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Finding love again while being "different"


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Hi all,

 

First off, I'm not trying to have a pity party. I am proud of ways that I have overcome my difference, which I'll talk about below. I'm bringing up this subject because it's interfering with my healing and I'm interested to hear advice and stories.

 

I didn't have my first dating/relationship until my mid-20s. A big factor in that was my appearance due to a genetic disorder, which resulted in rejection over my years. My exbf just kind of fell into my lap one day. We had a lot in common but were ultimately incompatible and ended up with broken trust and loads of resentment on both sides. A big reason we lasted as long as we did was because, to be brutally honest, I was afraid I would not find anyone else. Embarrassing, but true.

 

He broke up with me as brutally as he possibly could last year. I don't want him back and I will NOT break NC unless I heard he was terminally I'll or something. Even though I don't want him back, the idea of him moving on first (may or may not have happened but is more and more likely) hurts me a lot. Part of it is typical ego, part of it is fairness, but a lot of it is fear that I won't find someone. There is someone I do quite fancy and admire, but he hasn't expressed interest and nor will I for professional reasons. I've been on a couple dates here and there but it didn't help because I wasn't too excited about those guys.

 

So, my fear of not finding someone else is a huge obstacle for healing. It took me very long to meet this first person, and who knows how much longer I'll have to wait again while he's potentially having the time of his life. I'm independent, I have good friends, and fill my time with socializing, work, and hobbies. People say I handled the aftermath like a champ. But my past experiences with near lifelong rejection are really catching up. I'm afraid men will always see me as the "different" one and not as a regular woman they'd persue. Thoughts? Has anyone been in this situation And found love again?

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I'd rather not say publicly. I'll send you both PMs. For the sake of the topic, it's a skin condition that's readily apparent when someone looks at me. Likely the first thing they notice. No disfigurements or special apparatus involved. I don't think it's so severe for living in an urban environment because there are so many different types of people here--though there are moments where perfect strangers will comment. I've gotten online dating messages where I'm asked "what are you" but most people don't bring it up.

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You mean aside fromall the romantic rejection for looking different? EDIT: Also comes with the condition of legal blindness (I can't drive) and an eye anomaly called nystagmus.

 

Yyyeeeaaahhh, this is one of the reasons I didn't want to name it. I don't want the attention of this thread to focus on that. I'd rather focus on healing and dealing with the fear of never finding someone again due to my history. Hopefully giving out the details will help you guys understand and advise with the coping/healing/addressing the fear.

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