Need Unbias Opinions

Addohm · February 9, 2016

So, my girlfriend and I just had another big fight. For me it looks like it's time to end it, but I don't want to. The frequency of these fights are increasing and I can't get the other person to realize that we both need to compromise and I shouldn't be the only one making concessions. I want to see where some neutral opinions go after reading this conversation. It's a bit lengthy, so for those that take the time to get through it, my many thanks ahead of time.

Just a little backstory, she and I have been together 8 months. She's never had to buy anything around me except material things like clothes and what-not. I choose not to whip out my wallet for these purchases to keep it from becoming a habit and also to keep her from becoming desensitized from material gifting; as she already is with sentimental gifting. She and I have travelled at least six times together since we met (In fact we just got back from 10 days in Japan a week ago). I didn't sleep with her for the first six months. I am 100% all man, I am kind and courteous and chivalrouos. I stand up for her when needed and protect her at all times.

Ad .
Goodnight

2/7, 1:22am
An .
Oh Goodnight babe
I'm staying in today
Going to try to recover

2/7, 2:15am
An .
babe what do you think of this color?

2/7, 2:17am
An .

Sunday

2/7, 6:54am
Ad .
Yeah that will look good on u

2/7, 6:55am
An .
if i have time here, i'll just get my hair done here
i don't know if i'll have time to go to busan
it's be a day trup
trip

2/7, 6:56am
Ad .
You have a week still

2/7, 7:22am
An .
yea but everything is closed tmrw

2/7, 7:31am
An .
babe
i want this in rose gold!! it's so cool!

2/7, 7:31am
An .
samsung.com/sec/consumer/mobile-tablet/gear/gear-s/SM-R7320ZDAKOO

기어 S2 Cla.c (블루투스 | SAMSUNG 대한민국
SAMSUNG SM-R732, 기어 S2, 기어 S2 Cla.c, 삼성 기어 S2, SM-R7320ZKAKOO, GEAR S2, GEARS2, GEAR, gear s2, Gear S2, gearS2, gear S2, gear, Gear S2 Cla.c, gear cla.c, 기어 cla.c, 기어 S2 클래식, 기어S2Cla.c, 기어Cla.c, 기어S2cla.c, 기어 S2 Cla.c 블루투스, 블루투스
fb.sec.samsung.com

2/7, 7:46am
An .
babe what did you mean by you "were" my boyfriend last night?

2/7, 10:18am
Ad .
Huh?
Sorry I fell back asleep

2/7, 10:20am
An .
oh

2/7, 10:21am
Ad .
What do you means

2/7, 10:22am
An .
huh?

2/7, 10:22am
Ad .
I don't see where I said something like that, but if I did I simply misspoke.

2/7, 10:23am
An .
on the phone yesterday
i told you you were orange
and said my bf is orange
and you were like that was your bf
something like that

2/7, 10:24am
Ad .
Maybe I mis-spoke I dunno
I mean
Oh I remember
That WAS your boyfriend. How I used to look, past tense.

2/7, 10:26am
An .
oh i see

2/7, 10:26am
Ad .
Baby have you been bothered by that for over 24 hours?

2/7, 10:27am
An .
no lol
i just remembered it

2/7, 10:27am
Ad .
So it stuck out in your mind at least lol
How are you feeling

2/7, 10:29am
An .
yep lol it did stick
bc i asked you on the phone
but our connection was too blotchy for you to hear

2/7, 10:30am
Ad .
Ya
Don't worry!

2/7, 10:31am
An .
lol
i know babe
but just had to ask tongue emoticon

2/7, 10:32am
Ad .
Soooooo how are you feeling?
What did you find out about a PI?
Did you dig anything else up on your dad?

2/7, 10:32am
An .
i think i'm a bit better
but not sure
if i take meds, my coughing goes away a bit
but now i have a runny nose lol
my friend Suri gave me some info about the PI

2/7, 10:33am
Ad .
Ewwww

2/7, 10:33am
An .
she's so resourceful lol
hey!
your gf is sick and therefore has a runny nose

2/7, 10:34am
Ad .
An's got drippy bogies!

2/7, 10:34am
An .
lol

2/7, 10:34am
Ad .
Lol

2/7, 10:34am
An .
i get a lot of bogies here

2/7, 10:34am
Ad .
How much is a PO

2/7, 10:34am
An .
i think bc the air is polluted

2/7, 10:35am
Ad .
PI

2/7, 10:35am
An .
well, i sent the info to my mom
and now my mom is saying she doesn't want to deal with it
ugh
idk what her deal is
idk if she really wants to leave my dad alone or if she doesn't want to do it herself

2/7, 10:41am
Ad .
Did you find out if long separation can give him a free divorce?

2/7, 10:43am
An .
no
i asked my mom to get me into touch with a lawyer here or her friend
and she's just not willing to act
idk what she's doing honestly
i think she wants me to do all the work. it's so annoying

2/7, 10:45am
Ad .
Sounds like you're going to just have to do it yourself
How much does it cost

2/7, 10:45am
An .
it's something that she has been grilling me and my brother about
this is about her and my dad's marriage, but she wants me and my brother to somehow do something about it
idk
i was home all day resting. and so was my dad.
i didn't get to call them

2/7, 10:47am
Ad .
You're parents are both a bit childish about this... Sorry to say it.

2/7, 10:49am
An .
tell me about this
it*
they're very selfish and very immature

2/7, 10:50am
Ad .
How much is the PI????

2/7, 10:51am
An .
idk babe
i was home all day with my dad and grandma
didn't get a chance to call

2/7, 10:52am
Ad .
Oh that's what you meant
Lol

2/7, 10:52am
An .
i've also gotta figure out how to call from my US phone

2/7, 10:52am
Ad .
Use hangouts

2/7, 10:52am
An .
i can't call the PI place through hangouts lol

2/7, 10:52am
Ad .
Why?
That's why I have hangouts, to be able to call internationally smile emoticon

2/7, 10:54am
An .
really?
you can dial international numbers on hangouts?

2/7, 10:54am
Ad .
Absolutely
Obviously there are small fees for international calling but they're lower than anything else you will find.
$0.03/min to Japan for instance
Anywhere else it'll be 20-40 cents per minute

2/7, 10:56am
An .
oh that's the same with tmobile
30 cents/ min
maybe i can use a pay phone

2/7, 11:00am
Ad .
Baby
0.03 != 0.30
If ( 0.03

2/7, 11:02am
An .
OHHHHHHHHH~~~~~~~ it's 3 cents!!!
LOL

2/7, 11:02am
Ad .
Haha

2/7, 11:02am
An .
thanks babe. I finally learned that 3 is less than 30 tongue emoticon

2/7, 11:02am
Ad .
Yayyyy
You can always depend on me for your future!

2/7, 11:03am
An .
lol
numbers are hard

2/7, 11:03am
Ad .
I need to buy my own skis

2/7, 11:04am
An .
babe did you see that samsung watch?

2/7, 11:04am
Ad .
They would pay themselves off in 10-20 days of me renting.
I did

2/7, 11:04am
An .
isn't it cool?
it's so much better than the apple watch you were looking at

2/7, 11:04am
Ad .
It's an android version of Apple Watch lol

2/7, 11:04am
An .
yea, but better
the design is so nice

2/7, 11:05am
Ad .
Yes aesthetically it's better

2/7, 11:05am
An .
skiis
get it from sports authority
20% coupon babe!

2/7, 11:06am
Ad .
I'm researching it. They're freakin complex.

2/7, 11:08am
An .
hmm

2/7, 11:08am
Ad .
Can you use that 20% on top of existing discounts/sales?

2/7, 11:08am
An .
i think so

2/7, 11:10am
An .
sportsauthority.com/Landing-Pages/SignUpAndSave/shop.jsp?categoryId=88122946

SignUpAndSave - SportsAuthority.com
Shop SignUpAndSave at Sports Authority - the nation's preeminent full-line sporting goods chain. Shop online or in-store for your favorite brands - Nike, Under Armour, The North Face, Bowflex, Schwinn, Lifetime and more.
sportsauthority.com

2/7, 11:10am
An .
20% off orders over $100
code is SPORTS100

2/7, 11:11am
Ad .
I think you see something different than I do because you're signed up

2/7, 11:12am
An .
's sporting goods also have coupons sometimes
just sign up and you get a 10% off coupon
or use SPORTS100 at sportsauthority to get 20% off
try it smile emoticon
depending on how much your ski is, you would be able to save money

2/7, 11:30am
Ad .

2/7, 11:33am
Ad .
Save additional 180 and no shipping IF the code worked for me lol

2/7, 11:35am
An .
Damn it
Try s
Sign up for their email and get 10% off

2/7, 11:36am
Ad .
I don't really want to spend the money to be honest
But in the long run I'll be saving IF I keep skiing

2/7, 11:36am
An .
Hmm

2/7, 11:36am
Ad .
I put myself through this every year lmao

2/7, 11:37am
An .
Why don't you wait until next year
I mean, your car just got totaled
Idk if this would be a good time to make a big purchase

2/7, 11:37am
Ad .
I could argue both ways.
I mean in the immediate future spending that money is a turn off
In the distant future I may not be able to spend that money at all

2/7, 11:38am
An .
If you can't in the future, you shouldn't in the present

2/7, 11:39am
Ad .
I.e. Potentially being married with child or one on the way in the next few years. Wouldn't be smart or responsible to spend the money then.

2/7, 11:39am
An .
Well, at least look around and get it when it's on sale
I mean, wouldn't you want to try to save for that now?
It's the middle of February

2/7, 11:40am
Ad .
Yes but then does that mean I get cheap about buying you gifts to? Lmao

2/7, 11:40am
An .
How many more times will you be able to ski, given that it's been a very warm winter
What do you mean buying me gifts?

2/7, 11:41am
Ad .
I mean what I said. If I'm trying to save for all that now, then buying you expensive gifts is no longer trivial.

2/7, 11:43am
An .
Babe you don't buy me expensive gifts all the time
You got me an expensive Christmas gift

2/7, 11:45am
Ad .
Material items, yes I've only bought a few expensive items. But hotels food and trips are also gifts in my eyes.
Keep in mind I'm not complaining but this just goes right back to what I was saying about buckling down on spending.
To be honest though

2/7, 11:46am
An .
Yea but you enjoy those as well
They're not just for new
Me*

2/7, 11:47am
Ad .
I think once you start working and we don't have lots of time for all these things, saving will be much easier lol

2/7, 11:47am
An .
Babe How come you don't buy me things though?
Not that I'm complaining either

2/7, 11:47am
Ad .
Lol baby I wouldn't be doing any of these trips if it weren't for you.
Wait what?
Don't buy you things?

2/7, 11:48am
An .
Yea like shoes or clothes, etc.
Don't take this the wrong way
I'm just curious.

2/7, 11:49am
Ad .
You buy your own things when we go shopping.
I pay some times.

2/7, 11:49am
An .
Most guys I've dated in the past buy shoes, clothes, or accessories as gifts
But you spend a lot of money on eating out that sometimes seem overboard

2/7, 11:50am
Ad .
Well I'm not most guys

2/7, 11:50am
An .
But you never actually get me gifts that I can keep
Not never
But I'm saying, not very often

2/7, 11:50am
Ad .
Wow lol
I give you irreplaceable memories and gestures of kindness and caring.
You want material things from me then I'm not the right guy. I'm more sentimental and you know that.
I'm also more romantic.

2/7, 11:52am
An .
I mean it doesn't mean you can't be both lol
Like I said I'm not complaining so don't get defensive

2/7, 11:53am
Ad .
It seems like you're telling me you want me to spend more money on you, when I already spend a lot.

2/7, 11:53am
An .
No I'm not

2/7, 11:53am
Ad .
Okay

2/7, 11:54am
An .
It's more about thé way you spend money
You'd rather spend it on consumables than things you can keep

2/7, 11:54am
Ad .
You're materialistic and I'm sentimental. It's a conflict for sure.

2/7, 11:54am
An .
Wow

2/7, 11:55am
Ad .
Don't misunderstand
Materialistic (things you can keep)
Sentimental (*things* you can't keep)

2/7, 11:55am
An .
Did you just call me materialistic bc I want nice things like all woman do?

2/7, 11:56am
Ad .
Who's getting defensive? Lol

2/7, 11:56am
An .
Well you keep calling me materialistic!

2/7, 11:56am
Ad .
We are saying the same thing, except I put a label on it

2/7, 11:56am
An .
You want material things too

2/7, 11:57am
Ad .
Not saying I don't

2/7, 11:57am
An .
Just bc I want shoes and you want some electronic gadget doesn't mean that I'm materialistic and you're not
In reality, what I want cost less money than what you want
Also, one can be sentimental about an object
Like if you got me a pair of shoes or a bag, it'd have sentimental value to me bc you gave it to me

2/7, 11:58am
Ad .
Okay you're defensive. I'm not saying I don't want things, but as far as this relationship is concerned I don't expect things I don't think. I expect great times and great memories.

2/7, 11:59am
An .
Well, you're a man
I'm a woman
We want different things

2/7, 12:00pm
Ad .
Well we are going to have to come to a compromise on that for sure. This goes wayyyyy back to my telling you that when it comes time you will be in full control of all the money.

2/7, 12:00pm
An .
And sentimental value for me is placed on objects I can keep and look at for a long time versus eating out all the time
Babe, I need you to understand that I want gifts
Material gifts
That I can put sentimental value in

2/7, 12:01pm
Ad .
You keep saying eating out all the time. There is little sentiment to that. It's other things we do that I place value on.
Okay I give you material things baby
But
I'm not buying you clothes or shoes

2/7, 12:02pm
An .
Why not?
Why are you against what I want?

2/7, 12:02pm
Ad .
Because for starters I don't pick the right stuff. Secondly that means you'd spend more money.

2/7, 12:02pm
An .
What is wrong with shoes or clothes or bags?

2/7, 12:03pm
Ad .
Against what you want?
Wow now I'm getting angry
You don't give me credit for buying you material things
You don't see how much I've invested into this relationship already

2/7, 12:04pm
An .
Yea I'm getting angry too

2/7, 12:04pm
Ad .
Seriously?

2/7, 12:05pm
An .
You're not getting my point
I'm talking about the WAY you decide to spend money
You tell me that you give me everything that I want

2/7, 12:05pm
Ad .
I didn't say that

2/7, 12:06pm
An .
But that's what you think I want or what you think should be what I want
And then you tell me money isn't a big concern
So why is it such a big deal when I tell you honestly that I'd like my bf to buy me something I can wear or carry like other people?
I'm not saying right now or often

2/7, 12:07pm
Ad .
Wait you think I think you want me to buy everything you want?

2/7, 12:07pm
An .
And I'm not telling yo do spend more money on me
No
That's not what I'm saying

2/7, 12:08pm
Ad .
"So why is it such a big deal when I tell you honestly that I'd like my bf to buy me something I can wear or carry like other people? "
Because I'm offended when you say I don't buy you things
Or many things

2/7, 12:09pm
An .
Have you bought me anything else that is wearable besides the necklace?

2/7, 12:09pm
Ad .
I'm just not going to whip cash out every time you want to go shopping. That would be a terrible habit to get in to. Worse than the eating out.

2/7, 12:09pm
An .
That's not what I'm saying
Omg

2/7, 12:09pm
Ad .
Yes would you like me go through your stuff to send you pictures

2/7, 12:10pm
An .
Sure

2/7, 12:10pm
Ad .
Or I can just take a picture of what I can see immediately

2/7, 12:10pm
An .
And i dont mean small things

2/7, 12:10pm
Ad .

2/7, 12:10pm
An .
I mean I want something that you buy me that I can keep for a long time
Not souvenir type things

2/7, 12:11pm
Ad .
Lol I never do right
It's amazing

2/7, 12:11pm
An .
Normal things that I can actually use all the time. Like a nice pair of shoes or a bag or something

2/7, 12:11pm
Ad .
I got you a freakin bag

2/7, 12:11pm
An .
Haven't your dad ever bought anything like that for your mom?
What bag?

2/7, 12:12pm
Ad .
Actually I've gotten you two
Red one and the MK one
I'm so offended

2/7, 12:12pm
An .
Yea I like the MK one lol

2/7, 12:12pm
Ad .
I've done WAY more for you then most men do for their woman

2/7, 12:12pm
An .
Don't get offended
Um that's not true. Depends on the guy

2/7, 12:13pm
Ad .
I'm offended
I am
I'm ready to return your Valentine's Day gift

2/7, 12:13pm
An .
Ugh
Here we go again

2/7, 12:14pm
Ad .

2/7, 12:14pm
Ad .
Matching expensive earrings to go with your expensive necklace
Earrings*

2/7, 12:14pm
An .
Babe, I didn't know
I really wasn't trying to say that you don't treat me well and do a lot for me

2/7, 12:15pm
Ad .
That's what your saying, that I don't do enough
Or that you want me to do more

2/7, 12:15pm
An .
I was just trying to discuss what you spend money on
No

2/7, 12:16pm
Ad .
You want me to spend less on food so I can buy you more gifts
I heard it

2/7, 12:16pm
An .
I'm saying once in a while it'd be nice if we go not go out to eat for maybe a week, and you could get me a material gift that I can keep for a long time

2/7, 12:17pm
Ad .
This, to me, is about buying An more things like shoes and bags and shirts and pants and dresses and skirts

2/7, 12:17pm
An .
Omg
Can you stop?

2/7, 12:17pm
Ad .
But that's what you said

2/7, 12:17pm
An .
listen
I'm not asking you to take me on a shopping spree

2/7, 12:18pm
Ad .
Now that we are living together, permanently or not, eating out once or twice per week is more of an option

2/7, 12:18pm
An .
I'm just trying to get you to acknowledge that I'm not materialistic and that there isn't anything wrong about wanting my bf to give me a gift that I can actually wear or carry in daily life

2/7, 12:18pm
Ad .
Okay

2/7, 12:19pm
An .
how many bags or shoes have I bought since I've been with you?

2/7, 12:19pm
Ad .
So instead of random bouquets of flowers or constantly eating out, you want wearables
Bags? One maybe?
Shoes? One maybe?
Depends on if you count all the returns to lol

2/7, 12:20pm
An .
Other bfs buy shoes or bags or clothes for their gfs as gifts. So why are you making me feel like some materialistic person for wanting that?
As if I'm abnormal for wanting that?
So in all the months we were together, I bought one of each

2/7, 12:21pm
Ad .
Because I honestly feel like when you're asking for more, you're telling me in not doing enough. I honestly feel like that.

2/7, 12:21pm
An .
You really think you can't even get me one pair of shoes or a bag in 7 months period?

2/7, 12:22pm
Ad .
I honestly feel like the things that I do pay for go unrecognized because they aren't material items.
Hello, I did get you a pair of shoes
Holy crap
You told me to donate them

2/7, 12:22pm
An .
Ok
Have you ever seen me wear non-leather?

2/7, 12:23pm
Ad .
Lol

2/7, 12:23pm
An .
I know quality of something when I see it
Those were like teenager's shoes
And they didn't even fit new
Me*

2/7, 12:23pm
Ad .
Those were meant to be a one-off for the bigger picture - the trip to cancun Mexico that I paid for

2/7, 12:23pm
An .
I know
But that's a great example of what I'm talking about
Sometimes, you spend money on weird things
That make no sense to me
Like you try to save, but then you end up wasting money somehow along the way

2/7, 12:25pm
Ad .
If it was expensive I wouldn't have bought it. And that was in the early stage of our relationships
Like we were just dating

2/7, 12:25pm
An .
Yea, so that one doesn't count

2/7, 12:25pm
Ad .
Actually you may have been dating more than me at that time, I don't know
But point is
I wouldn't have blown a wad of money on material items like I'm willing to do now

2/7, 12:26pm
An .
Yea Yea I get it
I would've thought you were crazy if you had anyway.
It would've been a bit much

2/7, 12:27pm
Ad .
So then the low quality shoes were justifiable even in your mind lol

2/7, 12:27pm
An .
No
You just never should have bought something like that
Don't buy low quality stuff
This isn't just about me, but just in general

2/7, 12:28pm
Ad .
Okay I'm tired of just never doing anything right. You handle all the money and gifts from now on okay?

2/7, 12:28pm
An .
Don't do that. It's a waste of money
No!

2/7, 12:28pm
Ad .
From the start
I didn't know what I was doing

2/7, 12:28pm
An .
If I have to buy my own gifts, where's the romance in that?

2/7, 12:29pm
Ad .
What's the romance in what I did way back then
What's the romance in what I still do now

2/7, 12:29pm
An .
It was cute

2/7, 12:29pm
Ad .
There's no romance in my actions?

2/7, 12:29pm
An .
But I mean, since we're in a relationship now, we can go with me to the mall lol

2/7, 12:29pm
Ad .
I don't spend money according to your ideas, so I don't do it right.
I go with you to the mall every time and I don't complain ever

2/7, 12:30pm
An .
I'll manage the money if we get married

2/7, 12:30pm
Ad .
But
My NOT buying you gifts constantly
Is a calculated behavior

2/7, 12:30pm
An .
Omg!
For thé last time. I'm not asking you too
I'm getting offended that you think of me as calculating

2/7, 12:31pm
Ad .
Okay An
I'm saying
My behavior
Is
Calculated
Read it

2/7, 12:31pm
An .
Just bc I want my bf to buy me a pair of shoes or a bag once in a while?

2/7, 12:34pm
Ad .
Okay so here is how this is going to go. You want the random shoes or clothes or bag gift? That's fine. But don't get bothered by my cutting back in other areas to afford it AND still try to save lots of money to propose and have a wedding.
By the way
When we go shopping
At the mall or anywhere else
If you've asked me to buy you something
I'm pretty sure I've never said no

2/7, 12:36pm
An .
But if i really NEED something, like a pair of shoes or a new bag, I want you to get it for me bc you're my bf
Does that make sense?

2/7, 12:36pm
Ad .
Okay and if you really need something and you ask me for it, is there any fear of me saying no?

2/7, 12:36pm
An .
It's not bc I need someone to pay for my things
But I want YOU to get it for me bc YOU'RE my bf
It has a much more different meaning than if I were to just get it myself
Like I don't want to have to ask you

2/7, 12:38pm
Ad .
I love this
This is great

2/7, 12:38pm
An .
What?

2/7, 12:39pm
Ad .
We can talk more tomorrow. I need a break. We are just talking in laps. All I'm getting from this is how much responsibility I have and how much I've been screwing up.

2/7, 12:39pm
An .
Why do you see it that way?

2/7, 12:39pm
Ad .
Because I'm wrong in everything I do it seems
My methods
Although they've won you over -for now-
Aren't appealing to you
Aren't right

2/7, 12:40pm
An .
Like why is it that everytime we have a talk to discuss something new to tweak the way we work to make our relationship better fitted, you react like this?

2/7, 12:41pm
Ad .
Because making our relationship "better fitted" is always me making changes and conce.ons

2/7, 12:41pm
An .
I'm afraid to talk to you about things bc you react this way

2/7, 12:41pm
Ad .
Well
I'm being honest

2/7, 12:42pm
An .
I should be able to express myself so that we continue to be honest with each other without you reacting like this everytime

2/7, 12:42pm
Ad .
You got defensive when I was being honest. You react like this every time to. We both react.

2/7, 12:42pm
An .
It's like you just expect me to be 100% happy with something you've planned. And if I'm not, you get upset

2/7, 12:42pm
Ad .
It's a cascading affect

2/7, 12:42pm
An .
Well, here's news for you. We're two different people.

2/7, 12:43pm
Ad .
So it's okay for you to be you but not me to be me?

2/7, 12:43pm
An .
I'm not always going to be 100% on the same page with your decisions or the way you do things

2/7, 12:43pm
Ad .
Okay and that I understand

2/7, 12:43pm
An .
And we can't discuss it without you getting upset?

2/7, 12:44pm
Ad .
But you got upset
Why can't it

2/7, 12:44pm
An .
would you rather be pa.ve?

2/7, 12:44pm
Ad .
I won't be pa.ve

2/7, 12:44pm
An .
I be pa.ve*
Would you rather I be pa.ve?
And keep everything to myself?

2/7, 12:44pm
Ad .
I'm not asking for you to be pa.ve. We'd never learn anything

2/7, 12:44pm
An .
And not try to work things out

2/7, 12:45pm
Ad .
But when you have something to say and want to justify being honest, you can't really think to yourself that I won't react

2/7, 12:45pm
An .
Then you need to stop reacting this way

2/7, 12:45pm
Ad .
Baby you're reacting to, why is it always me, it's exhausting

2/7, 12:45pm
An .
This is exhasting

2/7, 12:46pm
Ad .
What are we getting from all this
1) you don't like the way I spend money

2/7, 12:46pm
An .
All I want is for my bf to buy me shoes or a bag I want once in a while
I'm not asking you to pay my bills or take me on a shopping spree

2/7, 12:46pm
Ad .
2) you want me to buy you bags and shoes and other things you say you need

2/7, 12:46pm
An .
But now I feel like crap
Why do we even need to have this kind of a debate over something that's just normal in a relationship?
Do what ever you want

2/7, 12:48pm
Ad .
Because you see the first 7 months
And consider it abnormal
That's why

2/7, 12:48pm
An .
Thanks for making feel like I'm some kind of materialistic gold digger trying to get material good out of you

2/7, 12:48pm
Ad .
8 months now almost

2/7, 12:48pm
An .
It's not like I can't afford things like that on my own

2/7, 12:49pm
Ad .
You make me feel
Like I don't buy or do things for you
So what?
But I do

2/7, 12:49pm
An .
Great, you always have to have the last word
You never back down
Ever

2/7, 12:50pm
Ad .
I do a freakin' lot - it's absolutely undeniable

2/7, 12:50pm
An .
This wasn't even supposed to be an argument
If you don't want to buy things I actually want for me, then don't.

2/7, 12:50pm
Ad .
If you can't recognize what I have done and what I have given you - yeah it's going to be an argument

2/7, 12:50pm
An .
!!

2/7, 12:51pm
Ad .
Like I said, I've invested a lot into our relationship

2/7, 12:51pm
An .
Why do you always say that?

2/7, 12:51pm
Ad .
I've said it two times
In 8 months

2/7, 12:52pm
An .
If I ever have any little thing I'm not on the same page with you on, you immediately jump to "you don't appreciate what I've done for you"

2/7, 12:52pm
Ad .
And I say it because you make me feel it's unrecognized

2/7, 12:52pm
An .
I think you put way too much pressure on me for thé things you've done for me
When the hell did I say that you're not treating me well?
When did I say you haven't invested in this relationship?

2/7, 12:53pm
Ad .
When you're telling me I'm not doing enough, it translates.

2/7, 12:53pm
An .
This is so ing frustrating
It's impo.ble to have a normal discu.on with you about something I don't like in this relationship
It always turns into something like this with you saying "you're telling me I'm not doing enough"
Just it
Okay?
Forget I said anything
It's like living in a ing doll's house.
I'm supposed to just take what you decide
Now I'll just be sure not to express what I actually want from you.
I'll just go along with what you think I want or what you think is treating me really well
Bc everytime, I try to discuss or change any little thing about our plans or this relationship is, you react like this
Why are you even with me if you're not even willing to listen to me?
I've been in a relationship where the guy did his best to make me happy. But it wasn't what I wanted. But I didn't know how to communicate that with him. So it built up, and I wasn't happy in the end, so we broke up
I'm actually trying my best to communicate with you do express what I want, but you're being so immature and overreacting
I'm trying to communicate with you to let you know that our "love languages" are different
Yet, you react like a child. You just jump the gun and say "you're saying I'm not doing enough or what I'm not doing is right"
Why can't you understand that there is no right or wrong?!
That there are only differences
And that I'm trying to work those differences out with you so we can stay together?!

2/7, 1:03pm
Ad .
Do you want to stay together?

2/7, 1:03pm
An .
?
Why do you always ask me that everytime we have a minor argument?
This shouldn't even have been an argument

2/7, 1:04pm
Ad .
If you do then you need to realize that this isn't just YOU trying to work these differences out.

2/7, 1:04pm
An .
This should have been a discu.on
If?
Is that a threat?

2/7, 1:04pm
Ad .
Lol now not only are you defensive but your combative

2/7, 1:05pm
An .
Don't leverage this relationship

2/7, 1:05pm
Ad .
Holy you don't understand what I said

2/7, 1:05pm
An .
If You want to stay together you need to listen

2/7, 1:05pm
Ad .
Misunderstood texts happens way to much for us

2/7, 1:05pm
An .
You're not listening

2/7, 1:05pm
Ad .
Neither are you
Let's both be combative

2/7, 1:06pm
An .
This entire time, I've been saying WE need to work out the differences

2/7, 1:06pm
Ad .

2/7, 1:06pm
Ad .

2/7, 1:06pm
An .
BUT when you react this way, there is no way

2/7, 1:06pm
Ad .
When I react this way
Me me me

2/7, 1:06pm
An .
Ok

2/7, 1:06pm
Ad .
I get it

2/7, 1:07pm
An .
This just not going anywhere

2/7, 1:07pm
Ad .
Wait
You just said

2/7, 1:07pm
An .
You need to be a little bit more mature

2/7, 1:07pm
Ad .
This entire time, I've been saying WE need to work out the differences
Well WE includes you
And that means
You need to recognize that you're also reacting
Since the word materialistic got thrown around

2/7, 1:07pm
An .
Thanks for picking at my words
As a man, you really need to win, right?
You have to make me feel materialistic
You have to make me feel like crap
Don't even tell me that you care about me when you act like this
You pick at my words, you never give in an inch

2/7, 1:10pm
Ad .
Who's picking at words by the way, when you are taking "if" as a threat instead of word preceded by a question?

2/7, 1:10pm
An .
You never want to be the bigger person
I'm the woman in the relationship!
OMG!!!
Do you really have to pick at my every sentence and feel like you're right?
This part of your personality is so exhausting
I'm not talking anymore

2/7, 1:11pm
Ad .
Goes back to your doing it is okay but my doing it isn't. You're right, this is childish and immature.

2/7, 1:11pm
An .
You're so immature
Forget that you're the man in the relationship
Forget your 4 years older than me
You just have to get back at me for every comment I say
is this?!!!
You want to win so bad?

2/7, 1:12pm
Ad .
Help me understand
Then

2/7, 1:12pm
An .
I'm done
Goodbye
There's no point in this conversation going on
It's like fighting with a ing parrot that's repeating after me and mocking me

2/7, 1:14pm
Ad .
You want full control - well, you need it. It's yours if that's what will make you happy.

2/7, 1:15pm
An .
are you talking about?!!!!!!!!
All I want is for us to have a normal discu.on

2/7, 1:15pm
Ad .
You want me to listen and not argue
I'm doing that now.
But if I tell you how I feel

2/7, 1:16pm
An .
Without you saying "you're saying I don't do enough for you. I don't ever do anything right"

2/7, 1:16pm
Ad .
Don't get uoset at me for being honest to

2/7, 1:16pm
An .
It's so ing repetitive!
It drives me nuts!

2/7, 1:16pm
Ad .
If it's a pattern...

2/7, 1:16pm
An .
Every ing time I try to tell you what I want, that's how you react!
Get it the it off your head!

2/7, 1:17pm
Ad .
Or?

2/7, 1:17pm
An .
I can want something different!!!!
But that doesn't mean I don't appreciate it what you do for me!
And that also doesn't mean that I want more!
It just means I want something a bit different SOMETIMES!
OMG!!!!!!
SERIOUSLY! WHAT THE !
WHY THE IS IT SO HARD FOR YOU TO GET THAT THROUGH YOUR HEAD

2/7, 1:19pm
Ad .
Don't you talk to me like that

2/7, 1:19pm
An .
Or what?

2/7, 1:19pm
Ad .
I don't talk to you like that

2/7, 1:19pm
An .
You're so ing frustrating!

2/7, 1:19pm
Ad .
I better get the same respect I give you

2/7, 1:20pm
An .
It's like I try to discuss something with you, and you just get something in your head and just go with it

2/7, 1:20pm
Ad .
Or what? So combative. Like I said, im listening. And you're just escalating and exploding and now just being disrespectful.
You want me to listen and I'm listening, so don't do that.

2/7, 1:22pm
An .
All I said today was that it would be nice for you to buy me shoes or a bag ONCE IN A WHILE, NOT NOW~ JUST SOMETIME IN THE FUTURE! Because YOU'RE my bf! And the bag or shoes I wanted would have a special meaning to it bc MY BF got it for me!
is so hard to understand about that? Where in that does it say I don't appreciate you or the things you do for me????
Where?!!!!!!!!!!!!

2/7, 1:22pm
Ad .
I can't assure you enough that buying you things, bags or not, is in your future.

2/7, 1:23pm
An .
Then just be like, ok!
Like !!!
This isn't even such a big deal!

2/7, 1:24pm
Ad .
Do you really not feel like I'll walk through the door on any random day with a gift or buy you something when we go to a mall?
Well it is but we obviously see it differently An.

2/7, 1:24pm
An .
Idk! Bc you haven't yet! Except for souvenirs or the Christmas gift

2/7, 1:25pm
Ad .
So this is where we differ then.

2/7, 1:25pm
An .
Also, you frown upon nice shoes or bags as "materialistic"
so I'm afraid to ask you for it
Bc you see that as a materialistic behavior
But to me, it's just something bfs do once in a while
Esp in Korean culture

2/7, 1:26pm
Ad .
I didn't call you materialistic. We differ because I separate material things from sentiment. You see sentiment in materials, I see sentiment in action.

2/7, 1:26pm
An .
In Japanese too. That's why I exchanged gifts with my friends in Japan

2/7, 1:27pm
Ad .
I saw you do that

2/7, 1:27pm
An .
Yea

2/7, 1:27pm
Ad .
So how can we compromise so you don't feel like this, AND I don't feel like this?

2/7, 1:27pm
An .
Now that coin purse has sentimental value to it

2/7, 1:27pm
Ad .
The only way is understand how each other feels right?

2/7, 1:28pm
An .
Everytime, I look at it or touch it, I will remember Sachiko and that day
For thé last time, I need you to understand that I do appreciate what you do for me
BUT that doesn't mean I can't want something else

2/7, 1:29pm
Ad .
All I'm saying is that there is an obvious compromise here

2/7, 1:29pm
An .
What?

2/7, 1:30pm
Ad .
I listen
Right?

2/7, 1:30pm
An .
Yea

2/7, 1:30pm
Ad .
And
It's okay for you to tell me you want me to do things or change things
And this is not a doll house
Or egg shells

2/7, 1:31pm
An .
Yea that'd be great but in order for that to happen, you need to stop doing two things

2/7, 1:32pm
Ad .
Just don't make me feel like what I have done (knowing I use sentiment in action) isn't equally valued.

2/7, 1:33pm
An .
1. Stop jumping the gun and concluding I'm telling you that what you've done isn't good enough. That's in your mind. I'm not telling you that. All I do is that sometimes, I express I want different things.

2/7, 1:33pm
Ad .
Because when you said what you said, I instantly felt you don't value the actions I've taken as much as material sentiment.

2/7, 1:33pm
An .
I should be able to want different things than what you decide, no?

2/7, 1:34pm
Ad .
Yes and I have no problem with you wanting things, ever. I'm explaining what I do have a problem with. I don't have s problem with my world revolving around you, if that's not obvious enough.

2/7, 1:35pm
An .
Alright just listen
Stop typing for a min and listen
2. Don't try to assume things that I haven't actually said. You've been with me for this long. You know that I'm straightforward. If i think you're not doing enough, I'll tell you to your face.
3. Stop asking me "do you want to stay together?" Everytime we have an argument.
It's like you're setting us up for a breakup everytime with that question

2/7, 1:38pm
Ad .
Okay. #3 is a misinterpretation of a text to be fair. That's why I sent those pics of that drama subtitles.

2/7, 1:39pm
An .
Alright fine

2/7, 1:39pm
Ad .
Can I make a one bullet list?

2/7, 1:39pm
An .
Stop saying that your world revolves around me
If you're gonna say stuff likethat, at least be the bigger person and the more understanding one and don't let our discu.ons become a fight to this extent

2/7, 1:44pm
Ad .
So can I make a 1-bullet request or no?

2/7, 1:44pm
An .
Yea

2/7, 1:45pm
Ad .
I feel appreciation when I'm with you, but I don't feel it when I read your texts when you start talking like that. So I think my biggest struggle here, is that when I feel unappreciated, whether or not intentional, I immediately get angry and respond. In this case I expressed I was getting angry and the conversation kept pushing against the very same thing I said I was getting angry about. If I say I'm getting angry, can't we respond to that instead of the content?

2/7, 1:46pm
An .
You have a hair trigger
I do too
But have a more of a hair trigger than I do
That's why I'm getting and more afraid to bring things up to you bc you get angry
And it's happening more and more often

2/7, 1:47pm
Ad .
We are discerning what makes me angry though. That doesn't help?

2/7, 1:47pm
An .
It's like you're getting more and more impatient with me as you're getting more comfortable with me
You get angry so easily though
I'm not ok with that
I hope you understand that that is something you need to control
I can't help that you get angry at me asking for a material gift

2/7, 1:49pm
Ad .
Well that's my bullet. Im trying to help us not have to deal with this. You get angry to, but if we are both angry this is what happens.

2/7, 1:49pm
An .
If I were to address your anger everytime i tried to have a discu.on with you, this relationship would be all about you and your anger

2/7, 1:49pm
Ad .
Let's be clear here that I didn't get angry about you asking for a material gifts.

2/7, 1:49pm
An .
I get angry bc you get angry

2/7, 1:50pm
Ad .
I am explaining about what makes me angry

2/7, 1:50pm
An .
If you're more impatient and more short tempered than I am, this relationship isn't going to work
That's not just a blank statement
That's something I truly feel
That it may be a problem as this relational progresses

2/7, 1:51pm
Ad .
So you want me to not be so short tempered, what about you? Can you try the same?

2/7, 1:51pm
An .
I told you in Japan that you were starting me make me feel scared bc you get angry so easily now
Remember?

2/7, 1:52pm
Ad .
Yes

2/7, 1:52pm
An .
I hate that when I point something out, you turn it right back at me and immediately say "what about you? "

2/7, 1:53pm
Ad .
My question?

2/7, 1:53pm
An .
Why can't you just say you'll try to change it?
You always get angry before I do
I notice bc I've been trying hard to control temper
But when you say that you're angry at me over something little, that makes me angry

2/7, 1:54pm
Ad .
I mean I understand that's frustrating, but it's logical if we are both behaving the same to both try to change it. Better chance of success that way.
Well you know little is subjective to the person.
So you're basically telling me it's on me to make changes.

2/7, 1:59pm
An .

2/7, 1:59pm
An .
Take a look
You told me you were getting angry
So then I told you
And then you were like "seriously?"
If I ever act angry, you're very quick to act angry at me back
here's the thing. I have expectations from a man bc you are a man.
It could be a cultural thing
To me masculinity means being more understanding and patient than a woman
It means knowing that winning an argument and picking at every word just to have an edge in an argument with the gf means it's actually not a good thing
It's means trying to lift up the gfs mood when she's angry at you for some reason without getting all angry at her for being angry at you

2/7, 2:08pm
Ad .
So I got angry and you got angry and I was insulted because from my point of view you had no right to get angry at me. I'm going to have to say that you're right. This relationship will never work if you don't ever feel you also have to make changes. If I am communicating to you what triggered my getting angry and you're still not going to respond to that then at what point are we going to hit the dead end? Relationships are a two way street. We both have responsibilities to each other but I also expect a fair and balanced relationship. Why after my already saying I'm angry would I feel the need to lift up your mood after you tell me your angry? I'm not trying to win anything here and I'm not making threats, I just want to nip this in the bud because I don't want it to happen again. You know how I feel about you and where I want us to go long into the future.

2/7, 2:09pm
Ad .
If we can just agree to take a break when you or I are starting to feel upset
It would work
And we did that once and we proved it would work

2/7, 2:09pm
An .
I see
So you're not willing to work on your anger
Unless I do

2/7, 2:10pm
Ad .
Omg stop being combative I never said anything like that

2/7, 2:10pm
An .
You can't just start first and see if things will be better?

2/7, 2:11pm
Ad .
If you could just acknowledge that you could also work on your anger it's a start. I've already said I'll work on my anger and I'll listen better.

2/7, 2:11pm
An .
We need to talk on the phone right now

2/7, 2:12pm
Ad .
Should we?
We can talk in the morning. Bits late for your

2/7, 2:13pm
An .
This is what I'm talking about
Even the smallest request

SunYou called An.

2/7, 3:14pm
An .
Lost signal
I need to go to sleep
I was going to go to the palace tmrw in Seoul but u don't think I'm going to make it bc I didn't get any rest
And I'm sick

2/7, 3:15pm
Ad .
I'm sorry baby. I really am. Like I said, I'll work on my anger and patience.

2/7, 3:15pm
An .
Really need to sleep
Goodnight

2/7, 3:15pm
Ad .
Good night
Sunday

2/7, 11:52pm
Ad .
Good morning/night
Today

7:32am
Ad .
Good night/morning

7:35am
An .
Good morning
Today

12:09pm
Ad .
Do you want to talk or are you taking time away?

12:12pm
An .
No
It's 2:12am here
Not sure what more we need to talk about

12:13pm
Ad .
But you're awake and I mean talk generally. Nevermind.
Seen 12:13pm

mhowe · February 9, 2016

Put down the damn phone or use it for, you know...speaking.

Addohm · February 9, 2016

Put down the damn phone or use it for, you know...speaking.

Shes in Korea on business at the moment and because of the time difference, we weren't speaking on the phone in consideration of the people she was staying with. That's not exactly the input I was seeking, but thanks.

mhowe · February 9, 2016

No one is going to waste their time reading that drivel. Its meaningless and a waste of both of your time. If she is out of the country, then set a time to TALK and speak to each other.

Addohm · February 9, 2016

I warned ahead of time about the length.

Trolls will be trolls.

mhowe · February 9, 2016

You warned it would be long. You should warn its also inane.

Texting is an inappropriate way to TALK about anything.

Doc Blaze · February 9, 2016

did not read.

cliff notes if you want help. its hard to read and i dont even know whats happening

BrianH46 · February 9, 2016

Holy crap man, she must be a nice piece of ass for you to put up with that. Gold digger, dump her. She constantly challenges your manhood and compares you to what other men do. That comment about her controlling your money when you are married made me cringe hard. The crazy amount of links and request for expensive name brand products was staggering.

Only 8 months man cut it and run.

Addohm · February 9, 2016

You didn't read it, don't judge. Your opinion is noted and I actually agree with it. If you've read it you would see that I've expressed how text interpretation is a common problem between us.

That said, if you have something to say about the actual content I am seeking advice on, lets hear it. Otherwise you can just troll somewhere else.

Doc Blaze · February 9, 2016

You didn't read it, don't judge. Your opinion is noted and I actually agree with it. If you've read it you would see that I've expressed how text interpretation is a common problem between us.

That said, if you have something to say about the actual content I am seeking advice on, lets hear it. Otherwise you can just troll somewhere else.

i read like 4 lines..if you want help.break it down.. thats way too much texting to begin with...

troll? look at my post count compared to yours..

thread/

and fyi thats your first problem, dont try to fix issues through texting.

Addohm · February 9, 2016

Holy crap man, she must be a nice piece of ass for you to put up with that. Gold digger, dump her. She constantly challenges your manhood and compares you to what other men do. That comment about her controlling your money when you are married made me cringe hard. The crazy amount of links and request for expensive name brand products was staggering.

Only 8 months man cut it and run.

Thanks for your input. I've come to similar conclusions. Money is not a problem for me, but like you said, her controlling and challenging me is a problem. Her lack of ability to display appreciation is a problem. My allowing her to control money after marriage, if that were to ever occur, is the only way to not have her constantly criticizing me about money in general. She is actually quite immature to relationships and life in general really.

Addohm · February 9, 2016

i read like 4 lines..if you want help.break it down.. thats way too much texting to begin with...

troll? look at my post count compared to yours..

thread/

I wasn't talking to you. My fault for not quoting. Apologies.

BrianH46 · February 9, 2016

Thanks for your input. I've come to similar conclusions. Money is not a problem for me, but like you said, her controlling and challenging me is a problem. Her lack of ability to display appreciation is a problem. My allowing her to control money after marriage, if that were to ever occur, is the only way to not have her constantly criticizing me about money in general. She is actually quite immature to relationships and life in general really.

It is obvious that you have a good amount of wealth and I suspect you will always attract this type of woman unless you change your approach. How old are you two?

Addohm · February 9, 2016

It is obvious that you have a good amount of wealth and I suspect you will always attract this type of woman unless you change your approach. How old are you two?

I wouldn't go that far. I'm just comfortable. I'm 34 and she's 30.

BrianH46 · February 9, 2016

Ok here is my opinion. You seem like a very likable guy from that transcript despite your money. I would never wait six months to have sex with someone past their mid twenties. It just seemed like a huge red flag to me and speaks to her level of attraction for you. She is straight up manipulative but not very intelligent. Those texts were fascinating because it gives you clear insight into a gold diggers inner thoughts. This is not someone you will be happy with long term especially true when the honeymoon phase wears off.

Addohm · February 9, 2016

Ok here is my opinion. You seem like a very likable guy from that transcript despite your money. I would never wait six months to have sex with someone past their mid twenties. It just seemed like a huge red flag to me and speaks to her level of attraction for you. She is straight up manipulative but not very intelligent. Those texts were fascinating because it gives you clear insight into a gold diggers inner thoughts. This is not someone you will be happy with long term especially true when the honeymoon phase wears off.

I used to have similar thoughts on sex. Previous to this girl my general thoughts revolved around three months tops. This particular woman was a virgin until 27 and has only had three boyfriends before me. I thought that spoke to her character and made her 'worth waiting for'.

BrianH46 · February 9, 2016

I used to have similar thoughts on sex. Previous to this girl my general thoughts revolved around three months tops. This particular woman was a virgin until 27 and has only had three boyfriends before me. I thought that spoke to her character and made her 'worth waiting for'.

Ah that makes sense, you two happen to be Korean?

TMifune · February 9, 2016

So couple of things:

I am 100% all man, I am kind and courteous and chivalrouos. I stand up for her when needed and protect her at all times.

I'm not saying you are or aren't insecure about this, but reading it included where it almost comes out of left-field as a statement, sort of predisposes me to believe that it's an expression of insecurity.
Reading this much of your text conversation makes me feel like I'm violating both of your privacy...it feels invasive.
Just from the sheer volume of texting here (I realize half it was a fight, but still). I will warn you that it seems like you're in serious danger of being downgraded to girlfriend.
I can't tell if telling her your life revolves around her was bitterness because you're always doing what she says, or was supposed to be a statement of devotion. Either way, I don't think most women respond as positively to being the center of your world as you might think they do.
2/7, 1:04pm
Ad .
If you do then you need to realize that this isn't just YOU trying to work these differences out.

2/7, 1:04pm
An .
This should have been a discu.on
If?
Is that a threat?

This is her not liking the discussion and so she's starting to try to paint you to herself and maybe to yourself too as some kind of an abuser. I didn't see your comment as threatening at all, but she asked if it was a threat because she's no feeling like she's "winning" the argument. You are human and you're allowed to get angry. Painting it as though your anger is somehow "wrong" because she doesn't like it is pretty close to if not actually gaslighting. I call this a huge red flag.
2/7, 1:35pm
An .
Alright just listen
Stop typing for a min and listen
2. Don't try to assume things that I haven't actually said. You've been with me for this long. You know that I'm straightforward. If i think you're not doing enough, I'll tell you to your face.
3. Stop asking me "do you want to stay together?" Everytime we have an argument.
It's like you're setting us up for a breakup everytime with that question

I think you should really think about these things. I don't think she's being unfair at all in this quote.
It could be a cultural thing
To me masculinity means being more understanding and patient than a woman
It means knowing that winning an argument and picking at every word just to have an edge in an argument with the gf means it's actually not a good thing
It's means trying to lift up the gfs mood when she's angry at you for some reason without getting all angry at her for being angry at you

This is the Red Flag that screams "Run Away" to me. She reserves for herself the right to be a human being, to have the full range of emotions, but you're not permitted to. She would deny you your humanity for her own benefit. Basically she's telling you in no uncertain terms that being married to her will be a nightmare of you being expected to cater to her. You're pretty much going to have to be her slave , and most likely if you actually are, she'll get bored and cheat on you.

I'd say this relationship is over. But then, I guess it's up to you. If you decide to stay, just remember to buy her handbags with a nice soft pouch inside......since she'll be carrying your balls in it.

Addohm · February 9, 2016

So couple of things:

I'm not saying you are or aren't insecure about this, but reading it included where it almost comes out of left-field as a statement, sort of predisposes me to believe that it's an expression of insecurity.

Reading this much of your text conversation makes me feel like I'm violating both of your privacy...it feels invasive.

Just from the sheer volume of texting here (I realize half it was a fight, but still). I will warn you that it seems like you're in serious danger of being downgraded to girlfriend.

I can't tell if telling her your life revolves around her was bitterness because you're always doing what she says, or was supposed to be a statement of devotion. Either way, I don't think most women respond as positively to being the center of your world as you might think they do.

This is her not liking the discussion and so she's starting to try to paint you to herself and maybe to yourself too as some kind of an abuser. I didn't see your comment as threatening at all, but she asked if it was a threat because she's no feeling like she's "winning" the argument. You are human and you're allowed to get angry. Painting it as though your anger is somehow "wrong" because she doesn't like it is pretty close to if not actually gaslighting. I call this a huge red flag.

I think you should really think about these things. I don't think she's being unfair at all in this quote.

This is the Red Flag that screams "Run Away" to me. She reserves for herself the right to be a human being, to have the full range of emotions, but you're not permitted to. She would deny you your humanity for her own benefit. Basically she's telling you in no uncertain terms that being married to her will be a nightmare of you being expected to cater to her. You're pretty much going to have to be her slave , and most likely if you actually are, she'll get bored and cheat on you.

I'd say this relationship is over. But then, I guess it's up to you. If you decide to stay, just remember to buy her handbags with a nice soft pouch inside......since she'll be carrying your balls in it.

Thanks for your detailed input.

Can't say I agree on number 1 but that's hard to disseminate from words without knowing me.

I don't quite understand what you mean by number 3.

As far as number 6 is concerned, I concede to number #2, but as you see I explain #3 in the texts and we almost agree it doesn't count. She didn't understand that it was rhetorical because it was texting.

I agree on number 7. She is constantly using cards like this to manipulate fights into her advantage. She things I'm a fool more or less. Then again, I'm a bit of an enabler until we get into a fight. I let her do it.

Addohm · February 9, 2016

Ah that makes sense, you two happen to be Korean?

I'm white, born and raised in Boston. She was born in Korea but moved to the US when she was 2, so for all intensive purposes she's Korean-American. She actually hasn't been to Korea much at all. Not enough, in my opinion, to justify using her skewed view of her culture as a card to manipulate fights. I can understand being proud of your heritage, but using the culture when you're not really a part of it is hard to deal with. She gets more bad information on her culture from korean dramas than I can handle. I've been there twice, I've seen it a bit, it's nothing like the damn dramas, lol.

Addohm · February 9, 2016

The fighting used to be monthly and I gave it time to mature and had hopes it would dissipate, but now it's trending towards bi-weekly. Obviously it's getting too much for me, especially if I felt the need to start keeping a log of all our fights. The stress from this makes my memory so unreliable and she is very good at using that against me in a fight lol.

HeartGoesOn · February 9, 2016

Addohm...Why is there spam in your posted conversation?

BrianH46 · February 9, 2016

Yes she seems to exemplify a girl in a Korean drama. Not the sweet one either. Why stay in this relationship?

Addohm · February 11, 2016

Thats a good question sir.

journeynow · February 11, 2016

2/7, 11:58am
Ad .
Okay you're defensive. I'm not saying I don't want things, but as far as this relationship is concerned I don't expect things I don't think. I expect great times and great memories.

2/7, 11:59am
An .
Well, you're a man
I'm a woman
We want different things

2/7, 12:00pm
Ad .
Well we are going to have to come to a compromise on that for sure. This goes wayyyyy back to my telling you that when it comes time you will be in full control of all the money.

2/7, 12:00pm
An .
And sentimental value for me is placed on objects I can keep and look at for a long time versus eating out all the time
Babe, I need you to understand that I want gifts
Material gifts
That I can put sentimental value in

2/7, 12:01pm
Ad .
You keep saying eating out all the time. There is little sentiment to that. It's other things we do that I place value on.
Okay I give you material things baby
But
I'm not buying you clothes or shoes

I didn't get much further than this… (text overload for me, sorry)

A couple things: WHY will she be in full control of all the money? (your words) If you've said this it sets up expectations of control.

This is not about who's a man and who's a woman (her words), but that thing called love language, which means different people have different ways of giving and receiving love. (There's a book called The 5 Love Languages: The Secret to Love that Lasts.)

I think it's fine for you to decide what is meaningful to you, and it is fine for her to define what is meaningful to her. You don't have to defend it, and I think in the beginning she was trying to understand, not argue. Maybe I misinterpreted, but I do think it is ok for you to say buying clothes and shoes isn't what you want to do to express that you care (it's too much like mothering perhaps?) and that doing things together is what means the most.

So, according to the book, the five languages are Gifts, Words of Affirmation, Quality of Time, Acts of Service, and Physical Touch.

Neither of you are wrong in what you want, but are up against miscommunication in the love language department, and different expectations. It doesn't mean that you are incompatible, but are learning about each other and if you can learn to speak each other's love language.

Sign In

Need Unbias Opinions

Recommended Posts

Link to comment

Link to comment

Link to comment

Link to comment

Link to comment

Link to comment

Link to comment

Link to comment

Link to comment

Link to comment

Link to comment

Link to comment

Link to comment

Link to comment

Link to comment

Link to comment

Link to comment

Link to comment

Link to comment

Link to comment

Link to comment

Link to comment

Link to comment

Link to comment

Link to comment

Archived

Top Discussions this Week

Top Articles