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Feedback from the ladies


jjw1

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I have been with my girlfriend for almost 2 years we have lived together for a year when we have sex it is amazing, but lately it's been less frequent and has also stopped letting me see her naked. If the lights are off she is ok. She has admitted because she has lost some weight that some of the loose skin has made her feel less attractive. And she has commented on that her boobs that were quite large have gotten smaller. She has told me that it has nothing to do with me. Its just how she feels about herself. It has been more challenging to initiate sex it seems I have to catch things at the right moment or wait for her to initiate it. She also no longer likes to cuddle as much either. I tell her she looks pretty and that I find her to be very sexy. I love her regardless of her weight, it makes me feel like I have done something wrong even though she has to me its nothing I have done. Do I not try to initiate sex as often because when I try it leaves me frustrated. Help me out please!

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I agree... even if you are being sarcastic. I'm not a skin and bones model size but when we (the hubs and I) work out together it fuels the endorphins which are feel good hormones and then ...

 

Even having a good swim does the trick.

 

Going together means time together other then sitting on zee butt watching t.v. and not interacting in any productive way to stimulate the brain. "When you seduce a woman's mind, her body will follow."

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Start focusing on bringing the romance back. Stop focusing on her looks, weight, boobs, etc. even if she does. Start doing some things you did while dating and before living together. Make sure it's not getting dull and monotonous living together. Because connection and romance is not about a few pounds this way or that way.

I have been with my girlfriend for almost 2 years we have lived together for a year when we have sex it is amazing, but lately it's been less frequent. She also no longer likes to cuddle as much either.
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That may all be true, but the trouble with someone who is insecure and feels bad about themselves is that they won't see a gym membership as a feel good solution, but rather as an insult and full out validation or all their fears and insecurities, as in "see I knew he thinks I'm fat and ugly and here is proof". What you are proposing is a lot like pouring gasoline on an out of control fire.

 

Anyway, OP, don't know what to tell you other than just stay patient with her. Like don't insist on lights on, things like that. Other than maybe sit down and tell her what you said here - she turns you on and drives you wild and when she rejects sex, it really leaves you sad and frustrated and feeling rejected yourself like you are faulty and like she is not attracted to you. Maybe it will sink in for her and set off a light bulb in her head.

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That may all be true, but the trouble with someone who is insecure and feels bad about themselves is that they won't see a gym membership as a feel good solution, but rather as an insult and full out validation or all their fears and insecurities, as in "see I knew he thinks I'm fat and ugly and here is proof".
Oh that is not necessarily so. If he presents it to her and describes it to her in that way that I have presented it to him, it would not necessarily turn out the way you arbitrarily suggest that it will.

 

What you are proposing is a lot like pouring gasoline on an out of control fire.
I disagree. what you propose is akin to her having no ability to think other then the way you do.

 

Anyway, OP, don't know what to tell you other than just stay patient with her. Like don't insist on lights on, things like that. Other than maybe sit down and tell her what you said here - she turns you on and drives you wild and when she rejects sex, it really leaves you sad and frustrated and feeling rejected yourself like you are faulty and like she is not attracted to you. Maybe it will sink in for her and set off a light bulb in her head.
He's been telling her that she is sexy and trying to verbally convince her and it's not been working. However it may just help her confidence if he does that along with joining her in getting those feel good endorphins working. If you think discussing with her first before purchasing is a better idea Op, then by all means get that "Hey, lets do this for ourselves where we can spend good quality time together pumping our endophines" convo going.
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She mentioned she would like me to show her some exercises, I workout regularly and have equipment at home. I want her to exercise when she feels ready rather then making her feel forced or guilted into it. Wiseman2 I agree with what you are saying I don't focus on her looks etc. Other then to compliment her on how beautiful she is. We have talked about how she feels I'm going to continue to be patient and understanding, she was very secure with herself until recently. She said it's something she will need to work on, so if I need to relieve tension by taking matters into my own hands until she is ready then so be it. We do things as well to break up the mundane, I feel pushing to hard, or over doing the romance would would make it not feel special any longer.

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she mentioned she would like me to show her some exercises,
There ya go... the perfect in. Get onto showing her sooner rather then later because she will feel the difference in herself and her libido will be fueled because of it. You won't be forcing her if she's already asked you to show her.
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There ya go... the perfect in. Get onto showing her sooner rather then later because she will feel the difference in herself and her libido will be fueled because of it. You won't be forcing her if she's already asked you to show her.

I asked her to join me and she said maybe another time. So I think it's like the saying you can't help someone until they are ready to help themselves. I know the attraction is there because she has mentioned it to me. She just doesn't feel sexy herself and that in itself could be making it hard to be intimate with me. Im hoping slow and steady will win the race.

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I asked her to join me and she said maybe another time. So I think it's like the saying you can't help someone until they are ready to help themselves. I know the attraction is there because she has mentioned it to me. She just doesn't feel sexy herself and that in itself could be making it hard to be intimate with me. Im hoping slow and steady will win the race.
Well don't stop inviting her and showing her scientific proof about how endorphins work. Google it.

 

Good luck, I hope she comes around to your gentle invites.

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My wife and I are compatible in this way! We both hate our bodies. We hate our grey hair, etc, etc.

 

Neither of us are contemplating changing each other for younger models.

My wife sees everything that is a blemish or she feels is one on her body, where I do not see her that way at all. Sure after 30+ years we have changed I still see her as beautiful. I tell her and show her all the time. She says she loves me and I look good but I know I could lose 10 to 15 lb. But I do not obsess about it like seems to. How do you help a person with self image problems?

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