursed at me even when it's serious. It's not demeaning words he'll just be like "what the (my name)" usually. But last night he called me a dumb while playing a game. I really didn't like it so I just told him that was going to get off but I stayed on skype with him. I got off eventually because I had to get up early the next day but we really didn't talk after what happened. I'm still upset this morning and he knows but he keeps saying that's how he talks to everyone but that he was sorry and that it didn't mean to come out like that. I really don't know what to do or if I'm overreacting too much. Link to comment
overthemoon86 Posted April 29, 2016 Share Posted April 29, 2016 but we really didn't talk after what happened. This ^^^^. You cannot expect someone to know how you feel if you do not tell them. If something is bothering you or you feel upset, you need to communicate that or else there is no way to arrive at a solution. You cannot be angry at someone if they do not know there is a problem. Everyone has different boundaries and you need to tell your boyfriend what you boundary is. Link to comment
Wiseman2 Posted April 29, 2016 Share Posted April 29, 2016 Calling you dumb is not foul language it's disparaging you. He apologized this time but tell him not to insult you or be disrespectful. Are you in a LDR? Have you met in person? Link to comment
j.man Posted April 29, 2016 Share Posted April 29, 2016 You're being treated as "one of the guys." Men have been cursing each out with absolutely nothing personal behind it since the dawn of video games. Obviously, as his girlfriend and not one of the guys, you're not too appreciative of it. Only way to work through it is to talk about it. Link to comment
Wolfshook Posted April 29, 2016 Share Posted April 29, 2016 I dont see a problem here, I have fwb relationship currently with girl with whom I'm playing games with, we call each other dumb all the time when we play, it's that competitive side, nothing bad and we mean nothing bad to each other. This is good thing for us, since we communicate a lot and this is chance to vent off, I'd love to have chance to do that in my future relationships, we have so much less bad blood in between us. Link to comment
ParisPaulette Posted April 29, 2016 Share Posted April 29, 2016 Sorry, your boyfriend needs to learn social skills. He can talk like to "everybody" and sooner or later he's going to get the crap beat out of him for it or worse. Nope, tell him he either gets some manners with you or you'll find a guy who will. And don't put up with bullying when you're gaming period. It's one thing when everyone knows you're all smack talking each other, but the kind of crap you're describing? Yeah, my son is a mod on a particular game, people get banned for that. Tell him to be respectful at all times or you're done. P.S. Not saying your boyfriend will become abusive, but name calling is one of the early signs and it's one of those boundaries that I think people should not cross generally. Name calling can lead to worse, so never put up with it from anyone. Link to comment
MEOrtega Posted April 29, 2016 Author Share Posted April 29, 2016 Hi thanks for replying but no we're not an LDR, we actually live with waking distance of each other Link to comment
bulletproof Posted April 29, 2016 Share Posted April 29, 2016 It's not demeaning words he'll just be like "what the (my name)" usually. But last night he called me a dumb while playing a game. The first example, in my opinion, is not a big deal. The second one would bother me, though. I think you should tell him that if it happens again, you're done. Link to comment
tattoobunnie Posted April 29, 2016 Share Posted April 29, 2016 My now hubby tried to called me bit*ch as a joke. I nipped that right in the BUD, and said, "um, hell no!" I won't even let him say the word, "Ti*s" around our kids. You just have to train him to not throw words like that around even if he's joking. Link to comment
Heather Dawn Posted April 29, 2016 Share Posted April 29, 2016 You're being treated as "one of the guys." Men have been cursing each out with absolutely nothing personal behind it since the dawn of video games. When my fiance and I play video games together, we talk so much sh*t to one another - it's awesome. It's part of the experience. Link to comment
j.man Posted April 29, 2016 Share Posted April 29, 2016 When my fiance and I play video games together, we talk so much sh*t to one another - it's awesome. It's part of the experience.Hey I'm with ya and you got my respect for seeing it for what it is and not taking it personally. It's been awhile since I've really gamed, but I remember I was playing Day-Z (zombie game) with some buds once. We all jumped off a roof to run away from a horde of zombies. One friend's character ended up breaking his leg and was stuck on the ground. Sorry but not sorry, hoss. Your boy and the rest of the goo crew booked it on outta there. You should have heard him over the microphone though. Being his best friend, I caught the brunt of it. "YOU ****!!! GET THE **** BACK HERE! I KNOW YOUR MOTHER! YOU'RE A GRADE A ****FACE! I HOPE YOU DIE ALONE!" It was a solid minute straight of him cussing me out and everyone else laughing. I just responded to it all with, "I'll never forget you!" Those were some great times. Link to comment
DancingFool Posted April 29, 2016 Share Posted April 29, 2016 I used to game and was always the only female on board. While we all cursed a lot, nobody ever cursed at another person and definitely no putting each other down, like calling each other dumb, etc. So I would guess that it depends on the group really. Personally, I think you need to draw a thick like in the sand and make it clear to your bf what that line is and that crossing it will have severe consequences. Cursing in general is one thing, but cursing at you or demeaning you in particular is off limits in any context. Link to comment
reinventmyself Posted April 29, 2016 Share Posted April 29, 2016 All that really matters here is if you have given this some serious thought and it still bothers you, then it bothers you. I don't think it's much to ask for. Link to comment
Sportster2005 Posted April 29, 2016 Share Posted April 29, 2016 Communicate clearly to him what is, and what isn't acceptable to you. By saying he's joking or that's just the way he talks to people is dismissive. Link to comment
Heather Dawn Posted April 29, 2016 Share Posted April 29, 2016 Hey I'm with ya and you got my respect for seeing it for what it is and not taking it personally. It's been awhile since I've really gamed, but I remember I was playing Day-Z (zombie game) with some buds once. We all jumped off a roof to run away from a horde of zombies. One friend's character ended up breaking his leg and was stuck on the ground. Sorry but not sorry, hoss. Your boy and the rest of the goo crew booked it on outta there. You should have heard him over the microphone though. Being his best friend, I caught the brunt of it. "YOU ****!!! GET THE **** BACK HERE! I KNOW YOUR MOTHER! YOU'RE A GRADE A ****FACE! I HOPE YOU DIE ALONE!" It was a solid minute straight of him cussing me out and everyone else laughing. I just responded to it all with, "I'll never forget you!" Those were some great times. Hahaha! I mean, it's part of the fun! I remember playing Borderlands 2 with Chris (split screen), and we would be sitting there together, SCREAMING things like, "WHAT THE F*CK, *SSHOLE?! GET OVER HERE AND COVER ME!" or "OH MY F*CKING GOD, YOU SUCK SO HARD!" LOL Link to comment
j.man Posted April 29, 2016 Share Posted April 29, 2016 we would be sitting there together, SCREAMING things like, "WHAT THE F*CK, *SSHOLE?! GET OVER HERE AND COVER ME!" or "OH MY F*CKING GOD, YOU SUCK SO HARD!"That's true love right there. Normally I'm all for sitting down and compromising, but if you're injecting yourself into your partner's game / activity with your partner's friends, the burden's kinda on you to either take it or leave it. I wouldn't go to my girlfriend's brunch and mimosa book club meeting (I'm cringing as I type this) and tell my girlfriend I don't appreciate hearing her and her friends venting about men in a generalized way. I think it's fine to try to work something out if there's a certain one or two things he's saying that you don't appreciate, but if he and his friends are spending the whole time having a go at each other in good fun, I think it's unreasonable for you to expect him to be telling his friend to **** off in jest one second and throwing out a "love you, sweetie" to you the next. Maybe nix playing competitive video games with each other and stick to something like Minecraft? Link to comment
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