After 5 years, he left me for someone else.

Hi, I don't know if somebody will read this or not, but I need to get this off my chest. I don't speak English very well, neither I write it quite good, but I'll try my best to explain myself. So please, if you want me to explain something in order for you to understand, don't hesitate to contact me. I will be pleased to try to make it more understandable, because I do really need help.

So. I'm an independent strong woman who needs no one. Or at least that's what I thought about myself. I was 19 when I met him, I was in my first year of college. He was in my class, a hot punk ginger, and I fell hard for him. But it wasn't until January 2011 that we started dating (almost five months after we met each other). The connection was strong, he fulfilled me in every possible way. We made each other better persons.

We went to Scotland on our second year together, and we fell more in love, if that was even possible. It was red. That's the emotion: red. It was intense. Burning me inside out. He was my first kiss, my first everything. But above all, he was my best friend, my family, the only person I trusted. He would never hurt me. No matter what, we would fight for us, and we would fight to overcome whatever the future had for us.

People always told me that he was more in love with me than I was with him. He was mad about me. I was the rational part, he was the wild side of the relationship. Amazing. Wonderful. Intense. Very intense. We wrote each other long hand written letters. We always gave books to each other for birthdays: it was the nicest way of saying "I love you". Because we lived in stories, and we tought we were writing the most beautiful story that ever existed.

We finished college and we had a rough year (we couldn't find a job, and we supported each other). We fought like any other couple, but on September 2015, we went to Ireland. It was truly magical. Our love was pure energy, pure magic. It was a new adventure every day. We never let it fade. I'm not saying I'm a saint. I got a job which I love, it's my passion and I'm lucky for it. But he didn't got so lucky. He wants to be a writer and he works a lot to achieve that goal. I always encouraged him in pursuing his dreams.

I'm not a clingy person, so I enjoyed the time I had for myself, and he went out with his friends. We had our space, it was never forced. But on October 2015 he started to study a Master's Degree on Scripts for Films and TV shows. I was thrilled, he finally got to do what he wanted. This implied we spending less and less time together. After a month, on November, he started to hang out less and less with me.

We started to argue a lot, because even though I'm a lonely person and I do enjoy my loneliness, I also wanted to be with him. But he never had time.

I swear, I respected our privacy. His privacy. And I went out of line and gave in into the temptation: I checked his phone. Oh how I wish I hadn't! But something inside of me was telling me something was off. So I found a conversation with a classmate of his, a girl who was telling him that he was her angel, her love, her life. He didn't reply to her in the same way. They were talking about music. But it hurt like hell. So that night I called him out on it. He told me that I was insane, paranoid, and she was just a friend. That she was his best friend right now, and they get along so well. That she talked that way to everybody. He told me so many lies, making me believe that I was out of line for getting angry for this. But I was angry. So I told him that I was not going to tolerate those kind of comments of her towards him. He told me that she was in love with a classmate who had a girlfriend. Oh boy. He was blind. I told him "it's you, idiot!!! She's talking about you! Time will prove me right!!!". He told me I just wanted to change him, and he was who he was and that he was allowed to had female friends. But he was treating her better than me, and spending a huge amount of time with her.

So. Time passes by and we tried again. I was still mad about that, but he swore to me that she was just a friend and that he loved me, no one else.

Okay. But my gut sensed that something was off. A month after that huge fight, he tells me "Oh there's a girl in class that has the same 'Fearless' tattoo as you do! And she loves the same TV show, such a coincidence!" I told him that that was great! And he told me "see? She's great, she's the girl that textes to me. So disgusting, the guy she's in love with has a girlfriend but he flirts with her so much... It's quite disrespectful towards his girlfriend!". And I told him that SHE was disgusting, how can you have a friend that does that kind of thing? He got mad at me because I talked very poorly of her. He was always putting her first. I started to get tired of it, but after a while he just calmed down and things went back to normal.

In January of this year, my grand uncle died. I tried to contact him seeking comfort, and he didn't answer. After the tenth call, he picks up very angry telling me "I'm with people now, god, you don't give me a break!!!!!". I told him I just needed someone to talk to. The next day he apologized for always leaving me alone. But I called him horrible things that night, I was **** off, hysterical, and I admit I disrespected him. I was really sorry for telling him such things, but I always felt alone. He was never by my side. So he broke up with me. And then I asked for another chance, and we got back together. But a week later, he finally broke up with me saying that he was confused, he was not being happy, and he needed time to think. That he still loved me, but he was not sure about our future together. But he didn't want to lose me, so we kept in contact in February. I was having my break downs because he was giving me hope and I was losing weight, too much weight, I got anxiety (I ended up in the hospital twice), and I was losing my mind. I kept begging for him to come back, to let me fix our situation and he told me that he was hurt for my lack of respect for him. I thought that I was the only one to blame. I thought it was my fault during three weeks.

But I went to see him, and he told me things you should never say to someone you love. He finally told me he didn't love me, that he wanted to be single, that I was a needy person and I should learn how to trust people.

I couldn't believe it. The person you love and trust the most, and you have known for five years, is not the same anymore. Is a complete stranger. He didn't even care that I was in the hospital for anxiety. He told me I was too thin, and that he was just a "random person", that by this time (three weeks) I should have get over him already. How can you forget FIVE years just like that?!??!?! In three weeks!??!??! How can he expects me to forget him like that?!

I couldn't believe it. Until my best friend told me that she saw him with this girl... And I got angry. Furious. He had been lying the whole time!!!! He told me he wanted to be alone, and that it was my fault! He made me feel like I had no value at all. So I called him. He told me "we stopped being friends on Valentine's day" (we never celebrated that date, actually I'm not fond of that festivity...), meaning that they were already dating or hooking up. I was devastated. I am devastated. I'm a mess. So I wrote him a long long letter, and two days after he sent me a text telling me that we should disappear from each other's lives. And I told him he was right. I just told him "Never stop writing". And from February 26 I'm applying the No Contact rule. 19 days, exactly, without knowing about him. I'm going to a therapist and it helps, but I'm still madly in love with him and I miss him all the time.

I blocked him from everywhere, I deleted all our pictures form Facebook and I packed in a bag all of our memories together. But I forgot I had him on Twitter. He never uses it. And in my TL appeared what he wrote a minute ago: "I will always be there for you. I will always love you". Always was our word. It's very cliché, I knoew, but we have a tattoo of this word, due to the Blink-182 song. He unblocked me on Facebook, he also unblocked me on WhatsApp. I don't know what he's trying to do.

After all of what he's done to me, a huge part of me still wants him. Because I love him. I think I won't ever find this connection with anyone else. We were meant to be together. A perfect fit. Same music tastes, we like to write, to travel, to read, and we also did silly things like moving the couch to dance to the beat of "You are the one that I want" or we started to sing all the High School Musical songs. We had great times. It was beautiful, magical, full of energy and we were madly in love. I don't really understand who he is or what the hell happened. How can he replace me just like that. But the worst thing? Is that I knew this was going to happen with this girl. I knew that something was going on.

Time proved me right, and I hate it. She writes horrible things about me but I don't fall for her tricks. She has won. That's it. I'll stay classy, she just wants to fight but I don't really care about her. I just care about our previous relationship. I know he won't feel what he felt with me ever again. He swore to me that nothing happened with her when he was with me. HA! Sure. And after a five year relationship, two weeks later after breaking up you start dating a friend, without nothing happening before? Right. Of course something was going on between them. But who betrayed me was him, not her. She's not important. He was the one who had to stay loyal to me, who had to respect me and who had to give me my place in his life. He could have told me that he was feeling something for someone else. He should have gave me the chance to decide my fate. I always asked him that if one day he started to love someone else, to just tell me. I told him that you can't control feelings, but you can control what you do with those feelings.

And he didn't. So I feel terrible for still wanting him. For loving him. Because I know he does not deserves this love. He ruined a wonderful and amazing relationship for a hook up. I just wonder what will happen in July when he ends the Master's Degree.

I want to stop loving him. I try. But I don't sleep, I don't eat. I can't focus. My therapist is doing a great job but the wound it's too deep and too fresh for it to heal.

What if he comes back? I'm so weak when it comes to him. I don't want him to come back. He will ruin all my progress. And even though I do want to know about him and break de NC rule, I know this would only reset the clock back to day one.

I don't know. I'm too tired. I just want to sleep and hope and pray for it to be a nightmare.

Thank you so so much for reading me! I can't thank you enough. And if you have any advice or you may have an idea on why he's now writing and unblocking me from everywhere, I would thank you for the eternity.

I'm really, REALLY lost. Please, I do really need help.

You are being v strong and handling this very well. Well done to you!

I think you need to remain strong and don't allow him the chance to come back.

you deserve better than this! The way he has treated you is disgusting and there are better men out there that would not replace you so easily.

He thought the grass was greener. He will learn the hard way that it isn't but the consequences to that are losing you because you have too much self respect to allow him to jump in and out of your life like this.

He sounds like a p**ck to me. He did not realize when he had a good thing and took you for granted

Karma is a b**ch hun. You will heal, move on and meet a better man in time while he curses himself for letting you go.

You will always be the one that got away and it is his fault

I am so sorry for your pain. You will get through this. Time is a wonderful healer.

He has shown you time and again that he does not value, or love you. You deserve much better than someone who cheats, lies and does not value you.

Stick to your therapy. You must also block this guy from all contact, or you will return to the same unhealthy relationship.

Hi SwanGirl,

I can totally empathize with what you are going through, word to word. My (now ex) girlfriend of 4.5 years dumped me for someone she met a few months ago, at her new workplace -- a job she got into thanks to my support, btw. Apparently, after 4.5 years, she has decided that there is no attraction and that she sees me only as a friend and nobody else.

Three weeks after dumping me in December, she starts dating this guy. And I initiated NC on February 20th. She pinged me multiple times since then, once even bombarding me with messages in half a dozen channels -- apparently missing me every morning, missing sharing every little detail of her life "as a friend".

I can say that you seem to be handling this in a very matured fashion, and I hope you find love in yourself. Stay strong.

G.

Three answers, I'm lucky! I thought nobody would read this.

Starlight, you think he has the grass is greener syndrome? I'm hoping karma strikes back and explodes in his face, but I really want to forgive him so I can be at peace with myself. Your answer really cheered me up! I thought that I was doing it so bad... But it seems that I'm doing quite well Hugs!!!!!!!!!

Hollyj You are right. The relationship was becoming an unhealthy one. It wasn't before, but it is now. He hasn't try to contact me, so I guess he really has moved on, so I don't have to worry. Sometimes I just NEED to call him, but I think better of it, but I almost do it...

BrokenBlvd I'm so sorry that you are in the same position! At least my ex doesn't contact me, he really moved on. Yours doesn't seem very happy with the new guy. Be careful, she will try to come back to you. It's up to you if you take her back after all, and you maybe want to, but you have to think what works best for you. Maybe you take her back and give her a second chance, or maybe you're fed up with the relationship and you can really heal. Thank you for thinking that I'm handling this well, I feel like a piece of , staying in bed crying after a month and a half...

Today it's 22 days of NC. Let's see if I can make it a month!

THANK YOU, thank you for your answers...

look up the five stages of grief after a breakup. It will help you process your feelings.

You will have weak moments where you desperately want to contact him but don't give into it. You are doing great!

I am a firm believer in ONE chance. He screwed up. Sure there are things you can forgive but not when it comes to trust. He shattered yours and if you ever did get back together, it would never be the same again hun.

Keep doing what you are doing. In time you will heal. Stay positive. Surround yourself with good people, go out and have fun, join a hobby, do something you feel passionate about, flirt a little (it will boost your confidence) but stay single for awhile and don't rush into a rebound.

You will be fine. You sound very stable and rational and you will bounce back from this

look up the five stages of grief after a breakup. It will help you process your feelings.

 

You will have weak moments where you desperately want to contact him but don't give into it. You are doing great!

 

I am a firm believer in ONE chance. He screwed up. Sure there are things you can forgive but not when it comes to trust. He shattered yours and if you ever did get back together, it would never be the same again hun.

 

Keep doing what you are doing. In time you will heal. Stay positive. Surround yourself with good people, go out and have fun, join a hobby, do something you feel passionate about, flirt a little (it will boost your confidence) but stay single for awhile and don't rush into a rebound.

 

You will be fine. You sound very stable and rational and you will bounce back from this

You absolutely helped me tonight. I wanted to break NC so badly. So so badly. But right now I read this and I said to myself "stick to NC". Today I spent the whole day in bed. Yeah, I know it won't ever be the same, though I don't know what would happen if HE comes back. I don't want him to come back because right now I'm too weak.

I hope you're doing great, thank you for helping this stranger so much.

If he comes back, then think with your head, not your heart. In these situations when someone has betrayed you then it is better to keep a good head on your shoulders and rationalize your thoughts and feelings.

If he left for space and stayed single and then came back, it would be different but he left something solid, stable and beautiful for an irrational fling based on infatuation and lust. This shows he is unstable, illogical and cannot see when he has a good thing right in front of him. He wanted that shiny new toy and had no care or consideration or empathy for how all this would affect you

People who do this crap are not capable of real love. He rubbed salt into your open wounds by bouncing onto another woman before you had time to get your head around a breakup. I think this is a cruel, horrible way to end sonething with someone you once loved and if he had a shred of decency, he would have at least given it a few months before moving on.

He has shown you now through his actions what he is capable of and who he is.

You need to get angry and toughen up. Anger will get you through this and stop weakness interfering with your healing by allowing him back into your life

You are not second best and you never let anyone treat you like you are an "option". It is all or nothing. He made his choice

I couldn't put it better. What you said: "He rubbed salt into your open wounds by bouncing onto another woman before you had time to get your head around a breakup. I think this is a cruel, horrible way to end sonething with someone you once loved and if he had a shred of decency, he would have at least given it a few months before moving on." That's it. That's why I should be angry. Yesterday I was angry, my blood was boiling! I was so angry that I wanted to punch him in the face. But I guess he doesn't care anymore. It's like he isn't going through the break up. He just buried me, his feelings for me and our memories, and started something new. He hasn't even felt the stages of grief!

He has a monster inside of him, that I never knew of. I must build a wall of anger to stop wanting him and loving him. That's the only way. I'm not nothing... Even though I feel like I am. I don't want to be his second option.

I don't want to sound weird, but your words really made a difference tonight, where I am lonely and I need a shoulder. So thank you for taking your time answering me. I truly appreciate this.

No problem.

Feel free to pm me if you need more help

you are doing really well. Keep going

He could have been looking for an easy way out and was afraid to be alone which shows that he is a weak coward

Or he could just be lost in infatuation right now and he will regret it all once he gets his head out of his a**.

Either way this is likely just a rebound and she will either get pregnant on purpose and try to trap him (this is what home-reckers do to try and keep a man) or he will get tired of her soon and dump her. There is less than 1% chance of them being happy because of how they got together. There will be trust issues and plenty of drama

So don't think his life is perfect while you are miserable. He will get his karma too

It'll take longer than 3 weeks...probably closer to a year as long as you just cut him off and have zero contact. My ex wife gave me that same line 2 years ago, she wanted to be single it's all BS she had her new guy all lined up. After I found out about that I was crushed but now I'm pretty indifferent. When people lie and cheat it's time to just cut them out. And eventually you won't want him back, trust is gone and you'll gain clarity.

I just pray and hope that he doesn't forget me. At least not for now. It really made me happy when he tweeted "I will always be there for you when you need me." but right now what hurts the most is him being all happy and okay with this, while I'm crying the whole day...

Kbbcoop77 I know how you must feel. She was your wife, the person you thought you will spend the rest of your life with. I just really want to reach that point, but I know right now it's too soon...

Thank you so much for your support, guys! I'm having the worst time of my life...

You need to get out and stay busy. It helped me so much, as the focus was not on him.

Meet friends - do not discuss him - volunteer, do Meetups, take classes, do anything.

Yeah I'm trying. I went out to grab a drink or two on friday night, but I felt awful, thinking about him. I'm studying for getting my driver license so I'm trying to focus on that.

It takes time. How you feel is totally normal but it does get easier. Make sure you are eating, drink plenty of water, try to walk everyday for at least 30minutes. If you cannot sleep, go to the health shop and get something herbal to help you. I use "kalms night" tablets. I have always had trouble sleeping and they help.

Sleep is so important for good mental health.

You will have lots of bad days but its a process you have to go through and the heart is very resilient. You will bounce back

Stay strong!!

Oh man....so I'm a dude right. Here is my perspective.

I dumped a girl way back when...then continued seeing her. Made my mistakes. She left me for my roommate/best friend and I lost my mind. Regretted ever letting her go. But I eventually got over it.

He will figure out what he did if he hasn't already. Guys ARE DUMB. BUT, he hurt you, just like I hurt my ex. If I could take back that hurt I would, but I can't. And neither can he, even if he wants to. And even if you want him to.

You two will always have a piece missing from the puzzle of your relationship, not to mention the baggage of him running off with someone else.

Also, KARMA doesn't exist. Anything bad that happens to him is pure coincidence and probably because he is an idiot. Karma is made up by people who want justice where they can't serve it themselves. Either way...you are free now...drink and socialize, but what helped me get over my breakup, where I dug myself into a hole of sled hearted and regret and pure emotional agony, was the GYM. it helped me out so much.

So, if all else fails, and you're heart seems to stay wide open, try throwing yourself into the gym, and push around as much weight as you can.

It'll make you feel better, and also look sexy AF!!! Which will make your ex hate himself even more if he doesn't already.

But here is the thing....as much as you want him to regret his choice, hate himself for life, and all that other nonsense you wish would come upon him for letting you go, all it is is YOU searching for HIS validation of YOU.

Don't, just say F*ck it. Don't look for validation from this guy, don't look for him to hurt, don't hope for anything.

Just cut him off and out of your life. It's HARD As Fuuuuu, but you'll thank yourself later. Just you tho, thank yourself, give yourself your own validation. And plow forward into the next phase and chapter of your life.

People are never worth your time in general. It's always going to come down to you, and yourself in the end. Always take care of you.

It's always going to come down to you, and yourself in the end. Always take care of you.

Yes, it is this. It is only you that you can depend on. You need to find that center in yourself. You are more important than anything. I came to realize this when I almost died, but was saved by surgery. I knew that my boyfriend was cheating on me at the time, but it became less important on the priority scale because I was in the fight for my life. It was then that I realized how precious life is and not to dwell on what this man was doing. It just did not matter in the large scheme of things. Find your center. chi

BrokenBlvd I'm so sorry that you are in the same position! At least my ex doesn't contact me, he really moved on. Yours doesn't seem very happy with the new guy. Be careful, she will try to come back to you. It's up to you if you take her back after all, and you maybe want to, but you have to think what works best for you. Maybe you take her back and give her a second chance, or maybe you're fed up with the relationship and you can really heal. Thank you for thinking that I'm handling this well, I feel like a piece of , staying in bed crying after a month and a half...

Thanks, Swangirl. I really loved this girl, and she just didn't reciprocate well enough for the relationship to sustain. I believe in giving people second chances, if they earn it. She has been constantly texting, but I very rarely reply -- mostly out of politeness than anything else. I gave the relationship my very best and she didn't. So if she wants a second chance, let her work for it. And then we'll see what happens.

Stay strong. It's not the end.

Thanks, Swangirl. I really loved this girl, and she just didn't reciprocate well enough for the relationship to sustain. I believe in giving people second chances, if they earn it. She has been constantly texting, but I very rarely reply -- mostly out of politeness than anything else. I gave the relationship my very best and she didn't. So if she wants a second chance, let her work for it. And then we'll see what happens.

 

Stay strong. It's not the end.

 

Why would you give someone a second chance, if she dumped you for another? I would also question why in the world you feel you need to be polite, given how she disrespected you, and your relationship? Sometimes, there are actions that do not deserve a second chance.

 

I think you deserve much better for yourself. Block her!

Oh god I never expected all this answers! I'm so grateful for all of you. You make me wanna get stronger.

AwysAlne: You realized you were wrong, and as you said, even though you regret it, you know that what's done it's done. I truly appreciate your point of view, because it's HIS point of view (or close to). I was going to the gym but right now I'm spending all my day in bed or working. I need to stay motivated but I can't find the motivation to do so. I know I am wrong, but in therapy they told me to actually feel the burn of the break up so I don't have to go through it again in the future.

BrokenBlvd Good for you!!!!!!!! Let her work. If she wants it, she will have to fight to have you back. A huge part of me wish I could be in your position. It's like my ultimate fantasy: seeing him come back to me. Day dreaming.

Thank you guys. I am having the worst day today. I just feel betrayed, and left out. Do you think that he feels NOTHING? It's like he ghosted me. It's like I never existed in his life. Today I'm really tempted to contact him, but I KNOW this would be the worst.

Why would you give someone a second chance, if she dumped you for another?

Rationally speaking, I shouldn't, and if she does want to reconcile, I probably will turn it down at that point. All I'm saying right now is that I feel it's too early to close the door completely on reconciliation.

I would also question why in the world you feel you need to be polite, given how she disrespected you, and your relationship? Sometimes, there are actions that do not deserve a second chance.

 

I think you deserve much better for yourself. Block her!

It's just who I am. But I have to admit, it is beginning to get on my nerves that she is not respecting my requirement to stay no contact.

Well, good news!

I talked to him and it made me feel SO much better.

He blamed me for breaking up our relationship, for being "verbaly abusing" him, and that he asks me forgiveness for running off with this girl two weeks later, but he "just felt that way, and she's the love of his life, he's never gonna do what he did to me ever again". He basically said that the last year was horrible, and that he already moved on with her, she's the best and blabla. Actually it made me feel soooooooo much stronger. I thought I would feel awful, but I don't know. He told me he wasn't having a great time, because he remembers my green eyes, my body, my blonde hair, and how I cooked pasta to him our last night together, and how I can't leave his mind. He's constantly struggling with memories of me, like I'm his demon, chasing him in the nights, lurking all the time. He can't stop thinking how I cried in front of him, and he's worried about me. He asked for my private life details and I said: "Why would you want to know something? It's non of your business".

He told her EVERYTHING about us, even my secrets. He has known her for three or four months... He told her what I said to him about her when I was angry, and I told him "well you should check her facebook and tell her to stop writing horrible things about me, do you think that is normal?????" And he actually felt ashamed. But it seems that I never existed, that he never told me I was the love of his life. He hopes that eventually he can feel the same for her, as he felt for me. So I guess nothing of what he ever said to me was true. What a douche.

Basically he told me to move on and to be happy, that he was really concerned about me, that he stalked my Twitter, and that he's "the best guy that I would ever date, that no one would ever loved me like he did, that's why I'm so upset, because I lost him". Whaaaaaaaaaaaat. I mean. He's so full of himself!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I can't believe who he is. I told him that I don't know who he is anymore. I wished him well, and blocked him from everywhere. He just told me that I was so so bad, that I was lost and I was depressed. It's like he enjoyed me being knocked down.

I don't who this guy is! I can't believe he told her our secrets! I mean we were dating FIVE YEARS! Who is this guy????

This only made me relieved, as I told him, that I now truly can let him go, because this is not the person I loved for such a long time. He even told me that his friends were so upset with me, because I was urging him to grow up and have 25 years old, instead of doing teenagers stuff.

He told me he couldn't live like this, with me haunting him the whole time in his lonely nights. I told him "Well, if it wasn't her it could be anyone else!" and he told me "no, it could only be with her, she's so so special...".

Oh my god.

Guys, I'm right now in the right path to healing. I'll just think that the guy I loved died, and someone else is using his body.

What do you think?

 

What do you think?

Thank you for the update. Now I think he is a certified nutcase, and it makes it so much more easier for you to move on.......

Ignore everything he said. Hes bouncing his guilt off you, trying to justify his behavior, pushing the blame on you. He is wrong and he KNOWS it.

He is lost in infatuation but in time he will realize what an idiot he has been.

Good for you that you are getting stronger You will be okay.

Screw him. He has shown his true colours. You don't need someone like that