Do you hold onto hope or let go?

I moved in with my boyfriend of a year a little over a month ago. We got an apartment, were excited to move in together, and so on. Then 3 weeks into the new place he decides we shouldn't see each other anymore because he fell out of love with me 2 months ago. He thought moving in would help fix things & make them better, but he didn't even wait until the boxes were unpacked. He said he feels like we aren't right for each other because we don't have any common interests and I haven't wanted to go out and be social enough. I admit, I have been a hermit this past year due to gaining weight and not feeling great about myself. For the interests thing, he's never given me the chance to try to go do something with him that he likes to do because he always said he didn't have any hobbies. We actually have a lot of mutual interests such as sports and liking similar outdoor activities. Its been over 2 weeks since the split & I have been devastated, but it also made me realize that I do need to work on myself and take time to get myself back to the girl who used to be the first one ready for a night out and didn't just sit on the couch. We still live together, he moved into the extra bedroom. I'm just wanting opinions on whether or not there may be a chance at rekindling that passion, as it never left on my end. I was happy and felt in my gut and heart that he was the one, maybe he still is. By working on myself and getting back to the fun girl I used to be, I'm hoping that he can see that and that part of him that fell for me a year ago can fall again. Is that a long-shot or a legitimate possibility?

Its a long shot. Because living together too soon can kill a relationship that isn't ready for that. Coupled with the significant changes in you over the past year....it would be best if one of you moves out.

We're in a place where we can't afford to live there without the other person and no roommate options right now. We don't see each other much, but when we do we get along really great. Right now sticking it out is our only option.

Sounds like you dodged a bullet. PLENTY of people do this sort of thing with marriage. Hey, let's get married and all of our issues will go poof.

moving in was no big deal so you are lucky. Be thankful you find out NOW, not 10 years from now with kids etc.

To me it just seems like a waste to throw something away that was so great because of something that seems so easy to fix.

If it was so easy to fix, why has it taken him breaking up with you to realize how much you have changed from the girl he first met?

ohhh man so sorry you are going through this right now. Moving in with someone is supposed to be a new and exciting step...not the road to a break up. So here is what I think, he has made up his mind. A break up is a serious thing. I mean it wasn't like he said he wants to work on things...he ended the relationship and that is a pretty concrete action. He even is sleeping in the second bedroom so that means he is pretty serious about it.

So I would move out as soon as possible. This relationship is over and there is no use putting yourself through the horror of your ex being there everyday. And please do not blame yourself. That is the easiest and most hurtful thing to do during a breakup. You deserve so much better and nothing you could have done would have changed his mind. Focus on healing and self love and you will be back to yourself in no time.

I knew that I was in a rut, and it wasn't just the breakup that got me to that "a-ha" moment where I knew I needed to change. It was last weekend out dancing and drinking while seeing one of my favorite bands for my birthday & I was like "I missed this so much, who have I become" and realized that I needed to take action. He's tried to help me with it in the past, but I don't think it would have worked until it finally clicked in my own head. He said he's got things he needs to work on in his life, he's got a lot on his plate and its really got him down too. He'll never admit to it or talk about it with anyone though, that's who he is. Some of this split could be a cop out for a deeper issue going on, I have no way of knowing.

What deeper issue?

Whatever it is, he has made a decision and please do not blame yourself for that. If he has things that are going on and cannot communicate with you then that is his choose, it has nothing to do with you.

I don't know what the deeper issue is, himself maybe? I know of a few things that are going on now & some that have been going on for past years & I don't know how he deals with it as well as he does. But I think he puts on a face and tries to make everyone happy & he's lost his happiness. He said the other day he needs to learn how to make himself happy again. We both do really. I'm not saying its all my fault, yes I contributed to the downfall. He should have talked to me about this before the move & all that jazz. I do love him though, still have that gut feeling that he's The One. Maybe he is, maybe he isn't. I'm not trying to go win him back right this second, that stage has gone and passed & I made an ass out of myself. Right now we are just focusing on ourselves & if the pieces fall together 6 months down the road then ok. If they don't, I've been single for 27 years of my life, a few more won't kill me.

Great that you are moving forward with focusing on bettering yourself. I'm just concerned about your living arrangements. Please be cautious and dont deceive yourself. You guys are living in separate bedrooms...and are still having sex or no? What were you guys' living arrangements prior to moving in together? Was this move more of a convenience for you or him? Just curious. Hate to see someone getting taken advantage of.