I'm codependent because (I believe) my mother always withheld love and affection or made it conditional. Also, nothing I did was ever good enough. If I surprised her by mopping the floor, she asked why I didn't do the laundry. If I made Honor Roll she asked why I didn't also make NHS. When I became an adult I had to drop everything and rush to her side or I didn't love her and wished she were dead. And my father who initially doted on me bailed on the family when I was 10. Where once I was the apple of his eye, I was now an annoyance and a reminder that he really should be taking care of our needs instead of chasing teenage girls.

I just HAD to get people to love me, particularly men who treated me like I was "just OK" and not quite exactly who or what they wanted.

I have no idea if any of this helps because you have said your parents are warm and loving.

Was anyone in your life just out of reach for you? Did you feel like you had to "earn" love or acceptance from someone important to you (prior to your ex)?