I need reassurance from my fiance

Dear all,

I am an Indonesian girl who will get married with an Aussie guy on July. But something has been playing around my mind. Its about strippers in bucks/bachelor party.

When I carried with this thing to be discussed with him, he said that its male Aussie culture. Thats a common thing. They are all there dont have a sex with the strippers. He told me that he never been to a strip club joint by his own way. Only to his friend bucks party. He said theres only lots of shouting and cheering thats all about it, bit a laugh and bit fun, nothing else. When I asked him what kind of fun is that? He didnt tell me anything or give some explanations to make all the things cleared.

I dont concern about "have a sex" like what he told me as kind of reassurance for me. No, its not about it, because its extremely the thing that has no excuse to do. The best way is finish relationship. Thats is nothing to be discussed about it. I concern about physically sex activities contact between stag and the strippers.

He told me that the guy who is getting married always have strippers in his bucks party. Then tried to convince me that really good friend of him will get married on June and there will be strippers in his bucks party for sure. But he told me he wants will miss that party because he prefers to stay with me unless I prefer him going to that party. His words made me glad and so happy at that time. But...

When I asked him that is he going to have strippers in his bucks party then? He answered its up to his best man what he organized.

I asked him would he say no to his best friends to have the strippers? Or would he say no to get directly involved with the strippers in that party? I told him that I know what kind of services in bucks night party with the srippers there. A stag is tempted and stimulated by the strippers. Rub their boobs to a stag face, sit on a stag's lap, grinding her fanny to his (Im sorry to say this) . Kneeling under him then spread his legs to tease his . Or furthermore a stag is allowed to eat off of a food on the stripper's breasts and lick off cream of her butts. Oooh nooo, isnt it a form of foreplay? How can I let this happened to my beloved one? He said that its not like that and asked me to please trust him, he wouldnt worry about it or stress over it. Its only a laugh and fun thats all nothing else, he said it again to me.

I believe Im not alone, there are lots of women out there have the same feelings with me. When I tried to give the same condition to him, I asked him would it be okay for him if there was another guy doing this (physically sex contact), he has me laying on my back on the floor then spread my legs, his lips tease my fanny, tummy, breasts, and neck in front of so many persons? Or even bent me over grab my ass then do simulating that the guy is ing the girl? He said that he would never like if another guy doing this to me. But if I wanted to have male strippers in my hens party, its up to me, he said he is okay with that. OMG! His answer made me feel so upset and down. These two points are significantly different. How does it work? If he would never like another guy tempting or touching me then why would he be okay for me to have male strippers in my hens party?

Is it the sign that he will not let me to forbid him to have the strippers in his bucks party?

I figured out that he sacrifice his girl to be touched or to be tempted by another guy only for not to be prohibitted to have the strippers in his party? eventhough he doesnt like another guy doing it to me? As long as he can keep going to have the strippers in his party?

There are lots of questions appear in my mind.

For me, overall theres only slightly difference between all the things and the ways the stripper/male strippers do to a groom and bride to be and "have a sex" I.e : theres no real sucking. The rest is no difference at all. By having this way of thinking makes me never would ever let my half one doing this with the stripper.

For the first its absolutely big no way from me to him going to this kind of party but in the end I tried to move closer to the way he think, and I said okay I would not forbid him going to his friend bucks night party or have the strippers in his bucks party as long as he will not take a part to have sex activities contact directly with the strippers. I need him giving me reassurance and care or respect to my feelings in regard to this. But he only finally said that I blow the whole thing out of the water and made a big deal about nothing and so worry over nothing. He said the reason why I had such this feeling becaus that kind of party is not in my culture. But I think its not about Im from the country where has no kind of that party, but its about the girl's feeling to her guy.

If I would move my mind closer to reach his mind thoughts why wouldnt he do that for me? Seems that he wants to keep standing on his shoes and doesnt want to move even only one step closer to my mind. If he would do this I think both of us can meet in the middle then can find better solutions.

Listening to his words made me telling him that its better for us to finish the relationship and no communication forever then cancel the wedding. But he didnt want it, he said that its not okay because he doesnt want to lose me, doesnt want relationship ends because he loves me. But... oh well, my heart asked if he loves me then why he doesnt care to my feelings?

What should I do? I really need some advices...

He is willing to let you have male strippers ---- because he wants them at his. It is an Aussie tradition and he isn't going to tell his mates "my gf won't let me".

He does care about your feelings. He will not be told what he can and cannot do.

What are you scared of? If you don't trust him, this certainly would not be the only opportunity to cheat.

I hate The stripper thing, too, but I do think you are over-the-top.

There is actually a difference between strippers and prostitutes. I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to lick or touch the strippers. If you hire a guy and he is kissing on you then he's a prostitute, not a stripper.

Your feelings do not matter in this instance, a bachelor party is technically one last hurrah before he is tied down.

This is a normal day at work for the stripper, she does this daily to many different people. He is not special, it is not foreplay. It will be a fond memory of his, and nothing more if he loves you and truly wants to marry you. You can either trust him or destroy your relationship over something 80% of people have when they get married. Including women.. Everything is in the shape of a penis..

Thank u mhowe...

Then he prefers to let me to be touched by another guy (eventhough he doesnt like it) than to say no to his mates because of peer pressure or because he also wants the strippers in his? It really makes me feel down.

Thank u mhowe...

Then he prefers to let me to be touched by another guy (eventhough he doesnt like it) than to say no to his mates because of peer pressure or because he also wants the strippers in his? It really makes me feel down.

That is not what she said. I don't know how you are interpreting that.

I think you need to deal with your insecurities, or your marriage will not last long.

You are purposely misunderstanding what he said.

He doesn't prefer that you be touched by another man.

He understands that strippers at a bachelor/bachelorette party are spoofing the sex act and the "naughtiness".

And that it has nothing to do with his love for you.

If you make this bigger than it is, you are also free to walk away.

Personally, I wouldn't put up with your emotional blackmail. This isn't about you so lighten up.

I think you have a right to feel the way you do.

No one ever HAS to have strippers. It's a choice. Call it tradition or whatever you want, it's not necessary and plenty of men don't have them.

I wouldn't marry a man who was involved with strippers or even thought it was okay because I personally find it disrespectful to the person you are about to marry, not to mention disrespectful to women. I think it's an antiquated tradition that is sexist at best. IMVHO, it says a lot about the character of the man and his real feelings about women.

Not everyone feels that way, and people are allowed that difference of opinion. But you shouldn't let make anyone make you feel like you are crazy for having your own opinion on the subject.

It's YOUR opinion, you're allowed. A lot of women aren't comfortable with it. You don't have to be. Your groom could say no if he wanted to, no matter what his friends did.

It could be holly... Im over the top not to like the strippers touch my half one.

Thank u holly, ur words make me realize one more thing about something that is in me myself which I need to improve..

Strippers at bachelor parties are a thing in the past. This so-called "tradition" should really be practiced at divorce parties

But no, this "celebration" is NOT a standard of any culture. That's a BS excuse. And strip clubs are not about yelling and screaming. He isn't being honest with you.

Just because someone else is doing it doesn't make it right. That isn't a valid argument.

You don't have a say what goes through on at his bachelor party. However, you do have a say on things that make you uncomfortable. If your fiancé had ANY ounce of respect for his future wife AND his future marriage, he would tell his groomsmen/best man to no strippers. And if they friends had respect for his upcoming marriage, they wouldn't dare to try to do something that would split you two apart. There are other ways to celebrate a bachelor party without strippers like grown men (unless your like in your early 20s). They could bar hop or go to a casino.

bachelor party is technically one last hurrah before he is tied down.

If you think being married means being "tied down" then you aren't mature enough to get married.

Im not scared of him going to cheat on me holly.

Its about my feelings thats not comfortable knowing my groom has physically sex contact with another woman (the strippers, especially topless and nude strippers) eventhough its spoofing sex contact and naughtiness as mhowe said.

Thats the thing that I couldnt accept...

Why don't you go to a strip club with your fiancé and see what its all about. Perhaps it will ease your mind.

There is not complete nudity nor sexual contact. If there is ---- those are prostitutes, not strippers.

I can kind of imagine how this might seem like a horrific custom for men to go to strip clubs before they're going to get married if your from a more conservative culture that doesn't have this really strange ritual people do before they get married! A lot of the women do their own version with male strippers too, but for a lot of people it's kind of expected. It is just supposed to be silly fun though not serious. In a way it is a bizarre sort of compliment to you where the man says he will never look at or go near another woman again and only have you forever, and this one night is where he is allowed to look at stuff. His mates will keep him in line don't worry. I can imagine it might seem really awful to you but it is intended to be "harmless fun" that a man gets up to before his sensible married life starts. He probably feels a lot of pressure from his friends to do it the fun way. He probably feels embarassed to explain to them his fiance doesn't want him to.

If your relationship is good see if you can look past it. It doesn't say anything about how much he is going to respect you that way in the marriage. It's just a stupid cultural thing people do.