Idk how much longer I have in me

I have thought about suicide nearly every day since the age of 14. I'm sure I have BPD and I'm a male but all the therapist and psychiatrists are too scared to give me the diagnosis. I have an identical twin brother who now for the past year has completely forgotten about me and only thinks about the girl. The only time I was happy without drugs since the age of 14 was when I was in a relationship with a girl whom I loved but eventually left me cause of my instability. I then turned from a pothead to a hard core drug addict and dealer and I'm now a convicted felon at the age of 18. I know everyone in my family would get over my death within a year or two. I thought college was my second chance to meet friends or a girl but everyone this year has so far rejected me. I've been to 4 rehabs many therapist counselors I'm on a load of pharmaceutical drugs to help my depression and anxiety. I'm thinking I'm going to overdose on heroin soon. I don't see a light at the end of the tunnel. Everyone has used me or left me as if I was nothing. I just want peace and I know I will have it once I overdose. And btw I am no longer addicted to hard drugs I haven't been for over a year since my arrest. A heroin overdose just seems perfect to me. I lived by drugs and I will die by the drugs

I hope this is okay to post here:

This is a list of resources for suicide prevention. Some are talk lines, but there are also text-only options too. Please contact the appropriate folks and get yourself some help right now.

That said, don't give up hope. You're 18 and have so many years ahead of you. I'm 40 now and I can remember myself and my circumstances when I was your age. I felt as you did. But 20 years down the road and my life is completely different, and so much better. I'm no longer in the terrible/rough spots I was in when I was younger. Life does get better, guaranteed. It's great you're here and posted. That's the crucial first step. Now it's time to do the work and start putting one foot in front of the other. Look at my signature, so true... you're at the bottom now, but that only means the only place you can go is up. You can do this. Life will get better.

i would call your local mental health community. i'm a volunteer at one which has a daily occupational therapy centre and an awesome living arrangement- all our clients have a history of severe mental health disorders and most have decades of substance abuse behind them. they've been passed from one institution to another- correctional fascilities included- before they ended up with us. all are happy, sunny people these days, living a life worth living.

your LMHC can provide a therapeutic approach that is tailored to your needs, activities to lift your spirits and keep you busy, warm and welcoming company, a room if you need one, and sometimes occupational training or occupation through social services if you feel up to holding a job but are having a hard time finding one because of your past and the gap in your resume.

not like you have anything to lose by dropping by.

i've had a preoccupation with death through a great deal of my life and what worked for me is that i made a pact with myself that i can end it if i really want to- but only after crossing every other option off the list first. EVERY. somewhere through the bottom part of the list- the switch happened. i got my 180 turn. you never know what's around the corner hun.

Im thinking about suicide too. Like you I have a felony. It haunts me in every facet of life. I'm 41 now. I've dealt with this since I was 18. Back then Felonies didn't matter line they do now. Back then background checks were rare.

It's not gonna get any better. I tried to kick myself 3 weeks ago. I didn't have the balls to do it. But I'm still trying to muster the courage. So hopefully soon.

Hey, I know what it's like to not be able to see that there is light at the end. You will get through it, one day at a time. You are not a bad person because of the things you have done. And congrats on being clean for a year! That is a huge accomplishment.

I've recently learned that anyone who does not stick with you during the tough times, no matter how great that person seemed, is not someone you need in your life. It is good to figure out that they will leave when things get hard, and the sooner you find out the better. Sucks at the time, but eventually it gets better. When I was suicidal and really low, it helped me feel better to google stuff like, successful people who hit rock bottom before finding success. I saw that people sometimes have to get really low to be able to climb back up, like I did. Sometimes, several times. Also, to hear about people who made it through hard times like Michael Beckwith or John Demartini and help people now.