I’m trying to understand where things stand w/ a guy.

I’m trying to understand where things stand w/ a guy. We went to high school together in the 90’s. (I had a crush on him then.)

Since then, he’s been married twice:

* to a woman w/ BPD, w/ whom he has 2 children (who has caused - & continues to cause - unbelievable drama), &

* to a non-personality-disordered woman who cheated.

He puts in long work hours as a truck driver.

We reconnected via a dating app (that he said his sister talked him into signing up for) & have been sleeping together for over a year. Neither of us is seeing anyone else.

I have feelings - including a great deal of respect - for him & would like this to go somewhere. (After all, isn’t that the point of dating?) But … he either has one foot on the break … or simply sees me as a f*ck buddy. Out of nowhere, he’s said “I don’t want a relationship.” Yet when I bring things up (via text), he always says “relax & see what happens” & that I need to be patient. He’s also told me that I’m “over thinking things” & “missing the big picture.” (I have absolutely no clue what that meant.) In the past, he’s said “we’re doing things backwards” & recently he’s said “when you rush into things, you make mistakes.”

I tend to be an anxious person, & it’s very difficult for me not to know how he feels about me or what his intentions are. I don’t want to be pushy, but I don’t want to waste my time, either.

Is he just being (rightfully) cautious, or is it just sex? Because he seems to be a man of character (& because I care for him), I want to believe it’s the former. But anxiety & self doubt keep me considering the latter.

You are doing things backwards indeed. You should've established that you were both looking for a serious relationship (and possibly marriage) right from the get go, established that you were in a serious exclusive relationship before you slept with him, and by the one year mark, there should've been reasonably good progression on the relationship that you may be considering marriage in the next year or few years (depending on your ages and other factors in play).

He told you point blank, he doesn't want a relationship. He's telling you the truth, so listen to him. The whole going with the flow and see how things go thing is just to keep you hanging around waiting. Yes it's very likely that he wants you just for sex and companionship. His past may also be affecting his view on serious commitment such that he's emotionally unavailable for anything serious. I would suggest strongly against waiting around to find out or for him to change, he is what he is showing you today.

Break up and find someone who is actually looking for and ready for a serious relationship right from the start.

Look sorry but I very much doubt that he would want a serious relationship with you. After a whole year of sleeping together it's very unlikely that if he's still really unsure and says "I don't want a relationship" that he would change his mind. He might be a nice guy but sometimes people just want something casual and no strings, or don't fall for every person, this is why it ends up being just sex for them. A year is a very long time for him to "just see how it goes". Trust me, he knows "how it's going" and he does not think it's going anywhere in terms of a relationship. Maybe he thought you were on the same page because for a whole year you keep sleeping with him and don't set any rules or ask for commitment. If you have feelings I think you should just end it. You're not seeing anyone else but you could be seeing someone else and meet a guy who will adore you and want an actual relationship with you. Don't waste your time on this guy anymore. His excuses sound a bit cliche too, I've heard them all before.

I was dating a man that told me he didn't want a relationship. I wanted one and with him so I hung around hoping that he would change his mind and guess what? He NEVER DID!! The truth was he didn't want a relationship with me. After we stopped dating, he quickly got into a relationship with another women and as far as I know, they are still together So lesson learned. When they say that, believe them.

My advice, break up with him now and stop wasting precious time on someone who is not going to commit to you.