'Our' Money

My husband and I have been married for about 6 months and living together for almost 2 years and I just don't know how to change my thinking from my money and his money to 'our money'. I was 29 when we started seeing each other (long distance) and almost 30 when he moved in. To my house. That I bought and had been paying off on my own for almost 2 years when he moved in. I'm a teacher so I earn a decent income and have been completely financially independent since I was 24. I also earn more than my husband, which isn't an issue, but I'm 31 and hubby is only 22 so I've been managing my personal finances for a lot longer than he has and currently also manage our household money and bills because to be honest, he wouldn't have a clue. Currently I'm splitting the bills and household expenses and he is giving me his share of the money towards them like we've done since he got a job once he moved here. But now that we're married it feels weird, like he's paying me board or something and think a joint account would make so much more sense but then when he buys something stupid like a video game or spends a ridiculous amount of money on in app purchases on a phone app I just think ugh I do NOT want my hard earned money being spent on that crap. I honestly don't know what to do 😕

Have a joint account for shared expenses. Anything fun you guys want to buy for yourselves can come out of your personal accounts.

Have a joint account for expenses and bills and two discretionary accounts, one for each person for the " fun" stuff. You each provide your own "fun" money.

Personally ,we put our money together. There is no "my "money. There is no set in stone way for people to do finances.

Actually I think the way you're doing it now is just fine. But maybe you need to sit him down with you and have him "help" on paying bills etc. He's never had to do that on his own and you may as well teach him that skill. I'm with you that a joint account is probably not a great idea until he sees how much things cost, maybe has done a course or two on money management, and you feel confident he won't take all the money for food and blow it on a video game.

And until that day my advice is keep doing it how you're doing it. And don't put his name on your house title or anything else that can be forfeit potentially bad money decisions by your partner. In fact, this is where a trust is probably a good idea, but maybe you should consult with an estate attorney on that since I'm not necessarily legally trained. I just know what I did before my husband and I married. And we spent some time working out all of it because we both had established businesses before we met.

The way you're doing it now is actually wise. The partner who is smarter on finances and able to handle them should be in charge of them. And no, if you see he's apt to go a bit wild on frivolities with money then you should not let him have full open access to everything.

The thing with two people marrying is in part, although often not thought of that way, the bringing together of two people to each enhance the other's survival. That means each of you should bring skills to the table that the other does not possess or doesn't possess as strongly. And each of you should let the other one use those skills and enjoy it. You're good with money, you're smart with money, he isn't as much, so yes you should control the finances. I'm sure he contributes in a lot of other ways and that's fine too.