3 months on...

i had a brief time where i thought i was getting better. but im back to the start, desperate to message him and trying so hard not to. I have felt very emotional for two days in a row. I don;t know what to do. I thought I was getting better

This is normal. The progression from desperately in love to over the guy is not a straight line. It is a back and forth process. Two steps forward, one step back. You are going to be fine, I promise!

Youareworthy

I know the feeling and trust me, it will get better. We all have our high and low moments. Just remember how you will feel if you message him and receive nothing. Keep pushing forward!

Time is the hard part, I know it's cliché, but you gotta let the time go by, the pain will do the same...each minute, day, week, month puts "distance" and a lil healing....

I found that seeing her, talking to her, etc....Just made it worse...

hang in there, do things you like, learn to be happy on your own, then the rest will fall into place.....

I've been thru it, I'm currently alone and have been for the 3 or so years since my last "breakup", it's just not worth it, so I just date a bit and play my guitar, spend time with friends and family, I've just been burned enough, but that's just my worldview....

Peace to you, post here instead of contacting the ex.....

You are not back to step one..

If you read about the stages of grief youll see that its not like steps but more like blocks and your emotions are on a pendellum. There are days when your pendellum will swing and hit sadness, then it can swing to anger, then one moment it can hit acceptence but as time goes on it will swing to acceptence and stay there longer and longer until one day it stays there.

Just because you have your bad moments doesnt mean you start over.

Perhaps seeing a counseler can help you sort out feelings. If you havent do things like.. 1. get rid of anything that reminds you of your X. 2. delete all texts, emails and pictures from your phone or computer. 3. delete the number from the phone (even if you know it by memory) 4. stay busy, rely on friends, and dont dwell. 5. accept that its over and you have your freedom to move on. You have room in your heart from someone better to come along.

If you are having this much trouble letting go of the man that he was and the situation you were in with him then I suggest you get yourself to your doctor for initial assessment of your emotional state and then if he feels it necessary, he will refer you to a psychologist to help you get over your obsession with him/this.

This is a quote from you from one of your many, many threads on this:

he wanted to continue to go out as long as he had the chance to talk to other girls because otherwise i was the only girl in his life. i agreed and everything got better again. since it was LD i asked to message everyday and it was working great for like 6 months. then he suddenly started to ignore me, forget about messaging me and whenever i told him to message he would get angry. i wanted to leave on many MANY occasions because he was hurting me - he insulted me and brought up my past a lot - but he insisted i stayed by promising me a good future together.

You should print that quote out and put it in your drawer and everytime you feel the things you feel that compel you start yet another thread about him, you should take out that quote and remind yourself about what an abuser he is which will remind you that you are being silly to be missing him or having the need to contact someone that would treat you like he did.

Get the help you need.