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He keeps disappearing then reappearing. Married man.


Belkin

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I got talking to a guy on a dating site, and I don't feel a connection with someone often. He ticked all the boxes of what I want in a man (or so I thought). I find it odd after 6 weeks that we haven't met or been out on a date. He hadn't even asked for my number.

 

So I basically said I was tired of wasting time and wanted to meet, and he tells me he is married and they haven't been happy for a while. I was shocked. He said he found out she was talking to some guy and so he got on here to see what else was out there but didn't expect to meet someone he liked.

 

So I told him to get his together and when he comes separated and if I am single we can meet and see what we could have. He said in the meantime he wanted to be friends. That didn't work out too well. He was always on this site and we got into a fight. I said I thought he was chatting up other women even though he basically told me he was falling for me and wanted to be with me and was going to leave his wife.

 

So we fell out and he ended up blocking me on the site but kept chatting through skype. We hadn't spoken in 2 weeks and then Friday before last he sent me "babe," on the site, so he unblocked me randomly. We spoke and he still said he wants me and everything but I need to be patient and everything, and then since last Sunday he hasn't said a word but is constantly online isn't he site, and last Sunday we got really carried away flirting and everything. He hasn't even read my message on the site and he is always on there.

 

What the hell is he doing?! I feel like he is purposely not opening my messages because he knows I'll know if he reads them. I don't know how i got so attached to someone online but I feel so down right now. He keeps disappearing and rhen reappearing. I find it hard to meet people because I have chronic health issues so I don't get out often and can't do a lot of social things. I wish I could just move on. I feel so stupid being thing attached to someone I haven't even met. I always feel so disappointed logging on and seeing he is online but ignoring my messages. His last excuse was he disappears because it's too hard to talk to me all the time.

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He is a typical cheater using an older than dirt line "I haven't been happy in my marriage for a long time." Let me make this very clear: He is just NOT that into you. Your situation actually ticks two categories from that book: "He is just not that into you if...he disapears a on you" and "He's ust not that into you if...he is dating/married to someone else."

 

You are a pleasant amusement for him, nothing more.

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I'm so sorry you're dealing with this right now. Even though you haven't met him doesn't mean that the pain and disappointment isn't real. I suggest blocking him on Skype and the dating site. Poof! Make him disappear for good. Give yourself a couple of days to mourn and get your head straight (truly you dodged a bullet here). Nothing good would come from a married man who spends so much time chatting w/ women on dating sites. Sounds like a...loser to be honest.

 

Anyway, keep talking to other men on the dating sites, just have a good time getting to know other people and eventually someone great for you will come along. Best of luck!!

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Do you really need a message board to tell you this is a recipe for disaster?

 

Surely he can't be all the only guy in the world who checks off all the boxes on your checklist? And if he is, you need to get a new checklist (and add "single" to it.).

 

I personally don't understand how you can get this way over someone you've never even met in person, probably because it's never happened to me. Either way, sorry if I sound harsh but I have no patience for women who go after married men...I'm a girl's girl and that sort of thing should be off limits, I don't care how unhappy he says he is, or how he just wants to be "friends".

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What exactly do you expect him to do? I mean, you know he is married and that he is looking to cheat (and most likely already cheating) on his wife, and instead of blocking his a$$ and moving on with life, you are wanting him to...what? Divorce his wife so he can be with you? Would you really, really like to be with such a man? Let's not forget the fact that you two haven't even met in person, so nobody is falling for nobody, it's just a silly fantasy with no ties to reality what so ever!

 

I sympathise with you re: dealing with a chronic health issue, but this should be an extra reason to be careful whom you associate with, and avoid that kind of trash at all costs! Do you really need the extra anxiety, heartaches and potential STDs a relationship with this creep would bring into your life?

 

Block him and be done with him. He keeps appearing and disappearing because you are just a little bit of entertainment for him, gullible and still willing to engage with him even after knowing he is a cheater. In case it needs to be said, he doesn't have any kind of feelings for you, he is the typical cheater on dating sites - those sites are chock full of them.

 

Be smart and do the right thing for yourself and for everyone involved (wife, kids).

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Good grief.....he is a textbook cheater, feeding you standard bs lines and you are seriously falling for this?????

 

Yikes, get your head screwed back on straight, block the scum and get on with your life. As for the whole he ticks all the boxes....HE IS A LIAR....of course he can spin whatever tale you want to hear. Don't be a fool who buys this crock.

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I know he is a disaster. It was more so how to move on. I know he's a piece of work, I just can't seem to turn off the emotional connection I made. I am hoping he doesn't try and come back again. I'm just a decent person. It makes no sense to me someone would make up so much crap and pretend to be falling for someone. Just seems crazy to me. He's 35 too. You'd think someone would have grown up.

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Also I'd like to add I never went after a married man. I didn't know he was married for 6 weeks. When I found out i said we should see what we could have when he was single. We talked as friends. That didn't work out. This post is more so how to move past the emotional attachment than wanting to be with this guy. I know what he is.

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How to move on: 1. Block him on anything he can contact you on. Don't undo this block.

2. Find other guys to chat with and meet on the dating sites (get back into the dating scene).

3. Plan other things to occupy your time.

4. Remind yourself what a lame a$$ he is every time you start to miss him/wonder about him, etc.

 

Best of luck!!

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Drama a can seem like a bond....but it isn't, it's fiction just like at the movies. It's part of the game to pull you in. So realize the connection is fiction like a movie and then begin to message other guys.

I just can't seem to turn off the emotional connection I made.
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Upon hearing that he is married, what exactly made you keep engaging with this guy.

 

That's the issue....YOU, address it!

 

Think about it, even best case scenario and you end up with him.....he will only do what he did to his wife TO YOU.

 

I doubt that you want that.

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The bond may feel real, but recognize at least rationally that it's built on pure fiction. You've never even met the man and you now know what kind of sleaze he is. As for why would anyone do it? The world of chock full of bad people who have fun preying on the weak and naive and lonely.

 

Block him from everything. Absolutely no further contact of any kind. Then maybe just get away from the computer, go out more, spend more time with friends, do something new - try a new hobby, volunteer for something, join a hobby sports team or hiking group or whatever interests you. In short, get out and get busy and get some new fresh faces into your life so you don't feel so lonely and vulnerable.

 

That done, recognize this as a serious lesson. When it comes to online, don't ever engage into extensive chatting. Exchange a couple of e-mails and meet face to face - coffee, pub, something easy and public where you can see each other and see how you actually get on in real life. If someone is not willing to meet, drop them quickly and move on to other matches. Someone who is serious about dating and meeting is not going to drag their feet. Even if they are busy, they'll tell you when they'll be free exactly and schedule a concrete date.

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I know he is a disaster. It was more so how to move on. I know he's a piece of work, I just can't seem to turn off the emotional connection I made. I am hoping he doesn't try and come back again. I'm just a decent person. It makes no sense to me someone would make up so much crap and pretend to be falling for someone. Just seems crazy to me. He's 35 too. You'd think someone would have grown up.

 

But what is your responsibility in this?

First red flag - He wasn't asking to meet you, yet kept it an electronic relationship.

 

When he disclosed he was married you made a vague attempt to set a boundary, telling him to not contact you unless he was single. Instead you agreed to a `friendship.' In no time you noticed he was still on this website chatting up other women.

 

No one forced you to continue a friendship with a married, electronic 'friend' who was very likely doing the same with other women. You made the choice to continue. Knowing the risks (and ignoring them) you allowed yourself to go forward and develop feelings for him, but he's the bad guy?

 

Is he a bad guy?. .yep.

Do you need to learn to make better choices and not befriend married men who complain about how unhappy they are and in turn develop feelings for them?

Absolutely.

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Gosh what do these cowards get from hiding behind a computer at home? It's not even a full blown affair.

 

Oh but they do get something: ego boosts (albeit fake), they still get to experience the thrill of the chase even if it's not the real thing, and at the end of the day they can still pat themselves on the backs and tell themselves they've still got it.

Plus, who's to say he limits himself to cyber affairs only? Chances are that, if the woman on the other end is willing and preferably close-by, he will meet her in person and have sex. Some cheaters are content to staying hidden behind their computer screens, while others take the cheating into the real world.

 

It doesn't matter what drives him to do what he does. All that matters is that you have to protect yourself from this type of predators and not have anything to do with them, not even under the guise of "friendship". Do you really think guys like him can be anyone's friend?

 

You're saying he is at his second marriage, and look at him, he's on online dating sites daily posing as single and picking up women. Do you really think this creep will ever change? Please....

 

Another poster gave you a step by step list as to how to move on and forget him. I will add one last one: every time you're tempted to entertain such jerk, just picture yourself in his wife's shoes, and picture how you would feel if your husband was trolling dating sites for sex. That should do it.

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