Prior to meeting my boyfriend he donated sperm to two lesbians. He was living with them at the time...long story short he had been on meth for years and wanted to straighten his life out. They gave him a place to stay in return for him donating to them. This has been suggested by his sister, who was bestfriends with one of the lesbians. They eventually formed a friendship and him and I had met through work.
We started dating and he was gradually spending most of his nights at my house. He had taken me to meet them and I was very open to the situation, I even got attached to the child. At this point he was known as Juan to the child, not Dad. I noticed when he was spending less time with them they began texting him saying they wanted to see more of him and also asked him if he would have a problem with the little one calling him Dad. He said he would not mind at all, and I wasn't positive that our relationship was a forever thing at that point...so I pretty much stayed out of that. The child was approximately 5 months around this time. Shortly there after I had found out I was pregnant and the women began messaging me about how exicted they were for their little girl to have a sibling.
This is the moment everything changed for me. Wait a minute. So my child's father is going to be a father in two separate households? How will I explain this to my children? I didn't want to mix our families what so ever. Although it bothered me I just let my feelings sit for a while, until they asked for him to donate to them while I was pregnant with our baby.
Another red flag...are they intentionally trying to make their mark on our relationship? Anyway it all boiled down to us all sitting down and discussing the uncomfortable topics. He told them no that he didn't want to donate again and also that the whole Dad role needed to chill. Based upon my request. Am I crazy for having these feelings? This little girl has a Mom and a Dad, both of them just happen to be women. After I spoke on the subject and described why I felt it was a bad move to continue his role as Dad...they then got upset and said I wasn't allowed at their house anymore. I clearly stated that we can all still hang out and spend time together but as two separate households. I also said that if they wanted him to play Dad that he needed to have some sort of Dad responsibility. Like the little girl coming to stay the night with us...so she wouldn't feel like her Dad spent time with this other family and rarely spent time with her.
After some time blew over they began texting him, saying I was just some girl that came into his life and his child with them all of the sudden didn't mean anything to him. They also said that he wanted to have his cake and eat it too...which I didn't clearly understand unless they were trying to make him feel bad about having another life outside of them.
It has been almost a year now and I still have not heard a single thing from them. They talk to him about everything and exclude me. He has made nice with them and the whole thing just makes me sick to my stomach. I know they were here first, but things changed and got weird after I had been in the picture. No regard for my feelings were ever taken into consideration. I just am beyond over it. I have no idea what my next step should be. If I'm being irrational...no idea. He makes me feel like I'm crazy for having the feelings that I do. They have all tried to arrange a sit down but I won't do it. The lesbians didn't personally reach out to me like adults and apologize for the misunderstanding. The main thing that made them upset was me saying he should have responsibility for the child. They think nobody in the world besides them is capable of raising their child. They want him to be the father, but on their terms. I am to my breaking point. Any advice from someone on the outside?
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