Is it time to move on?

Been seeing this girl for a little over a month. Been talking everyday since. We go out to dinner,stay the night at each others houses, etc. Both are 21. Called me her baby, her guy twin, and talked about a future with me. Anyways, Friday I stayed the night at her house and met her roommate (which she was nervous for). It went great and she said she loved that he liked me.

She worked the next morning, and throughout the day was short with me saying she was tired/grumpy because of no sleep. I then (to my deepest regret) sort of snapped on her, saying "its fine youre grumpy, but if you are going to keep being short with me, i just wont respond to you anymore." she then replied by saying "i do not do threats, nice talking to you."

So Saturday night and Sunday morning, I texted her 5 times, the last two texts basically saying "if you want to move on, let me know, im sorry" and i also called her 4-5 times between those two days. She never answered. Clearly ignoring me.

This morning, I came to the conclusion that she blocked my number (since she never answered and her texts didnt say "read") so I messaged her on twitter saying "I think u blocked my number, just know again I am sorry, and if you want to move on, let me know, I just need to get my clothes back)

She then texted me later saying this: "Im in class all day. And no I didn't block your number, I just wasn't ready to reply. But either way, I can get you, I'll get you your clothes back."

I replied back saying: "okay cool. did u want to talk about all of this or would you rather we just go different ways."

She read it at 5pm, and still has not responded up to this point.

So basically, I believe I messed up big time. I really like and care for this girl, and she warned me in the past to not treat her bad because of past relationships that she was mistreated in.

I have apologized and I do not know if I should move on or not. The thing I realized is, I asked her about 4 messages in a row if she wants to move on. She never said she did, but she also said she didn't.

Considering your other thread as well as this one, it's past time to move on.

I'd forget her.

She has the nerve to say she was mistreated in past relationships, yet she doesn't really treat you good.

She needs to apologize.

Yeah, I certainly think it's time to move on. Not only that, but if she wants to get back together tell her you wish her well but it's best you part ways.

She way overreacted to you snapping at her. I get it, you snapped, but human beings do that. If you made an effort to apologize, and she reacted like that then you don't want any part of it.

thanks everyone for your inputs so far

IMO she's coming across as quite immature to just start ignoring you after what you said. Regarding what you said, it's hardly a threat, perhaps a gentle warning.

I would get your clothes back and move on..

I definitely think it's time to move on. Honestly, she sounds like a immature brat who isn't worth the effort.

I don't know the story behind this, but based strictly on this post, I'd say she was just trying to set some solid boundaries when she told you she didn't do threats, and that's a very healthy thing for her to do. People who have been in bad relationships learn from them. They remember exactly how their mistreatment began, and often times it began with threats and ultimatums, which later on turned into reality. She perceived what you said to her as a warning sign, and acted right then and there to nip it in the bud. To me, this is what 'asserting one's boundaries' means, and it's healthy and necessary, otherwise you basically teach the other person that it's ok to act like that. I bet you if you stay together, now you know not to ever snap at her like that and to think twice before threatening her!

Like I said, I don't know the backstory, so I don't know whether it's best to move on or keep trying, if she decides to stay with you. But based strictly on this current post, I'd stay if I was you, because I think she was justified in acting the way she did. I would be worried too if my boyfriend of one month already started snapping at me and making threats.

I don't know the story behind this, but based strictly on this post, I'd say she was just trying to set some solid boundaries when she told you she didn't do threats, and that's a very healthy thing for her to do. People who have been in bad relationships learn from them. They remember exactly how their mistreatment began, and often times it began with threats and ultimatums, which later on turned into reality. She perceived what you said to her as a warning sign, and acted right then and there to nip it in the bud. To me, this is what 'asserting one's boundaries' means, and it's healthy and necessary, otherwise you basically teach the other person that it's ok to act like that. I bet you if you stay together, now you know not to ever snap at her like that and to think twice before threatening her!

 

Like I said, I don't know the backstory, so I don't know whether it's best to move on or keep trying, if she decides to stay with you. But based strictly on this current post, I'd stay if I was you, because I think she was justified in acting the way she did. I would be worried too if my boyfriend of one month already started snapping at me and making threats.

I don't know the backstory either, but--just based on what he wrote--I have to disagree with you. A mature, fair-minded person would say "I don't like you snapping at me and making threats. Don't do it anymore." Hopefully, he responds with "OK, I'm sorry for snapping at you" and she responds with "And I'm sorry for being short." He shouldn't have snapped at her, but I don't think saying "I won't keep responding to you if you are going to keep being short" is a threat, I think that's him establishing his own boundaries for how he wants to be treated. For her to essentially punish him for it to me show immaturity. She wasn't treating him the greatest that morning, either, so she really shouldn't be acting all self-righteous and indignant.

Just my take, but, like you, I don't know the whole story.

She still hasnt said anything. I dont know what to do. Should I try reaching out to her one more time or just let it be?

I don't know the backstory either, but--just based on what he wrote--I have to disagree with you. A mature, fair-minded person would say "I don't like you snapping at me and making threats. Don't do it anymore." Hopefully, he responds with "OK, I'm sorry for snapping at you" and she responds with "And I'm sorry for being short." He shouldn't have snapped at her, but I don't think saying "I won't keep responding to you if you are going to keep being short" is a threat, I think that's him establishing his own boundaries for how he wants to be treated. For her to essentially punish him for it to me show immaturity. She wasn't treating him the greatest that morning, either, so she really shouldn't be acting all self-righteous and indignant.

 

Just my take, but, like you, I don't know the whole story.

In some cases, people who were mistreated repeatedly in relationships develop PTSD, much like those who witnessed tragedies in their lives, and when that happens, their reactions may not be as calm as those of the people who haven't experienced much grief in their lives.

For example, in case of abuse, the victim telling the abuser "please don't hit me again" won't do much; the abuser will apologize, promise not to do it again, then they go on abusing their victim all over again. Sometimes, words are meaningless, and most people usually respond to actions.

This is just an example, I'm not saying OP is abusing her in any shape or form. But the same thinking may apply to his girlfriend, maybe she knows words don't help much, and she needs action to assert her boundaries. Having been in a few unfortunate relationships myself, this is exactly what I would do too.

We can't just blame her and accuse her for being immature based only on this reaction. We only know one side of the story, and even this one is not the whole picture. OP knows best how she is and whether continuing this relationship would be a good idea, I was just pointing out that this one occurrence is not enough to recommend he doesn't continue the relationship, if the girl wants it to continue.

In some cases, people who were mistreated repeatedly in relationships develop PTSD, much like those who witnessed tragedies in their lives, and when that happens, their reactions may not be as calm as those of the people who haven't experienced much grief in their lives.

For example, in case of abuse, the victim telling the abuser "please don't hit me again" won't do much; the abuser will apologize, promise not to do it again, then they go on abusing their victim all over again. Sometimes, words are meaningless, and most people usually respond to actions.

 

This is just an example, I'm not saying OP is abusing her in any shape or form. But the same thinking may apply to his girlfriend, maybe she knows words don't help much, and she needs action to assert her boundaries. Having been in a few unfortunate relationships myself, this is exactly what I would do too.

 

We can't just blame her and accuse her for being immature based only on this reaction. We only know one side of the story, and even this one is not the whole picture. OP knows best how she is and whether continuing this relationship would be a good idea, I was just pointing out that this one occurrence is not enough to recommend he doesn't continue the relationship, if the girl wants it to continue.

so should i reach out to here again, or should i wait to see if she reaches out to me?

Wow. I just had something very similar happen to me, except it was my boyfriend who isn't talking to me now. Very heart wrenching. Honestly, you have apologized plenty and said what you had to say. If she doesn't want to talk to you, there is nothing more you can do. You cannot force someone to talk to you. I've learnt that if someone wants something enough, they will do it. I'd say it's time to move on. Me and you both. Trust me, I know the pain.

This girl clearly has some personal issues she needs to deal with.

Trust me she wants to move on. Messed up, didn't mess up, it doesn't matter. This is done. Kaput. You're analyzing and thinking too much over a simple situation. For whatever reason she's not into you. You're borderline begging. Stop it. No woman can respect that.

Next time try caring less.

Wow. I just had something very similar happen to me, except it was my boyfriend who isn't talking to me now. Very heart wrenching. Honestly, you have apologized plenty and said what you had to say. If she doesn't want to talk to you, there is nothing more you can do. You cannot force someone to talk to you. I've learnt that if someone wants something enough, they will do it. I'd say it's time to move on. Me and you both. Trust me, I know the pain.

 

This girl clearly has some personal issues she needs to deal with.

yah it just blows you know? me and her were getting soo close and the fact the night before all this happened she was talking about our future just blows my mind. idek what to think.

also, she is dodging the the answer to the question if we should move on or not.like she wont give me an answer. blows. i feel for u too

so should i reach out to here again, or should i wait to see if she reaches out to me?

Nooooooooooo. Leave it be. She won't be back. Get over it.

so should i reach out to here again, or should i wait to see if she reaches out to me?

I think it's best if you step back and let her contact you, should she want to continue the relationship. You've done everything you could, you apologized enough, now it's up to her to decide whether what happened was just a hiccup or a deal breaker.

thanks everyone for your input

I think it's best if you step back and let her contact you, should she want to continue the relationship. You've done everything you could, you apologized enough, now it's up to her to decide whether what happened was just a hiccup or a deal breaker.

thanks, and that is what i plan on doing. hopefully she reaches out to me.

Time to move on. You were in the right to acknowledge she was grumpy, but shouldn't take it out on you. Consider that a preview of the treatment you'd have gotten any time she wasn't feeling up to snuff. And yes, yes, I've had days of no sleep and a hairtrigger temper too. But when someone has called me on my bad behavior over it my go to is to apologize and knock it off, because I should. It's not someoen else's fault I had no sleep after all.

Stop reaching out to her. She feels that "no sleep" means people should just put up with her and that's not a good attitude to have. She's likely to lose more than one relationship over that sort of attitude. Sorry, but you're now at the stage where the glow has worn off and you're getting to see how she really is. And it's not that great first few dates or months that make a good relationship, it's how the whole thing holds up when there's stress or disagreements.

And this one couldn't even make it out of a simple, "Please stop taking your grumpiness out on me," so it's done. Sorry, even if she takes you back expect more or worse.

Tell her that you will be by to get your things, and propose a time and day. leave it at that. Show up that day. Unless she responds with another time and day. then go then.

Get your stuff and don't try to fight your way back into time with her.

You didn't do anything wrong, IMHO. You just told her to not be short with you or you'll walk. Her response? Over the top.

But you know what? It doesn't matter. You two moved too fast and are not really all that compatible.

Get your clothes if you can and move on.

Tell her that you will be by to get your things, and propose a time and day. leave it at that. Show up that day. Unless she responds with another time and day. then go then.

Get your stuff and don't try to fight your way back into time with her.

 

You didn't do anything wrong, IMHO. You just told her to not be short with you or you'll walk. Her response? Over the top.

 

But you know what? It doesn't matter. You two moved too fast and are not really all that compatible.

 

Get your clothes if you can and move on.

Because she never answered that she wanted to move on with me, I am going to wait for a response from her (which I doubt I will get). If she doesnt within a couple days, I am just going to text her to pick up my stuff

This kinda stuff is going to keep happening dude until you can finally learn to stop texting so gosh darn much. Texting is the worst form of communication as it provides no context.

I don't blame either of you for the way you both read the texts. I would have read your text as a threat too and been turned off.

I think this fish is gone. You guys don't like each other's boundaries ... that's cool.

As an aside, for as many years as my husband and I have been together, we have not once disagreed over text. He once texted something I didn't get and I called him to discuss.

This sounds like a familiar situation and I don't think it's entirely your fault. You both could be to blame, however, you apologized, she did not. The next move is hers. There's something about someone thinking you aren't interested that gets their attention. You said your piece, you told her what you wanted, and you asked where you stand. You are the one who deserves something now, an apology, an explanation. Some type of closure. But you may not get that and you have to be ok with it. It sucks but you can move on and grow. If she at some point does text you back, I'd suggest trying to talk about all of this before making a decision about your relationship either way. Hang in there man!

This kinda stuff is going to keep happening dude until you can finally learn to stop texting so gosh darn much. Texting is the worst form of communication as it provides no context.

 

I don't blame either of you for the way you both read the texts. I would have read your text as a threat too and been turned off.

 

I think this fish is gone. You guys don't like each other's boundaries ... that's cool.

 

As an aside, for as many years as my husband and I have been together, we have not once disagreed over text. He once texted something I didn't get and I called him to discuss.

I literally hate texting too. But I have found out through past failures, that today you need to text. Idk why, but its the truth. I have tried not texting, but rather calling and using texts for only setting up things, or saying stuff like "on my way" and everytime it failed miserably.

This sounds like a familiar situation and I don't think it's entirely your fault. You both could be to blame, however, you apologized, she did not. The next move is hers. There's something about someone thinking you aren't interested that gets their attention. You said your piece, you told her what you wanted, and you asked where you stand. You are the one who deserves something now, an apology, an explanation. Some type of closure. But you may not get that and you have to be ok with it. It sucks but you can move on and grow. If she at some point does text you back, I'd suggest trying to talk about all of this before making a decision about your relationship either way. Hang in there man!

thanks man. the thing is, i noticed the last four things i said to her were basically negative. by negative i mean i said "do you want to move on" and "i need to pick up my clothes" which never made it clear that i wanted to continue with. but she never did answer these questions. idk if she knows i want to continue or not. and if i wait to make it clear and see if she responds, i might never know. do u understand what i mean by this?