Can't Find Mr. Right...

Hi there all

I am not sure where to start from but I'll just come to the point directly. I feel like the kind of guy I seek is not there at all, I mean I see there are lots of guys around but not with the qualities that I want in that special someone and It really makes me feel like I'm losing hope. I don't know what to do.

I am sort of a shy person too so even if I see someone nice, I don't feel like making the first approach besides this I'm a bit traditional in the fact that the guy should make the first move.

It's not like there haven't been guys that are interested in talking to me, or approaching me but when it comes to a good decent person I'd don't see any who is brave enough to make the first move or come up and say Hi, I mean there are some that'd just glimpse but then turn away. sometimes I have seen guys looking when my attention's somewhere else but then When I turn in their direction they look away (could be a shy guy case, but the again not all guys are shy). Or there are others that look as if they expect me to make the first move but I'm a person of principles and I know that I won't so end of story there.

There could be another thing whenever I go around outside it's always with my sisters or family and I feel maybe that is the problem. So these day's I just try to go for morning and evening walks on my own so that maybe I'd bump into someone but nahh! No luck there

And finally to top it all up my Dad! whenever he's around and there's a guy even looking in my direction. Dad would scare him off (Classical Dad with a shotgun case). I mean come on I feel like there aren't any guys brave enough to stand up for themselves. And I don't want just anyone, I want the one and only one.

What do I do? What is the thing that is wrong here? Totally confused and not able to understand?

How old are you?

I am twenty four , still on the path to finding an independent life.

So these day's I just try to go for morning and evening walks on my own so that maybe I'd bump into someone but nahh!

You're probably not going to just bump into someone. It sounds like you're just hanging around in places, waiting for someone to approach you. I'd honestly be shocked if you meet someone that way.

Ask couples you know how they met. Chances are they'll say work, school, hobbies, online dating, etc. Very few of them will probably say that they blindly approached each other out of nowhere. Life is not a romantic comedy.

So my advice is to do things that will allow you to interact with men.

You can't complain about not finding Mr. Right when you admit yourself you don't actually try to do any of the finding. Don't confuse "having principles" and diffidence. There are enough good women out there confidently asserting themselves in the dating scene where if you expect quality guys to be lining up to court you, you'd best be a 10/10 with a slice of pizza in one hand and a fifth of whisky in the other.

I'd also consider finding your independent life before kicking yourself for not being hitched. Dependence isn't attractive.

It's okay if you want the guy to make the first move, but you have to show them that you are approachable with a smile and a possible "hello." It take a lot of guts to approach someone. Give them some positive feedback. Sometimes shy people come across as snooty. If you think that's the case, practice smiling at old people and children in the grocery store, and saying hello to them, etc.

Like other posters have said, you have to expand your activities. Join meetups.com. Join a gym. Take educational or fun classes like dancing, painting, pottery, writing. Join a co-ed sports team. Be proactive in achieving your goals. Right now, you're expecting everyone else to do the work.

You can't complain about not finding Mr. Right when you admit yourself you don't actually try to do any of the finding. Don't confuse "having principles" and diffidence. There are enough good women out there confidently asserting themselves in the dating scene where if you expect quality guys to be lining up to court you, you'd best be a 10/10 with a slice of pizza in one hand and a fifth of whisky in the other.

 

I'd also consider finding your independent life before kicking yourself for not being hitched. Dependence isn't attractive.

This is such a great post -totally agree.

I had a traditionalist approach to dating when I was your age and older in that I expected the guy to ask me out on the first date. But I made PLENTY of first moves. When I first met my husband I was 28 (but we didn't marry till we were in our 40s!) and I crossed a crowded room to greet him - the brand new employee who knew no one at our orientation session - and I had 6 full weeks of experience on him! He was so shy back then. He did ask me out - 9 months later (and no we didn't date all that time -we broke up for many years in between).

I asked men to dance, started many conversations, flirted, answered personal ads and went on online dating sites and contacted men, and I made myself go to singles events and singles resorts often by myself.

As my friend's mother told her many years ago "you don't realize how many men are looking at you but you're looking at the floor". Soon after that she stopped looking at the floor and soon after that a handsome guy made eye contact from across a street and there began a conversation. They've been married almost 20 years.

You get out of life what you put into it. If you don't make the first move, you will get nothing most of the time. Tradition is dead. Get with the way it is today. You want something? Go for it! It sure isn't going to drop in your lap. At 24, you should be independent of your parents, shouldn't you?

What do I do? What is the thing that is wrong here? Totally confused and not able to understand?

Make an effort. Talk to a guy you see and have an interest in. Go out to events/meetups where you can meet men.

Starshine, sorry for your disappointing dating life. You don't happen to live in the state of PA do you?

You sound like me, I often take my mother places and she becomes a barrier to approach women as your dad does with you. Not so much that she prevents people from approaching me or whatever, but I feel weird talking to random girls in front of my mother. It's very awkward/annoying. And it seems I always am with her when I find someone, but never when I'm out and about on my own. So I know what you're going through here.

I agree with the others and just kind of ripped someone else apart in a different thread for this. Ditch the "double standards", you see a guy you are interested in, make the first move, don't expect them to all the time.

You can't complain about not finding Mr. Right when you admit yourself you don't actually try to do any of the finding. Don't confuse "having principles" and diffidence. There are enough good women out there confidently asserting themselves in the dating scene where if you expect quality guys to be lining up to court you, you'd best be a 10/10 with a slice of pizza in one hand and a fifth of whisky in the other.

 

I'd also consider finding your independent life before kicking yourself for not being hitched. Dependence isn't attractive.

I guess you're right in some ways. I think that somewhere there I'm holding myself back and I must change my approach of things. The thing is I am partly afraid too, what if I do find someone and he's not what I expected him too be. I mean I know it's silly and I'm assuming too much but still...

However you did make me realize that I'm not exactly doing what I should be... Well let me see what I can do about it