I'm afraid that I'm losing him

I've been seeing this guy for 3 1/2 years.. just about. Things haven't been easy but we've always gotten back on track...Its been really awkward lately. I know that He is overwhelmed trying to work extra jobs to handle things for his kids (his daughter is having a sweet 16 and his son is graduating & getting a car) He doesn't deal with stress well... Anyway, this "rough patch" started before that and has continued. I don't know what to do about it. He texts me on his way to work every morning but we rarely talk other than that, anymore. I see him maybe once or twice a week. This is someone I talked to all day every day and used to seeing at least 3 x a week for the last 3 years. I'm not sure how to handle it. I don't get close to anyone in the way that we got close. I don't want to lose him but I'm afraid I've been so pushy, that I may already have. I don't know what to do. Any advice?

You still see him so have you talked in person about his fading?

I've been seeing this guy for 3 1/2 years. He texts me on his way to work every morning but we rarely talk other than that, anymore. I see him maybe once or twice a week.

Short answer: don't take one of these "breaks" but continue as things are this family issues are over. I guess it's part of life that people with children need to put them first a lot of the time. It helps if they are the children of both people in a couple but this isn't always the case.

You still see him so have you talked in person about his fading?

I have tried to. I just don't know why I can't say the words. Emotional conversation is very hard for me...And I honestly don't know how to bring it up to him. I'm much better in text and he hates texts.. IDK what to do.

Stick with him. I've got custody of my kids, granted they are younger than his, but my exgirlfriend bailed....in part because I hit a patch where the kids had some things I had to take care of and it ate into time I could spend with her. When I did try and spend time with her, she didn't want to....and the rest is history.

Its difficult, on both of you, but the kids come first. Is there anything you can do to help him with his kids activities?

I agree that the kids come first for basic needs, nurture and love but! He can't see much of her or chat because it's one of their birthdays and one needs a car? Those are THE lamest excuses to have to "work overtime" I've ever heard.

No one bought me a car when I was growing up... I bought my own and my sweet 16 was limited to what my parents could afford on a regular work week wage.

Op: Seeing you twice week is still seeing you and it's still showing you interest somewhat. You need to figure out how to not get all emotional and learn how to self sooth before you have a chat with him about where your relationship is headed because after 3 and half years together he should know whether he wants to advance it to something more committed. Either that or you get to the stage of indifference to YOUR insecurity and you learn to be satisfied with what he is willing to give you. What is easier for you to accomplish?

Stick with him. I've got custody of my kids, granted they are younger than his, but my exgirlfriend bailed....in part because I hit a patch where the kids had some things I had to take care of and it ate into time I could spend with her. When I did try and spend time with her, she didn't want to....and the rest is history.

 

Its difficult, on both of you, but the kids come first. Is there anything you can do to help him with his kids activities?

I'm sorry to hear that. I think the thing that I love MOST about him is, his urgency for his kids. I would never want to come first. Especially being a mother.

When he is stressed, he shuts down. Part of him shutting me out is my fault because I can be pushy.

I wish there was some way to help. It is more financial than anything else...He is such a great father - so I am trying but I can't help if he won't let me. I offered to take him to the spa the other day and he was supposed to be doing a job...he came back and went to play basketball instead.. That is what hurts - its like he just wants to block me out but won't say it.. I don't mind that he he can't spend time with me as much but sheesh it takes 20 seconds to text.. to call.

I think if you had offered to play basketball with him, he would have taken you up on the offer. I don't know of too many men that would give up something physical and fun to them to go to a spa. Spa's are for us, not them, I think.

So let me see, you dont want to loose a guy that you keep at arms length and you dont open up to and you only see 3 times a week for the past 3 years? What incentive have you given him to stay with you? You dont open up to him even after 3 years? If I was that guy I would be gone..

To me it sounds like this 'relationship' is a one way street. You know he hates Texts but yet you prefer it so he does it to please you. You dont talk about your feelings, there is a limit to how often you see one another and Im sure there are other little things so let me ask.. if you were this guy would you stay with you? It sounds like you two are using one another as time wasters. You are not alone, but not fully happy either.

You either learn to be comfortable being uncomfortable or you just have to let him go because its not fair to him.

I think if you had offered to play basketball with him, he would have taken you up on the offer. I don't know of too many men that would give up something physical and fun to them to go to a spa. Spa's are for us, not them, I think.

We've gone before.. He was supposed to go..And I would love to play with him but he plays with a team.. Maybe offer to go watch =/

We've gone before.. He was supposed to go..And I would love to play with him but he plays with a team.. Maybe offer to go watch =/

Yes... support him in his passions. Buy basketball tickets and offer him that. I would imagine he'd find the time.

... and please don't be thinking he'd rather play ball then be with you. If he plays on a team then he has an obligation to his team mates not to miss. Why would you book on a day that you knew he had to play? That's just setting yourself up to be disappointed, luv.

Offering to go as a spectator....I will tell you now that would be wonderful. I played in an 30+ baseball league in my city and would have loved someone coming to watch me play. Gives you that little extra incentive.

Do not discuss a relationship over texts and texting all day is not a relationship. You must speak with him about things in person. It shouldn't be an emotional conversation, just talk about whatever the real issue is. "I know that he is overwhelmed trying to work extra jobs to handle things for his kids"...If this already explains things, then it's a matter of adjusting to his other responsibilities.

I'm much better in text and he hates texts..

I'm much better in text and he hates texts.

This is probably one of the worst ways to communicate. You might think you're much better in text because it alleviates the anxiety of having to talk in person, but you're probably not better. It's crucial that you learn to communicate face to face, no?

And that, my friends on ENA, is partly why mine failed too.....communication was almost always via text...was her preferred method of communication. LOL...texting should only be done for stuff like quick updates or quick "I love you" or funny pictures.....nothing super serious. Save the serious stuff for face to face. Serious stuff via text....well....how do you read the tone? How do you know how the person feels? There's no way to properly respond to an "emotional" text because you may misinterpret the context of said text.

And that, my friends on ENA, is partly why mine failed too.....communication was almost always via text...was her preferred method of communication. LOL...texting should only be done for stuff like quick updates or quick "I love you" or funny pictures.....nothing super serious. Save the serious stuff for face to face. Serious stuff via text....well....how do you read the tone? How do you know how the person feels? There's no way to properly respond to an "emotional" text because you may misinterpret the context of said text.

I agree with the other members. Texting mostly, as apposed to seeing each other, isn't a good sign of a relationship. It takes away the personal intimacy a couple have, when they are having a conversation and seeing the reaction in each others eyes and expressions on faces. His sport is very important to him and is probably his downtime and part social get together with his team mates. Make a cake and take it to a match, then you can meet all the other team mates and it's a good way to break the ice and make you feel comfortable. You also need to sit a d talk to each other. Hope this makes sense.

I don't text. My wife does but leaves me voice messages instead. I find txt spk very difficult to read. Anything REALLY important I call or send an e-mail. There's not much you can say in 140 characters.

Offering to go as a spectator....I will tell you now that would be wonderful. I played in an 30+ baseball league in my city and would have loved someone coming to watch me play. Gives you that little extra incentive.

Great Idea !! THank you