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I'm still here, and total, utter, rock bottom happened


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I'm sure some of you may be overjoyed with the "I told you so", but things escalated and XBF assaulted me.

 

I went over his house, and she was there. He didn't tell her and when I showed up at the door, he threw me down the front steps. When I got up again, he pushed me down again. It's a very long story but in short, he called the police on me, ended up telling her that he slept with me a few days ago and we all stood around and waited.

 

Unfortunately for him, they looked at my injuries and heard my story and asked if I wanted to press assault charges. I refused.

 

So yeah, guess I got what I deserved which should make *some* people very happy.

 

If this girl continues to stay with him after hearing that he slept with the one person she told him not to and seeing him throw women down stairs, she has absolutely no self respect. Maybe that is something her and I have in common.

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I'm sure some of you may be overjoyed with the "I told you so", but things escalated and XBF assaulted me.

 

I went over his house, and she was there. He didn't tell her and when I showed up at the door, he threw me down the front steps. When I got up again, he pushed me down again. It's a very long story but in short, he called the police on me, ended up telling her that he slept with me a few days ago and we all stood around and waited.

 

Unfortunately for him, they looked at my injuries and heard my story and asked if I wanted to press assault charges. I refused.

 

So yeah, guess I got what I deserved which should make *some* people very happy.

 

If this girl continues to stay with him after hearing that he slept with the one person she told him not to and seeing him throw women down stairs, she has absolutely no self respect. Maybe that is something her and I have in common.

 

What she does now with him isn't the issue and is something that should be of little consequence to you. What is important now is that you get the therapy you need to understand that it is YOU who should never have anything to do with this man ever again.

 

You imposed yourself in his life when it was clear that he didn't want you the way you wanted him. That indicates that you have low self-worth that you would do well to address so that you don't get yourself involved in yet another dysfunctional relationship with a guy that is clearly not a good prospect for a life mate.

 

Can you safely tell us (more importantly, yourself) that you are finally going to be able to keep yourself out of this man's life/business for good now? Serious question.

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So yeah, guess I got what I deserved which should make *some* people very happy.

Seriously?

 

Sweety: Seeing young woman who don't love themselves enough to listen to good advise doesn't make us happy in the least. However: We are all pretty smart around here and we all know that we can lead a horse to water but we can't make her drink. All we can do is hope that she is helped to love herself enough so that one day, she can see the wisdom in some of the things she didn't like hearing but are in hindsight, well worth the initial ego deflation.

 

I wish you the strength to get to that lightbulb moment sooner, rather then later.

 

Be well.

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I have to be done with him and any hope whatsoever of a relationship.

 

I'm just so ashamed. Not much more to say. Just sort of in a state of shock and stunned right now. Anyone that can treat me like that, is no prize. I'm not sure what black, flawed part of myself ever thought this was ok.

 

It's not true about the gag or attention. What is true is that I hear the advice, even from shrink, but I couldn't will myself to follow or do it.

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I think it would be beneficial to explore (inside yourself, not on here) why you thought it would be a good idea to go to his house after he already told you that you were to blame for the two of you having sex the other day. And that getting back together would never happen.

 

What were you hoping would happen?

 

Again, not on here, but within yourself.

 

NOBODY is happy you got assaulted (except for maybe his girlfriend). It's sad, actually.

 

But he can't hurt you more than you hurt yourself.

 

I would really enjoy reading that you love yourself enough to stay the H away from him. And that you ARE going to file charges. Unless you struck him first, he had no right whatsoever to strike you.

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I was angry and frustrated with what you all were telling me. I still thought I could fix this.

 

I think something this bad had to happen as part of the process to realize I deserve better for myself. My heart isn't done with this but every physical and mental action I have must be about never contacting him again.

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I have to be done with him and any hope whatsoever of a relationship.
I think you've reached your particular rock bottom with him. Since you have, you'll be that much more successful in keeping to your rehab and cold turkey withdrawl from your particular "drug" of choice known as "piece of human garbage ex boyfriend."

 

I'm just so ashamed. Not much more to say. Just sort of in a state of shock and stunned right now. Anyone that can treat me like that, is no prize. I'm not sure what black, flawed part of myself ever thought this was ok.
That's what you will delve into during therapy. Hopefully you are with a good one that you gel with. If you don't mesh then have the strength to tell her so and as her to refer you to someone else. Don't be codependent on her/him or afraid to leave her/him.

 

It's not true about the gag or attention. What is true is that I hear the advice, even from shrink, but I couldn't will myself to follow or do it.
It's like any "drug" addicted person. You have to realize that the bad of it is far outweighing any good that you may get from it.

 

Forgive yourself for staying too long and for going back in a non-committed way. You can forgive yourself by realizing the lesson(s) you've learned from all this.

 

Be single for now and work on having a better relationship with YOU. You'll be okay if you just keep up your rehab and detox from your "drug" and remember the lessons learned.

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How can your heart not be done?

How can you think for a second that this is love?

 

Its abuse..emotional and now physical abuse.

 

Is this a pattern in your life? Was their abuse in your childhood? Abandonment?

 

Because...against all odds...you want to prove to HIM you are worthy.

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I have to be done with him and any hope whatsoever of a relationship.

 

I'm just so ashamed. Not much more to say. Just sort of in a state of shock and stunned right now. Anyone that can treat me like that, is no prize. I'm not sure what black, flawed part of myself ever thought this was ok.

 

It's not true about the gag or attention. What is true is that I hear the advice, even from shrink, but I couldn't will myself to follow or do it.

 

Well, first off, NO ONE here is *happy* to hear that this happened, and it's disturbing to read that you would think this is so.

 

I, for one, am very sorry that it got to this point for you, but....MAYBE this is what you needed to be able to let this go and move forward because it seemed that you wouldn't be able to otherwise. Sometimes, we really DO have to hit a low point before we reach a point of clarity, a revelation that what we're doing is no longer working for us. That feeling of shame, of having lost respect for yourself, though it's terrible now, can -- and I hope will be -- a catalyst for change for you. The only way to go from here is UP, and the only person in charge of that is YOU.

 

Do yourself a huge favor and NEVER contact this guy again. Delete his number and block it. Block his e-mail address, if he has one. Block him on social media if you're on there. EVERY time you feel like you "need" to talk to him, even if it's just to tell him off, remember how you feel RIGHT NOW and know that, if you continue to engage with him, it will only get exponentially worse (and it definitely will -- the next time, the police might cart someone off in handcuffs).

 

He has, at last, shown you who he really is. Actually, he showed/told you before now, but you weren't seeing it/hearing it. You heard the advice you were given, but, as you said, you couldn't will yourself to follow it. Your job now, now that you are DONE with him, is to figure out WHY you couldn't follow it. What is it that made you feel you didn't deserve better than him and this situation? What is it that made you feel that you couldn't let go -- that hanging on to nearly nothing was preferable to letting go? Why did it take this horrible incident to finally snap you to attention and realize what you were doing to yourself? (Better late than never, for sure!)

 

Now that he's out of the picture, it's time to focus on YOU. That means not worrying about what he's doing, or whether his girlfriend stays with him and if she does, what that says about her, etc. Neither one of them are your problem; you've got to focus on you.

 

Keep seeing your therapist, and keep listening, even if it's not what you want to hear. I think a lot of change begins with hearing things that make us angry/uncomfortable/embarrassed, etc. That usually means there's truth to what we're hearing, truth that's hard to acknowledge. Keep going in a forward motion, and you'll be fine.

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This is terrible, I am so sorry you had to go through that!

You witnessed with your own 2 eyes what a desperate cheater is capable of doing, in order to cover his cheating. He tried as much as he could to keep you away and keep his girlfriend from finding out what scum he is, and now you know he doesn't think twice before assaulting people, if need be. Hopefully this will put an end to your obsession with this guy, and you won't see this as a chance for you to step in, as soon as his girlfriend dumps him. If you do that, you would be your worst enemy. What you said about his girlfriend ("If this girl continues to stay with him after hearing that he slept with the one person she told him not to and seeing him throw women down stairs, she has absolutely no self respect") applies to you too, you know. You saw how violent he can get and you already know he is a cheater...hardly a man you should aim to date and love! Scum like him are a dime a dozen.

 

I really hope you learned from this, and that you can now forgive yourself and start the process of healing and moving on. He may put a restraining order on you, and you may want to be really, really careful for a while, because he may not stop here with the violence, especially now that hate has also been added to the host of negative feelings he has for you.

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I was angry and frustrated with what you all were telling me. I still thought I could fix this.

 

I think something this bad had to happen as part of the process to realize I deserve better for myself. My heart isn't done with this but every physical and mental action I have must be about never contacting him again.

 

Exactly! The fact that you know this is a HUGE step forward. Keep going with this!

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I'm sure some of you may be overjoyed with the "I told you so", but things escalated and XBF assaulted me.

 

I went over his house, and she was there. He didn't tell her and when I showed up at the door, he threw me down the front steps. When I got up again, he pushed me down again. It's a very long story but in short, he called the police on me, ended up telling her that he slept with me a few days ago and we all stood around and waited.

 

Unfortunately for him, they looked at my injuries and heard my story and asked if I wanted to press assault charges. I refused.

 

So yeah, guess I got what I deserved which should make *some* people very happy.

 

If this girl continues to stay with him after hearing that he slept with the one person she told him not to and seeing him throw women down stairs, she has absolutely no self respect. Maybe that is something her and I have in common.

 

why didn't you press charges?

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Because I felt I deserved it for starting it to begin with.

 

NO ONE deserves that.

 

If you have had life long abuse in your life you tend to normalize abuse and seek to recreate it in your life over and over because it is love to you and normal to you. You have to get out of this head space and it will take time.

 

Please, for your sake start intensive therapy and avoid relationships for now.

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Somewhere inside you, are you hoping his girlfriend breaks up with him so you can have him?

 

I do understand the "I've just GOT to get this man to love me!" mentality. I've lived it. But it's unhealthy and self-destructive. The only answer is to completely walk away. Forever. No "maybe in the future, when we've worked through this, because I know we really do love each other!" Cold turkey, zero, never going back.

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Thanks all. Really useful stuff here and much hitting the nail on the head. I think I'm going to be taking a little hiatus. I just wanted to return back here with a thread to let you know what happened since I was pretty pig-headed in my last thread and regret it.

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