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Thread: Attracted to 40yr old Boss

  1. #11
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    The only sensible reply as of now. Thanks

  2. #12
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    Originally Posted by DoF
    You are not ready for marriage, nor should you do be in a relationship if you can't contain yourself or have self control. Sorry.

    You also have very poor mind control. You dwell on this attraction and keep thinking about.......of course your feelings will grow and develop.

    While in a relationship it's YOUR responsibility to keep these type of thoughts away from your brain or deflect them.
    You could be little more sensitive while replying this.
    Poor mind control? Dude i m not kinda lady who sleeps with 10 guys or had 100 relationships.

    I wanted a resort not this kind of a reply which puts me in more negative zone.

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    Originally Posted by LoveSoDeep
    I think it's human to feel attraction for someone of the opposite sex even if you are in a greet committed relationship. I know lots of people who say things like "I really love my husband, but man so-an-so is hot!" I don't think it's wrong to have these feelings but it's how react to them that makes all the difference. It seems like for a while both you and the man in question were just letting these thoughts pass through and not really living in your head or your heart....just a fleeting thought here or there. If you're starting to fantasize though that signals that thoughts of him are sticking with you. If you love your boyfriend and he loves his wife the best thing to do is to cut this out of your life. If you can't move to a different company can you seek out a different position within your company where he would not be your boss and you would have very little reason to interact with him? If that's not an option you need to just tell him that he needs to stop whatever it is he's saying to you that "makes you blush" he needs to treat you just like the other associates because you know he loves his wife and it's starting to feel inappropriate.
    Probably the only sensible reply as of now. Thank you very much 😊

  4. #14
    Platinum Member missmarple's Avatar
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    What I think is really going on here is that you're over your boyfriend. Sure, you love him because he's the only guy you've ever dated and he's probably a decent guy, too, but you're not in love any more. Marrying him, in my opinion, would be the worst thing you can do to him and to yourself.
    We all get crushes..for a boss, a friend, a guy at the supermarket, a colleague, etc, etc..but 2 years is a very long time...and when we reach a point when we sleep with our b/f and imagine someone else, well, it doesn't get much worse than that.
    You know, you don't have to marry someone just because you've been with them for years.

    As for your boss, I think he enjoys flirting with a pretty, young girl but that's all...which is for the best considering he's married with kids. But, if he had been single, I bet you wouldn't be with your b/f but with him right now. And that means what I said in the beginning..your relationship has run its circle and you're ready for something new.

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  6. #15
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    Originally Posted by missmarple
    What I think is really going on here is that you're over your boyfriend. Sure, you love him because he's the only guy you've ever dated and he's probably a decent guy, too, but you're not in love any more. Marrying him, in my opinion, would be the worst thing you can do to him and to yourself.
    We all get crushes..for a boss, a friend, a guy at the supermarket, a colleague, etc, etc..but 2 years is a very long time...and when we reach a point when we sleep with our b/f and imagine someone else, well, it doesn't get much worse than that.
    You know, you don't have to marry someone just because you've been with them for years.

    As for your boss, I think he enjoys flirting with a pretty, young girl but that's all...which is for the best considering he's married with kids. But, if he had been single, I bet you wouldn't be with your b/f but with him right now. And that means what I said in the beginning..your relationship has run its circle and you're ready for something new.
    Isn't it going to make my life more complicated? I chose this guy, my family, relatives, friends all knows about our relation. We are expected to get married soon. He n i both have made many plans, we have discussed our future together. Its just that he is too busy to give me proper attention since a year coz of his work priorities. May be this is the reason i am losing interest n inclining towards wrong person.
    This phase shall passout. But how is leaving him the solution? I would end up being with noone. I cant expect my boss to leave his family to be with me, its just a crush which is spoiling my mind n i cant let it spoil my life by taking any wrong step😖😖😖😖.

  7. #16
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    Originally Posted by missmarple
    As for your boss, I think he enjoys flirting with a pretty, young girl but that's all...which is for the best considering he's married with kids. But, if he had been single, I bet you wouldn't be with your b/f but with him right now. And that means what I said in the beginning..your relationship has run its circle and you're ready for something new.
    Well you're very much right here. If he was not married, i would have given lot of consideration. But here situation is very complicated, if not in real, atleast in my head. 1stly , me n my boss has never talked about this. Its just the silent admiration we pass on to eachother. This simply means, like me, even he doesn't wanna spoil his already existing relation. He is mature, so he can deal with such attractions calmly, but for me it gets very weird. I wish i could share my problems with my guy😖

  8. #17
    Platinum Member missmarple's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Sk3101
    But how is leaving him the solution? I would end up being with noone.
    This is so sad to read, coming from a 26yo woman.

    Listen..if you said I can't leave him because I love him..I would rethink my advice. But you mentioned everything...from relatives, friends, plans to fear of loneliness...everything but the single most important reason why someone should get married (in my opinion, at least)..that they love the other person and want a life with them.

    For your sake, I hope that your next crush (because there will be one) won't be single, also interested in you, and come after you're married and have a couple of kids.

  9. #18
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    Originally Posted by missmarple
    This is so sad to read, coming from a 26yo woman.

    Listen..if you said I can't leave him because I love him..I would rethink my advice. But you mentioned everything...from relatives, friends, plans to fear of loneliness...everything but the single most important reason why someone should get married (in my opinion, at least)..that they love the other person and want a life with them.
    Ofcourse i love him, love him a lot. I cant spend a day without talking to him, infacts its always me who initiate n tell him that i need more of his time n attention because, only he has that ability to make me feel better even in the worst of situations. There is love and that is why we are still together. What is killing me here is that i have fear of losing him, else i would have shared this issue too with him, like i always do in every situation.

  10. #19
    Platinum Member itsallgrand's Avatar
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    The issue is one of maturity (lack of) on your part.
    That you would consider leaving your man if the right opportunity presented itself to you speaks volumes. So does your fear of being without a man, and of disappointing family, and relying so much on your man for your happiness.
    If you have decided you are with someone, then do what it takes to make it work. If you can't, do the right thing and leave.
    You can't really speed up your maturity fast enough to be ready for marriage so quickly. You have tonnes of work to do as a person before being ready for that.

    Being attracted to a boss or an older man in power is a tired cliche for a reason. Until you can see through it, for what it is, it's only a matter of time til it happens again or escalates.

    My suggestion would be focusing on your life independent of men and needing them to the point you can stand on your own and handle that and be happy. If you stay with your guy, he will be gone a lot for work, so no matter which way you go, you'll benefit from learning not to look to men to meet your needs.

  11. #20
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    Originally Posted by itsallgrand
    The issue is one of maturity (lack of) on your part.
    That you would consider leaving your man if the right opportunity presented itself to you speaks volumes. So does your fear of being without a man, and of disappointing family, and relying so much on your man for your happiness.
    If you have decided you are with someone, then do what it takes to make it work. If you can't, do the right thing and leave.
    You can't really speed up your maturity fast enough to be ready for marriage so quickly. You have tonnes of work to do as a person before being ready for that.

    Being attracted to a boss or an older man in power is a tired cliche for a reason. Until you can see through it, for what it is, it's only a matter of time til it happens again or escalates.

    My suggestion would be focusing on your life independent of men and needing them to the point you can stand on your own and handle that and be happy. If you stay with your guy, he will be gone a lot for work, so no matter which way you go, you'll benefit from learning not to look to men to meet your needs.
    I second this post. It seems you stay with your boyfriend only because you are too scared to be on your own and that is just so so wrong. You seem to rely on others to make you happy. Whatever you do, do NOT marry him. You'll marry him for all the wrong reasons and don't seem mature enough (at this point, anyway).

    As for the boss: The guy is married with children and that's what you need to keep reminding yourself. You have no place there. It's going nowhere. Focus on your own relationship and if something is not working there, then work on fixing it. It all comes down to respecting other people's relationships and having self respect.

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