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Why would the girl in dating tell me this??


Xiomn

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We haven't been dating long so we're not exclusive. Slept over at hers a few times. Anyway today she was messaging me telling me how she is really happy because she is having fun dating other guys. She then went on to tell me straight after that she had her first ever one night stand with a guy.

 

Is she testing me? Confused as to why she would tell me, the guy she is dating, this... I wouldn't talk to a girl I'm dating about this.

 

I've been having trouble in the bedroom not being able to get it up for reasons so understandably she'd look elsewhere and I know we're not exclusive so have been playing it cool like I didn't care all that much when she told me about this stuff.

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That's pretty scummy, I'd walk away before things advance with her. She's either playing games and trying to make you jealous or just too stupid to realize that's an inappropriate thing to tell someone you're dating even if you're not exclusive. Either way you shouldn't put up with that.

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Wow. Rude. I would say friend-zone but even friends don't do this stuff. Hopefully you are dating others too...who have basic common sense.

Slept over at hers a few times. Anyway today she was messaging me telling me how she is really happy because she is having fun dating other guys. She then went on to tell me straight after that she had her first ever one night stand with a guy. I've been having trouble in the bedroom not being able to get it up for reasons so understandably she'd look elsewhere and I know we're not exclusive so have been playing it cool like I didn't care all that much when she told me about this stuff.
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Tell her its best she is screwing others because she's not attractive enough to you to be able to maintain an erection. O.o

 

J/K but it would be understandable if you were to stoop to her level.

 

Never mind, just dump her. She's not the type I would think you would want to bring home to meet mom.

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There are two possibilities.

 

1) You've got a very loose interpretation of "dating" this woman.

 

2) She just straight dookied on you.

 

Either way, it's probably best to call it a day. There's a big difference between "playing it cool" and volunteering to let her dog out while she goes to stay the night at a dude's house. Plenty of women out there, go through your dirty jean pockets, search under the couch, whatever it takes... but you gotta find that dignity you misplaced and invest your time and effort into a woman who's into you. You'll get 'em.

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We haven't been dating long so we're not exclusive. Slept over at hers a few times. Anyway today she was messaging me telling me how she is really happy because she is having fun dating other guys. She then went on to tell me straight after that she had her first ever one night stand with a guy.

 

Is she testing me? Confused as to why she would tell me, the guy she is dating, this... I wouldn't talk to a girl I'm dating about this.

 

I've been having trouble in the bedroom not being able to get it up for reasons so understandably she'd look elsewhere and I know we're not exclusive so have been playing it cool like I didn't care all that much when she told me about this stuff.

 

Op, I don't get it. You haven't been dating her for long. You're not exclusive. So, why in the world were you sleeping over at her place (multiple times), when you know that you're having problems in the bedroom?

 

You should have kept things public (dating) until you got your issue resolved. You could have easily diffused the problem by just telling her that you don't get intimate until you're in a relationship. That would have bought you some time.

 

Don't concentrate on her actions. She's history. Think more of how you handled this situation, which led to the unfortunate outcome. Don't repeat your mistakes.

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Uh-oh, I could hear the whip snapping as you described her conversation.

 

I'm going to be blunt here--RUN for the nearest exit. No, you aren't exclusive that's true. But someone who respects the people they're dating doesn't walk up and rub their face in it. She is trying to a) make you feel like crap by openly comparing you to other guys in a backhanded way or b) she really only sees you as a "friend" with a pair of cajones instead of breasts.

 

The things she's told you are things she would maybe tell a girlfriend, I get that. But to gloat in the face of a guy she's dating that she's banging other men and loving it? I'm sorry, but that's usually a tactic someone pulls when they want to see if you'll stand up for yourself, tell them to knock it off, or if you'll just quietly and meekly accept the collar of control and disrespect they're handing out to you.

 

My advice would be of course don't go out with her again. Block, delete, move on and for all that is sacred find someone who understands how to be discrete and show people some respect.

 

She doesn't. Way too much oversharing from her of the unnecessary variety with a good healthy dose of p-whipping to see if you'll come back for more.

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You need to figure out where your boundaries are in dating and potential relationships. With boundaries come respect. If you've let her cross a personal boundary and you don't stand up for yourself, then you've lost her respect and you're not respecting yourself. Be a good guy (respect yourself), not a nice guy (doormat) and tell her that what she's doing is not cool with you and say goodbye.

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Wow! Just wow! A little too much information!

I'm guessing that things been going up & down and then it just went down?! For her to tell you that? Could be out of spite, jealousy or down right revenge.

Whatever it is? You caught feelings, because your looking for answers from the public.

If you were never exclusive? Then don't duck her by not caring about it. Support her by telling her "to be careful and be safe about it. You never know what can come from it" and then move on with your life.

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This all depends on what you are looking for.

 

If you want a real exclusive relationship with someone you can trust and respects you then dump this girl.

 

If you want to mess around and have some fun she basically gave you the green light to use her as a booty call. If this is what you want buy a big box of condoms and go for it.

 

Lost

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Well...what you should do is dump her today.

 

What she did tell you is that you should wear a full body condom double bagged....make it triple bagged....any time you touch her. Also, get yourself tested for STD's and that is serious advice. You have no idea what she is carrying and sharing with many.

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You should sit down and decide on your boundaries. Are you usually ok with sleeping with people in a non-exclusive way? Personally, I'm not, but lots of people are. If you are and it is ok with you, then be careful healthwise. STDs are not a joke, there's pretty serious stuff out there. One of my exes recently got diagnosed with HepB, and that's a life-changing diagnosis.

 

As for the verbal and psychological insult that she was making by telling you about her other exploits... I think that'd be acceptable in a context of a well-defined polyamorous thing, like a group where everyone agrees on it and does it and it's ok. Otherwise it is a bit insulting... Maybe she does come from a polyamorous background like that, which is fine, but judging by your reaction, you wouldn't do yourself any favours by staying with that. Don't damage yourself, there is plenty of fish in the sea who'd treat you much nicer than that.

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This is going to come across as rude but oh well. Get something to help you get it up, wrap it up tight, knock the bottom out of it. Then tell her well I know why you need to bang so many guys. If that's all you got wouldn't none of them come back for another go round

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Without knowing her motivation it's hard to speculate why she would do this. If you give her the benefit of a doubt, she just might be super horny and just signalling you to come get some. She might see you as a friend.

 

If you suspect her intentions are malevolent, then it speaks for itself.

 

Or she could be entirely oblivious and sees her behavior as normal. And she probably seeks out people like herself and finds them. It takes all kinds to make the world go round.

 

You can ask her why she said it.

 

Or you can realize this is not normal for you, and you want nothing to do with it.

 

The shortest answer, nobody knows but her.

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I wouldn't cut her loose if I was you, just downgrade her meaning if she wants to see you again she must pay because you have no money. Or she has to come to your place because you have no money. So whenever she sees you she is coming out of her pockets and if she doesn't then it doesn't matter because you lost interest anyway.

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Well since we're not exclusive and I'm having trouble in the bedroom we've discussed about her being able to sleep with other guys, I just told her that while I don't mind this (I do really but that's not my concern since we're nowhere near the exclusive talk stage yet by any means so I just have to accept it I know.) that she not tell me about what she is getting up to in that regard because it makes me uncomfortable and I'd rather not know.

 

My only worry is I've been increasingly feeling worse about my inability to get it up and have sex with her. She tells me this gets her sexually frustrated because she finds me really attractive and wants to have sex with me. So she wants to sleep with other guys to fulfil her needs in the meantime.

 

I fear this might end up down an inevitable path eventually where she moves on from me completely because of this in favor of some other guy or she'll just lose interest me leading to me inevitably hurting myself but I do like her and that's the only barrier really.

 

Thanks for the responses.

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I hope you have seen a doctor for your issue and you are following their recommendations. Your physical and emotional health are important so letting the girl you are intersted in go out and have sex with other guys just so you can keep her in your life isn't something that will help your problem in my opinion.

 

Take care of yourself in all facets of your life and never eat your emotions, compromise your boundaries or be someone other than your true self just to have someone in your life.

 

Best wishes

Lost

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You may need to address this with a doctor whether it's psychological, physical, situation-related, etc. However, her beating you up about it and therefore justifying getting it elsewhere is making things 100x worse. She is extremely emasculating...and that certainly can't be helping. Why don't you date someone else..maybe you would have better results?

we've discussed about her being able to sleep with other guys, I just told her that while I don't mind this .My only worry is I've been increasingly feeling worse about my inability to get it up and have sex with her. She tells me this gets her sexually frustrated because she finds me really attractive and wants to have sex with me. So she wants to sleep with other guys to fulfil her needs in the meantime.
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