Feelings of Aloneness when with SO and coworkers

Hi there,

I've been going through a bit of a dilemma that's slowly evolving into a personal crisis. I know it is normal, just going through thoughts and feelings on my way to figuring out who I am during my mid 20's (at least I hope it's normal).

For a little while I've been feeling quite alone. I am a person who enjoys solitude, a couple hours reading and writing in the park by myself is where I'm in complete peace, I love it. But, I also love interactions and meeting new people and having stimulating conversations. I'm a motivated, passionate individual. I've been the only person I share that with on a daily basis.

I haven't interacted with anyone like that in a while and I feel alone most of the time because of it. I just don't get the feeling that I am relating to the people I am in contact with most of the time at work, school, and at home with my girlfriend of 2.5 years.

I wrote another post recently seeking advice on my thoughts lately about my relationship due to having to move forward a bit faster than I wanted to.

I think this is why I felt that way, and why I have been sort of losing interest in my relationship lately (I have a high sex drive, but lately I haven't had any desire to have sex with her the last couple of weeks). She isn't a very motivated person, I have no idea what her passions are because she doesn't know, and personal growth and a healthy, sustainable lifestyle isn't a priority of hers. I think this is starting to become a spike that is coming between us, or at least me for that matter.

Is this a normal thing? To feel alone when you're living with someone and spend time at school and work all day?

I used to be around people who wanted to build businesses and who read books a lot and worked out and all of the things that translate to improving themselves in order to improve the world around them. It's been a while since I've had that (around 6 months) and I can feel myself stagnating and it is kind of scaring me, especially with a big life change looming within the next month.

Any idea how I should bring this up to my girlfriend without it coming off as an attack on her or as being judgmental of her? I just want someone to talk to about it, and because of a chain of bad circumstances (not an excuse I know) I have lost contact with my close friends and I am thousands of miles from family.

Being or feeling alone when you are actually IN a relationship is the worst feeling ever.

And a sign that it is the wrong relationship. Relationships are supposed to be fun, to help us grow and extend ourselves, to learn and to flourish.

She is who she is --- and that is a bad match for you. You need to separate and seek like-minded people that encourage you. Not people with no direction or who are completely complacent.

Does she even know that you are unhappy? I never would suggest you leave someone that doesn't even know that you're not happy. First you have to find out if who you are with is who you love. If you have no love left for them then what is the point of being with them. However: If you do love them but just aren't being stimulated in the dynamic of your love, then it's time to talk to them and ask them "what can we do to get the passion, joy and fun we had together when we first started dating? Ask why we are stagnated and volunteer some things that you are willing to do to get back those most important things and to ask her what she can do that would facilitate the change.

Those people that you used to hang out with and that you could relate to - can you keep in touch with them?

Your girlfriend shouldn't fulfill all your emotional needs. I do think it's a bad sign that you feel alone while in a relationship though. Is there anything you can do to connect with her in a deeper way? While we're on the relationship subject, I do think that the loss of sex drive and the fact that things are moving too fast for you are red flags. You could be in the wrong relationship. But some of those things you mention could also indicate depression or that you are just going through a rough patch in life. It can be hard to tell what's what. I suggest you do some soul searching and try to shake up your routine a bit, maybe try a new hobby that matches your interests, socialize more, try something new with your girlfriend. Therapy could also be a good place to start.

By remaining with a unhealthy/toxic person.....you become one.

YOU ARE what you are around!!! Better believe it. I don't care how strong you might be or how much of a leader. It's simple human nature.

I suggest you dump her quickly!

OR you will continue to sink into a hole.....