Would you Message her

So my partner and i are members of a couple of swingers sites but he also has an account of his own our agreement is that he can pursue couples as a solo male but solo females are a no go

now he is the sneaky bit i have access to his solo account unbeknownst to him and he has been communicating with a married woman who regularly cheats on her husband

i have worked out who she is i know where she works who her husband is

Should i contact her and warn her off i have photos of her face and naked in one shot i just want to let her know i know what she is doing and that if she continues i will send the pictures to her husband is this wrong??

Now do you know she isn't a swinger?

She's not doing anything that matters to you. I believe making threats like that could also come back to bite you, legally speaking.

Also it doesn't address the fact that it's your husband who is cheater. Keep the blame where it belongs.

If it's not this woman, it'll be another. And another after that one.

Apparently neither you or your partner like to play by the rules....you snoop, he cheats.

Firstly no she isnt a swinger she isnon the same site as a married female seeking men only to have sex with

My partner generally stickes to couples but this woman is into fitness and that is the appeal they haven't met yet just exchanged messages i just want her to cease the contact she instigated it

Yesni snoop but I think its warranted if you had your suspicions and had opportunity im sure you would snoop too

I dont care who she sleeps with its just not going to be my guy if i can stop it

Honestly the problem is your guy not being interested in boundaries you set together.. "She started" it is a childs rational.

Firstly no she isnt a swinger she isnon the same site as a married female seeking men only to have sex with

My partner generally stickes to couples but this woman is into fitness and that is the appeal they haven't met yet just exchanged messages i just want her to cease the contact she instigated it

 

Yesni snoop but I think its warranted if you had your suspicions and had opportunity im sure you would snoop too

I dont care who she sleeps with its just not going to be my guy if i can stop it

No, I trust my partner.

You want to stop it....tell him you snooped. Because if isn't her, it will just be someone else.

Whoa. That escalated quickly.

Okay, look - this woman isn't really the problem. You have to go further down and address the root of the problem, which in this case is that your husband broke a pretty important rule you both agreed on.

Swinging requires a great deal of trust and openess, and some couples are not equipped to handle it. Yeah, it sucks this other woman is a cheater, but ths isn't your problem.

You need to communicate with your husband directly and have a heart-to-heart about this, not just about this woman in particular, but about the rules and how he broke your trust. If you threaten this married woman, that'd just be putting a band-aid on the problem. A quick fix. If you do that, the wound will re-open in no time, I guarantee you.

I know it's not an easy conversation, but he's your husband and you two are supposed to be honest to each other. And you're supposed to be a team. Talk to him and find out what the heck is going on.

just so we are clear he hasn't slept with her yet so far its just been message ping pong and i can message he with out her know who i am i just want her to stop encouraging him as this is the first solo female he has had contact with its usually couples

He is willing to cheat on you. If not her, then someone else. It won't take Sherlock Holmes to figurenout who is contacting her unless she is contacting a few guys to hook up. She is a cheater as well...do you think she cares what you want or don't want?

He wants to sleep with her though. Look, she owes you nothing. most likely she will just message him telling him to keep his psycho wife off his accounts. She's cheating on her own husband, what makes you think she cares about what you want?

Your husband is the person you need to be talking to. Stop trying to make other people responsible for his actions.

He wants to sleep with her though. Look, she owes you nothing. most likely she will just message him telling him to keep his psycho wife off his accounts. She's cheating on her own husband, what makes you think she cares about what you .

She lives in a small town where everyone knows everyone of course she will care if someone is going to out her especially to her husband and im not contacting her as myself My partner NOT HUSBAND isn't the only male she has contact with

oh and i asked for advice not to be Judged or condemed by the morally righteous

No one has condemned you. You choice to swing isn't in question.

What is in question is your partners lack of loyalty to you.

And you think the way to keep him from straying is to go after the other woman.

She isn't the problem...he is.

You can out her....and he will find another one.

Unless you envision a life of whack-a-mole, you need to stop the problem at the root. Your shiftless partner. Not husband.

Do you even swing, or do you just let him go on the sites?

Another vote for you not to blackmail - that's what you'd be doing - her. Don't ruin her life and reputation in a small town when the problem isn't her, it's your husband.

Even if she stops encouraging him, another fit woman will come along and do so. Your husband is actively trying to be unfaithful to you. He hasn't just been bewitched by her, and won't go back to being faithful once she is out of the picture.

It's obvious you are very angry and are out for blood (metaphorically). You're angry at the wrong person - it's your husband who is doing you wrong, not her.

You sound very vindictive. Why not put the focus where it belongs - on HIM. You're not happy with him doing what he's doing, so be an adult and discuss it with him and try and resolve the issues with HIM.

This won't be the last mess you involve yourself in if you don't trust your partner. Feeling a 'need' to snoop would tell me all I'd need to know: this isn't the right guy for me.

I guess the swingers thing doesn't exactly inspire trusting intimacy. Go figure.

I'm not sure about what it is that is bothering you. If the two of you are swingers, then you are fine with having sex with other people. What difference does it make if he pursues a woman without you? Of course, other than being secretive about it?

What is unique and "safe" about you two having sex with other people together as opposed to by yourself?

I get it that you don't want to be cheated on. However, the things that usually constitute cheating , sex with others, you two already do.

I guess I'm confused, except about the lying and the snooping.