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Thread: Nervous about Vegas trip

  1. #1

    Nervous about Vegas trip

    background: my boyfriend and I (both 27 y.o) have been together for 7 years. I am someone who is chronically, more or less for my whole life, an extremely high anxiety person - extremely low confidence/self esteem, very unsure of myself, etc. i have a real hard time worrying about him looking at/desiring other women. i have severe issues with trust and i know that in a lot of ways, i am unreasonable. this is one of those times.

    my boyfriend is best man in his older brother's wedding, and they will be going to Las Vegas this summer for the bachelor party for two nights. The groom is a very typical guy who would most likely like a very typical bachelor party. I also have the impression that all of his friends that I have met are sort of sleazy. My boyfriend is not similar to this persona, however he does tend to do things to try to impress his older brother's friends. Since they started talking about the bachelor party, I have had somewhat constant anxiety about the shenanigans they will get themselves into. I have made it worse for myself by reading other reddit posts about what happens at bachelor parties, and making things up with my own imagination. I have spoken with my boyfriend about it and he has assured me up and down that nothing will happen, he has no interest in strippers, all he wants to do is go to the casinos, and even if there were strippers he will not be around them. I want to believe him, and I want to be OK with all of this, but I am severely struggling. I have a fear that I will imagine the worst no matter what he tells me when he gets back, and it will have a strong negative impact on our relationship. I by no means want him to skip the trip, I want him to go and enjoy himself - I understand that this is an issue with me and not with him.

    Again, I know I am unreasonable, and I know I should trust him, so I don't need to be told that. I do just need some help coming to terms with this and putting on my big girl panties.

    Has anyone had similar situations? Have words of wisdom? Anything will help.

  2. #2
    Platinum Member ThatwasThen's Avatar
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    This is a matter of mind over matter and you just have to squelch any thoughts that are not about how great it will be when he comes back and he hasn't done anything but gamble and have a good adventure with his older brother before he gets married and doesn't have much time to do such things with him.

    If you can't make your mind override this "matter" then go to he doctor and get yourself a mild anxiety med that will help you to shut off your anxiety inducing thoughts while he's away.

    He's told you what he'll be doing so draw from that and keep yourself busy doing fun things with YOUR friends while he's gone.

    You'll be fine and he'll be loyal to you.

  3. #3
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    I understand your worries but you will need to try to let this go and not make it a huge deal. You want him to go and not spend the whole trip nervous or worried about you - that would really not work on your favour. The moment he starts feeling trapped in the relationship is the moment he will start resenting you and "rebelling".

    Now you've discussed the trip so he knows your thoughts and expectations, and you know his. You need to try to trust him. If not for the sake of your relationship, for the sake of not making yourself go insane during the trip.

    Take your 7 years together as a sign that he loves you and trust that he will respect you by keeping boundaries during this trip, even if there's strippers. You can also do some things on your end to improve the relationship and potentially decrease the temptation to engage with strippers. Have you considered spicing up your sex life?

    Has he ever given you a reason not to trust him? If not, a bachelor party should not change that. Let him go and enjoy himself. Try to keep busy with friends and make yourself and your life interesting to yourself and to him.

  4. #4
    Bronze Member msbrunette's Avatar
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    Stop reading about girls past problems with bachelor parties you're not dating their bfs/ex bfs ..you're dating your current bf.
    Has he ever given you a reason not to trust him?
    Have you ever had concrete proof that he could/would cheat on you?
    If the answer is no, don't even go there.
    You need trust in a relationship otherwise you will drive yourself crazy.
    Also it must be extremely heavy on him if you are constantly worrying about who he's looking at or thinking about.
    Looking and doing is 2 different things.
    Let him go without a fuss, wish him to have fun and while he's gone find things you like doing, hang out with your gfs.

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  6. #5
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    Originally Posted by fairytale2006
    background: my boyfriend and I (both 27 y.o) have been together for 7 years. I am someone who is chronically, more or less for my whole life, an extremely high anxiety person - extremely low confidence/self esteem, very unsure of myself, etc. i have a real hard time worrying about him looking at/desiring other women. i have severe issues with trust and i know that in a lot of ways, i am unreasonable. this is one of those times.
    What are you doing to work on this?


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