Something really messed up is going on here, and he won't talk about it!

I don't even know if this is relevant to the situation but my boyfriend has Obsessive Compulsive Disorder. He barely wants to talk about it, sometimes he will open up but a lot of the time he doesn't want to. Well for a few years I have noticed while we are watching television he will turn away from the television when there is a black actor on the screen. This is severely messed up! Whenever I try to talk to him about it he says that I'm basically imagining things and that its not true. I am 100% NOT crazy and I notice that he will turn away, start doing something else or just completely walk out of the room if a black actor comes onto the screen. Its offensive! We are both black and I'm ready to say screw him. I tried to talk to him about it again and he is blatantly ignoring my questions now. I texted him about it and his responses are COMPLETELY not responses to what we are talking about he goes COMPLETELY off subject. I'm so mad right now I can't even see straight. Its rude.

Does he walk away when he sees another black person in real life? This may be only indirectly related to race.

Does he walk away when he sees another black person in real life? This may be only indirectly related to race.

no he works around black people, I have been around him and other black men and he was fine..or at least he seemed fine.

Well, I'm not an expert here, but I don't think OCD people really have control over what they're OCD about. If they could rationalize through it they would. You kind of sign up for that if you are with someone with OCD. If it is indeed about black people on TV, then I think the TV has a component and it's not purely a racial thing.

Its hurtful to me, I don't think its only because I'm black either. I just feel like wow..I don't want to be with someone who does that over someones race. Its racist right? This is so freaking confusing and weird to me.

Has he been diagnosed by a medical professional? Is he receiving treatment?

You can't make him something he isn't. It takes patience to be with someone with OCD and empathy that their mind doesn't work like yours does. If you can't deal with it, leave.

Has he been diagnosed by a medical professional? Is he receiving treatment?

no he talks to me about wanting to go, he seems nervous about it though. I just try to be supportive. I think he is pretty mad about me right now. I kept pressing and pressing and pressing and he said that "Its personal". That was it. Nothing else

Then maybe you shouldn't watch TV together.

He's black, you're black. He doesn't have a problem interacting with people that are black in the real world.

I think it might be an idea to educate yourself about the desease and talk to a clinician. Because from where I sit that's not racism, that's his medical condition.

EDIT: Self diagnosing a mental illness is a useless pursuit. Go to a medical professional.

Then maybe you shouldn't watch TV together.

lol I actually thought about that too...It's so hard sometimes, I wish I could understand better. I have anxiety but I don't know how OCD is.

Have you ever tried going to a movie you knew had a black person in it?

.... he's black. I get that sometimes there is such a thing against prejudice against ones own characteristcs, but he works and socializes just fine with black people... he's dating a black woman... I'd probably give him the benefit of the doubt and not assume he has some really weird compartmentalized racism where he's fine with black people in any context but television.

Have you ever tried going to a movie you knew had a black person in it?

He won't, we did once in he beginning of our relationship YEARS ago. I stopped even trying. It's useless.

lol I actually thought about that too...It's so hard sometimes, I wish I could understand better. I have anxiety but I don't know how OCD is.

Living with someone who has a legitimate mental illness can be difficult. My mother was a little bit insane so I know of what I speak.

But you live in Canada, so you should be able to get him in to see someone fairly easily. Je suis Canadien aussi(but an English Canadian so pardon my French).

Having said that, he's an adult so he needs to consent to go. Which is the hard part of getting a lot of people treated. They're ill, but not ill enough to be declared incompetent.

It IS a long road. Most illnesses are manageable, but it does take dedication and perserverance. And as his partner, it will be tough on you. Not sure where you are in your relationship, but theres no shame in admitting it's something you can't handle.

I think that you might also want to stop texting about it. Worst way to have any type of important conversation.

I think that you might also want to stop texting about it. Worst way to have any type of important conversation.

I know, I also brought it up in person. I guess I'll just stop talking about it. I gotta think about what I want to do now.

Is it really that big of a deal if he looks away while watching a movie....for whatever reason?

I think you are making a much bigger deal out of this than anything else. Is that what's really bothering you OP? Cause that's like 1st world problems of the relationship world.

Is it really that big of a deal if he looks away while watching a movie....for whatever reason?

 

I think you are making a much bigger deal out of this than anything else. Is that what's really bothering you OP? Cause that's like 1st world problems of the relationship world.

Its more the reason behind it that I'm afraid of..and that he won't talk to me about it you know?

He won't, we did once in he beginning of our relationship YEARS ago. I stopped even trying. It's useless.

Think of Tyler Perry! Why won't he think of Tyler Perry?!

Think of Tyler Perry! Why won't he think of Tyler Perry?!

LMAO This actually made me laugh out loud because I can't stand Tyler Perry! lol!!!!

Its more the reason behind it that I'm afraid of..and that he won't talk to me about it you know?

Even if there is.

Let's say he is racists towards his own race. I'm SURE he wouldn't be the first or last. Heck, I'm white and you wouldn't want to hear my opinion on white people!!!

What I was trying to say is, it's as big of a deal as YOU make it. Currently you are making it a big deal....so stop/let go.

Even if there is.

 

Let's say he is racists towards his own race. I'm SURE he wouldn't be the first or last. Heck, I'm white and you wouldn't want to hear my opinion on white people!!!

 

 

 

What I was trying to say is, it's as big of a deal as YOU make it. Currently you are making it a big deal....so stop/let go.

very very true lol. I'm going to try to let this go...its so haardd. Obviously I have my own issues lol .

very very true lol. I'm going to try to let this go...its so haardd. Obviously I have my own issues lol .

Why do you think you are with him?

We attract who we are!

Don't worry about it, enjoy yourself and your partner.