Boyfriend never puts my wants first.

My boyfriend has never been big on texting but in the beginning and up to just a few months ago he would always find the time to talk to me at least every night to see how my day was and say goodnight. He doesn't always have a phone because he breaks them a lot but even when he doesn't he would always use Facebook or use someone else's phone. Starting about three months ago when he had a phone he stopped texting me or replying to me everyday and it would take him at least a day or two to reply. Now he doesn't have a phone and it's even worse. He always has an excuse like now he always says that he doesn't like asking people to use their phones but he use to always do it so I don't see why it's a problem now. I have talked to him countless of times and told him that it upsets me when he goes days without wanting to see how I am doing and he always says that he will try to do better but he never does. Now on Thursday he left to go snowboarding and I asked him to use his brothers phone to text me at least a couple of times while he is there and not wait until he gets back on Sunday. Well now it's Sunday and I have not heard from him once and I'm just so fed up with how i ask him to do something that makes me happy and he won't do it. I'm obviously not a priority to him and I don't know what to say to him when he does contact me. I feel like I have already said everything I could say but still nothing changes. My main concern is that he wasn't always like this he's not a big texter but he would always find a way and now everything has changed and I'm becoming really unhappy because I keep telling him that it hurts me but he doesn't do anything different so it makes me feel unimportant to him. What should I do?

How often do you guys see each other in person? How can he afford to go snow boarding but doesn't have a phone? How does he do daily life without a phone? How old are you two and how long have you been together?

Do you see each other in person? Is this a LDR? How long have you been dating?

My boyfriend has never been big on texting but in the beginning he would always find the time to talk to me at least every night to see how my day was and say goodnight. Starting about three months ago when he had a phone he stopped texting me or replying to me everyday and it would take him at least a day or two to reply. I'm obviously not a priority to him and I don't know what to say to him when he does contact me.

Maybe he feels like you are nagging him, which is what I would think if I was him. How often do you see each other? It does seem like you are not at the top of his priority list.

We have been together for almost three years and I am 19 he is 18. The whole phone situation is weird whenever he gets a phone he ends up breaking it within a couple of months. It's not that he can't afford it he's told me he just hates having a phone. We usually see eachother every weekend because I'm focused on school during the week.

Doesn't this sound like a lame excuse to you to not have to call, text or check in as often?

whenever he gets a phone he ends up breaking it within a couple of months. It's not that he can't afford it he's told me he just hates having a phone.

Yeah i guess but he's never really liked texting ever since before we became a couple and that never really bothered me it's just now in the past few months how he goes days without communicating and he never did that before

I mean maybe it does seem like I'm nagging him but how do I talk to him about this in a way that he will not feel that way?

Do you see each other in person? Find another text-buddy, you can't make him a textaholic if he doesn't like it...even to the extent that he tells you repeatedly that his phone is broken.

he's never really liked texting

Three years ago at 18/19 is a very different time.

It's tough to stay together through teens and into adulthood, but some do. The key seems to be giving each other room to grow and change, and being self reliant in terms of having a core group of friends and a life plan that inspires you and pulls you forward. Focus on these parts of your life.

If you need more communication, say so. Not as a fault of yours or of his. Simply, it is what you need. Everyone's needs are different, and also different at different times.

If it something you NEED, then you either change yourself so that your needs are satisfied some other way, or you find what you need somewhere else.

If it's something you WANT, then it's a value judgment to make for yourself.

Whatever the answer, you can change only yourself, so that is where you focus your mind on the solution.

I think your real question of him is, Do you still value this relationship?

If you were confident in that, does it matter if he calls you more frequently?

Are there ways he can invest in the relationship without calling that are more his preference?

Finally, just to help you think through these dynamics, Google the Five Love Languages. Also Google Co dependent relationships. Reading about both topics will inform your reflection.

Went through a similar thing with my ex, and had my anxieties raised through the roof. The cynic in me says dump him first. The optimist in me says dump him with a view to showing him what he's missing, and if you still love him then get back with him. Personally, the one good thing that happened when my ex dumped me was that all of the anxiety over whether or not she valued the relationship had gone, as I'd been given the proof that she didn't. With you, I'd say not to be afraid of losing him, as the more you try to force the issue, the more likely it is that you will, and if it's not something you can chill about then you really need to re-evaluate the relationship and consider whether he's right for you. Otherwise, and I'm really sorry to say this, but you're likely to get your heart broken because, even if he doesn't end it, you'll always be anxious as to whether he's as invested as you are, and that's just a remedy for madness.

Sounds like he breaks and loses his phone for good reason--he hates being tethered by one.