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With the fiancé


Capttrae

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So we are getting hitched in July I reckon. I'm not going to lie our sex life hasn't been all that great the past few months, I understand that w/ her work sechdule when I'm home I can't expect much (she works 6-7 days a week 10-12hrs a day). It's not me that I'm worried about not being satisfied, hell I work on a boat for a month at a time I know how to take care of myself. I worry about her not being satisfied, I've done everything I know to do, oral, finger, penis, toys, every position I know of, even made some up, and it seems like nothing gets her off. Do I think she'll cheat bc she's not satisfied, no, but I also don't want to leave room for a different guy to improve on what I'm doing.

I've never had that problem before, every other female I've been with has seemed like they've had a good time at least.

Before y'all go to satin ask her what she wants, or how she likes it, I've done this enough to ask what a woman likes, prolly not suspposed to but, I get off getting a woman off. I like it when I'm down on a female and they got their hips bucking and pushing my head down then they just go to quivering, yep I like that. Anyway, got distracted, I've asked her what she likes, and all she says is you'll have to figure it out.

So do I let it go, bc I've already got high BP, and I've heard all the stories that when you go on BP meds you loose your sex drive completely, so it won't matter anyway. But still right now I'm 38 and still enjoy having sex

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all she says is you'll have to figure it out.

 

eh, that's not really helpful at all! I think she should tell you. Is she able to get to orgasm on her own? Have her show you what feels good. i don't get why she wouldn't tell you because she's just cheating herself out of a good time.

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Why isn't she telling you? Maybe, she's been taught to be embarrassed by her sexuality. Many women absorb that message, it is easy to see why and how, with the double standard alive and well.

 

Also, maybe she is a little mystified by her own body.

 

Between a sense of shame and being mystified, she'd rather not take responsibility for her body.

 

So, I'd start in her head. At a non sexual time, talk about sex. Any old sex topic.

 

Another idea- take orgasm off the table. Explore her whole body in an intimate way, but only on the edge of sexual. This may help her relax and to know she doesnt have to perform.

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Why isn't she telling you? Maybe, she's been taught to be embarrassed by her sexuality. Many women absorb that message, it is easy to see why and how, with the double standard alive and well.

 

Also, maybe she is a little mystified by her own body.

 

Between a sense of shame and being mystified, she'd rather not take responsibility for her body.

 

So, I'd start in her head. At a non sexual time, talk about sex. Any old sex topic.

 

Another idea- take orgasm off the table. Explore her whole body in an intimate way, but only on the edge of sexual. This may help her relax and to know she doesnt have to perform.

 

I've never really thought about her possibly being embarrassed about her sexuality, but considering the area we were raised in even though 500 miles apart, still very similar. And her ex husbands religious beliefs and her view of her sister who from what she's (my fiancé) has told me who was pretty permisicus, I can see how she would feel like that.

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Um no, she needs to tell you what she finds pleasurable because unfortunately you're not a mind reader and we all a preference as to what will help us orgasm / faster.

Does she even enjoy sex? Does she initiate? She might be embarrassed?

If sex is important to you I would get try and get her to open up to you and please do so before you get married.

Things won't magically change for you.

There's so many members posting here about not being satisfied with the sex in their marriage.

Good luck OP.

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(she works 6-7 days a week 10-12hrs a day)

 

Is she exhausted? Exhaustion can be a turn-off that has nothing to do with the partner. Simply no energy, not feeling special, not able to put out…perhaps. It may be she's physically depleted and can't meet her own needs much less a partners. Or maybe it's emotional? Not about finding the right spot or technique, but she's emotionally drained or stressed or shut down? When is the last time she had a long weekend off or a full week vacation away from home and work and chores and routine?

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Is she exhausted? Exhaustion can be a turn-off that has nothing to do with the partner. Simply no energy, not feeling special, not able to put out…perhaps. It may be she's physically depleted and can't meet her own needs much less a partners. Or maybe it's emotional? Not about finding the right spot or technique, but she's emotionally drained or stressed or shut down? When is the last time she had a long weekend off or a full week vacation away from home and work and chores and routine?

 

Well of course she's tired, if she was to say she's too tired I'd have no problem w/ it. But she initiates it, if it was me pushing for it I could understand her not being in to it.,

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So, she's never orgasmed with you, even from oral? I have read (and I agree, at least for me) that reaching that is a lot more mental for women (yes, I know: there are exceptions). I find I am more likely to climax if I feel #1 comfortable (in a I completely trust my partner way) and #2 like the most beautiful and most desireable woman to my partner.

 

ETA: I've looked at your prior threads and journal: I love the way you write. It's like I can hear you saying the words that you've written. And your way of expressing yourself is great. Your similies had me chuckling out loud.

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Your sex life has been bad only for the last few months? So that implies it was great before? If you say that you can't make her orgasm then how could it have ever been good? I think you should hold off on marriage!

 

It's never been that great. Here's my take on marriage after about the first year or two, the sex pretty much ends, and you'd better hope your married to your best friend. In this case I can say I will be. We won't be having kids, and once the doc puts me on BP meds it won't matter anyhow bc according to all my friends that are on BP meds, they can't gettin up anyhow. So I'm going w/ can I deal w/ her the rest of my life. And yea I can

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