One Step Forward, a Thousand Back

My boyfriend of a year broke up with me officially about a month ago, though we were on a "break" for the past 2 months before that, so it's really been about three. Some days I feel like I'm doing okay/better and can see hope for the future, and overall I've noticed an improvement in that I don't cry every day anymore. But last night I just fell all the way back to square one. I don't even know what triggered it. I just remembered this text he sent me when we first started going out and started sobbing my eyes out and couldn't stop and now I feel almost as bad as I did when I was only a few weeks into the breakup.

I really put the best parts of myself into this relationship and it ended because he said that even though he thought I was great in almost every way, he wasn't emotionally mature enough for something as serious as I was giving and even though it had been a year, he couldn't say that he loved me and the spark was gone. I loved him so much, but I never told him because I didn't know if he was ready for that and lo and behold, I was right.

Still, I miss him so much and every time I think about the fact that he never loved me despite all the great times we had where I thought he might've, I just get so depressed.

To make matters worse, I learned that the girl who I've called my best friend for years has really just been using me because I give her rides places and let her stay at my house, and I don't have any other female friends to help me through this time. My other guy friends are getting tired of hearing me talk about my ex, and understandably so, but I can't seem to stop. My heart just isn't into anything else that I might've enjoyed or wanted to talk about when I was happy.

I feel so stuck and I just wish I could be the person I was before again. I'm tired of coming into work having to act like I'm fine even though some days I'm just exhausted from crying all night. It's been three months. When will this stop?

Are you in no contact with your Ex? Make sure this happens. Block/ignore him. Any contact resets your healing time, so don't do it. Give it at least 3-6 months!

Dump your "friend".

Keep busy, make sure you eat a healthy diet and do plenty of physical activity on daily basis. Give it time, keep your mind off him as well!

Are you in no contact with your Ex? Make sure this happens. Block/ignore him. Any contact resets your healing time, so don't do it. Give it at least 3-6 months!

 

Dump your "friend".

 

Keep busy, make sure you eat a healthy diet and do plenty of physical activity on daily basis. Give it time, keep your mind off him as well!

All of this. Make attainable goals for yourself. Like monthly goals. Ie.. For one month, You will work out everyday and eat healthy. It sounds dumb but focusing on you and self love is the purpose. After a month get yourself a mani/ pedi or get your hair done. Not only are you loving yourself you're slowly moving on and not moping. Aside from that....really no contact and time helps. It takes however long it takes. Sorry you're going through this.

Thanks. I do work out regularly and eat healthy, I always have and never stopped, so that's good. I've always been good at taking care of myself.

I'm also doing NC, which has helped some. I just feel so abandoned

He didn't abandon you. He was not mature enough nor did he have the desire for the depth of relationship you want.

That's about as honest as it gets.

Lesson to take from this...breaks don't work. All it did was prolong your healing.

So, door is shut, relationship is over. Let the healing begin. Focus on the future. You aren't a victim of abandonment.

You guys simply were not on the same page. Look for another book.