Question About Next Move with Ex

I dated my ex for just shy of 6 years and we broke up 6 months ago. Leading up to the break-up, I was in a stage of my training where I was met with hardship for the first time ever. Without noticing it, I became an overall difficult person to be around. I was essentially miserable for 6-8 months, and it made it difficult for my ex to enjoy being around me (though she never expressed much displeasure). I was never abusive, but as I was generally more irritable, she found herself "walking on egg shells." She broke up with me rather abruptly, moved out, and we went LC for approximately a month and then NC for another 6 weeks. We subsequently scheduled a get together, and then approximately one per week through the New Year with minimal contact in between our dates.

During this time she stated she wanted to see how things would go and that she wasn't sure if she wanted to get back together. I let her know it was unproductive if she saw no future (the party line up that point), but that I would be willing to take things slowly if it wasn't entirely pointless. She stayed at my family's house for New Year's, we spent the next day together (all as we were visiting our families in another state), and generally had fun, held hands, etc. After approximately 2 months of "taking it slowly," I asked her where she saw things going. She initially gave non-committal responses for a few weeks until telling me that she "doesn't see a future now, but possibly in the future." That was 3 weeks ago.

Our relationship was certainly not without its ups and downs prior to my own problems interfering with our relationship, but we had a healthy relationship. I know that she's given her phone number out to other men, but she told me without prompting that she hasn't dated anybody. I've been on a few dates with a woman--nothing serious (I didn't tell her). My ex seems to still have feelings for me, and I've made it clear that I still do for her. Her family has also expressed their interest in me as well. I don't think neither I nor her understood what was happening to me was likely depression and I since feel much better about that situation and have taken this time to work on myself. Her major issue seemed to be that she didn't think people could change and that I never gave her a reason to believe I would. During the conversation we were discussing this (2.5 weeks ago), she let me know it was the most "insightful and best conversation we had had since the break-up. It doesn't change anything for now, but it certainly gives me [her] something to process." Since then, we haven't spoken much, but did hang out one time. I told her to call me if she's ever ready to move forward.

My question is: what is next? Should I continue to try to move on and have the cards fall as they may? Should I invite her to a Valentine's Day dinner? She never really turns me down for a date, but I'm also not very interested in entering the friend zone with a woman whom I was about to propose to. I'll be moving in approximately 5 months as well.

How far away are you moving and for how long?

As it stands now, this broken relationship would not survive long distance.

And as it stands now, a proposal would be a Hail Mary pass dropped in the end zone.

I actually don't know where I'm moving--just that I will be moving, and it will likely be a very long distance. We dated for 3 years long distance and she moved to our current location for no other reason than me. If I leave, she has no reason to be there. I'd be leaving for a 7 year surgical residency program.

I agree about the proposal. I meant that the pre-break-up plan was to propose to her before we moved again. I would never consider that now until we had a real relationship again.

Thank you for the quick reply! I hope this clarifies everything.

She would be insane to move with you again...and to continue following your path toward becoming a doctor. You are in for more stress than the average human being can bear and have a track record for not handling it well.

Leave her be. You are not her destiny and she is not yours.

That could be true. Having never really been faced with a bump in the road, I didn't handle it well. I've since learned how to cope with these situations should they arise again and how to recognize if I'm ever in that state again. Prior to that, I've always been an easy-going, driven, happy guy.

Well...she has stayed with you thru college and med school. Given your troubles, it is clear that seven more years of her.life would be better spent in pursuit of her dreams, not yours.

She graduated and has a career. Luckily for her, it's the type of career that allows her to move. Her current job doesn't have much room for upward movement, but she's highly educated. I've always been very supportive of her and her career, but unfortunately, my career path requires me to be in certain areas.

I can nearly guarantee she will be moving within a year as well.

Safe bet. Also safe bet it won't be where you are.

No one is implying that relationship isn't a two way street. But hanging g with a med student who can't handle stress...academic or relationship... Isn't a smart play.

You are falling into generalization mhowe... Hes now aware of how he turned out grumpy and might be able to assess in a better way stress now that he's self aware.

The fact no one dated for almost half a year brings me hope ...

If you have dated or witnessed someone in residency mode...go ahead and tell him how it is.

Stress, no sleep. Bottom of the heap when it comes to assigned tasks and everyone knows more that you do.

If you want to preach false hope, have at it. They were together 6 years. She isn't giving him much encouragement at all. But you go ahead.

Yeah agreed.

If he's sure that he changed and won't fall into that routine of not handling his stress, he won't ruin the girls life by having her check him out again. She'll be wary, since she doesn't believe in change, so you'll truly have to prove it, no faking it, so my guess is, if you guys are both up for it, go for it.

I appreciate all of the responses. I honestly think it took me 5 months into the break-up to really realize the true reason she felt trapped in misery and left. Clinically recognizing symptoms of depression and recognizing it in yourself are two different things. I don't foresee it happening again in the near future, but having been through it once, I'm much better equipped to not let it affect a relationship and either seek some help or use some of the coping skills I've had to develop in the past year.

I've wanted her back since the beginning, but I think this is the first time that I can say, in earnest, I know the same result would never occur again. I know she knows my feelings on the subject and we just had a 45-minute text messaging session catching up, initiated by her. I didn't mention anything about the relationship or the possibility of a Valentine's Day date. I absolutely want her back, but I'm trying to balance having her realize it on her own without me pushing her while balancing the desire to not seem completely uninterested. I'm trying to be very cognizant of her needs, but I keep getting confused by the periodic long conversations/text messages/invitations to hang out.

Quick update: I asked her to Valentine's and she said yes and seemed very excited. I sent her a little joke over text after asking her and she didn't respond yesterday. I sent her one today (after not having initiated a conversation prior to yesterday in nearly 2 months) and she hasn't responded in nearly 1.5 hours. I'm not sitting, waiting by my phone, but I'm beginning to worry she agrees to come out with me because she has nothing better to do. She came out with me on NYE, hung out, stayed the night, and we spent the next day together. It didn't turn into much and she eventually told me she didn't see a future right now.

We dated for so long and it's hard for me to imagine (I always thought of her as a great person) that she's just using me to not be alone on holidays. It's entirely possible I'm reading too much into it and she is working right now. I don't mind waiting a couple of hours for a response back, but I seem to be noticing a pattern forming of her agreeing to spend time with me on holidays but not showing much other interest. I've made it clear I don't want to be friends, I asked her to be my Valentine, etc. Any suggestions on the situation and how to proceed?

Then stop inviting her to spend holidays with you. You are the one hurting yourself.

Leave her alone for a while and let her miss you. Right now you are coming off as needy. Let her come to you.