hello new here and have a very unique situation

I just want to say HI and share a situation that I need help with desperately.

So I will start off. I am a 37 yr old male, healthy and fit. I own a custom audio shop

A couple months ago a couple showed up at my shop, and what I mean by couple is two lesbian girls.

At first I treated them like any other customer, with politeness. The more i worked with them i started growing more interested in one of the girls more than the other. To clear things

I am not a relationship destroyer. So over a few months time I started having brief text conversations with this girl We will call her Mary. All our convos were very pleasant.

So as the days and weeks went by I found out that she does hair. So i contracted her to cut my hair so that built a little more time with her in a p2p environment

So one day I call up Mary and ask if she could come by to give me a haircut and during that phone call. She told me that she broke up with her gf because the other girl cheated on her with another girl (confusing I know)

So Mary cut my hair that day. One thing I noticed differently about that day was Mary seemed very open to talk to me and we have been talking ( not about dating ) but just average things However I did ask if it was possible that she could be leaning more towards dating guys . her response was (too soon) I'm assuming she said that because of my possible next question so i left it at that.

So now I'm at this point where I don't know how to proceed I want her to know I'm interested without offending her.

Marys back ground is shes been a lesbian since she was 16 and now shes 25 has only had 1 bf before she was into girls

Can anybody help me proceed

Any ideas how i can make this girl notice me in a relationship atmosphere

Thanks in advance for all future responses

Dear Mygrlni,

I like your username, by the way!

From her behavior and remarks, it seems like she knows already that you are interested in her, and that she's interested in you, too. When you asked if she was leaning towards dating guys, that told her you were interested. Her answer tells you she understood where you were going with it, and asked you to wait. She seems to have left the door open for you to approach her romantically after she has recovered from her very recent breakup. She said, "Too soon." She didn't say, "No, I am not bi."

I would give her time to recover from the breakup. You don't want to be the rebound guy, do you? She needs to move out of the window of vulnerability that follows a breakup first, in order for her next relationship to be healthy.

Just be patient.

Youareworthy

what I mean by couple is two lesbian girls.

 

Marys back ground is shes been a lesbian since she was 16 and now shes 25 has only had 1 bf before she was into girls

 

So now I'm at this point where I don't know how to proceed I want her to know I'm interested without offending her.

Any ideas how i can make this girl notice me in a relationship atmosphere

I think the key word here is lesbian. She doesn't swing your way and you need to absorb that and accept it.

That said, I have no doubt she is aware you are attracted to her so IF she happens to be BI, then she may get back to you. Until then, I would back off - she's getting over a break up.

Why would you ask a lesbian if she wants to date guys? I realize there is a spectrum and people fall into a scale... but my point is why ask her the question? It seems terribly rude to me. I mean, if you want to go out with her, just ask her out. No need to ask about preferences, she'll make that clear if/when the time arises. Ask her out. If she says "yes" than you know that she also dates guys and if she says "no" then either she doesn't date guys or doesn't want to date you.

Look at it this way... if you were interested in dating someone outside your race, wouldn't you just ask them out? Or would you ask if they date "white guys" before asking them out on a date ... just as an example. No you wouldn't ask that way, right? It's the same kinda thing in the above situation. Do you ask women if they are straight before you ask them out? Catch my drift here?

Anyway... looking at your particular situation, I would say she's simply not ready to date again. She just got out a relationship. And she was cheated on. She needs time to heal and re-group before dating anyone.

Wow Amazing quick response

thank you

I was kind of hoping you would ask more questions maybe it would cause me to see things in a different light

I will say this thou She seemed to get over the girl fairly quickly.Im not sure what that means

As a male perspective I would think she was over that relationship way before it ended she was just waiting for the opportune time to react ( maybe subconsciously )

It's been about 2 months and i dont want to miss that chance

I wish it was black and white on when to act

Yes exactly my point I dont know where to start and not offend her I did ask her out to dinner and she did say yes but 2 times she has ignored me but shortly after apologies for missing my text. She left town for about a week

And i got her a an off the shoulder shirt with her favorite super hero logo I know it sounds kind of childish but she told me ever since she was a little shes been a superman fan so i put two together and combined what i know about her liking superman and one of the days she should up at my shop she was wearing a ( off the shoulder long sleeve shirt )

I'm hoping it shows her im paying attention.

And i got her a an off the shoulder shirt with her favorite super hero logo.

whoa. Did she accept it? Speaking for myself only, that would make me feel really uncomfortable.

My guess would be if she identified as lesbian then most likely she would not be into guys unfortunately. My friend who's lesbian slept with a guy too to experiment when she was a teenager but she very quickly realised from that experience she's only into women. I don't think having a boyfriend before sixteen years old is a good indication of liking guys at all because many gay people in High school date the opposite gender. It's either to fit in with everyone else or they're still figuring out their sexuality. I think at this point you kind of got rejected indirectly in my opinion because she did say it's "too soon" to date. Sometimes people just try to be polite by saying that. Anyway I suggest like one of the previous posters said that you ask her out directly and get your closure. Being a lesbian since sixteen years old is a long time so I'd be surprised if she all of a sudden went for a guy. But I'm bi so do believe a person can be open to both genders, but some people really are just strictly gay.

Wow ! Tinydance what a way to beak somebody's bubble

I saw it a different way: The way I see it is she was too young to realize what a relationship really is I think the fact that she met this girl who happened to be her best friend it was an easy way to have a relationship I don't think she gave it enough time to find the right guy and at the time she wasn't thinking about finding the right guy she was thinking about having fun.

So my idea is to show her how a true gentleman treats a girl I've never been in any situation like this but my past relationships I've always been the likable type not to brag but I seem to hit it off with anybody I talked to.

Because she only had a boyfriend at 16 she doesn't understand what a real man woman relationship is all about and may be this superhero issue she has is or has something to do with her lack of interest in guys because of her persona of Superman himself. Not that I'm classifying this as a reason but she also has never met her dad so she has been brought up by her mom all her life

I don't like to talk too much can sometimes I ramble and say stupid things I may have already done that in this conversation but to answer your questions I haven't given her the shirt yet I just ordered it won't be here until the day before Valentine's Day if she takes it negatively than i will understand that she's not ready to do anything but if she accepts it which she has accepted other things I've given her the past I'm wondering what to do now if she does accept it

The dinner request I asked several times and she said yes every time but we never got to the point to where she said let's go but before she left on vacation she told me for sure that she would go to dinner with me now I don't know how to read that response whether she's thinking I'm asking her out on a date or I'm just trying to be friendly

One thing I did leave out the day that she broke up with her girlfriend was one of the days I was getting my hair cut I decided I would cook lunch for her so I made chicken Parmesan salad and I made a cake just to show her a little bit about myself and what I like to do now the environment wasn't a restaurant it was just my shop but I set up a table and some chairs and I made it as nice as I could which she appreciated I could tell that she was shocked that was the time I asked her about dating guys instead of girls so we definitely has had one on one time.

I just haven't taken it to the next step and don't know how to follow through now maybe I started this conversation will too early and maybe I should give her the shirts and see how it goes how she accepts a Valentine's Day gift from a guy I'm sure it's the first time she's ever experience that and I'm expecting shock

My question is why are you picking someone that is like unattainable?

One thing I did leave out the day that she broke up with her girlfriend was one of the days I was getting my hair cut I decided I would cook lunch for her so I made chicken Parmesan salad and I made a cake just to show her a little bit about myself and what I like to do now the environment wasn't a restaurant it was just my shop but I set up a table and some chairs and I made it as nice as I could which she appreciated I could tell that she was shocked

Yikes. I can totally understand why she was shocked! I would have been too. It seems you tend to do a lot of over kill and too much, too soon. Like you have no sense of boundaries etc. Now you want to push it by giving her shirts for Valentines Day? Don't be too surprised if she starts backing off and you don't see her anymore.

You also don't seem to understand that she has been lesbian for almost ten years - that is NOT an indication that she may just be a little confused - this shows she KNOWS she is NOT into guys. Ten years is more than enough time to know what you like.

Wow ! Tinydance what a way to beak somebody's bubble

 

I saw it a different way: The way I see it is she was too young to realize what a relationship really is I think the fact that she met this girl who happened to be her best friend it was an easy way to have a relationship I don't think she gave it enough time to find the right guy and at the time she wasn't thinking about finding the right guy she was thinking about having fun.

 

So my idea is to show her how a true gentleman treats a girl I've never been in any situation like this but my past relationships I've always been the likable type not to brag but I seem to hit it off with anybody I talked to.

 

Because she only had a boyfriend at 16 she doesn't understand what a real man woman relationship is all about and may be this superhero issue she has is or has something to do with her lack of interest in guys because of her persona of Superman himself. Not that I'm classifying this as a reason but she also has never met her dad so she has been brought up by her mom all her life

 

I don't like to talk too much can sometimes I ramble and say stupid things I may have already done that in this conversation but to answer your questions I haven't given her the shirt yet I just ordered it won't be here until the day before Valentine's Day if she takes it negatively than i will understand that she's not ready to do anything but if she accepts it which she has accepted other things I've given her the past I'm wondering what to do now if she does accept it

 

The dinner request I asked several times and she said yes every time but we never got to the point to where she said let's go but before she left on vacation she told me for sure that she would go to dinner with me now I don't know how to read that response whether she's thinking I'm asking her out on a date or I'm just trying to be friendly

 

One thing I did leave out the day that she broke up with her girlfriend was one of the days I was getting my hair cut I decided I would cook lunch for her so I made chicken Parmesan salad and I made a cake just to show her a little bit about myself and what I like to do now the environment wasn't a restaurant it was just my shop but I set up a table and some chairs and I made it as nice as I could which she appreciated I could tell that she was shocked that was the time I asked her about dating guys instead of girls so we definitely has had one on one time.

 

I just haven't taken it to the next step and don't know how to follow through now maybe I started this conversation will too early and maybe I should give her the shirts and see how it goes how she accepts a Valentine's Day gift from a guy I'm sure it's the first time she's ever experience that and I'm expecting shock

OK, don't get mad, from your posts you actually do seem like a nice guy that really likes this woman a lot and you want to spoil her. But people like you just annoy me sorry. I'm bisexual and I have a lot of lesbian friends and my previous housemate of 3.5 years and close friend is a lesbian. Living with her for all that time, I saw a lot of guys constantly hit on her and disrespect the fact that she's a lesbian (she's really open about it). Many guys at her work and guys on online dating sites would say to her: "You just haven't been with a real man, you just need to experience me, you just need some penis in you, etc, etc". I know you are not being disrespectful to this woman and not saying anything like that, you don't sound like a jerk like those guys. But indirectly you are still disrespectful because you just don't accept that she's a lesbian and you think just by being nice you can magically switch her sexuality. It doesn't really work like that...

Many guys would say to my housemate: "How do you know you're gay, you've only slept with one guy and never dated a guy. You need to experience it first". And she would say to them: "So how do you know you're straight then if you've never slept with another guy or dated another guy?" And they would say: "Well, I just know I'm not gay, I know I'm straight". And she would say: "That's right, and I just know that I'm a lesbian". Do you get my point?

Sorry but it just annoys me that you're saying she would change her mind once she knows what a real man/woman relationship is, that is, once she experiences YOU. You think at sixteen she just didn't know what it's like to be really with a guy. Sure, but she has had plenty of opportunities, she probably just doesn't WANT to be with a guy. If another man started hitting on you and cooking you dinner, buying gifts, being nice, will you turn gay just coz it's a nice person pursuing you? Just because you've never dated a man, does it mean you need to try it to really know you're truly straight?

I know you really like this woman and your intentions are actually good and decent, but think about these questions. If she's bi then sure, go for it, but also don't be so naive and self-assured that you don't understand what being lesbian actually means.

Okay while I see your point I didn't make anything really clear the reason why I cooked lunch is because after she told me that she broke up with her girlfriend I asked her if she wanted to talk about it and she said she'd blow my hat off with as much as she had to talk about so immediately I saw that she confided with me and I chose to make it a more comfortable environment instead of asking her to go to dinner or lunch at a restaurant.

Now when I talk about getting her things one particular thing I gave her a set of clippers that I had when my last girlfriend used to cut my hair she used them and when I gave them to her my intention was to help her with her job and of course to create a bond of some sort which it worked

The other things I've given her and I haven't made this to clear in this conversation but my previous relationship had just ended not too long before hers did to me the signs are all there we both confided in each other's company to what extent I'm not sure.

I don't see her being in a relationship for 10 years I see her being trapped for 10 years on a decision that she wasn't sure she wanted reason behind that conclusion is she told me that her girlfriend used her all the time her girlfriend never had a job she's always held a job she paid for her schooling to be a hairstylist and never paid it back these are very clear indications that they weren't having a proper kind of relationship that two should have.

Oh and by the way the words shocked I meant in a good way not a negative way she was very pleased with my cooking and she let me know repeatedly how good it was so I know what I did there did not overstep it was the first time we actually had a one-on-one conversation and I did'nt Want to step too far

You're right I don't know what being gay is like nor am I interested in finding out but I do believe that anybody can find the right person based on the environment personality and just flat out timing I don't believe there is a category of lesbian or bisexual or straight I think it just means what opportunities at the right time. I see multiple stories about lesbians turning straight I don't believe that was a sexual decision I believe just the time presented itself in the right environment which is what I am trying to accomplish.

Now I know this may upset you a little bit tiny dance and I do appreciate your input but I also believe she has a short amount of time to know what a relationship is and to build a family because we don't have that much time to make decisions when it comes to babymaking I know from past conversations that she loves children and that she has a Nice that she wishes was her own or I should say takes care of her as her own sure there's adoption available another means I'm sure but I don't think it's the same as actually having birth to your blood. Of course this is speaking too soon but I'm just thrown it out there so you understand what my expectations are. Now without jumping too far ahead of course the regular dating process applies and I'm not just looking for a baby maker.

The older I get the more I realize that I'm running out of time to find a family and maybe I shouldnt put it schedule on that but I am slowly losing self-esteem when it comes to that situation and it almost sometimes feels like I'll never find the right woman to have a family with. My last girlfriend told me she did not want to have children which pose a severe problem and I think it was one of the reasons why we ended it mutually

So I did leave a little bit out of the other conversation when I said that I got out of a recent relationship. the other gift I gave her and (at the time) her girlfriend was a bottle of perfume that I had bought for my gf they both knew the situation and I told her at the time that I did not want to take it to the store and return it that would be embarrassing and she said she totally understands now this was a $200 bottle of perfume so yes I would say I did overshoot a little bit but I did not tell her that's how much they cost it was just something I was hauling around my car and like I said the opportunity presented itself so I went with my gut feeling and she accepted the gift again to what expectations I don't know

Okay while I see your point I didn't make anything really clear the reason why I cooked lunch is because after she told me that she broke up with her girlfriend I asked her if she wanted to talk about it and she said she'd blow my hat off with as much as she had to talk about so immediately I saw that she confided with me and I chose to make it a more comfortable environment instead of asking her to go to dinner or lunch at a restaurant.

 

Now when I talk about getting her things one particular thing I gave her a set of clippers that I had when my last girlfriend used to cut my hair she used them and when I gave them to her my intention was to help her with her job and of course to create a bond of some sort which it worked

 

The other things I've given her and I haven't made this to clear in this conversation but my previous relationship had just ended not too long before hers did to me the signs are all there we both confided in each other's company to what extent I'm not sure.

 

I don't see her being in a relationship for 10 years I see her being trapped for 10 years on a decision that she wasn't sure she wanted reason behind that conclusion is she told me that her girlfriend used her all the time her girlfriend never had a job she's always held a job she paid for her schooling to be a hairstylist and never paid it back these are very clear indications that they weren't having a proper kind of relationship that two should have.

Well how long exactly has it been now since their break up? I still think it would take her at least some time to grieve and move on from her relationship. As much as she may have been unhappy, it doesn't just take only a short time to forget your partner of two years and be totally over them. I'm not sure what to make of her reply to you asking if she would date guys by saying: "It's too soon". On the one hand it does sound like she's open to the idea, but maybe just being polite or generally just saying she's not ready to date yet at all.

I think it's been about three months now since she's told me they broke up and since then I've talked to her quite a bit and she has stated quite a few times that she ignores the calls from her ex and that she's completely done with her.

Now the way I read that if she's telling me things that she really didn't have to unless she was interested. She states every once in a while that she has no interest at all whatsoever with her ex-girlfriend now I can take that two different ways either she's not interested in girls anymore or she's not interested in that girl anymore.

conversations can be so confusing sometimes lol

It's really hard to say if she is interested you, and in fact, bisexual rather than Lesbian. You are obviously really into her, so you can always stick around and feel her out a bit more.

In the meantime, can you pm me the recipe for the chicken Parmesan salad? It sounds amazing!

Few things......you getting closer to someone in a relationship = red flag for you. Why would you do that. Look, I get it, you might have been attracted etc but you don't chase or get close to someone that's involved. For MANY reasons.

Fact that she broke up means nothing. When someone ends a long term relationship they need time and space to heal and recover. Long term relationship can take good 6 months of time.

I would highly recommend that you give her space and time. If she doesn't, this shoudl tell you she is not only not too smart but also setting herself AND you up for failure!

If you want, tell her to contact you once she heals and recovers......but that's about it.

Meanwhile, keep distance. You are NOT her friend since you have attraction so don't act like it.

Im sorry that was a typo i meant to put a , in between parmesean and salad ( Chicken Parmesan and salad ) (with cake and sweet wine )

she made me give her the recipe to my cake which i know is gonna raise some eyebrows here lol called better than sex but i again i didnt make it because of the name and i just come right out and say the name in hopes of arousing her. also better known as heath bar cake

when i was getting closer i wasnt trying to win hearts. it was just my good nature of being nice to everybody it just happened I think the more she got estranged from her partner the closer we got. but your right i dont want to make myself out to be a friend i'v heard its hard to flip it around to dating.

thanks for all this advice, im slowly and Meticulously coming up with a plan.

So.... should i Give her the shirt on Valentine's Day or should I just make it a random gift that I saw when I thought about her. You know Valentine's Day is pretty much strictly for already intact relationships maybe that would be my best plan of action.

What do you think?

So should I give this gift to her for valentines day or should I wait and make it non formal

Dear Mygrlni,

I do not think you should give her any gift for Valentine's Day. At the VERY MOST, I would give her a "Gee, I like you!" card. You like her a lot, but you two are not a couple at this point. If you gave her that shirt for Valentine's Day, I think you would come off as pushy and desperate.

I think it would be a thoughtful and great gift AFTER you have been actually dating for a while! What you two are doing now is NOT dating...she and you are confiding in one another, talking. Hold onto that shirt until you have actually been an official couple for 3 or 4 months. IF you ever become a couple.

YOU HAVE TO STOP KIDDING YOURSELF AND BE REALISTIC. Being a real couple will NEVER HAPPEN if she is lesbian, not bisexual. You wouldn't WANT to be a couple if she is purely a lesbian. If she is purely lesbian and you decided to date/marry, you BOTH would end up miserable!

Even if she is bisexual, which you don't know yet, remember, she is still recovering from a LTR. Her comments about never wanting to be with her ex don't mean that she is healed from the pain of that loss. On the contrary, those remarks show me that she is still working through her recovery. She is in a time when her decisionmaking about relationships is going to be skewed, because her break-up is too recent. In the many months after a breakup, it is unwise to start a new relationship.

You are 37, so I get that you want to begin "the" relationship that will lead to marriage and parenting. But she is only 25, and has years of fertility ahead of her, so SHE doesn't have a small window of time left to have kids with someone. You are the one whose clock is ticking. I don't think you are her only chance to have children! She can have children with a lesbian and a sperm donor. She could adopt a child. She could be bi and have children with a different man in 10 years. Her options are not limited! It is your age that is affecting when and whether you will become a father, not her age or orientation. And if you tell her that you are her last chance to be a mom biologically with a man she loves, that is coercion, not the truth. That's like saying to a woman who has just turned down your marriage proposal, "You have no guarantee that anyone else will ever propose to you." That's an awful thing to think or say.

One last thing. You need to RESPECT her. Right now, you are not acting fully respectful. She has told you that it is too soon to discuss if she is interested in guys. Respect her enough to give her what she knows she needs: more time. If you rush her, what you are telling her, and the world, is that your wishes to find a girlfriend/wife and become a family man are more important to you than her stated needs and her emotional well-being. Do you really want to send such a selfish message??? I don't think so. I think you like this woman. If you really like her, then respect her boundaries ("It's too soon," "I'm a lesbian," etc.).

Here is what I would suggest you do now:

Tell her that IF she is bisexual, and IF she is interested in you, and AFTER she has had a full recovery time from her previous relationship, THEN you would love to hear from her.

After you tell her this, then wait. You don't seem ready to wait. But you have to. She is telling you she is not ready. Respect her enough to trust that she knows what she needs. Hold your horses!

Youareworthy

I fully understand what your saying and respect it. I would never hold over her head about having a family I know there are lots of opportunities out there. When I mentioned family I was more or less talking about myself but that was between me in this forum I would've never used it as leverage I hope I make that clear. It was strictly to back up my own beliefs and the reason why I'm doing the things I'm doing.

And yes it's been mentioned that I like this woman a lot and yes it a very unconventional way I found the right chemical balance that I would be looking for in a woman unfortunately the wrong circumstances.

I have decided not to give her the shirt on Valentine's Day which happens to be tomorrow I haven't heard from her back from vacation anyway. I will wait for an opportune time.

The only reason why I haven't stopped pushing is because she hasn't stopped me from pushing like I said before when I mentioned dinner she didn't hesitate to say yes so I don't know what that means in this kind of the reason why I seek out a dating forum.

To help me answer the questions that may be someone has already went through and could possibly have advice. I know not everybody is the same and I know every advice will be different, but at least it would put me on the right path on not doing something stupid which I'm prone to doing a lot probably because I male

I don't want to screw this up I think we have a great friendship/whatever this is and I don't want to ruin that in all reality if I can't have her I still would like her to be happy that's how much I care about this woman. But I am a jealous man unfortunately something I can't help I don't think I could handle her being bi sexual actively, and having a relationship with her. I would just let her be with her female partner And get out of the way

And something I'd left out earlier is my uncle is married to a previous lesbian and it worked out good they have two children now in a been married for 30 years so I know there's hope for the situation.

I guess I will have to see what happens when she gets back gets a hold of me I'm definitely not rushing anything again is another reason why I'm talking on this forum. I believe good things come to those who wait. That's just what I'm going to do but I will make it clear to her that I am interested so far I haven't scared Her off with gifts conversations and dinner I've all but asked her out and she's accepted everything but that.

Well according to my Predictinator 2016 machine (patent pending) you have about a 3% chance of pulling this off.

First, if you're paying her to cut your hair you're a customer. She's not going to risk losing a paying customer, hence the explanation "it's too soon". This allows her to stall for time while you figure it out on your own it's not going to happen.

She's been a lesbian her adult life and she's dated one man. Face it, she ain't coming back. She knows what team she wants to play for.

Bad timing. Even if she was/could be interested in you the timing is wrong. And once the timing is wrong, it's wrong forever. This is not giving them space to heal. Two people have to meet at the right time, the first time, both fresh and ready for a relationship. If one isn't ready, it's never going to happen.

Nothing you said sounds like she's the least bit interested in you in a romantic way. You sound like two gal pals hanging out doing stuff together. She does your hair and you make her super. That might sting, but that's kind of how it looks.

But the Predictinator 2016 is only accurate nine times out of 10, 20 - 80% of the time.

Seriously, just walk away from this one. I don't have a crystal ball, but I can already hear your heart breaking from here.

Sportster I don't think I made this clear earlier she comes cut my hair every time I try to offer to pay her she refuses so when she's not looking I usually slip her a 20 in her bag while she cleaning she's never mentioned anything about it maybe she doesn't know they're in the bag if she doesn't know there's probably $100 in their lol

I gave her $60 one time because she confided in me and told me that her job was not getting any new clients and that she only made $125 for the week she refused and refused to take the money and finally I got her to take it and her response was well I will come and cut your hair three times to make up for it.

As you might've guessed not holding her to it.

If I do pull this off you gals/ guys again be the first to know that miracles do happen as much as facts and percentages go I don't believe in them not everybody is the same enters numerous miraculous stories about the exact opposites attracting each other what's more opposite than a girl that likes girls and a guy likes a girl that likes girls lol

My interest in this girl is not purely physical she's very intelligent she knows what she wants but she doesn't know how to put it on paper to get what she wants. hopefully I am ont her to do list for her goals for the future. I guess we'll all just have to see

Most of my straight male friends would rather kick a baby than take it up the a$$...most of my straight female friends cringe at the thought of being with a woman...do you think gays/lesbians are any different? One of my gay guy friends has said, "eeewww vaginas are so gross!!!" When a guy friend we were talking to joked about a one night stand he'd had the night before. My lesbian friends think penises are disgusting. They have no interest in being "converted"...they can't...it's their sexuality. They just aren't interested.

So unless you're able to switch your sexuality from being definitely straight, to gay...which, if you're straight you wouldn't be able to do...why do you think you can convert her? This isn't 30 years ago when we would send gays to shock therapy to "fix" them. There's nothing to fix.

Btw, when I'm interested in someone, I NEVER talk about exes. That's what I do with my girlfriends. When I'm interested in a guy, I let him know I'm interested and available. I don't treat guys I'm interested in as an emotional tampon...I want them to be attracted to me...not think I'm broken or damaged...I want him to see me as relationship potential.

So I don't think she's interested. She might like the flattery of having someone like her (I mean, especially after a break up, who doesn't like knowing people still find them attractive?)

But she's told you she's a lesbian, she's told you she's not ready (which is a nice way of saying "not interested" btw)...so please stop buying her stuff...and if you can't be just a friend, it's time to drop her and focus on date-able women.