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Thread: Need honest, genuine advice with this (long story, be advised!).

  1. #1

    Need honest, genuine advice with this (long story, be advised!).

    Good evening.

    I come to eNotAlone in search of advice, regarding the situation I'm currently in.
    In the beginning of October (last year), I met this girl online, through her "boyfriend" (I'll explain where they stand in a while).
    We had talked before October. Once. I used to play a video game with her "boyfriend" while we were on Skype, and she said she got curious after hearing my voice, so she came to check me out.
    But I lost touch with the guy, so we didn't talk/play for like, 7-8 months. When I saw him online again, we started playing together, once again. And also, once again, he said his "girlfriend" wanted to have a few words with me. So we did! And we found out we really liked talking to each other, and were curious and intrigued by one another.
    After playing another round of games with the guy (in some other days), I'd always save some time to talk to the girl, since I was curious about her and how she was doing.
    Turns out she was seriously bored of her relationship and had a certain traumatic event happening in her life, which helped leading to her loss of feelings for her "boyfriend", not to mention she no longer found him to be attractive, but couldn't break up, since she has cut ties with her abusive family and has a somewhat unpredictable illness, which can get in the way of her having a job/getting a degree).
    We eventually exchanged Skype contacts and phone numbers (WhatsApp). We spent the following month texting each other, sometimes all day long, until I received a surprise phonecall from her, and from that pont onwards, we got comfortable enough to talk voice-voice on Skype. We went on that routine for around 1 month. Eventually, we started talking cam-to-cam, which took a while, since she was paranoid about being recorded while showing herself on Skype.
    We realized we were into each other very much, and could relate to almost everything the other one was saying or had said. We once talked more than 5 hours on Skype!
    Then, she asked me if I wouldn't like to come visit her. I said my parents were worried something might happen to me. Upon saying that, she decides to come visit me in my country instead (we're both Europeans, let's just say I'm southern and she's northern), my parents letting her stay. There's only one catch, though. She had never traveled before, and didn't know if she coud bring all her baggages, since her disease had acted up a few months prior, leaving her muscles injured. Even though she is recovering at a very decent rate (since new medication) she still felt the need to come with somebody, so she asks me if she can bring her "boyfriend" along. I say if that's the price of being with her, then okay, I guess. She reassures me I'll be the only one receiving her attention (and even sex, should we get privacy).
    Some days pass and she buys the plane tickets, much to my delight! So, after some more weeks, we finally meet, to spend Christmas and New Year's together. And I was in heaven, while with her! She's funny, sweet, and so affectionate(not to mention the times we've had sex). But suddenly, she got into a pickle with my mother, because let's just say something involving a lot of miscommunication on both parties (me and my family and she and her now "best friend") and a broken phone happened. She had to stay at a hotel in the last 2 days, because my family was seriously offended with the two of them. I chose to stay with her, since I didn't know when I'd see her again, after she left the country.

    Now we still text each other and Skype daily, but my family frowns upon it, and would hate me for even considering the option of going to visit her. The thing we'd like the most would be to see each other again, probably in the Summer, since I need to pass my college subjects and by that time, I'd be in holidays. She even said she's saving money, so she can buy me the plane tickets to visit her,should I have no money, and she was expecting to find a place of her own, by that time, so we'd get all the privacy we'd want to. I want to go see her again, and to do all, or at least, some of the things we planned out to do.
    She means so much to me and I can't have her out of my life, but sometimes I am anxious all day, possibly because I miss and think all day about the girl and the only relief I have is when I'm talking to her. Also because of the attrition it is causing with me and my family. Not that I didn't have it before, since my parents' marriage has recurring conflict, is boring and somewhat loveless. Also my father being an alcoholic doesn't help. Another problem with anxiety is that I have MS, and I don't know if this anxiety can flare up or even increase the disease progression. What do you guys think? Should I pursue whatever relationship I have with this girl? Is it worse for me in the long run? Should I try to distance myself from her, so I don't obsess about her everyday? Some friends told me to live my live and follow my heart. For those of you who managed to follow the story up until now, thank you! Your attention and feedback is truly appreciated, because I feel I'm at a crossroad, and I feel this is too good to miss out on(how it all went down, I mean)...

  2. #2
    Platinum Member ThatwasThen's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2013
    Central Canada
    She came with her boyfriend to visit you and while there she had sex with you. Is that right?
    After that she behaved so poorly that your mother felt compelled to tell her to leave your home and she then went to a hotel. Is that right?

    If it is right, can you not see why carrying on with this girl any further is a bad idea?

  3. #3
    Member gingervixen's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2016
    I can only see red flags everywhere. Please, quit online dating and go meet a girl in the real world.

  4. #4
    Platinum Member Heather Dawn's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2012
    Boxborough, MA
    This is just a terrible idea on all levels.


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