Alicia59 Posted February 5, 2016 Share Posted February 5, 2016 Hi everyone. I'm really confused with my ex. Dated two years; he was very hurt by the breakup. He hasn't dated many people, and I was his first serious girlfriend. He broke up with me and wouldn't speak to me, so we were in NC for almost two months while he calmed down. Randomly he comes to this party KNOWING I'll be there, after not speaking to me for months. So then we get back in touch, texting and a few calls for a little over a month. I have to initiate 100% of the time. Starts off distant but slowly warms up to joking and laughing together. You know, typical situation. A few more things happen, and he realizes his feelings for me remain but isn't ready to get back together so he starts avoiding me until New Year's Eve, when we see each other at a party..all goes well because we still get along great and stuff. We chat, play party games, to anyone watching it appears we're friends! Since then we've spoken once and he doesn't initiate ever so I was like, okay I'm done. Stopped trying to talk to him or do anything. Just as I'm starting to accept this, I've been informed he's coming to a party I'll be at tomorrow, knowing I'm there. What IS this? Does he miss me? How am I supposed to act? P.S. I can't not go to the party because I'm co-hosting it with our other friend LOL P.P.S. I want him back so please no generic "find somebody else" comments. This is the "getting back together" forum LOL not the "move on and get over it" forum. My question is about how to act and what his motivations for attending randomly may be, after not talking to me since January 1. Thanks all. Link to comment
Helpexpressme Posted February 5, 2016 Share Posted February 5, 2016 He's coming to the party knowing that you will fawn all over him. So you need to stop doing that. Maybe you need to use these parties as a way to meet somebody else and get over it. I mean, that's what going to parties is all about isn't it? Link to comment
mhowe Posted February 5, 2016 Share Posted February 5, 2016 It's started as a forum to tell your success stories...not ask for advice on how to fix a broken relationship. I think he's going to the party...because he was invited. I wouldn't read into it Link to comment
mhowe Posted February 5, 2016 Share Posted February 5, 2016 Why did he break up with you? Link to comment
Alicia59 Posted February 5, 2016 Author Share Posted February 5, 2016 He's coming to the party knowing that you will fawn all over him. So you need to stop doing that. Maybe you need to use these parties as a way to meet somebody else and get over it. I mean, that's what going to parties is all about isn't it? When I say party I mean like 10-12 of our friends. I already know everybody there, and at the last party I didn't "fawn over him" at all. Like I said I haven't even texted him in a month... Link to comment
Alicia59 Posted February 5, 2016 Author Share Posted February 5, 2016 It's started as a forum to tell your success stories...not ask for advice on how to fix a broken relationship. I think he's going to the party...because he was invited. I wouldn't read into it Before now he refused to go to anything where I am. If I was there, he wouldn't attend. So he's been invited plenty of times..we have all the same friends..so I want to know why now.. Link to comment
mhowe Posted February 5, 2016 Share Posted February 5, 2016 Well, likely he has accepts and moved on. Link to comment
Helpexpressme Posted February 5, 2016 Share Posted February 5, 2016 Just act normal and be yourself. Try not to act weird. If he wants to come welcome him. Link to comment
HeartGoesOn Posted February 5, 2016 Share Posted February 5, 2016 If he wanted to get back together he knows where to find you. That said, instead of him using the party as an excuse to get back together, he'd be camping out on your door step, rather than risk losing you to someone else. Link to comment
Hollyj Posted February 5, 2016 Share Posted February 5, 2016 When I say party I mean like 10-12 of our friends. I already know everybody there, and at the last party I didn't "fawn over him" at all. Like I said I haven't even texted him in a month... You did all the reaching out. Don't get why you would do this, especially since he dumped you. Have some pride, girl! Link to comment
mhowe Posted February 5, 2016 Share Posted February 5, 2016 What caused the break up? Link to comment
Hollyj Posted February 5, 2016 Share Posted February 5, 2016 Before now he refused to go to anything where I am. If I was there, he wouldn't attend. So he's been invited plenty of times..we have all the same friends..so I want to know why now.. He's moved on. He wants to party with friends. If he wanted to be with you, he would be contacting you and trying to reconcile. Not, show up at a party, allow you to do all the contact, then fade away. Link to comment
Movingforward3 Posted February 5, 2016 Share Posted February 5, 2016 Read your statement and repeat. "He broke up with you." Keep rereading it. Reflect on that. Contemplate that. Think about it some more. It still states the same thing. " he broke up with you." I know it is hard to let go. It absolutely blows. It sucks. It is what it is. There is no happy rainbow at the end of this party. Just you torturing yourself some more, hoping to read something positive into a random action he does or something he says. Try just disappearing. Be done. Live your life. Just stop. Link to comment
Alicia59 Posted February 5, 2016 Author Share Posted February 5, 2016 ITry just disappearing. Be done. Live your life. Just stop. Little hard to do that when he keeps showing up in it. I repeat, this is my party. I'm the one who coordinated it. I didn't even invite him. Can't be done when he keeps popping up. Link to comment
Hollyj Posted February 5, 2016 Share Posted February 5, 2016 Then tell your friends not to invite him to your parties. I would also expand my circle of friends. Link to comment
mhowe Posted February 5, 2016 Share Posted February 5, 2016 Is there a reason that you don't want to say why he dumped you but you and your friends keep inviting him to these get togethers? I am guessing you did something to break his trust. Since he has been invited to these before and not accepted, until now....I would prepare yourself that he might show up with a date. Link to comment
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