Dear Boyfriend's Ex:

This is going to be a venting post...I just need to get this out as it is bothering me...but on top of that...just confusing me. You are not dating him anymore! So beat it!

 

Dear Boyfriend's Ex,

 

I am sure you know of me, I am sure you see our posts on social media, you have probably stalked my profile, made judgments, but you obviously know that I exist. You know that he is in a relationship now...you probably even know we live together. And if by some small chance you live under a rock and don't go on social media, you probably have heard of me from your mutual friends. Either way, he is with me now!

 

What boggles my mind is that even though you have not been with him in over 5 years, you have the audacity to keep reaching out to him. You are over a thousand miles away and you yourself are in a relationship...WITH THE GUY YOU CHEATED ON MY BOYFRIEND WITH!!! Like seriously?? I am sure your boyfriend lovesss that you are reaching out to the guy you left him for.

 

Listen, I am not sure what your angle is or what you are trying to do, but we are really happy. He is really happy. I don't appreciate your texts or emails or FB messages. I am pretty sure he doesn't appreciate it either.

 

If you want to be with him again, nothing you can say or do will make that happen. If you want "closure," you got that on the day you cheated on him. If you want to be friends, that isn't going to happen. If you want to feel better about what you did, I would find some other way to deal with your guilt.

 

I would love it if you would just stop.

 

Sincerely,

The Girlfriend

 

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Dear ENA, stop reaching out to your ex! They probably don't want to hear from you...and the new significant other hates it. Do everyone a favor and do the right thing....move on!

Why doesn't your bf block her texts/emails and unfriend her on FB?

 

Your rant is at her ----- it should be at him.

He isn't reaching out to her. She likes to send the occasional text, email, message...he never responds. I know she is bothered by that because she keeps trying, but he isn't doing anything wrong...having a FB or cell phone doesn't mean he is doing something wrong.

If he doesn't want the messages and you don't appreciate it he needs to block her on everything.. Maybe then she will get the idea, and you will clearly be happier.

I didn't say he was doing anything wrong. However, if he unfriended her and blocked her, then the "occasional" text/email/post would not even come to anyones attention.

Dear boyfriend,

 

Please make it clear to your ex girlfriend that if she persists in contacting you, you'll get a restraining order.

 

Anything less is disrespectful to me.

 

Your current girlfriend

 

Ps

 

Do you still have a thing for her?

He isn't reaching out to her. She likes to send the occasional text, email, message...he never responds. I know she is bothered by that because she keeps trying, but he isn't doing anything wrong...having a FB or cell phone doesn't mean he is doing something wrong.

 

No, but by not blocking her, it DOES mean that in some capacity, he is enjoying her attention and obviously her attention is a bee in your bonnet so why wouldn't he just block her and why wouldn't you tidy up your privacy settings so that she can't creep your pages?

 

If HE blocked her, none of this would be an issue.

 

I think this should be a vent to your boyfriend and it that vent shouldn't be on a relationship message board but rather in person. Have you ever asked him why he doesn't block her? She did cheat on him and the last person he should be wanting to hear from would be her... there is a reason why he allows her to get through to him. I'd want to know what that reason is.

 

Oh, and I don't have facebook or the need to have some sort of page advertising myself and what I'm doing everyday but that doesn't mean I "live under a rock." lol

Guys, I really appreciate trying to give me advice, but I am not looking for it.

 

I am just venting. To be honest, I don't care if she reaches out a hundred times or shows up at my door LOL. I am really confident in what I have and in my relationship. I am not worried what so ever...and she is no factor to me. It is just annoying. That's it. I am not concerned, think he is going to leave me or any of that.

 

And if he wanted to be with her or talk to her he would. And any conversation we would have about him blocking her or removing her from FB or whatever would make him stop doing that. People are going to do what they are going to do. And I am not going to control that.

 

This is just to vent, that's all.

just need to get this out as it is bothering me...but on top of that...just confusing me

 

Oh, ok. I misunderstood.

Here is something for you to think on: You talk a brave talk but for you to start a thread to vent (rather then just do it privately) says different.

 

It should bother you and it bothers you because it's disrespectful to you and your relationship that she keeps imposing herself into her ex's life wherein you are also subjected to it.

 

He's not blocking her for a reason and whether or not you feel threatened by that does not negate that fact that by allowing her to permeate into your life with him, he is allowing that disrespect to you.

 

However: If you don't care about that, that's fine but when you post it on a public venue, where we are here to give advice and opinions, then I guess you're going to get them.

 

Good luck with trying to accept her intrusion without the need to vent. When you can do that, that is when you are truly indifferent.

Yes it bothers me...but not to the point where I need him to change what he is doing. She is the one contacting not him. I trust him and his judgment and our relationship. If I didn't trust him, I would make him block her. All I wanted to do was vent, it feels good to do that sometimes

If I didn't trust him, I would make him block her

 

Blocking her doesn't eliminate her. And I don't think you would "make him" do anything he didn't want to do. Like now.

Here is something for you to think on: You talk a brave talk but for you to start a thread to vent (rather then just do it privately) says different.

 

I like this community and I like to share how I feeling. Two of those things combined lead me to post. Didn't know I had to have a huge problem for people to pick apart and play hero in order to post something

 

If I really thought this was a problem that inferred with my relationship, I would have a conversation with my boyfriend. Trust me, I want us to have the best relationship we can have and if there is anything we need to work on, we are talking about it.

 

I apologize that I posted for the wrong reasons.

You didn't post for the "wrong reasons" you posted because it bothers you. That's why you're getting the comments you're getting because it should bother you, because it IS disrespectful.

 

Have you asked him why he doesn't just block her?

I like this community and I like to share how I feeling. Two of those things combined lead me to post. Didn't know I had to have a huge problem for people to pick apart and play hero in order to post something

 

If I really thought this was a problem that inferred with my relationship, I would have a conversation with my boyfriend. Trust me, I want us to have the best relationship we can have and if there is anything we need to work on, we are talking about it.

 

I apologize that I posted for the wrong reasons.

 

It's easy to give advice on here but tough to take it. I remember once a loooooong time ago when I asked for advice and didn't like the answers coming back. Didn't make them less true.

it is bothering me...but on top of that...just confusing me

 

No one is playing "hero". You said it was bothering and confusing you --- on an advice forum.

 

Is someone playing "victim"?

Yes, I am confused as to why someone feels the need to contact their ex. I am not confused as to why my boyfriend has not blocked her. That question never even crossed my mind. I am not angry at him for someone else's actions.

 

If I see her escalating her attempts in reaching out to him or he starts to respond, sure I will ask him to block her. At that point, it is intrusive. But I am not going through his phone or his email or his text messages. In my opinion, I feel that is a violation of someone's independence. I don't need to do that in order to trust me boyfriend.

 

I also wanted to give people some advice that may be thinking about contacting their ex if they are in a relationship...and a perspective from the person in the relationship. Hopefully it can provide someone with a new perspective and persuade them to not reach out.

Your issue is with your boyfriend.....not her.

 

Seriously

 

The reason why she keeps reaching out is because your boyfriend continues to communicate with her....and she clearly has a sense that there can be more.

 

Fact that you went into relationship with someone that still communicates with their ex = not smart and is concerning.

 

If I see her escalating her attempts in reaching out to him or he starts to respond, sure I will ask him to block her. At that point, it is intrusive. But I am not going through his phone or his email or his text messages. In my opinion, I feel that is a violation of someone's independence. I don't need to do that in order to trust me boyfriend.

 

There is no such a thing as privacy while in a relationship. Get that out of your head now.

 

And the reason you haven't done so is because you already know what you will find will be devastating.

 

I also wanted to give people some advice that may be thinking about contacting their ex if they are in a relationship...and a perspective from the person in the relationship. Hopefully it can provide someone with a new perspective and persuade them to not reach out.

 

Now you see why his ex is reaching out to him.......because he keeps talking to her. Which SHOULD tell you he still has feelings for her (chances are).

 

ANY communication with ex = one of the biggest red flags out there

Yes, I am confused as to why someone feels the need to contact their ex. I am not confused as to why my boyfriend has not blocked her. That question never even crossed my mind. I am not angry at him for someone else's actions.

You are blaming her for the action of your boyfriend accepting her intrusion though. You are not even considering that if he blocked her, (that's an action he would have to initiate) then you wouldn't need to vent in the first place.

 

If I see her escalating her attempts in reaching out to him or he starts to respond, sure I will ask him to block her.

You shouldn't have to ask him to block her. What he should be doing, if he was not getting something out of her attention, he would just block her because he was completely indifferent to her and he would know instinctively that you would of course, be bothered by her attempts. I'll ask again though: Have you asked him why he accepts and allows her attempts to remain in his life in some capacity? Perhaps hes just that obtuse that he doesn't even realize that what she is doing is disrespectful and what he isn't doing (stopping it) is just as.

 

At that point, it is intrusive. But I am not going through his phone or his email or his text messages. In my opinion, I feel that is a violation of someone's independence. I don't need to do that in order to trust me boyfriend.

I don't think anyone suggested that you should be doing that. (did I miss it?) You don't have to snoop... it's right there in your face and all your mutual friends are seeing her and also noticing that he's still allowing her access to his life.

 

I also wanted to give people some advice that may be thinking about contacting their ex if they are in a relationship...and a perspective from the person in the relationship. Hopefully it can provide someone with a new perspective and persuade them to not reach out.

I don't that you complaining about what your boyfriend isn't doing would help any ex that wants to keep imposing themselves in their ex's life. In fact, I find those that keep doing that are the type that would take pleasure in the fact that the new partner is being bothered by it.

 

Anyway, you're not open to seeing why your boyfriend is just as disrespectful to you as she is so I'll go back to that old saying: "You can lead a horse to water but you can't make her drink."

There is no such a thing as privacy while in a relationship. Get that out of your head now.

 

And the reason you haven't done so is because you already know what you will find will be devastating.

 

 

 

 

That is absolutely absurd. I will NEVER go through someone else's things. That is an outright violation of a person. I would NEVER want to be in a relationship where someone is going through my phone or email, NOT because I have something to hide, but because that feels violating, stripping me of my independence. Relationships aren't supposed to be prison. They aren't supposed to be a place where you are scrutinized for everything you do or say and have no outlet.

 

Like aren't we all on this website??? Does your partner know about this?

 

So going through someone else's phone or email is never getting in my head, sorry.

 

Okay, this has gotten really off topic.

Like aren't we all on this website??? Does your partner know about this?

Well, mine certainly does. That doesn't mean I agree with what Dof is saying though.

Well, mine certainly does. That doesn't mean I agree with what Dof is saying though.

 

LOL, mine does too, but he doesn't know my user name and I know he isn't going on here looking at what I am saying.

LOL, mine does too, but he doesn't know my user name and I know he isn't going on here looking at what I am saying.

 

Mine does and he quite often rolls his eyes at my "hobby" lol

Guys, I really appreciate trying to give me advice, but I am not looking for it.

 

I am just venting. To be honest, I don't care if she reaches out a hundred times or shows up at my door LOL. I am really confident in what I have and in my relationship. I am not worried what so ever...and she is no factor to me. It is just annoying. That's it. I am not concerned, think he is going to leave me or any of that.

 

And if he wanted to be with her or talk to her he would. And any conversation we would have about him blocking her or removing her from FB or whatever would make him stop doing that. People are going to do what they are going to do. And I am not going to control that.

 

This is just to vent, that's all.

 

It's healthy to vent sometimes ... at least it's not to her!