Brokeninto Posted April 29, 2016 Share Posted April 29, 2016 Well.. Here goes nothing. I don't have anyone to talk to and hoping to get some insight. My mind is confused and my heart is completely shattered. The man I'm with is/was totally awesome. Great worker, best dad ever to our 2 kids. We have been one another's backbone and best friends. A couple days ago, my sister told me that when she was 13 .. She's 27 now..she had a crush on him and that she kept flirting with him one night and he began touching her. He was 23. She said she didn't think it would go that far but she let him do it anyway. She said she thought he'd get mad if she didn't. She then said one night that she spent the night with me..I was pregnant with my son.. He and her had sex on my couch. He took her virginity! She said that this continued for almost 2 years! It was times she stayed with me. I would have never dreamed this would have happend. How could I? I thought he seen her as a little sister..she said he went to try one evening and she finally said no. She said because she had a boyfriend..Nothing was said. She did tell me that he came to her crying one day and apologized for what he done. Whether he was truely sorry or didn't want her to tell.. I don't know. When she told me this a couple days ago, I broke to my knees. This happend 13 years ago and I'm just finding out!i wish she had told me years ago! I told her she wasn't to blame at all. She is a changed girl now, she goes to church and a strong relationship with god. I know she wouldn't lie. I'm scared to bring this up to him. I know he will deny it. He comes in everyday from work and I can't even look at him. How do you begin to confront this to someone whom you thought was the love of your life?? We have been together almost 18 years and we have a 15 year old and a 2 year old. He's the breadwinner, I'm a stay at home mom. I do own my own home though. I don't think I could forgive him for something like this, even if I knew he deeply regretted it. Not only was she my sister. She was 13!! I know she was a rebel then but tht doesn't matter. Help! How can I talk to him? How can I go on? What do I do? Link to comment
Seraphim Posted April 29, 2016 Share Posted April 29, 2016 Well, what happened to her is rape. She was far far far below the age of consent. Any normal man knows you don't have sex with children. He is a criminal. Personally , for myself he would be gone and I would be divorcing him. Link to comment
Man with Dog Posted April 29, 2016 Share Posted April 29, 2016 I know the question of age of consent is a tricky one. In my view, she was as much to blame as he was. I think the average 13 year old girl knows that flirting with someone inappropriate is playing with fire. What she may not have known is that men can be vulnerable when their wives are pregnant or they have just given birth. It couldn't have been that "terrible" at the time because she kept coming back for more. I don't think she was some sort of innocent victim. Maybe you can sweep it under the carpet because it happened a long time ago but you are perfectly within your rights to have nothing to do with either your husband or sister. It is up to you whether she wants to pursue a legal case against him. I would regard it as somewhat hypocritical but she has a legal right to do so if she wishes. Link to comment
Capricorn3 Posted April 29, 2016 Share Posted April 29, 2016 I know the question of age of consent is a tricky one. In my view, she was as much to blame as he was. I think the average 13 year old girl knows that flirting with someone inappropriate is playing with fire. What she may not have known is that men can be vulnerable when their wives are pregnant or they have just given birth. It couldn't have been that "terrible" at the time because she kept coming back for more. I don't think she was some sort of innocent victim. I have to admit I am rendered almost speechless when reading the above. I can't believe what I am seeing/reading. Just wow ......... Link to comment
Brokeninto Posted April 29, 2016 Author Share Posted April 29, 2016 Apparently she has forgiven him..maybe he's forgiven himself and has blocked it from his mind.. Maybe even god has forgiven him. I don't think I can. I know I can't look at him the same. I feel like 18 years of my life has been wasted. I've laughed, cried, cared for our kids and have had sex with this man.. Not knowing what happend years ago. It hurts me physically. He had been molested by an uncle when he was 10. Never got help. But he should have known better. I'm just sick. Link to comment
missmarple Posted April 29, 2016 Share Posted April 29, 2016 I think the average 13 year old girl knows that flirting with someone inappropriate is playing with fire. And the average 23yo man should NOT sleep with a 13yo girl no matter how much she's flirting with him. His gf's sister, too! There's no excuse for what he did. Definitely a divorce and I would even consider pressing charges against him if the sister is willing to testify. Who knows if he hasn't done it again with some other kid? Link to comment
Seraphim Posted April 29, 2016 Share Posted April 29, 2016 I really REALLY hope you don't have any daughters . As someone who was raped at 13 by a relative I could not in all conscience even look at someone like that. Ugh. Link to comment
Seraphim Posted April 29, 2016 Share Posted April 29, 2016 I know the question of age of consent is a tricky one. In my view, she was as much to blame as he was. I think the average 13 year old girl knows that flirting with someone inappropriate is playing with fire. What she may not have known is that men can be vulnerable when their wives are pregnant or they have just given birth. It couldn't have been that "terrible" at the time because she kept coming back for more. I don't think she was some sort of innocent victim. Maybe you can sweep it under the carpet because it happened a long time ago but you are perfectly within your rights to have nothing to do with either your husband or sister. It is up to you whether she wants to pursue a legal case against him. I would regard it as somewhat hypocritical but she has a legal right to do so if she wishes. It doesn't matter if she was naked hoola hoop dancing. He was WRONG. He committed a criminal offense. Link to comment
Brokeninto Posted April 29, 2016 Author Share Posted April 29, 2016 She's not pressing charges. She held it back for years because she didn't want to break up our family. Like I said she has forgiven him. I guess after him, she slept with others as well, apparently they were older men. She has forgiven herself. I forgave her for not telling me sooner. That's the only thing she did wrong was not telling me when it happens. I feel awful because she was in my home. Link to comment
Seraphim Posted April 29, 2016 Share Posted April 29, 2016 The fact is most sexually abused people don't tell anybody it's happening. That is not their fault either. Link to comment
Brokeninto Posted April 29, 2016 Author Share Posted April 29, 2016 And she doesn't look at it as though she was sexual abused. She said she was just a wild teen with a crush and she instigated it.. Even though I told her it didn't matter. He was in the wrong Link to comment
agent1607307371 Posted April 29, 2016 Share Posted April 29, 2016 Then you need to start thinking if you want to be with someone who would cheat on you, with your sister, for two years. If you want to be with someone who would rape an underage girl ( forgiveness or not, legally it's rape) in your home for two years. If he'll do that, what else will he do? Link to comment
Seraphim Posted April 29, 2016 Share Posted April 29, 2016 And she doesn't look at it as though she was sexual abused. She said she was just a wild teen with a crush and she instigated it.. Even though I told her it didn't matter. He was in the wrong She is doing that to cover her pain. In fact she was sexually abused. Link to comment
Brokeninto Posted April 29, 2016 Author Share Posted April 29, 2016 That's what I know. How do I bring it up to him?? This is serious s***! Link to comment
Seraphim Posted April 29, 2016 Share Posted April 29, 2016 I would just say, " I know you raped my sister." Is there a point in beating around the bush? Link to comment
Man with Dog Posted April 29, 2016 Share Posted April 29, 2016 And the average 23yo man should NOT sleep with a 13yo girl no matter how much she's flirting with him. His gf's sister, too! There's no excuse for what he did. Definitely a divorce and I would even consider pressing charges against him if the sister is willing to testify. Who knows if he hasn't done it again with some other kid? Yes, I'm not suggesting that HE is an "innocent victim" either. I really believe that she knew what she was doing was wrong. Link to comment
Seraphim Posted April 29, 2016 Share Posted April 29, 2016 Yes, I'm not suggesting that HE is an "innocent victim" either. I really believe that she knew what she was doing was wrong. It is still his responsibility not to commit a crime. Link to comment
Man with Dog Posted April 29, 2016 Share Posted April 29, 2016 I really REALLY hope you don't have any daughters . As someone who was raped at 13 by a relative I could not in all conscience even look at someone like that. Ugh. I have a daughter and we have a great dad/daughter relationship. Although she has special needs, she was well aware at 13 and before that flirting with someone inappropriate was plain wrong. Now, yes, it is very true that not all 13 year-olds are the same. There are some (many?) that are very innocent but there are also others that are already promiscuous. Whilst it is true that, as the adult, the husband rightly takes more of the blame, the sister was also wrong and has admitted she instigated it. The real victim here is the original poster who was betrayed by both of them. Link to comment
Billie28 Posted April 29, 2016 Share Posted April 29, 2016 Yes, I'm not suggesting that HE is an "innocent victim" either. I really believe that she knew what she was doing was wrong. Many people abused know that what's happening to them is wrong. But as a child they can't think logically about it and often go to their abuser. This thread had been reported to higher authorities and IP address known. Investigations will proceed and the op hopefully does not support a paedophile husband and gets her children away from him asap. Link to comment
Man with Dog Posted April 29, 2016 Share Posted April 29, 2016 It is still his responsibility not to commit a crime. I agree. It is also his responsibility not to cheat on his wife. Link to comment
superfan Posted April 29, 2016 Share Posted April 29, 2016 I have a daughter and we have a great dad/daughter relationship. Although she has special needs, she was well aware at 13 and before that flirting with someone inappropriate was plain wrong. Now, yes, it is very true that not all 13 year-olds are the same. There are some (many?) that are very innocent but there are also others that are already promiscuous. Whilst it is true that, as the adult, the husband rightly takes more of the blame, the sister was also wrong and has admitted she instigated it. The real victim here is the original poster who was betrayed by both of them. The real victim here is the CHILD who was raped by a grown man. Sorry, but no matter whether she knew it was "wrong" to flirt or not, a thirteen year old does not have nearly the emotional maturity to make a decision about sex like that - especially with a 23 year old man. This is beyond disgusting and this man should be in jail. At the very least, OP, you should leave this man immediately. If she doesn't wish to press charges that is understandable (and might not even be possible if there is a statute of limitations on it) but can you really stay with a man who would take advantage of a young vulnerable child??? You have children of your own. Imagine a grown man did that to one of them. Get out now. Link to comment
Seraphim Posted April 29, 2016 Share Posted April 29, 2016 I have a daughter and we have a great dad/daughter relationship. Although she has special needs, she was well aware at 13 and before that flirting with someone inappropriate was plain wrong. Now, yes, it is very true that not all 13 year-olds are the same. There are some (many?) that are very innocent but there are also others that are already promiscuous. Whilst it is true that, as the adult, the husband rightly takes more of the blame, the sister was also wrong and has admitted she instigated it. The real victim here is the original poster who was betrayed by both of them. He is the grown up. And it doesn't matter diddly squat what she instigated. He was a grown man who should've said I'm married to your sister and you are a child go away. My comment about having a daughter was not for you but the OP. Link to comment
Recommended Posts
Archived
This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.