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Thread: Somewhere in between indifference, confusion, and sadness

  1. #21
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    Hi Ksol. Wow!!! Gosh, I am so sorry, I should have checked your thread earlier today. I just saw this update. He contacted you!! How amazing does that feel, after all the thoughts you've been processing and all the wondering you've been doing! I agree that we don't know yet what he wants. But I'll wait to hear from you again before speculating or trying to advise on anything. I wish I had checked this earlier. I've been feeling guilty all day about something with my guy and have been looking around the boards for similar situations.

    Soooo, where are we now? Did you respond? Has he texted again?

  2. #22
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    Hi lostlove76. I still can't believe how all of this happened. My attitude about the whole situation changed when I woke up this morning and then out of nowhere he sends a text. I literally had to rub my eyes when I saw his name pop up on my screen.

    He asked how I've been. I responded a few hours later saying I am doing well and thank you for asking. I asked how he was doing. He responded saying, "everything is ok I guess. Did I surprise you with my text?" I said, "yes it was unexpected, how are the children?" He responded saying they are well thanks. I didn't respond after that.

    I left things there because I feel that if he wants to talk more he will contact again. I'm just going to be patient and see where things go. I'm trying not to get my hopes up because he might have just been checking in to see how I was doing, but something tells me his intention was more than just a simple hello. I am wary of his intentions. I guess I will just have to wait and see. I'm still upset about the way he acted as though I was dead to him for these 2 months. I'm not going to let him just walk in and out and I'm certainly not going to act on this little bit of communication until he shows me he's interested in talking about reconciliation.

    Do you think I handled it ok? I feel guilty for just dropping the conversation and not even responding to the last text. He might just think I'm uninterested and not contact me again.

    I really hope things are ok with you and your guy. Were you able to resolve?

  3. #23
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    Hi. I think you handled it PERFECTLY. I am so thrilled that you heard from him - it's a start! It shows he was thinking of you, at the very least. I agree let's don't get your hopes up, but he may very well be curious where your mind is at (regarding the two of you) and was hoping you'd give some hint. But you were right not to give him more. Remember that he's the one who decided to walk away, so IMO it's on him to initiate any reconciliation. When you say "I'm still upset about the way he acted as though I was dead to him for these 2 months. I'm not going to let him just walk in and out and I'm certainly not going to act on this little bit of communication until he shows me he's interested in talking about reconciliation," I totally agree. He needs to make some effort, and he needs to be clear about his intentions. So don't feel guilty for letting the convo drop. Let him wonder what you're thinking. You were polite without being eager.

    Him saying "everything is okay I guess" makes me think maybe he's not so happy and that he's missing you, although it's hard to judge tone over text.

    I think this is a really good start. It make take him a little while to poke his head back up again, but just wait it out. There was one period of time with mine when we were in LC (low contact) for a couple of months. We would text short exchanges every 4 days or so, and oh how I lived for those texts. I never pushed anything, just kept it light and conversational. Finally, on my birthday, he asked to get together and we did and it was wonderful. So you may have to be a little patient. But overall, like I said, I think this is a good sign!!

    Thank you for asking about my guy. I'm not sure where things stand, but it's always something with us, so hopefully it will get resolved soon enough. If not, then maybe it's for the best because there are certain things I'm not feeling good about.

  4. #24
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    Originally Posted by lostlove76
    Hi. I think you handled it PERFECTLY. I am so thrilled that you heard from him - it's a start! It shows he was thinking of you, at the very least. I agree let's don't get your hopes up, but he may very well be curious where your mind is at (regarding the two of you) and was hoping you'd give some hint. But you were right not to give him more. Remember that he's the one who decided to walk away, so IMO it's on him to initiate any reconciliation. When you say "I'm still upset about the way he acted as though I was dead to him for these 2 months. I'm not going to let him just walk in and out and I'm certainly not going to act on this little bit of communication until he shows me he's interested in talking about reconciliation," I totally agree. He needs to make some effort, and he needs to be clear about his intentions. So don't feel guilty for letting the convo drop. Let him wonder what you're thinking. You were polite without being eager.

    Him saying "everything is okay I guess" makes me think maybe he's not so happy and that he's missing you, although it's hard to judge tone over text.

    I think this is a really good start. It make take him a little while to poke his head back up again, but just wait it out. There was one period of time with mine when we were in LC (low contact) for a couple of months. We would text short exchanges every 4 days or so, and oh how I lived for those texts. I never pushed anything, just kept it light and conversational. Finally, on my birthday, he asked to get together and we did and it was wonderful. So you may have to be a little patient. But overall, like I said, I think this is a good sign!!

    Thank you for asking about my guy. I'm not sure where things stand, but it's always something with us, so hopefully it will get resolved soon enough. If not, then maybe it's for the best because there are certain things I'm not feeling good about.

    Still trying to process everything. Haven't heard from him since those texts. I'm not expecting anything from him, but I hope I hear from him again sooner than later. I realize he was trying to spark conversation and I don't know if I did the right thing by being a little cold. I'm not interested in small chit chat. As you said, it is a start. I agree with what you said, I think he was just trying to get some sort of hint from me regarding how I feel about him, but right now I feel cold as ice. He hurt me and he has to show a little more effort than a simple how have you been. For two months, he ignored me like what we had meant nothing. He can't come back into my life without showing some sensitivity about my feelings. I kept it as light as I could and this is in his hands. I hope I hear from him again. I want to show him how much I appreciate him and all the things I've learned. I want to show him how much I'm willing to change. People don't change over night, but I'm a work in progress. Reconciliation takes 2 willing people. He's got to take the lead on this one. I'll take some initiative when I feel comfortable that his intentions are good and true. It's killing me to sit and wait. I'm scared I won't hear from him for another 2 months or ever again.

    He asked if I was surprised by the text. I think he was expecting me to be more welcoming. I was so desperate when we broke up. I was so quick to profess my love to him 2 months ago. I'm a lot more reserved and careful right now. I love him so much and just want things to progress, but I know I need to be patient. I have faith and Im hoping he will turn this around.

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  6. #25
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    Originally Posted by Ksol9
    Still trying to process everything. Haven't heard from him since those texts. I'm not expecting anything from him, but I hope I hear from him again sooner than later. I realize he was trying to spark conversation and I don't know if I did the right thing by being a little cold. I'm not interested in small chit chat. As you said, it is a start. I agree with what you said, I think he was just trying to get some sort of hint from me regarding how I feel about him, but right now I feel cold as ice. He hurt me and he has to show a little more effort than a simple how have you been. For two months, he ignored me like what we had meant nothing. He can't come back into my life without showing some sensitivity about my feelings. I kept it as light as I could and this is in his hands. I hope I hear from him again. I want to show him how much I appreciate him and all the things I've learned. I want to show him how much I'm willing to change. People don't change over night, but I'm a work in progress. Reconciliation takes 2 willing people. He's got to take the lead on this one. I'll take some initiative when I feel comfortable that his intentions are good and true. It's killing me to sit and wait. I'm scared I won't hear from him for another 2 months or ever again.

    He asked if I was surprised by the text. I think he was expecting me to be more welcoming. I was so desperate when we broke up. I was so quick to profess my love to him 2 months ago. I'm a lot more reserved and careful right now. I love him so much and just want things to progress, but I know I need to be patient. I have faith and Im hoping he will turn this around.
    I know you're worried about how you reacted with the texting, but I think you did the right thing. And I don't think you were being cold, just understandably reserved. You were being cautious and guarding your heart, and that is the smartest thing to do. You have to protect yourself first and foremost.

    This will make him think, at least. He'll know that he can't pop up out of the blue and have you running eagerly back into his arms. He'll realize that he can't just throw you breadcrumbs. He'll have to put in more effort than that, and offer more (i.e. reconciliation).

    If he does come back wanting to reconcile, this is a good time to flip the dynamic and make him do most of the pursuing and initiating, both during the initial reconciliation and beyond.

  7. #26
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    Originally Posted by lostlove76
    I know you're worried about how you reacted with the texting, but I think you did the right thing. And I don't think you were being cold, just understandably reserved. You were being cautious and guarding your heart, and that is the smartest thing to do. You have to protect yourself first and foremost.

    This will make him think, at least. He'll know that he can't pop up out of the blue and have you running eagerly back into his arms. He'll realize that he can't just throw you breadcrumbs. He'll have to put in more effort than that, and offer more (i.e. reconciliation).

    If he does come back wanting to reconcile, this is a good time to flip the dynamic and make him do most of the pursuing and initiating, both during the initial reconciliation and beyond.

    I agree with you completely. The tables have definitely turned. He sent me another text a few hours ago saying, "I guess you're not up for small talk". I didn't respond right away. Then I went on to talk about my day. Just small talk. Irrelevant talk. I was about to ask him what all this nonsense was about. I guess he was just trying to lead into what he really wanted to say which I was waiting for. He then let it all out. He said that he's been thinking about me alot like everyday and he's been tryinhg to weigh the pros and cons of having me in his life and that there isn't negative about me. He says that he's been very lonely without me and he doesn't feel good inside about the way things ended with us. He said that the issues that we were having he felt they could have been worked on. Finally he went on to say that he acted "drastically" about things and that he was sorry for hurting my feelings and sorry for not showing me any compassion. He said it was wrong of him because I was nothing but sweet and loving.

    I responded by telling him that I appreciated the apology and that I was deeply hurt for a long time, but that I didn't want him to feel guilty or bad for hurting my feelings.. II explained that although I lost 3 important people in my life, it was pivotal in my self development. I told him that this made me become a better person. I explained that I felt awful for treating him poorly at times. I didn't say anything about that I'm still in love with him or that I want to reconcile, but I did speak from the heart. I wanted him to know that the decision he made, allowed me the opportunity to change and become a better person and I wanted him to know that he hurt me, but I am OK. I hope that I didn't go into too much....too soon.

    He did not respond and I'm sure he will take some time to absorb everything I said before he responds. I know that he doesn't do well with communicating so this took alot for him to come forward and say. He didn't say anything about reconciling and maybe he just wanted to apologize for the way he treated me?? But from what I gather, I think he realizes he made a mistake breaking up and has been lonely. I am not going to pave the road to reconciliation for him. I'm all ears..I'm open to hearing what he is feeling, but I need to know he wants to work towards reconciliation and that he is in this for the long haul with me before I consider anything. I don't know where things are going, but I'm just going to keep my composure and let him do some work.

    Thank you lostlove76 for all of your advice and support. I value everything that you have to say because you have been helping me as this is happening.

  8. #27
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    Yay this story makes me so happy! IMO (and I'm no expert), him reaching out and saying all that is a good sign, especially if he's not a communicator. So although nothing is official, it sounds great to me!

  9. #28
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    Wow, what an update! That's wonderful, ksol. I agree with mustlovedogs that this is all a very good sign!

    I think you're doing everything just perfectly, and shouldn't second-guess yourself about anything.

    I would say more, but honestly, I think you've got it covered Keep us updated!!

  10. #29
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    Yay I love this. It sounds like things are going great. I mean clearly it's a good sign, can't wait to hear more about it.

    Your responses to him is perfect! I love that you didn't get emotional and told him you were upset and love him and all that stuff we people tend to do haha
    You played it safe and I hope this works out. I'm rooting for you!

  11. #30
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    Also, your post you had up about when you were letting go. My heart was aching just reading it because it's what I'm going through right now. Can't sleep, exhausted, restless mind, etc etc etc

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