Scheduling a 5th date

Our 4th date was on Saturday night. Had a good time. I wanted to schedule a 5th date and she said Monday or Tuesday but we'll play it by ear. I just messaged her (it's afternoon here) having small talk asking how her day is going.

I then asked what her plans were for the night. She said she's staying in and wants to rest because she's tired, which I believe, because of her work. I cut it short and told her I just wanted to check up on her and that we'll talk later tonight.

I do not like that fact that I have to initiate to schedule a 5th date. I mean, she could have easily said, lets meet tomorrow or the day after instead, or am I overthinking this? Should I call her tonight and casually talk and schedule a 5th?

Do not come between a woman and her sleep. She said monday or tuesday.. Whats the big deal?

Do not come between a woman and her sleep. She said monday or tuesday.. Whats the big deal?

Haha no big deal. Thing is I am still hanging, nothing is confirmed for tomorrow. I like to know where I stand rather than left hanging

I feel ya. Maybe she is a more spontanious person or she sounds busy in her life. Give her some space.

Ok she said maybe Monday or Tuesday, but Monday has pretty much already passed right? And she hasn't indicated at all about a suitable day / time for a 5th date. It feels like she's not interested enough, especially when she said she wanted to play it by ear.

If you genuinely want to see someone, you lock in a date, men or women.

Ok she said maybe Monday or Tuesday, but Monday has pretty much already passed right? And she hasn't indicated at all about a suitable day / time for a 5th date. It feels like she's not interested enough, especially when she said she wanted to play it by ear.

 

If you genuinely want to see someone, you lock in a date, men or women.

2nd, 3rd and 4th dates were somewhat similar. We would not lock in a date per se. It would be between 2 dates and when the time comes we confirm. That said, if she's not interested, why can't she just simply say so. If not face to face, over text rather than keep me hanging. Besides, her texts were not dry or one word answers. I doubt she's not interested.

My concern now if I should call later tonight to schedule a date or just let it go and wait for her to initiate. Wednesday through Friday wont work for either of us. So it's either Tuesday (tomorrow), or weekend onwards.

Yes, try to keep all the chit-chat to a minimum and focus on setting up the date with some advanced notice and a concrete plan on where, when, etc..vague questions about what are you doing now, tonight, etc. are confusing. Stick with an advanced plan.

I wanted to schedule a 5th date and she said Monday or Tuesday but we'll play it by ear. Should I call her tonight and casually talk and schedule a 5th?

Personally, if it were me? I'd contact her but only to say Tuesday doesn't work for me. Let me know by Thursday if you want to go out with me.

If she ignores you? You know how she feels. And move on.

If she responds with interest, you also know.

Personally, if it were me? I'd contact her but only to say Tuesday doesn't work for me. Let me know by Thursday if you want to go out with me.

 

If she ignores you? You know how she feels. And move on.

 

If she responds with interest, you also know.

I see your angle and I like it. Only thing is Wednesday through Friday neither of us are free which will push it to Saturday, which is OK, but honestly I don't want to wait that long.

Edit: Re-thinking about it, I will call, but won't talk about scheduling a date. I'll see where that goes.

If that's the only time that works mutually you'll have to go with it. Being impatient and last minute will get you the "busy, get back to you can we reschedule" response.

Only thing is Wednesday through Friday neither of us are free which will push it to Saturday, which is OK, but honestly I don't want to wait that long.

Yes....playing passive aggressive games will get you sooo far....*eyeroll*.....

You are both busy. So early on, no reason to be pushing for more time than weekends. Set up the date for Saturday, so that you both can focus on your week ahead. If you want her to plan a date, then say so. She is not a mind reader and most women are pounded to death about how they must be passive and not take the lead because men don't like it when women lead. For all she knows, you are perfectly happy doing what you are doing. Communicate and be clear.

It's not passive aggressive to put the ball in her court. Instead of being shot down again and gain for being too interested.

Let her tell you that she wants to go out by Thursday, no further communication until hearing from her. If she doesn't respond, then she is not worth your time anymore. If she does respond, then you have a date.

You've told her you'll talk later tonight. I would call her but leave it up to her to talk about whether she's free tomorrow or not. You've already done plenty..asked for the 5th date and messaged her today although she's the one who wasn't sure about the day. If she doesn't mention the next date, it means she's not interested.

You've told her you'll talk later tonight. I would call her but leave it up to her to talk about whether she's free tomorrow or not. You've already done plenty..asked for the 5th date and messaged her today although she's the one who wasn't sure about the day. If she doesn't mention the next date, it means she's not interested.

That's exactly what I'm planning. Gonna call her to see how she's feeling, and won't mention another date. I'll see what she says.

Though I'd rather her be clear if she's not interested versus letting me mind-read her.

Though I'd rather her be clear if she's not interested versus letting me mind-read her.

Well, 'not interested' comes in many shapes and forms. There's the 'I can't stand him', the 'he's ok if I have nothing better to do', the 'I'll keep going out with him because he's nice and I may start liking him more'..etc, etc, etc. Very rarely, someone will tell you exactly what's on their mind in the first stages of dating. Their actions, though, will show you everything you need to know if you pay attention.

Oh, I used to hate that kind of a potential date. Someone looking for a better option until the last minute instead of deciding you are the best option in advance. It puts you in competition with watching paint dry, clipping toenails, ANYONE else want a date besides him?

No thanks

Both of you being too busy and playing hard to get isn't going to go anywhere. Also calling just to chat like on of her gal-pals without a purpose, such as scheduling the next meet-up, is the quickest route to the friend-zone.

Gonna call her to see how she's feeling, and won't mention another date.

Both of you being too busy and playing hard to get isn't going to go anywhere. Also calling just to chat like on of her gal-pals without a purpose, such as scheduling the next meet-up, is the quickest route to the friend-zone.

Neither of us is playing hard to get. At least I'm not. How many times do I have to ask for a next date? I made it clear.

And I'm not calling without a purpose. I'd want to see how she's acting, if she changed attitudes. Based on that I can tell if she's losing interest.

Yes....playing passive aggressive games will get you sooo far....*eyeroll*.....

 

You are both busy. So early on, no reason to be pushing for more time than weekends. Set up the date for Saturday, so that you both can focus on your week ahead. If you want her to plan a date, then say so. She is not a mind reader and most women are pounded to death about how they must be passive and not take the lead because men don't like it when women lead. For all she knows, you are perfectly happy doing what you are doing. Communicate and be clear.

You've told her you'll talk later tonight. I would call her but leave it up to her to talk about whether she's free tomorrow or not. You've already done plenty..asked for the 5th date and messaged her today although she's the one who wasn't sure about the day. If she doesn't mention the next date, it means she's not interested.

Just an update:

I called and spoke on Monday night for a good 20-30 mins to check on her. I (purposely) did not bring up when we'd meet next, nor did she. No contact happened on Tuesday or Wednesday.

I called on Thursday to arrange a date for Friday. She couldn't make it, and said lets do Sun/Mon instead and we'll confirm. I don't like how she can't lock in a day. That said, the past 4 dates were the same - we confirm the date a day in advance or the same day in the morning. We continued talking for a bit before hanging up. Side note - on the phone she sounded genuine and wanted to talk, not trying to make the call short.

I feel like I am more interested in her than she is in me. It's like 65%-35%. Me being 65%. I just want clarity. If she's not interested, fine, it will sting a bit, but don't keep me hanging. Frankly I don't want to lose her, i enjoy my time with her, she's fun, attractive, funny.

I guess I will check in on her again on Saturday to confirm. Should I mention that she's been recently off?

Just an update:

 

I called and spoke on Monday night for a good 20-30 mins to check on her. I (purposely) did not bring up when we'd meet next, nor did she. No contact happened on Tuesday or Wednesday.

 

I called on Thursday to arrange a date for Friday. She couldn't make it, and said lets do Sun/Mon instead and we'll confirm. I don't like how she can't lock in a day. That said, the past 4 dates were the same - we confirm the date a day in advance or the same day in the morning. We continued talking for a bit before hanging up.

 

I guess I will check in on her again on Saturday to confirm. Should I mention that she's been recently off?

 

I feel like I am more interested in her than she is in my. It's like 65%-35%. Me being 65%. I just want clarity. If she's not interested, fine, it will sting a bit, but don't keep me hanging.

To me, it's obvious she's not interested. You're the one who has to do all the chasing here. What more clarity do you need when you're always the one getting in touch and she won't even agree to your suggestions? The girl will go out with you if she has nothing better to do, that's all.

You don't have to tell her anything..you're not in a relationship and she doesn't have to explain herself to you. It's up to you if you're ok with the breadcrumbs she's throwing your way.

To me, it's obvious she's not interested. You're the one who has to do all the chasing here. What more clarity do you need when you're always the one getting in touch and she won't even agree to your suggestions? The girl will go out with you if she has nothing better to do, that's all.

You don't have to tell her anything..you're not in a relationship and she doesn't have to explain herself to you. It's up to you if you're ok with the breadcrumbs she's throwing your way.

I guess you have a valid point and I may be in denial. it's just the 4 dates went very well. I don't understand how a switch of un-interest came into play, assuming that's the case.

I guess you have a valid point and I may be in denial. it's just the 4 dates went very well. I don't understand how a switch of un-interest came into play, assuming that's the case.

Have those 4 dates happened in the same way? I mean, with you always initiating? And where did you meet this girl?

Have those 4 dates happened in the same way? I mean, with you always initiating? And where did you meet this girl?

The first date I initiated. The others were kind of mutual. Can't really point a finger on who initiated it. It was similar to this one. And like I mentioned, we always confirmed the date a day before or the same morning because of our busy schedules.

We met through distant mutual friends. We've known each other for 3 weeks.

The others were kind of mutual. Can't really point a finger on who initiated it. It was similar to this one.

If they were similar to this one, they were hardly 'mutual'. Your first post was 5 days ago and you still don't have a day for your next date. Honestly, it feels like she's just stringing you along.

Have you kissed?

If they were similar to this one, they were hardly 'mutual'. Your first post was 5 days ago and you still don't have a day for your next date. Honestly, it feels like she's just stringing you along.

Have you kissed?

Haha yea we have. I don't wait more than 3 dates to kiss. I kissed on the second date. We made out and then she backed away. She didn't back away with a 'what are you doing' face, she backed away with a big smile on her face and giving me the 'no finger gesture', and said something along the lines of "let's know each other a bit more", then grabbed my hand and interlocked hard.

I played it slow on 3rd and 4th for obvious reasons and planing to kiss on the 5th