He wants space?!

I was in a long distance relationship with someone I was heads over heels with. The beginning of last week I had a message on Twitter from a girl telling me that she'd spent the whole evening messaging my boyfriend, he'd been asking her for photos, her number, was she on what's app. He'd been odd with me all that night, so I decided to call him the day after to ask about it. He denied all of it saying she'd messaged him. Then the girl sent me screenshots of the conversation.

I called him up on it, he refused to answer his phone or texts. I was obviously heartbroken. I sent him a message basically laying my heart on the line, telling him I was hurt, but I wanted to work through it.

On Friday morning I called him, no answer so text him saying 'can we talk this through please?' His reply 'no. I don't want to hurt you ever and that's already happened. I can't deal with it'. I said it was hurting me more not speaking to him. He ignored that, and the please answer your phone text. I tried to call him twice and he declined both times.

I text and said 'is this us done then?' After 2 hours I saw he was online on what's app, so pressed call, he text immediately saying 'if you want me to tell you it's over you're going the right way about it!' So I put 'I want to speak to you as 2 adults, if you're not prepared to answer the phone I'm going to drive down to see you to talk it over'. (He's about 3/4 hours away)

He replied immediately with 'it's not happening, don't waste your time, if you do we are definitely over'. 20 minutes later he sent 'I need some space. I hate confrontation and I won't appreciate you turning up. I have work to do this afternoon and this isn't helping'.

I've not sent or heard anything since then, Friday morning. What I don't understand is how has he turned this into him being about him? I'm sitting here, at 35 genuinely confused. I'm taking it as a break up, and have decided NC is the best way to go. Blocked him on my phone and all social media, but not sure where to go now. I'm actually heartbroken!

He got caught! He is likely dating you and her. He doesn't want you visiting because he is currently with her.

Sorry, but he fooled both of you and got caught. Ignoring you is because he doesn't want confrontation because he doesn't care enough about you or even at all.

Ditch the loser, he won't care but do it for yourself.

This is the thing, I've been in contact with her, she says it was a one night message thing. I'm not saying he's not messing with others because he probably was/is but definitely not that one!

I would break up with him immediately. He's not as into you as you are into him. The fact that you keep reaching out to him asking to work things out, even though he is the one who cheated or at least disrespected you by hitting on another woman, indicates you have low standards. And that no matter what he does, you are so into him, that you will never leave. I think this makes him feel smothered and like he needs space.

Just leave it. Let him do the pleading, if he can be bothered.

I would break up with him immediately. He's not as into you as you are into him. The fact that you keep reaching out to him asking to work things out, even though he is the one who cheated or at least disrespected you by hitting on another woman, indicates you have low standards. And that no matter what he does, you are so into him, that you will never leave. I think this makes him feel smothered and like he needs space.

I reached out to him as I felt he owed me an explanation. He's got all the space he needs, he's a 4 hour drive away! We only saw each other every other weekend as it was. I'm not taking him back, I just wanted a bit of advice on it!

He doesn't want "space", he just doesn't want a headache.

The bottom line is he doesn't care.

Don't take it personally as he is clearly a loser.

Just say for arguments sake that she was a "one off", he would be driving up to see you so as not to lose you. He isn't doing that!

That's exactly what I'm thinking. If he was bothered, he'd be fighting for it. He's not, which speaks volumes. Thank you tho

Sounds like a nasty way to break up. Unfortunately, he's telling you it's over regardless of any girl on twitter. Block him on your phone and social media and go NC. Confronting him in person is not really a good idea.

I was in a long distance relationship. I had a message on Twitter from a girl telling me that she'd spent the whole evening messaging my boyfriend. His reply 'no. I don't want to hurt you ever and that's already happened. I can't deal with it'. he text immediately saying 'if you want me to tell you it's over you're going the right way about it!' if you're not prepared to answer the phone I'm going to drive down to see you to talk it over'. (He's about 3/4 hours away) He replied immediately with 'it's not happening, don't waste your time, if you do we are definitely over'..

Wow, I assumed he was a teenager or early 20-something. But assuming he's similar in age to you, it makes this even worse.

I think he's clearly done - you need to accept that and move on. He's a douche.

After reading the title of this thread, I was soooo hoping that he was an Astronaut and that he was torn between you and the stars. Man this is disappointing!

Yes, that's what I'm doing now. Sad, but definitely moving on! He's 40 in a few weeks! I think that's what is worse, I wanted an adult chat about it and got a response like a child throwing a tantrum!

Hahaha! That's made my day!!

When someone isn't answering your texts and calls...that's your answer. You don't need to insist upon getting closure or making the person say it...they're already saying it- with their silence.

He has the maturity of a bag of skittles.

Let this one go. It's time to buy a really nice bottle of wine, a pint of ice cream, watch 500 Days of Summer, and Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind...and be sad for night....then...get back out there and live and love your life.

Don't waste another thought on him. He's not your guy- he's not the kind of man you want to marry or be in a serious relationship with.

When someone isn't answering your texts and calls...that's your answer. You don't need to insist upon getting closure or making the person say it...they're already saying it- with their silence.

 

He has the maturity of a bag of skittles.

 

Let this one go. It's time to buy a really nice bottle of wine, a pint of ice cream, watch 500 Days of Summer, and Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind...and be sad for night....then...get back out there and live and love your life.

 

Don't waste another thought on him. He's not your guy- he's not the kind of man you want to marry or be in a serious relationship with.

 

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I've realised that the hard way sadly. I'm 36 in 3 weeks, and learnt the hard way. Sadly I wanted to talk it through, but as I've said I've deleted and blocked him on everything.

I've realised that the hard way sadly. I'm 36 in 3 weeks, and learnt the hard way. Sadly I wanted to talk it through, but as I've said I've deleted and blocked him on everything.

You've made he right decision

When someone wants to be with you and you're already in an established relationship, you know it without doubt. They call, they put in effort...they don't leave you wondering what's going on. They are consistent and steady.

What I hope you're taking away from this...is that...you were calling him to see if it was over. It shouldn't be that way. When someone treats you like that- you shouldn't care what they want, because you should already be out the door. It's important to raise your standards- if a partner isn't living up to what you what you expect from a partner, you should be walking away....not negotiating with him to try to get him to be a better partner. F that. In the beginning, a partner should be trying their best to get impress us- to put their best foot forward- show us that they're worthy (and we should be doing the same for them- being our best selves) and if someone at their best is showing you that they're an idiot...well...it's only going to get worse lol.

There are SO many great, kind, funny, smart single guys out there. Keep that mindset. When we start feeling like there are less options- "there's no good men left", that's when we starting settling for losers.

Head high.