Capttrae Posted February 6, 2016 Share Posted February 6, 2016 So we are getting hitched in July I reckon. I'm not going to lie our sex life hasn't been all that great the past few months, I understand that w/ her work sechdule when I'm home I can't expect much (she works 6-7 days a week 10-12hrs a day). It's not me that I'm worried about not being satisfied, hell I work on a boat for a month at a time I know how to take care of myself. I worry about her not being satisfied, I've done everything I know to do, oral, finger, penis, toys, every position I know of, even made some up, and it seems like nothing gets her off. Do I think she'll cheat bc she's not satisfied, no, but I also don't want to leave room for a different guy to improve on what I'm doing. I've never had that problem before, every other female I've been with has seemed like they've had a good time at least. Before y'all go to satin ask her what she wants, or how she likes it, I've done this enough to ask what a woman likes, prolly not suspposed to but, I get off getting a woman off. I like it when I'm down on a female and they got their hips bucking and pushing my head down then they just go to quivering, yep I like that. Anyway, got distracted, I've asked her what she likes, and all she says is you'll have to figure it out. So do I let it go, bc I've already got high BP, and I've heard all the stories that when you go on BP meds you loose your sex drive completely, so it won't matter anyway. But still right now I'm 38 and still enjoy having sex Link to comment
annie24 Posted February 6, 2016 Share Posted February 6, 2016 all she says is you'll have to figure it out. eh, that's not really helpful at all! I think she should tell you. Is she able to get to orgasm on her own? Have her show you what feels good. i don't get why she wouldn't tell you because she's just cheating herself out of a good time. Link to comment
IAmFCA Posted February 6, 2016 Share Posted February 6, 2016 Why isn't she telling you? Maybe, she's been taught to be embarrassed by her sexuality. Many women absorb that message, it is easy to see why and how, with the double standard alive and well. Also, maybe she is a little mystified by her own body. Between a sense of shame and being mystified, she'd rather not take responsibility for her body. So, I'd start in her head. At a non sexual time, talk about sex. Any old sex topic. Another idea- take orgasm off the table. Explore her whole body in an intimate way, but only on the edge of sexual. This may help her relax and to know she doesnt have to perform. Link to comment
Capttrae Posted February 6, 2016 Author Share Posted February 6, 2016 Why isn't she telling you? Maybe, she's been taught to be embarrassed by her sexuality. Many women absorb that message, it is easy to see why and how, with the double standard alive and well. Also, maybe she is a little mystified by her own body. Between a sense of shame and being mystified, she'd rather not take responsibility for her body. So, I'd start in her head. At a non sexual time, talk about sex. Any old sex topic. Another idea- take orgasm off the table. Explore her whole body in an intimate way, but only on the edge of sexual. This may help her relax and to know she doesnt have to perform. I've never really thought about her possibly being embarrassed about her sexuality, but considering the area we were raised in even though 500 miles apart, still very similar. And her ex husbands religious beliefs and her view of her sister who from what she's (my fiancé) has told me who was pretty permisicus, I can see how she would feel like that. Link to comment
Ms Darcy Posted February 6, 2016 Share Posted February 6, 2016 This is the longest post I have ever seen from you. I do like the idea of exploring her body in a way that is more sensual than overtly sexual. Link to comment
patterned Posted February 6, 2016 Share Posted February 6, 2016 I've asked her what she likes, and all she says is you'll have to figure it out. This comes across as immature, disconnected, and unfair. I'd want my partner to participate and take responsibility. It's not all on you. Link to comment
IAmFCA Posted February 6, 2016 Share Posted February 6, 2016 This comes across as immature, disconnected, and unfair. I'd want my partner to participate and take responsibility. It's not all on you. Yes, but it may be beyond her capacity until she learns not to judge herself Link to comment
msbrunette Posted February 6, 2016 Share Posted February 6, 2016 Um no, she needs to tell you what she finds pleasurable because unfortunately you're not a mind reader and we all a preference as to what will help us orgasm / faster. Does she even enjoy sex? Does she initiate? She might be embarrassed? If sex is important to you I would get try and get her to open up to you and please do so before you get married. Things won't magically change for you. There's so many members posting here about not being satisfied with the sex in their marriage. Good luck OP. Link to comment
journeynow Posted February 6, 2016 Share Posted February 6, 2016 (she works 6-7 days a week 10-12hrs a day) Is she exhausted? Exhaustion can be a turn-off that has nothing to do with the partner. Simply no energy, not feeling special, not able to put out…perhaps. It may be she's physically depleted and can't meet her own needs much less a partners. Or maybe it's emotional? Not about finding the right spot or technique, but she's emotionally drained or stressed or shut down? When is the last time she had a long weekend off or a full week vacation away from home and work and chores and routine? Link to comment
ThatwasThen Posted February 6, 2016 Share Posted February 6, 2016 Do you know if she masturbates? If she doesn't, then I don't think she much cares whether or not you get her off... at least not so far, anyway. Link to comment
Capttrae Posted February 6, 2016 Author Share Posted February 6, 2016 Is she exhausted? Exhaustion can be a turn-off that has nothing to do with the partner. Simply no energy, not feeling special, not able to put out…perhaps. It may be she's physically depleted and can't meet her own needs much less a partners. Or maybe it's emotional? Not about finding the right spot or technique, but she's emotionally drained or stressed or shut down? When is the last time she had a long weekend off or a full week vacation away from home and work and chores and routine? Well of course she's tired, if she was to say she's too tired I'd have no problem w/ it. But she initiates it, if it was me pushing for it I could understand her not being in to it., Link to comment
Zuri Posted February 7, 2016 Share Posted February 7, 2016 So, she's never orgasmed with you, even from oral? I have read (and I agree, at least for me) that reaching that is a lot more mental for women (yes, I know: there are exceptions). I find I am more likely to climax if I feel #1 comfortable (in a I completely trust my partner way) and #2 like the most beautiful and most desireable woman to my partner. ETA: I've looked at your prior threads and journal: I love the way you write. It's like I can hear you saying the words that you've written. And your way of expressing yourself is great. Your similies had me chuckling out loud. Link to comment
starlight89 Posted February 7, 2016 Share Posted February 7, 2016 It could be a mental block. Maybe sex to her is a bad thing and she cannot relax enough or let go in order to enjoy it. Maybe couples counselling? Sex therapy? Link to comment
trident777 Posted February 8, 2016 Share Posted February 8, 2016 Your sex life has been bad only for the last few months? So that implies it was great before? If you say that you can't make her orgasm then how could it have ever been good? I think you should hold off on marriage! Link to comment
Capttrae Posted February 9, 2016 Author Share Posted February 9, 2016 Your sex life has been bad only for the last few months? So that implies it was great before? If you say that you can't make her orgasm then how could it have ever been good? I think you should hold off on marriage! It's never been that great. Here's my take on marriage after about the first year or two, the sex pretty much ends, and you'd better hope your married to your best friend. In this case I can say I will be. We won't be having kids, and once the doc puts me on BP meds it won't matter anyhow bc according to all my friends that are on BP meds, they can't gettin up anyhow. So I'm going w/ can I deal w/ her the rest of my life. And yea I can Link to comment
annie24 Posted February 16, 2016 Share Posted February 16, 2016 i think you're too young to just give up on sex in 2 years. Have you tried to get your blood pressure down through diet and exercise? Link to comment
Capttrae Posted February 16, 2016 Author Share Posted February 16, 2016 i think you're too young to just give up on sex in 2 years. Have you tried to get your blood pressure down through diet and exercise? Nah when I kill over I don't want there to be any doubt of what killed me. Fried Chicken, mashed 'tatters and gravy Link to comment
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