6 year relationship ended & heartbroken

Hello, I usually always read posts on this forum but never posted, but I feel as though this could potentially help me deal with my current situation. This is going to be very long so apologies. So I was 17 years old and my partner 18, we was together for 6 years, I am now 24. We had a amazing time together, he had always been infatuated with me throughout the relationship, we argued at times like any normal couple would but we always stuck with one another, never breaking up.The longest we went without speaking with like 2 days at the most. The last year of the relationship was hard, we come from different worlds, my life is quite normal I had a great upbringing, parents that would do anything for me, whereas for him, his best friend was murdered when he was 15, no relationship with his dad, his mum kicked him out when he was 20 ( he lived at my house for 2 years ) both grandpas are dealing with cancer, despite all of his dramas he remained a amazing person, going college university, graduating. I stuck with him throughout, being human maybe now i realise i wasnt as perfect as i thought i was in the relationship because i always assumed it would be us. i had my bad points, i become addicted with the gym, our sex life wasnt as great as he wanted it to be due to some health issues of mine but we made it work, we were inseparable. He did used to air his issues to me and say that the lack of sex life and my gym addiction was hurting his self esteem, i said i understood and would change but i never really did.

Anyway December 2015 we had a bad month, he let me down in ways i could never imagine, my birthday he didnt even wish me a happy birthday, he didnt participate in my boxing day family party, my birthday present to the hotel he bailed out on. This all upset me in ways i could never imagine but i still stuck with him, little did I know a month later he would break up with me (all makes sense)

So February just gone we had a argument & he ended it, when he ended it i seemed content because my last few months werent exactly the happiest of memories, but the more i broke down the situation the more i realised i was heavily to blame & perhaps i was in the wrong, so i decided to sort my gym obsession out, read some self help books on how to be positive, since February we have been in contact. He contacts me at least every week asking how I am, seems he is going through alot more at the moment, his grandpas cancer has got worse (who he is now living with) his nan is not well also, his dog who is practically his child lol has some health issues either. Still, he confides in me and looks to me for that comfort, I felt i was to blame so i decided i had to fight for our relationship i wrote a 3 page letter to him explaining how much i loved him but also explaining why i was the way i was in the relationship and how i didnt want to be her no more, i also invited him over to dinner friday just gone where i would give him the letter. He come, I was so nervous, hadnt seen him for 6 weeks! As soon as i saw him he kissed my forehead like the old times. It felt so normal, like the old times, we spoke laughed had jokes. He was complimenting me on how i looked, my cooking skills lol my body my new hair cut. As we was sitting down to dinner he went to the toilet he come back and he looked very upset he looked at me and said he didnt think it would be this hard seeing me. I started to cry but i didnt want to start this conversation so early on into his visit that i changed subject which he was happy to do. Anyway the remainder of the night went well. It got really late and his grandpa would be mad if he got home that late so he stayed in my parents bed (they were on holiday) the next morning we had the dreaded chat. The way he looked at me was like he always did, he was still deeply in love with me it was obvious. he would stare at me for like 5 minutes straight expressionless. But he said he was confused and had no answers, and he just doesnt have that umphh in him like he used to to make it work, how i killed his self esteem. I tried to let him know i understand where i went wrong and i didnt do that to him because of him it was because i was fighting my own demons, he just kept saying he loves me and i am so beautiful but he would rather know he f'cked up (i assume in losing me when it was the wrong thing to do) we hugged alot, proper hugs like emotional hugs, in a way it was lovely having him that one last time but breaking my heart i done everything i could do to proove to him but he still didnt want me back even though he was still really in love with me.

He just sounded very unsure within himself. I said his heart wants me but his head is telling him not to, which he agreed with. but then he said he will always love me, he even mentioend the fact his aunt and uncle who are now happily married broke up for 6 months, he was also mentioning the fact no other person will ever understand him like i do, i went though 6 years of his life with him, that is from when his relationship with parents deteriorated etc. No other person could understand his relationship with his dog, & i felt like that scared him, he was basically saying everything i ever wanted him to say except the words he wants to be with me. There is probably some information i have left out but i still have so much hope we will be back together one day but then a part of me just hopes. Im broken, literally words cant explain the pain im feeling now. I think im just struggling to understand how he feels, he clearly has alot on his plate and he still loves me so much so why doesnt he want to be with me, is this a decision he is 100% clear about. when i ask him if he is certain with this he just says he doesnt have answers, he still goes football with my brother on mondays he still has a wardrobe of his clothes and 20 pairs of trainers at my house which he hasnt mentioned about collecting, is he using me to store them or will he use that as a excuse down the line to see me? I just dont know what to think I dont know if I am just so love struck im not seeing the picture clearly because i dont feel he is 100% in his decision to not be together. . .

I've never been in this situation, so I cannot say. The thing I can relate to is the idea that he can't live with you and can't live without you. Funny that I mentioned gym in a post recently. Few people who don't do gym have a perfect body but, in my opinion, the pursuit of a perfect body isn't as important as the time you spend with your loved ones. It sounds like you need more time to do your things than he does and he is more needy. This does not make either of you bad people but it can make you bad people for each other. How much time you spend together is one of the big sticking points of relationships and if you're not on the same page as each other, things will always be tricky.

As to whether he has any intention of getting back with you, I'm guessing that even he doesn't know. Part of me tells you to hang in there and hope but a larger part of me tells you to sever connections and start healing.

Thank you, was hard to read your response but its what I need to hear - so thanks. I have deleted his number and him off social media in order to help my healing. The only thing that keeps me going is if its meant to be it will always find a way. Its hard though, because I know everything he wanted from me I can give him, on Friday he even mentioned he thinks about me all the time and when he does he will bring out his laptop and look at pictures of us and it would make him happy. its just hard because I have no idea what to think or where I stand.

... I have no idea what to think or where I stand.

To me this is the worst part of it all. It's probably like that for him, too. Maybe the best thing to do is meet somewhere and ask him outright. You might not get the answer you want but at least it will answer the question.

That's the hardest part, that was my reasoning for Friday when he come over for dinner. He said he hasn't got the answers, he doesn't know. So really what do I take from that response? I did mention to him that I got to let it go and accept the break up yday and he replied saying I will always love you don't ever underestimate that.

That's the hardest part, that was my reasoning for Friday when he come over for dinner. He said he hasn't got the answers, he doesn't know. So really what do I take from that response? I did mention to him that I got to let it go and accept the break up yday and he replied saying I will always love you don't ever underestimate that.

 

If he loves you, there is a chance of a way back BUT you can't spend the rest of your life waiting on a maybe. Perhaps you could meet up in a month and ask the questions again. If it's still a maybe, take it as a "no".

If he loves you, there is a chance of a way back BUT you can't spend the rest of your life waiting on a maybe. Perhaps you could meet up in a month and ask the questions again. If it's still a maybe, take it as a "no".

I agree, i feel i just got to keep silent for a bit to give him the head space he needs to figure things out. Doesnt help my room has as much of his stuff in it as it does mine, but as they say time is a healer, thanks again.

Ultimately, you should honor his choice and allow him to determine whether or not he and you can be together. If you're the only one pushing, it'll just make you lose your self-respect and his respect. Once you get in a long term committed relationship, you'll wonder why all of this was necessarily worth all the heartache for what you got. I'm saying he's just one man, how can he be your answer for your heart?

to anybody that comes here and reads my above situation that I posted over a year ago (if you are in same situation) just to let you know, we are engaged and getting married august 2018, breaking up for the 12 weeks we did has made us stronger than ever, was a tough and horrible time for me but now I look back, we learnt a lot about ourselves and one another!

further update, married in August 2018, just got our first mortgage together and expecting our first baby in 5 weeks. Relationships arent always smooth sailing.

Do you need to talk?

Many are here to listen...

Ok this is not a "breakup", you are married. Therefore you need to go to a therapist alone at first and then with your husband. It seems he is running away from the responsibilities of being married and having a child on the way. You need to address that head on. Therapy or divorce/child support, his choice. He can't just run away.

You both need to adjust to married life and impending parenthood. Talk to your doctor about all these problems and ask for a referral to a good family therapist. If you are legally married he can not just walk out the door and return to the life of a carefree teenager. He will have to dissolve the marriage legally. However he will still have to pay child support whether you remain married or not.

married in August 2018, just got our first mortgage together and expecting our first baby in 5 weeks.

I think the OP is trying to say they reconcilled. Not that hes run away now. They split up, got back together and the relationship has improved is my take. THey are syaing sometimes if you both put the work it things get better. I maybe wrong.