So..Do I wish my EX BF Happy Birthday after 1 year of No Contact?

Hi guys,

This is my first time posting on here. I just need some advice regarding my ex BF.

I am 22 and he is turning 25 this month. Here's a little bit of background info about him, me and our relationship. We were together for 3 years (since February 2012) in a long distance relationship, he was my first real boyfriend and I was in love with him, I still think I am. He broke up with me last year in April, since then we've had zero contact. And by zero I literally mean a zero,zilch, nada and he hasn't contacted me either. Since the break up I haven't been on his Facebook, I haven't google searched him, nothing!

I honestly don't even remember why he broke up with me but I do remember our relationship was really strained and we weren't really together at the time but we were trying to "fix" things, well I was trying to anyway. While we were working on things we'd talk everyday and it was HIM who initiated conversation all the time, everyday for a month, after his bday last year (his bday is in March) he went quiet on me AGAIN. So I started initiating the conversations first, I thought since he always did it maybe he got tired of it. So everyday for about a week I initiated contact first and he'd be so cold towards me and his replies were cold too. I thought wth did I do now? So I tried a couple of more times with "hey how are you", but nope he was so cold, so I asked him what's up and he wouldn't tell me, his last words to me were literally "Sorry I can't do this anymore, sorry for wasting your time". I said "ok, you didn't waste my time, but contact me when you stop acting retarded". And that was it! Nothing has been exchanged since that day. I was sort of devastated, but because I've been through this with him many times, I got over it and thought whatever, the next morning however, I found myself crying. I cried many nights after that too.

The thing is, before all this happened I was the one who broke up with him because he was being stupid and he wouldn't take me seriously and he'd just make jokes, so I said enough! This was in 2014 btw. After I broke up with him he started harassing me and texting me one day. He called me names such as b*tch, moron, idiot and every other name. He proceeded to say how he will ruin my life and threatened me, I went numb and felt scared That same day while he was harrassing me, he got into a car accident...apparently. I discovered he lied about the accident, the pieces weren't fitting the puzzle. I did further investigation, I called the hospital he was admitted to and lord and behold, there was no one ever admitted under his name. I asked them to double check, same result. I knew he lied, my gut was telling me he did. I discovered he made a pact with his cousin and brother to fake the accident.

Now, after this accident (2014) I cut off ALL contact with him, few months later he inboxes me on FB, saying "oh you got a new FB I see, how are you doing" (we weren't FB friends) I got sooo mad and angry I responded with "wth do you want", he was very cool, calm and collected. After a few days he managed to lure me in and I asked him if we could get back together, then BAM! He said "dont take this the wrong way but you burnt me in the past so I don't know" (or something along those lines, I don't remember) I couldn't believe what I was hearing and I don't know why I fell for him again, now that I think back I think his intentions were to get back at me. If he didn't want me, why contact me again? I was moving on, I was numb and had no feelings towards him.

We kept talking until November 2014, during these few months while we were "working things out", we'd fight all the time, I tried to be accepting of the trip but all I wanted to do was be with him and he kept asking "when will you come visit me", he's always visited me and this would be my first time going to his city because of my financial problems. I was especially mad because he told me he was going on a trip to Europe on November 30 2014 for 4 weeks. So it was finally November 2014, I decided to buy a plane ticket and on November 17 2014, I woke up early around 4 am and waited for my plane, which took off around 7am. I landed in Melbourne finally, then the fighting began again! He wouldn't meet me inside the arrival area and since I was so unfamiliar with the airport I freaked out and didn't know where he was. He was in his car OUTSIDE of the airport and I walked in the pouring rain to his car. Ugh. He told me how I wasn't normal because I couldn't find his car. To make things worse he was LATE to pick me up. I noticed he was wearing paint stained jeans and looked grubby. Like wth? Why not put in some effort, since I was nicely dressed too. The thing is he wanted to take me to his house to meet his parents but we weren't even together ?! (He met mine, but that was when we were on good terms and were BF and gf) I said way before I came to his city that I don't want to meet his parents just yet because I'm only coming to his city to work things out, what was he going to introduce me as? His friend? Lol and I promised him when he comes back from his holiday in January 2015 I'd come and meet his parents. So I confronted him about his jeans and why they had paint on them, so, he said to me "ok lets go to my house to change" I said "umm no I told you I'm not meeting your parents yet way before I came" (his parents live with him) but nope he wa soo adamant that he change his jeans. First of all, he had hours ahead to find what he's going to wear instead he shows up with paint stained jeans to pick me up. Then, we got into a fight and I said take me to the airport then, so he takes me to the airprot and I say to him "wait, let's talk about it calmly, go park somewhere" but nope he started yelling at me, so i started crying. I tried again to talk but nope he told me to get out of his car, so I did and he drove off really fast. I went inside the airport. I was only with him for 2 hours or less. It was 10 am,mi waited inside the airport for 9 hours for my flight back! They couldn't put me on an earlier one. I tried calling him from the airport, he picked up and said "I'm busy" then hung up. Mind you whilst we were in the car arguing (before I got out) his phone rang, he picked up, it was his friend, he sounded so happy to hear from his friend and when his friend asked what he was doing he said "dropping SOMEONE of the airport", someone? Really? Pfffftt, yet he wants to take me to his place.

Anyway, after that I went home, I tried pleading with him and crying for him, he didn't reply. It went on for 2 weeks, my texts to him, till 30 November 2014. On November 30 2014, the night when he was about to leave the country to for his European trip, I texted him saying "I'll always love you, remember that and when you get back please get back to me". I got no text, whatever. So, he comes back in January 2015 and still no text, March 2015 rolls around and I get a text from him saying "I got it when I got back". I was so shocked. If he got back in January 2015 why did it take him till march to reply to my text? So again, I asked if we could works things out and he said "that's all I want but I'm not sure". Anyway, that's how this last paragraph leads to paragraph one, where he dumped me in April 2015 and said "sorry I can't do it again. She why contact me again in March 2015 if he was going to say "I can't do this" in April 2015. What's the point?

My question is, since we were NC for 1 year since April 2015, is it ok to wish him a happy bday? I wished him one last year in March, when we were working things out. My bday was this year in January and he didn't wish me happy bday, he didn't wish me one last year either (he was on his holiday), he didn't break NC. So his bday is in 9 days, should I wish him happy bday? I'm a bit Ok now, but I find myself crying now and then and wishing for him back. I want to text "happy bday" just because I still care for him and I can't hate him, but know I have to move on and I have. I went on a date with this guy I liked, twice, but it didn't work out. I know if I send happy bday he might reply, I'd rather him not reply though. I just want to do it because I'm not angry. But I know deep down in a way I want him back, but if he doesn't want reconciliation then I don't care either , I was in love with hi and I still love him, he was my first love. I wasn't always perfect either, but in my eyes he was perfect. So what do I do?

Keep NC. You've done a great job. Make it through this hurdle.

Some of the history you have tells me this is not The One. You will love again, and he will be honest, have integrity, and treat you (and himself) with respect and kindness. Let this history recede, let his birthday come and go without contact, and keep moving forward.

Why do want to wish him a happy birthday? Did he reach out to you?

Simply put...no.

You couldn't even last a couple of hours together without fighting. So why put yourself through that again?

And really...you're hoping he'll want to get back together. And I can't fathom why you'd want to go back to that mess.

Movingforward3 ,No he didn't, I mentioned it in the text that we have been NC for a year. He hasn't reached out to me and vice versa. And again, I mentioned in the text why I want to wish him a Happy Birthday.

So, Allie you have to ask yourself why you wish to put yourself in a bad place to get hurt? Why give up no contact at this point? Why do you think things have changed?

I'm going to explain it the best I can haha. I don't want to go back where we were, the fights and all. It's exhausting. But I loved him and it's been a year of NC, I am getting curious about him, I wonder where he is in life, if he's single (I know I can find this out through Facebook, but I haven't been on his FB page in 4 years and I'm not going to start going on it now. I just wonder if in that year he's changed, I know I have. I wonder if we can give it another shot, if not then oh well

So, Allie you have to ask yourself why you wish to put yourself in a bad place to get hurt? Why give up no contact at this point? Why do you think things have changed?

Or, don't get introspective with it. Do that later. For now, it's like running into traffic. You just don't do it. Later, you may reflect on the cars in the road and the fun/hazard they present.

Allie,

I think you know the answer. Consider all possibilities before you go down this road and decide if it is worth it to you. I know you want to perceive a positive opportunity, but what about all of the negative ones, as well?

I'm going to explain it the best I can haha. I don't want to go back where we were, the fights and all. It's exhausting. But I loved him and it's been a year of NC, I am getting curious about him, I wonder where he is in life, if he's single (I know I can find this out through Facebook, but I haven't been on his FB page in 4 years and I'm not going to start going on it now. I just wonder if in that year he's changed, I know I have. I wonder if we can give it another shot, if not then oh well

Those are selfish reasons - to see if there is anything there for you.

You only may call him to wish happy birthday once you couldn't care less if he has something to offer you. By then, you may not care that it's his birthday.

IthinkIcan, I don't think you understood me. I do have feelings for him still and I know I'd be heartbroken if he was with someone else but I'd accept it. And don't you think that if I was going to forget his birthday I would have a done it a year ago, instead I am here asking if I should wish him a happy birthday? I just feel like it's been a year, the dust has settled and I'm ready to talk, ready to get closure on everything. In fact, I don't think you even read everything I wrote, otherwise you wouldn't be writing half the things you just wrote. But ok

Nope. Not one single reason to do so and after a year of NC, and him not doing the same for you, I'd say he's done. And you should be too.

A year of silence from him would be "closure" enough for me.

I did read it all. And from 2014 until the breakup it sounds like the long distance relationship from hell. Particularly the airport fiasco.

A year of silence from him would be "closure" enough for me.

 

I did read it all. And from 2014 until the breakup it sounds like the long distance relationship from hell. Particularly the airport fiasco.

Thanks for your input, I just don't understand why he would do that, I know I could never do that to someone I love and care about. And I wonder why after a year I still have feelings for him. I did date a guy and we kicked it off great but it didn't work out. And mind you, I started to forget about this ex for a while, then a couple of days ago I got this intense feeling about him. I know whenever we used to fight and go NC he would always reach out to me. Oh and I think I missed out on some info. When we first started dating a couple of months later this guy broke up with me, over text for no reason! I didn't bother replying to it or acknowledging the break up. Guess what happened? A month later he texts me wanting me back, so I accepted him back, only after a few days of thinking about it. This happened in 2013.Makes me question everything

I too wonder. If a guy called me those horrible names it wouldn't be "love" I'd be feeling for him.

Nope. Not one single reason to do so and after a year of NC, and him not doing the same for you, I'd say he's done. And you should be too.

Trust me I know I should be done and I'm on my way. The thing is he's always contacted me first, and I feel like if he's going to contact me he better do it soon. But then again what would that achieve. It's just horrible once you move on and then bam! They contact you. That bothers me, I feel like I would rethink about going back to him and that scares me.

Trust me I know I should be done and I'm on my way. The thing is he's always contacted me first, and I feel like if he's going to contact me he better do it soon. But then again what would that achieve. It's just horrible once you move on and then bam! They contact you. That bothers me, I feel like I would rethink about going back to him and that scares me.

It's already been a whole year without a word from him. Yet you'd still want to ask him to get back together if he contacts you "soon"?

It's already been a whole year without a word from him. Yet you'd still want to ask him to get back together if he contacts you "soon"?

No, that's not what I'm saying, I would never ask him to get back together. If I wanted to beg and ask I'd have done it the minute he broke it off. I'm just scared that if he realises he made a mistake (which he might not) it's going to be too late and I'm worried I might regret it too. I don't know tbh, I feel like I should have fought for our relationship instead of letting him go without another text but then again he didn't fight for us either. As you can tell my thoughts are all over the place.

He broke up with me last year in April, since then we've had zero contact. And by zero I literally mean a zero,zilch, nada and he hasn't contacted me either. Since the break up I haven't been on his Facebook, I haven't google searched him, nothing!

 

My question is, since we were NC for 1 year since April 2015, is it ok to wish him a happy bday? I wished him one last year in March, when we were working things out. My bday was this year in January and he didn't wish me happy bday, he didn't wish me one last year either (he was on his holiday), he didn't break NC. So his bday is in 9 days, should I wish him happy bday?

OP, please, please re-read your words above and really absorb them. Really take it in and then ask yourself WHY on earth you would even contemplate doing this? Seriously, there is absolutely NO reason to contact him to wish him happy b/day. Honestly, what for? Seems you very much want to get in touch again in the hope of getting back together? A whole year has passed by and no doubt, the guy has very very clearly moved on. If he was even remotely interested in you, he probably would have been in touch with you and maybe even wished you a happy birthday. He didn't. That pretty much says it all, imo.

So far, every single person has advised against it, but I get the feeling you'll go ahead anyway.

OP, please, please re-read your words above and really absorb them. Really take it in and then ask yourself WHY on earth you would even contemplate doing this? Seriously, there is absolutely NO reason to contact him to wish him happy b/day. Honestly, what for? Seems you very much want to get in touch again in the hope of getting back together? A whole year has passed by and no doubt, the guy has very very clearly moved on. If he was even remotely interested in you, he probably would have been in touch with you and maybe even wished you a happy birthday. He didn't. That pretty much says it all, imo.

 

So far, every single person has advised against it, but I get the feeling you'll go ahead anyway.

Well thanks for taking your time to read that. No honestly, I'm scared to contact him, I would be shaking before I could even press send. I'm just wondering if you guys think it's a good idea because I haven't been thinking about him as much. I only started thinking about him like crazy a couple of days ago. Obviously everyone's against it so I won't send it. I also feel like there's unfinished business and I'm ready to talk to him now, if that makes sense

I'm just wondering if you guys think it's a good idea

NO. Really really really BAD idea. So far everyone agreed that it is a bad idea. You have zero reason to do this. Zero. It's just so pointless and makes no sense at all (imo).

NO. Really really really BAD idea. So far everyone agreed that it is a bad idea. You have zero reason to do this. Zero. It's just so pointless and makes no sense at all (imo).

Ok thanks I get it

Does anyone else want to leave their opinion/advice? Thanks

Does anyone else want to leave their opinion/advice? Thanks

Yeah I will..NO! It's done, over with, kaput...you're saying you would be shaking before contacting him so you're not at indifference yet. My wife left 2 years ago after 24 years and I don't have any contact with her at all. Just keep moving forward

Yeah I will..NO! It's done, over with, kaput...you're saying you would be shaking before contacting him so you're not at indifference yet. My wife left 2 years ago after 24 years and I don't have any contact with her at all. Just keep moving forward

What I meant was, I wouldn't contact him first due to my fear. I don't know what I'm scared of but I couldn't just send him a text randomly