"Pregnancy" cold feet?

Is it possible to have cold feet about your own pregnancy (or your partner's) if it was planned? Most moms I've talked to gushed about their little ones(s) and just seem so assured of themselves even if it was their first. I asked DH if he's apprehensive about parenthood and he said not really, just go with the flow.

We're expecting our first and I'm going through a tremendous about of emotions, feel pressure, and almost feel like my life is over once this baby is here. I wish I could just enjoy myself but I feel terrible anxiety thinking of the future.

Is it possible to have cold feet about your own pregnancy (or your partner's) if it was planned? Most moms I've talked to gushed about their little ones(s) and just seem so assured of themselves even if it was their first. I asked DH if he's apprehensive about parenthood and he said not really, just go with the flow.

We're expecting our first and I'm going through a tremendous about of emotions, feel pressure, and almost feel like my life is over once this baby is here. I wish I could just enjoy myself but I feel terrible anxiety thinking of the future.

I think that is pretty normal. Have you thought about seeing a therapist? Someone who can help you step through some of your fears? A baby changes your life and anxiety can come up with minor life changes and this one isn't minor. But I can understand the extra guilt and fear because it seems like other women are only happy and excited about there child. You aren't alone and it doesn't make you a bad soon to be mother.

This forum:

is really awesome when it comes to the realities of not being a picture perfect parent. Their are a lot of women and men on there who have felt the same way you have and maybe just seeing that will help. But if you can afford it get a therapist, a good therapist can be really helpful for big life transitions.

I think a lot of this has to do with what you disclosed in your other thread about the gender of your child.

So with that in mind i would strongly suggest counseling.

I think it's fairly common and normal to be scared about having a child for the first time since so much will change and so many things to learn.

However i think your issues about this run a lot deeper

sara- I think it is a combination of both the gender issue as well as first time pregnancy scare. I'm just trying to reach out to the online community since my first session isn't until Tues, which seems like a lifetime away right now.

I spent years trying to get pregnant and when I finally was I was vaguely offended to have a parasite living inside me. Turns out my mother felt the same way, but you get over it.

As for the gender issues, while I strongly, strongly recommend therapy, I think it is important to remember, especially in this day and age, that gender doesn't guarantee anything at all -- not attitudes, interests, activities, personality, nothing at all.

Yes i understand your fears and having read the other thread as well i feel for you, i really do!

It must be overwhelming all of those feelings and posting on here can really be helpful!

I am seeing a psychologist myself and felt comfortable talking to her, which is important.

Hope Tuesday comes soon for you, and i hope you get all these feelings sorted before your precious baby comes.

Is it possible to have cold feet about your own pregnancy (or your partner's) if it was planned? Most moms I've talked to gushed about their little ones(s) and just seem so assured of themselves even if it was their first. I asked DH if he's apprehensive about parenthood and he said not really, just go with the flow.

We're expecting our first and I'm going through a tremendous about of emotions, feel pressure, and almost feel like my life is over once this baby is here. I wish I could just enjoy myself but I feel terrible anxiety thinking of the future.

It's normal. I found out I was pregnant in early December. At first I was ecstatic, but then I had a few days of panic, where all I could think about was how much my life and our relationship was going to change. I felt that way on and off for about a week. Then, for whatever reason, it stopped - and now I am BEYOND excited to meet my new baby this summer.

Don't be so hard on yourself. Your hormones are over the place and your moods will be up and down throughout your whole pregnancy. It's a scary, wonderful time and you're going to feel ALL the emotions that comes with it.

ETA: Oops, didn't realize you were the same person who posted about wanting to terminate due to the gender. That's something else altogether, and not normal.

Change is a part of life, but it's also the hardest thing for most people, myself included. Forget the pregnancy - think back to all the times where you were about to do something BIG, something new, something that was going to change your life, and maybe you were mostly excited, but you were also really scared, and apprehensive, and worried. That's perfectly normal. You're baking a baby, after all. That is a life-changing event! In fact, I'd say that if you got pregnant and felt absolutely NO worry whatsoever, I would think that you don't really know what you're in for or maybe you were lying to yourself.

My point is, lots of moms are scared sh___less at some points during pregnancy, or maybe during all of it. It's normal and natural to be worried. The key is how you deal with it.

I appreciate that many people are trying to reassure you, and I too wish you the very best for your pregnancy and for motherhood. But I don't think that what you are feeling is at all normal. I don't think that some anxiety and worrying, coupled with excitement, is at all comparable to the dread and extreme disappointment that you are feeling. "Cold feet" is simply a world away from not just contemplating termination, but being just a nosebleed away from going through with one. Most pregnant women with planned pregnancy never get to the point of wishing they were not pregnant and terminating the pregnancy.

I certainly think that with proper therapy, perhaps medication, and time, you can be a great ,other, if that's what you choose. However, I don't think convincing yourself that these are normal and typical "growing pains" that every pregnancy goes through will help you with that. What you are feeling is extremely serious and you will have to do a lot of work to restore yourself to a healthy mental state. It's nothing close to just a momentary freak-out.

When you see your therapist, you will need to be honest about her depth and intensity of the feelings you are having, in order for him/her to be able to help you. I really hope you will find therapy helpful.

Sophie,

I was a planned baby and my parents used a lot of fertility drugs to have me. I was their first child. Halfway through my pregnancy, my mom turned to my dad and said "Would it be weird if we gave her up for adoption?" and my dad "Yes honey that would be weird."

I think it's normal to have moments of doubt and fear when you are going through a big change, wanted or not.

Yes fudgie that can happen but in this case the OP is having a girl and was/is thinking about terminating because it's a girl and not a boy.

Think that's a bit extreme right? That's not normal pregnancy fears!

sara- I think it is a combination of both the gender issue as well as first time pregnancy scare. I'm just trying to reach out to the online community since my first session isn't until Tues, which seems like a lifetime away right now.

Yes I would definitely see a therapist mostly for the benefit of your future child, particularly because of your issue with the gender. Tuesday is only a few days away - hang in there!

Yes fudgie that can happen but in this case the OP is having a girl and was/is thinking about terminating because it's a girl and not a boy.

Think that's a bit extreme right? That's not normal pregnancy fears!

Holy crap, I was not aware. d'oh, I should have look at people's other threads. My bad!

Yes, I agree, that's really extreme. Not like normal pregnancy fears.

I strongly recommend that you ask this of your therapist so that you are helped to get to the stage of acceptance and, if you work hard with her/him and with self-reflection and coming to terms with your own un-nurturing childhood, you'll not have any of these negative thoughts you are bombarding yourself with.

I really feel scared for your baby-to-be and I truly hope that your husband has lots of nurturing tendencies in himself to compensate for any that you may lack once the baby is born. I truly hope that he is strong enough to stop any negative behaviour you may manifest for this child due to your own feelings of jealousy, resentment, imposition. (hopefully you will have overcome those by the delivery date)

You can get by this but you have to start by re-framing your negative thought process(es) regarding this baby and focus on changing your thoughts to only positive experiences. There is nothing like the beautiful feeling of an innocent you have brought into the world looking up into your face with nothing but love and trust. Please stop thinking negatively, change those thoughts as soon as they enter your mind.

I think you are better suited(for online support) to visit a forum where women are actually actively going through this issue. I am trying to find the sub forum of one I KNOW had it, but they've changed it a lot in the last few years and I don't see it. Maybe you will have better luck. It was at this site(And I think it was a apply to join group):

I am trying to find you some active ones..

I've never visited this one but it looks very active: